Chapter 57

Chapter 57

Usually, when I woke up I was being held in the arms of my husband. I would be wrapped up and warm

in his embrace but here I was alone, without his warmth. That was the first sign that I knew that last

night was not just going to be forgotten.

We had not said a word to each other the entire way home. And when we got to our room we didn’t

even speak. I got ready for bed and he excused himself saying that he had work that he needed to

attend to.

I wanted to follow after him and clean up the mess I had made but I knew that he wanted space right

then. He was mad and when Damon was mad he needed to be left alone to breathe, I was the last

person he wanted to be conversing with

When I woke up I had been planning to speak to him. I planned an apology and everything but he

wasn’t there. I went downstairs and found him gone.

It was bad this time. I tried texting and calling but his phone was going unanswered. He was really mad

and for the first time, I was worried about what this could do to our marriage.

I knew that we were solid and nothing would break us so easily but this was something else entirely. It

had never gotten to the point where we were ignoring each other.

And now I was on a plane headed to Vancouver to view a site for the next 48 hours. I hadn’t even

spoken to my husband before I left.

Me: Baby, I know you’re mad and I messed up. I’m so sorry and I promise when I get back I will make it

up to you.

Me: I’m boarding the plane now. I’ll see you in three days. I love you.

Me: Baby, please talk to me. Let me know you’re okay at least. Have you eaten? Will you be at home?

Did you go back to Vegas?

All those texts went unanswered.

I had given up hope when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket right before taking off and when I looked

down I saw his name and a message under it. But all hopes of it being some kind of reconciliation

message were thwarted when I just read two

words.

Damon: I’m fine.

That was it, after the calls and texts he just sent me two words that might as well have been a knife

being sliced right into my heart. I knew that I had messed up but was this truly the way to handle our

marriage?

He had been the one to tell me to follow my dream. He had been the one to tell me that he would follow

me and support me. I had been the one to hold back. I had been the one to say that if he didn’t feel it

was working then we could leave. But he had not uttered the words, I want to leave! I had given him

multiple outs and now he was doing this

I’d told him that this would be hard and he had said that he was up for it and now that we were in the

hard part he was crucifying me for it. I knew that I had my part to play in all of this but he wasn’t totally

innocent either.

A mixture of confusion and anger filtered into my body. But it wasn’t the rage kind of anger but more so

the anger that simmered lowly in the depths of your belly. It was the kind of anger that if not fully

allowed to take root would soon grow to resentment and rage and I didn’t want that.

I didn’t want to grow to hate my husband, I didn’t want to be put into a position to have to choose

between my purpose iny love.

He had said I could have both. So why could I not have both now?

“This is your captain speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts as we are getting ready for take-off.” The

little bell in the plane dinged.

and

With a heavy heart in my chest and tears pricking my eyes, I knew that the next three days were going

to be a bag of mixed

emotions. But I also knew that I had to keep it professional. I had to put on a good face in front of Steve

and Marcus. I was deep into this project now and there was no turning back.

After three days of site viewings and meeting with some of the production people I was feeling great

about the movie. We officially announced the cast yesterday and the entire internet was a buzz. I had

friends and family messaging me and congratulating me on this new endeavor. But it didn’t matter how

many well wishes flooded in when they weren’t from the one person I needed them to be from.

Damon and 1 had barely spoken since the restaurant and it was killing me. He was the one person that

I wanted to tell everything to and now I couldn’t even be fully excited because he was mad at me.

When I got home I had been expecting to find him there but instead, I found a note that read that he

had traveled to Vegas to think, away from LA, and that he would be back soon.

Well, the exact words written were:

Dear Adie,

I know things have been weird between us but I just want you to know that I still love you and that will

never change. But I need some time to think some things over.

All my love.

Damon.

I can’t tell you how long I sat and cried on the couch reading his words over and over again. Each time

I read the note the pain only increased and increased I didn’t know how long he was going to be gone

or what was going on in his head.

The scariest thing for me was not knowing and my overthinking mind. I remember I fell asleep on the

couch that night hugging that letter to my chest and when I woke up I was still without my husband.

I spent the entire day holding myself back from texting him like I wanted to. I was trying to respect the

fact that he had requested space but that space was killing me. So, I decided to find my loophole-Lacey

She was a very good friend of Damon and I knew that if he went to Vegas then he would have likely

gone and seen her to

talk

Me: Hey Lacey

Lacey: Hey my sweet. I have a feeling I know what this is all about.

I sighed, so he went to her. I don’t know why but it filled me with a little bit of jealousy at the fact that he

had chosen to speak to her without wanting to speak to me. But I pushed my bit of hurt feelings down.

Me: How much do you know?

Lacey: Not much, he didn’t talk much of the actual events that caused him to be in Vegas but rather the

fact that you him are drifting apart.

Drifting apart. I hated those words.

and

Me: It’s all my fault. I should have been more mindful about our time alone and I should have cared for

his feelings. Work has just been consuming every waking moment of my life.

Lacey: Girl, I of all people understand what the grind means for you. But at the same time, you need to

understand that your marriage hasn’t even reached a full year yet so you need to nurture it. A plant

dies if it doesn’t get enough water

She was right.

Me: How is he?

I worried that he wasn’t eating or he was closing himself off to people again. I had watched the light

slowly return to my husband’s eyes when we were fake married and now I had been the same person

to snuff it out. But I was determined to bring it back again.

Lacey: Heartbroken.

That damn well near broke me.

Lacey: But he misses you, all he can do is talk about you.

I needed to save my marriage.

Me: Lacey I need your help.

Come what may, me and Damon were walking out of this hand in hand. Even if it meant that I had to

walk away from the movie. I would do it because he was worth far more to me than any

accomplishment I could achieve. I just hoped it wasn’t

too late.