Chapter 111

Chapter 110 I stood under the shower head allowing the water to wash over me like a waterfall. It had

been over a week since I had come back home and this was the first time I had managed to shower.

This was the first time I had rolled out of bed and moved. more than ten steps. The blood had finally

stopped and all the pregnancy remains had passed through me and I was said to be back to normal

now. So why did I feel anything but normal? I had this large hole in the middle of my chest and nothing I

did could fill it. Not like I had tried any external stimulants to help numb the pain. Out of fear, my

husband had hidden any and all alcohol. He had also safe-proofed the house. I knew he worried for me

and to be honest, I worried for me too. I was so far trapped in my mind that at times I forgot about

reality. I had been seeing my baby in my dreams. I would see his little face and his eyes that mirrored

his father’s. I would hear his sweet angelic laugh and the soft touch of his little palms. And every time I

woke up I was thrust back into the reality that was my life. There was no baby and I was no longer

pregnant. My sweet child only existed in my dreams and that destroyed me more than I had let on to

my husband. The tears mixed in with the water from the shower. My silent sorrows turned into soft

whimpers. They moved around the marble bathroom. The only thing that I could feel was the pain that

had lodged itself deep in my chest. There had not been one single moment where it had let up. There

had not been a single moment when I had felt like it let up. I was just stuck in this pit of pain and sorrow

and it was never ending. 1 had never once in my life felt like I was living in hell until now. I was being

tormented by demons that were likely of my own making. I didn’t even know what it was that I had

done. I couldn’t remember. Had it been me who had slipped and caused myself to have a miscarriage?

Had someone pushed me? And if it had been someone to push me then why would they do that to me?

What could 1 have possibly done to them? The more I tried to remember the more my head would

pound. My back hit the tiled wall and I slid down it. The sobs became louder and the pain released in

my It was only seconds later that Damon came in with a look of panic on his face. cries. “Adie?” He

came to the glass window of the shower and took one look at me. He opened the door and came to sit

by my side, clothes and all. He placed me on his lap and cradled me to his chest. The sobs continued.

My entire body was wracked as I let out all the pain that my body was storing I don’t know how long we

stayed under the spray of the water. But after my fires had quieted and my heart had been emptied for

the time being Damon lifted us up. He carried me all the way to the closet where he placed me on my

stool and patted me dry. He then got to work putting my skincare on and making sure that I was fully

moisturized. 1just sat there, my eyes bone dry and red. I watched him as he got me dressed layer by

layer. And when he was finished he placed me by the vanity and brushed my wet hair. I just watched

him through the mirror the entire time. I watched the way his eyes followed the brush as he moved it

through my wet locks. He was so concentrated and it was adorable how much care he was putting into

this. “I’m sorry.” the words slipped from my lips. He lifted his gaze to meet mine. “What are you sorry

for?” “Me breaking down like that and breaking down like a complete and utter psycho.” “You are not a

psycho, Adelaide. You just lost your son and had brain surgery. You’re allowed to break down and

mourn for as long as you need to. I will be right here every single step of the way.” “And that’s the

issue. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. The amount of times I have woken you up in your sleep

from my screams. The constant crying and tears. I’m so sorry, Damon. You deserve a better wife than

what I’m offering you.” He stopped brushing my hair and turned the chair so I was facing him. He

crouched down to my level and cupped my check. The tender look in his eyes only increased my guilt.

“Don’t apologize for grieving, my love.” His voice was so soft, like he was talking to a child “A tragic and

horrific thing happened to you and if you were quiet and holding it together I would be worried. This

breaking only means that you are shedding away the old and giving way to the new. You’re in

metamorphosis.” He put it so beautifully. But how could such a beautiful process be so agonizing? The

silence that passed between us was loud and thick. I had so many words that I wanted to say. More

apologies that stood at the tip of my tongue but I held them back. “I miss him.” The words escaped me

before I could fully register what I wanted to say. “I miss him and … and he should be alive in my

arms.” The tears pricked my eyes but he made no attempt to hold me or console me with sweet words.

He allowed me to speak, he allowed the words I had held back for days now. “I’m angry at myself. I’m

his mother. I should have protected him. I should have made sure that he was safe.” We had wanted to

keep the sex of the baby a surprise until the birth but I had always felt in my heart that he was a boy. It

was mothers intuition “I can’t even remember what happened that night. And I don’t even know if it was

my fault or not. Had I been careless? Had 1-” “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this Adelaide? What

happened was an accident. It was not your fault, you hear me? You’re not the one to blame.” “Then

who is? One minute I had our baby inside of me and then the next he was ripped away. Someone is at

fault and if it’s not me then who?!” The tight feeling returned to my chest and that pain that I had

expelled refilled rather quickly. “I can’t… I can’t be here anymore, Damon.” I gasped feeling like all the

air was being taken from my lungs. “This place, LA, it’s suffocating me and L.” “Then we leave,” he said

like it was so simple. “Your production company has given you three weeks off. We can go anywhere

you want so you can breathe different air. Just name the place and I will have us packed up within the

hour.” I stared into his eyes but I didn’t see an ounce of hesitance. “You’re serious?” “If what you need

is freedom then I will give it to you. Just say where you want to go and we can leave.” The world was a

big place and I had endless options. But there was only one place that was calling my name and one

place 1 knew that I could find comfort in. “I want to go home.” I placed my hand on top of his on my

cheek. “Let’s go back to Vegas.” “Done.” It was ironic that the same place I had run from was the same

place running back to. I guess it was true what they said about the grass being greener. If only I had

learned to water the grass in Nevada maybe, just maybe none of this would have happened to me