Seven Months Ago

It was one of those perfect fall nights in upstate New York.

The sky was a clear velvet-black, and stars blazed above the Academy for the Empowered. Birds sang to each other in nighttime warbles from the trees, and frogs croaked loud enough to be heard all the way from the lake. The woman was the deviant called Riven, and she could not see the stars except as flashes of silver against the blackness. She had been blind for days, since the twin team of Sol and Luna had blasted her with a beam of concentrated light and damaged her optic nerves. The deviant doctor known as Eva Sinclair had started treatment and told her she would be fine with time and rest, and Gauntlet had volunteered to be her eyes in the meantime, but she was tired of all of her friends fussing over her and prodding at her and leading her by the hand.

She had managed to grope and grab her way to the roof, and had been sitting here. All she wanted was to be alone–but Ah guess that was too much to hope for, she thought bitterly as she heard soft footsteps on the roof shingles behind her, and smelt the acrid sweetness of liquor.

Ash Altieur. He was the last person she wanted to see and the only person she wanted to see.

“Pardon de intrusion, chére, but it’s late. You’re supposed t’ be asleep by now,” Gauntlet said unceremoniously, in a cold tone that didn’t match his words; Riven had been avoiding him for days.

“Don’t tell me, Gauntlet,” she shot back. She had gotten used to calling him by his first name, but right now, all she wanted was for him to go away. “You’re offerin’ ta share your bed with me. Is that it?”

“Dat wasn’t my intention. But since you brought it up–”

Riven was tired. She was so, so tired. So sick and tired of pretending that this pseudo-relationship was enough for her, even though it was more than she had ever had before with any man, and she had no right to be greedy, considering the limited things she had to offer.

“Ash–” Riven said, her voice weak and low, in a tone as though she were begging. “If you feel anythin’–anythin’ for me at all–then just leave me alone. Please.”

“I am stayin’, Riven,” Gauntlet said. “I am not leaving you.” She could feel the thump of his metallic boots striking the roof shingles as he sat down next to her. She wished she could see his face at that moment, so she could read just what the expression written on his face was. If it hadn’t been for her deviation, they would have ended up in bed weeks ago, and he would have absolutely ruined her for any other man. But sometimes she thought he only saw her as a friend. He signed up to train with her, he sought her out in their free time, played pool and basketball and cooked for her, sat next to her just like did with Maggie. Maybe she could speak to him as one tonight to get him to leave.

“It ain’t fair,” she whined. “Again, Ah’m hurt–sluggin’ it out against some equally pathetic deviant for a world where I have no chance a’findin’ peace or happiness. Life as a member a’the Star Legion, fine. It’s the personal side where everythin’ falls apart.” She clenched her fists at her sides. “Ah don’t want much. All Ah want is for someone t’love me. To hold me and promise me that everythin’ is goin’ t’be alright. That this pain and rage won’t be in vain. That it has some meanin’ to it. More than anythin, I want that person to be you. It don’t matter if we’re mates or not. But it’s never gonna happen.”

It was the closest she had ever come to admitting her real feelings for him: she had fallen in love with him without hoping he would somehow return it, and that a mystical mating bond would snap into place. But it could never lead to anything real.

She heard his coat sleeve rustle as he reached out toward her, to hold her, to stroke her hair, to give her what she wanted. What she needed. She wanted to let him, and it hurt her so much that she could not.

“Don’t you get it?! It won’t happen! Not now, not ever!” She slapped his hand away from her, suddenly furious–not at him, but at herself, because this game of push and pull was all that she was ever going to get. She could never be anyone’s lover, girlfriend, mate, wife. She had told him that over and over again, and he still persisted. Why? Why couldn’t he see that there was no future for them?

“My whole life is about control. Ah can’t touch another livin’ bein’ without swallowin’ that person whole. Their soul, their mind, their heart becomes mine. Ah’m a soul stealer. Ah have no control over my abilities.” She was hot with anger, embers turning over in her stomach. Her breath was coming out too fast and her heart thudded hurriedly in her chest. She wanted to make him hurt as much as she hurt, just to get him to understand. Because she could not bear this anymore.

“And you–you have no control over yourself!” she cried. “Blowin’ things up is your special power, Ash Aliteur. You blow things up and make a mess that you can’t clean up.”

If she could see, she would have seen Ash flinch and draw his hand back. She knew the words were unfair from the moment she said them, and wanted to take them back immediately. She knew that Ash was more than his powers, unlike her; her entire life had been built around her so-called “gift.” She knew how disciplined he could be with his training, and how he had been raised with the focus and tight control that any child of the thieves’ guild had, and how he was an expert marksman and fighter. It wasn’t his fault that he had the control that she yearned for.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

The anger went out of her like a candle snuffed out by a cold wind. Riven slumped into herself, her eyes filled with tears as she drew her legs up to her chest.

