Chapter 55

Two months later

Emily

It's been two months since I've heard from him. They say that time heals everything but in my case, it hasn't. If anything, I miss him more than ever. And I hate myself a little bit more every day.

He changed his number so I wasn't able to call him. I even created an Instagram account for him, but the last post he has made was eight months ago so I assume he's not active anymore.

And it hurts like a bitch. It hurts that he could just forget about us in the blink of an eye. That he could just pack his bags and leave, and pretend that we never even happened.

Did I ever mean anything to him? Did I imagine it all? I've got a hundred questions on my mind, haunting me, driving me crazy.

So as I sit in the office with Josh on my right and Mel on my left, and the newest candidate for the Coach position that we've eventually had to open, my heart is aching more than ever.

Try not to terrorize the candidate, Em. Remember, we need him more than he needs us. That's what Josh said to me earlier.

I can't really focus on what they are saying. I can't bring myself to care either. Because it should be Logan back here. Goddamn it, he should be here.

"Alright, Luke, those were all the questions that we had prepared for you. Unless Em would like to add anything?" Josh looks at me, with an undertone that implies that if I scare the guy, I'm probably going to be fired.

So I give him a zipped smile. "No, I'm good, thanks."

Josh sighs in relief before turning back to Luke. "Great. Do you have any questions for us?"

I don't even bother to listen to what the guy says.

When we're finally done, I go back to the office and bury myself with work. A shit ton of work. Anything to make me forget.

-

3 months later

Dear Logan,

This is letter #8264 of the collection of letters that I'll never send, and you'll never read.

I'm writing this as I get drunk in the shitty motel instead of preparing for my flight back to Lebanon tomorrow. So please excuse any typos.

I'm in Russia, actually. With Adam. We ended up taking that trip we've always talked about.

I completed the climb of the peak of Mount El'brus today. It took me approximately ten days. Here's what climbing El'brus made me realize:

1. You were my first love.

2. I wish you didn't give up on us.

3. I miss you.

4. I hate you. I hate you so much it hurts.

5. I hope you're ok.

6. I wish you were here.

You would have loved it here. Peopled drink vodka for breakfast. Or at least the owner of the airbnb we're staying at does. Apparently, it keeps the body warm. It doesn't work on me, since I'm still freezing. Adam says that it's because my immunity system is shit. I say it's because IT DOESN'T WORK!

Please come back to tell him I'm right. To ride our bikes together. To listen to sad songs and watch the stars. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

With love,

Em.

I seal the letter in an envelope and burn it.

-

4 months later

Dear Logan,

I stopped counting the letters.

Luke is annoying. He has a temper and isn't even good at playing football. No one likes him. Even Josh. But he won't say anything to me because he knows that I'll say "I told you so."

Too bad I can't really get mad at him since he proposed to Adam. It's crazy, isn't it?

I'm happy for them. They deserve the absolute best. But they're having their wedding ceremony in NYC (since gay marriage is still illegal here).

I'll be there.

Will you?

God, I hope you're there. Please come.

With love,

Em.

I grab the lighter and watch the flames destroy my words. Unfortunately, no amount of smoke can destroy my thoughts.