22

Two days later I told her everything. With her I mean Rachel and with everything... I mean everything. Now, I'm not usually a person who easily confides in people - if at all - but I just had to tell someone so I could understand what I needed to do next. And since Rachel was there and asking me what was wrong, everything came out before I could even think about it.

What my mini confessional speech got me was a smack on the back of my head. As I stared surprised at Rachel, she shook her head and proceeded to tell me how dumb I was.

"Dumb? Me?" I asked indignant.

We were sitting in her car, parked in front of my house where she was supposed to drop me off before I'd stopped her to confess my sins.

"Yeah, you. Now I understand everything."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed and turned off the ignition. "Well, for starters that explains why you didn't fall for my charms."

"Uh?" I asked confused.

"I had a crush on you, if it wasn't obvious enough." She said annoyedly.

"You did?"

She sighed again. "You really are dumb. If you remember, I kissed you once."

I rolled my eyes, "Of course I remember."

"And that didn't give it away?"

"I thought it could be possible but I wasn't sure. It's not like you told me..." I said defensively.

"Well, I liked you. But since you've had someone else on your mind this whole time, I don't blame you."

Then it suddenly hit me. "Wait, you don't like me still, right?"

She snorted. "Thank God I don't."

"Hey! Really? You're thanking God? I'm not that bad."

She laughed and patted my head. Then, after a moment of silence said. "I'm seeing someone."

"Oh," I said surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's a recent development."

"Oh."

She smiled and then narrowed her eyes at me. "Back to you and your hot neighbor girlfriend..."

"I told you we're not together!" I protested.

"Really? So all this time you've been making out with her and nobody knew?"

I nodded. "But it happened like two times, not 'the whole time'."

"And she's been denying it?"

"Yeah, although I still haven't seen her since the last time."

"So what are you planning to do?" She asked.

"Uh, nothing?"

"Of course nothing. Why am I even asking?"

"I thought you'd shed some light on the situation, that's why I told you!" I said offended.

"Okay, okay. So you're unsure on what to do."

"Yeah..."

"Maybe you should try talking with her."

I smiled sadly. "That's not gonna work."

"Why?"

"Because, we've talked already."

She chuckled. "Knowing you, you probably didn't."

"We did though! But things remained the same as before."

"Then you should talk again. And this time for real, so you can sort things out."

I mulled over that looking down at my lap, then I turned in my seat to face her. "That's your advice, really?"

She seemed offended. "What did you expect me to say?"

"I don't know. I thought you were an expert on these kind of things."

"I am." She smirked. "Follow my advice and you'll see that everything will work itself out."

I still had some doubts about it. "Hmm."

She closed her eyes in annoyance and took a deep breath. "Listen, I have to go. If it doesn't work I'll offer you a drink, I promise."

I pouted. "Fine. Leave me in this miserable state." I opened the door to get out of the car.

"Cam." She said and grabbed my arm, pulling me back into a hug. "I seriously have to go, please don't be mad at me." She was squeezing me hard as if to make her point.

I patted her back twice, hoping she would loosen up her death grip. "I'm not. It's just..."

"Talk to her and you'll thank me later."

"I told you talking didn't do much last time-"

"Oh!" She said suddenly.

"What?" I asked, trying in vain to pull away from the hug.

"Your girlfriend's here." She whispered.

"Wh-"

"She's looking, no wait, don't turn around, yep, she's gone. You can let me go now." And with that she released me.

"You were the one who was-"

"Now that you know she's home, go talk to her, no excuses." She was kicking me out of her car without even trying to hide it.

"Sure." I said sarcastically and stepped outside.

I heard the window rolling down behind me after I closed the car's door.

"Oh, and tell her that it was an innocent hug between friends, you don't want her getting the wrong idea." She said leaning over the passenger's seat.

"I don't think she cares."

"I think she does. Bye bye."

"Bye." I said to the back of her car as she sped off.

***

Knock knock.

Who's there?

It's me. Again.

I held my breath while waiting for the door to open. This was it. We had to talk and this time it was going to be for real. If she didn't want to see me again after today, I would understand. But I had to tell her how I felt. And we had to clear up the confusion about everything that's happened in the past couple of months.

Here she was. "Cam, hi."

She didn't seem that surprised to see me, maybe she'd expected my visit after seeing me outside an hour ago. "Hi." I said back and made my way inside after her.

I let out the breath I'd been holding for almost a minute, getting her attention. "What's wrong?" She asked.

Everything. What kind of question was that? As if she didn't know what was wrong.

"Uh," I started, "I think we should talk about..." I was gesturing with my hands, unsure on how to define the topic of the oh-so-important talk.

"Oh." Was all Ann said.

Silence.

"Would you like something to drink first?" She asked.

"Yeah, uh, a glass of water will be fine."

"Okay."

As I waited, my leg kept shaking. I didn't feel this nervous even during oral exams in school. In fact, I think I've never felt this nervous before.

"Here you go." She handed me the glass of water and sat down next to me on the couch with her cup of coffee.

"Okay," I said, not letting silence settle in before speaking, "I have to ask you this," I held her gaze to make sure she was listening to me, "do you like me?"

I saw her eyes widen in surprise. "W-what?"

I knew she'd understood the question, but I repeated it nonetheless, slowly. "Do you like me?"

She recovered from the initial shock and cleared her throat. "Of course I like you, we're friends, right?"

Of course she was avoiding the issue at hand here. "What if I told you I liked you as more than a friend?"

She blushed. She couldn't possibly extricate herself now. "Then I'd tell you that you must be out of your mind."

"Why?" I asked, persistently.