“Ah am a woman, Gauntlet. Not an object. Not a burst a’energy. Not a toy. If you can’t–if you can’t see that, then please leave me alone.”

She waited for him to respond: to agree with her, to argue with her, to comfort her, to tell her that she was wrong, that he had seen her as a woman all along–but he said nothing. She could hear the thick fabric of his coat flap gently in the wind as his boots scraped the tiles as he rose and turned away from her. His footsteps receded as he walked over to the hatch that led to the roof, then disappeared entirely. That was enough of an answer.

She gave herself up until the count of ten to hold out hope that he would return, and didn’t even stop hoping after that. It was only then when she heard his motorbike start up from the garage below that she forced herself to accept that he was not coming back to her. She had finally succeeded in driving him away for good.

Tears rose, hot and painful in her damaged eyes, and she scrubbed them away. Stupid girl. This was how it was always going to end. You were always going to ask him for more than he was willing to give to a woman he was never going to be able to touch–maybe more than he was willing to give to anyone–and he was always going to walk away from you. He’s on his way to the bar and to another woman. It’s all over, and you let him break your heart.

…

Blowin’ things up is your special power, Ash Aliteur. You blow things up and make a mess that you can’t clean up.

Riven’s words continued to replay in Gauntlet’s mind as he rode his bike down the mansion’s driveway and turned onto the road that led him into the city. The night breeze was cool against his face and it carried with it the smell of crisp autumn leaves and exhaust flames. He told himself that he was just doing what she wanted. She had asked him to leave, so he had left. Simple and clean without a messy ending. Just like how he had kept all his relationships since Gwenyth.

None of the other members of the Star Legion would have expected anything different from him. They had all been waiting for him to break Riven’s heart, even the Grandmaster, whom he loved like a sister. Ash, she had said to him. Are you sure about what you’re doing? Riven is more fragile than she looks.

That stung, even if it shouldn’t have, even if he had deserved it. So his choice was clear, right? Take the road down to his favorite bar, buy the first beautiful person he saw a drink, and then see where the night took him. Move on. Forget about her.

But then he didn’t get to go back to Riven, and he liked her. He liked her a lot. He wasn’t willing to acknowledge the possibility of the other word yet. He liked how she was all spit and fire and sass and sweetness. She was the kiss after an explosion, the breath of a phoenix, a middle finger in his face before her lips parted into a smile meant only for him, hot fury in the kitchen as she baked. He liked how she never left him or let him go on missions alone. He had started counting her as family, same as Grandmaster. He wasn’t used to that kind of loyalty–he had grown up in a cutthroat world of assassins and mercenaries and thugs, and he knew how dangerous and how beautiful and rare it was.

And now Riven was asking him for more. Could he give it to her?

Be honest with yourself, Altieur. Be a man fo’ once. Dat girl didn’t even want you t’ leave.

She called him out on his bullshit on the rooftop and wanted something real: she was done with their little game of back-and-forth, even though she was denying herself all that was possible for them. She wanted him to figure out how to make the impossible happen, how to be with a woman he might never be able to touch.

He had never been one to turn down a challenge, but the problem was, she wasn’t a challenge to him anymore.

…

Dawn had begun to tip the sky pink and orange, and the flush of stars was beginning to fade by the time Ash had returned to the rooftop.

Riven was still sitting there, watching the dimmed lights of the heavens change. She should have gone back inside to the med bay, she knew, to let Eva scan her. She was surprised that Grail had not sent out a search party for her yet, but she didn’t want to be around anyone just yet.

They would look at her and see what had happened, and they would pity her even more than they already did. She could take their pity about her deviant gift, but she couldn’t take their pity about Ash. She had known what he was and who he was and how their time together would end, yet she had made her choices anyway. She couldn’t be pitied for her stupidity.

Ash had pulled into the mansion driveway and parked his motorbike in the garage a short while ago, sooner than she had expected. She’d thought he would have more stamina. The other woman couldn’t have been pleased with the time she’d had, but who knew? Maybe one night stands were supposed to be like that. Hot and quick and over with your tongue and teeth before either party had any regrets or wanted anything more. She wouldn’t know. She couldn’t have sex, and Teresa had never been into them.

She heard his footsteps on the tiles behind her. Her first instinct was to fly away from her, but she forced herself to wait. She didn’t know exactly what she was hoping for: an apology, an explanation, a resumption of their usual banter. She did not dare to hope for anything specific.

He wrapped a thick wool blanket around her shoulders and rested an arm on top of it. He smelled of the spicy cologne he always wore and like cloves. Not of the cigarette smoke and the hard liquor of bars, or the sweat of making love. She ran her fingers over his chest and noticed that he was wearing his battlesuit, not outdoor attire.

She leaned into him and he ran gloved fingers through her hair. She let herself breathe.

“Everythin’s goin’ t’ be fine, chére,” he murmured.

“Do you promise?” she whispered.

“Promise,” he replied.

And then Riven leaned into Gauntlet’s embrace.