"Because, why would you?" She retorted.

"Why would I what?"

"Why would you like me in the first place?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'm way too old for you." She snapped.

That shut me up for a second. "Really? That's the reason why I shouldn't like you?"

"The main one, yes." She said matter of factly.

She was getting mad as much as I was and we were now arguing on why I should not like her, which honestly seemed pretty absurd as an argument.

"And what would the other reasons be?" I asked then, challengingly.

"Do you really want me to list them?"

"Yeah, let's hear them."

She sighed and sat in a more comfortable position, tucking her legs under her, after leaving the empty cup on the small table. "As I said, I'm nine years older than you-" She started.

"Eight." I corrected, seeing her get annoyed at the interruption.

She rolled her eyes. "It's the same thing, Cam. Nine, eight... what's the difference?"

"It's not, but go on." I conceded, curious about what she'd come up with.

She sighed. "Second, I'm not gay."

I chuckled, earning myself a glare from her. "Okay, but since I am gay... I can like you."

"Fine. The third one is probably more important then," she paused and looked away from me, "you have a girlfriend."

I smiled, containing my laughter. "I do?"

"You should know."

"Yeah, but since I don't have one, I'm quite confused." I said carefully. She looked back at me as if to assure herself I wasn't lying.

"If you say so..."

Silence again. We were having a staring contest and I can quite surely affirm that I was winning.

"And the fourth?" I pried.

She didn't speak.

"Okay, now that I have the permission to at least like you, we can get back to the reason I'm here." I said and saw her getting even more nervous if possible, she was sitting on the other end of the couch and would have moved farther away if only she could.

"And what's that?" She asked.

I stared at her for a moment. "I need my playstation back."

That caught her off guard and as I laughed she shook her head disapprovingly at my lame attempt at humour. "It's not like I've hidden it somewhere, you can take it whenever you want." She explained.

I nodded and kept looking at her until I made her uncomfortable, I was waiting for her to snap at me any moment but she didn't say anything. "So..." I started.

"Hmm?"

"Are we going to ignore what happened this time around as well?" I asked, already anticipating her evasive answer.

"I..." She hesitated, "I think we need to."

"Why?"

"Because it's the best course of action." She replied readily this time.

"How could it be the best course of action if it always brings us to the starting point?" I inquired.

She sighed. "I don't know. What do you suggest then?"

I held her gaze until she looked away. "Maybe we should at least talk it through." I shrugged.

"Yeah and maybe you should stop looking at me that way." She muttered almost inaudibly under her breath.

"What way?" I asked.

"Never mind."

I furrowed my brows. "What, I can't even look at you now?"

"I didn't say that!" She retorted. "Ugh, I refuse talking to you." With that she looked the other way towards the TV and, remote in hand, started going through the channels after switching it on.

"Okay, fine." I said. "So what, we watch another movie and what happens next?" I was hoping to catch her attention but she purposefully ignored me. "We'll kiss again and then forget about it for the nth time?" Now that got her attention, she turned to look at me and clenched her jaw.

"Then maybe you should stop kissing me." She snarled.

"Maybe I would if you didn't kiss me back." I shot back.

Her eyes widened. "Maybe you should stop imagining things."

I scoffed incredulously. "Are you seriously implying that you didn't?"

"I'm not implying anything, I'm stating the truth." She said firmly. We were holding each other's gaze challengingly and she seemed to have regained her confidence now because she wasn't backing away anymore.

"So having your tongue in my mouth doesn't count?"

She didn't reply. Instead she got up suddenly, angry, and walked off towards the kitchen. I waited for a second before I followed after her.

As I reached her in the kitchen, I grabbed her arm, making her turn around to face me. "What?" she asked.

I let go of her arm and sighed. "There are two options." I said. "You can either keep on denying it," I paused, "or we can, I don't even know, do something." I was getting frustrated, I didn't know what to say anymore and just wanted a final resolution.

She stared directly at me but I couldn't read her expression, it almost seemed like she hadn't heard me at all. "I choose option C." She said then, taking me aback.

"Which is?"

"Option C... is doing nothing." She said slowly. We were standing close, face to face, although I was hovering over her by a couple of inches and as she spoke, she actually had to look up at me. I gazed over her face distractedly until I stopped at her pursed lips. Her eyes seemed to follow mine until that moment when she looked away.

"Okay." I agreed, not even sure on what exactly. I was transficted by her lips to hear what she was saying.

"Okay? You agree?" She asked while I was still staring at her lips, seeing them part and close quickly.

"Uhm hmm," I murmured and almost unconsciously leaned in before I realized what I was doing. She catched my tiny movement though.

She smirked then, knowing she was in control of the situation. "Option C doesn't entail kissing me, Cam."

I chuckled without really feeling like laughing at that moment. "Oh, and here I was trying to take advantage of the situation." I pouted.

"I know you too well already, I can read what your intensions are in your eyes." She said.

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. "Really? What about right now?" I asked.

She stared deeply in my eyes and then, looking away, said, "Still the same, stop." She held her arm forward, as if to push me away, to put more distance between us.

I grabbed her arm and put it down, shaking my head. "I'm not going to kiss you if you don't want me to." I said. She nodded. "Because you don't want me to, right?" I asked just to make sure.

"...no."

I took a step back, thinking of leaving before doing or saying something demaging.

"This is ridiculous." Ann said suddenly, startling me.

I chuckled. "I know right."

We stared at each other in silence. If she could read my eyes, so could I hers. And her eyes were not denying anything. Before I could even think about it, my legs took a step forward and my hand reached for the back of her neck pulling her into a firm kiss.