chapter 6.2

Slamming the dormitory door shut behind you, your skating bag hits the floor before you do. Back pressed against the concrete wall, shaking sobs rack through your body as you sink down to your feet.

"y/n, what happened?," Yuna peers over her computer screen. Your roommate had finally returned home a few days ago after her leg had finally healed enough to be discharged.

You don't answer, only burying your teary face into your arms as you cry harder.

The metallic creaking of crutches ensues as Yuna approaches your slumped form. A comforting embrace wraps around your shaking shoulders and the smell of her daisy perfume engulfs you. Her scarred hands stroke through your hair as she says nothing, waiting for your hiccups to calm down.

Guilt eats away at you like nitric acid. It mixes with your frustration, concocting a perfect poison that destroys your last thread of self-respect.

"Can you please stop asking? It's annoying"

"Can you please stop asking? It's annoying"

"Can you please stop asking? It's annoying"

The hurtful words don't stop echoing in your head. What's worse is, even though you didn't stay to look, you can imagine the pain that crossed his face as you left without another word. You feel absolutely disgusting.

This is it. He's finally going to be done with me.

Moments pass, Yuna sitting patiently by your side as you manage to find your voice. The dam you built around all your secrets cracks, disintegrating to pieces as you let everything out to your best friend.

You tell her about all of the hate messages you've been getting for months now - how you tried to ignore them, but some of them hit too way deep to forget. You tell her about the dilemma with Mark. He's never done any wrong to you, ever, but you feel like you can't keep forcing your problems on him. When you confided in your financial situation with him, he dropped everything to help you with the competition. You at least want to be able to handle one thing by yourself, to not be a burden, but it's tearing you apart at the seams.

"I don't deserve him and he's going to realize it sooner or later," you lament, gripping onto Yuna's arms for dear life. Gasping sobs ensue, even as you hold your breath desperately to stop them. "He's probably already realized it after what I said. Yuna, what do I do? I'm horrible". Bitter tears choke at your throat.

"Oh honey," Yuna coos into your hair, "you don't even know do you?".

Hiccupping uncontrollably, you take gasping breaths, trying to calm down. Your roommate understands, patting you gently on the back.

"When you're in a relationship with someone, the line between having enough communication and enough privacy is tough to figure out. Should you tell him about the lint between your toes? Maybe not. But talking to him about what's bothering you is not only okay, it's the right thing to do".

Yuna lifts your chin up to face her. She looks empathetically down at your watery eyes as she takes her sleeve to dry the fallen tears. You press your eyelids shut, taking deep breaths punctuated by hiccups.

"And Mark," she continues, "this guy, he looks at you like you're all the stars in the sky and he's the first astronomer. There's not a thing you could tell him that would bother him, that's what I think. And I think he's dying to know how he can help you".

"Yuna I- you don't understand. I just left him there after saying that. And I can't even go on a date with him without feeling like people are talking about us," you gasp out, "So the person sending the messages is right; I'm not good enough for him and he deserves someone way better than me. Maybe this is for the better".

"y/n, don't you see?," Yuna snaps sternly. You open your eyes. They're pink-red, matching the tip of your nose. "You're letting other people ruin a once-in-a-lifetime relationship for you. Do you know what happens when you leave to go to the bathroom when we're all hanging out? Mark's looking towards the women's room every two seconds, waiting for you to come back. This guy will manage to find a way to bring up your name at least twice in the five minutes you're away. He likes you so much, anyone with a brain knows, so it's not fair to him for you to tell him what, or who he deserves. At least let him make his own decision".

The advice resonates in the air. Your hiccups calm to a sniffle as it sinks in. Yuna's right, you're being so selfish right now. Actually, you've been selfish this whole time. By forcing everything to yourself, you were creating an even bigger problem than any of the ones you were trying to hide.

"Yuna, what do I do now?," you whisper, dread setting in.

"Girl, go talk to him. Now."

You must look a mess, but you don't bother fixing yourself up before you're out the door.

Yuna sends you off with a 'good luck!' as you run down the corridor. Rushing down the metal stairs, your frenzied steps echo through the empty stairwell. They sound as desperate as you feel.

Oh god, please let it not be too late.

Once you reach the first floor entrance, you notice through the glass door that it is now, in fact, pouring rain. You were too distracted before to notice the heavy sounds of precipitation pelting down over you.

Hands shaking to send Mark a message, you tell him you need to talk and you're coming to him. You have no umbrella, but you push open the door anyways. The freezing rain soaks into your skin but you run on, unfazed.

You're drenched and shivering by the time you stand panting in front of his building. Dying street lights illuminate against the dark, night sky. Waiting, the rain stings your eyes.

Through the blur, Mark's figure finally appears at the door window. You can't quite make out his face, but you know it's him. The metal frame creaks as he pushes it open.

"y/n, what are you doing?". His voice is raspy and as he comes closer into view. You notice that his eyes are pink-red, matching the tip of his nose.

"I have to talk to you," you state, voice wavering as fresh tears mix with the ice-cold precipitation. Mustering up all the courage you have, you ready yourself to tell him everything you've been holding back.

"Let's go inside". His voice is soft as he tugs at your drenched jacket sleeve.

"No I-," you choke, "I want to say it right now".

The rain bears down hard as he lets go of your sleeve, allowing the frigid water to soak through his own self, waiting.

"You asked me if something was wrong," your resolve comes crashing down, "and a lot has been wrong". You squeeze your eyes shut to force out the unwanted raindrops. "The truth is, I've been getting hate messages every day since we started dating. Probably even before that. They say I'm a slut, or I'm fat and ugly. The details don't matter".

Mark takes a step towards you, the concerned expression creasing his brow in full view.

"But then they say I'm not good enough for you," your voice breaks as you admit the most painful part of all, blinking up at him, "and I can't help but believe them".

Futily, you swipe your drenched sleeve across your eyes to dry them.

"But even if I don't deserve anything that you are, I need to tell you right now that I didn't mean what I said today and I need to know if you still want me-"

Before the next raindrop could hit your skin, you feel yourself lifted up into a crushing hug.

There's no sound except the heavy pitter patter of rain around you, but you can swear that there's a symphony playing as he spins you around. His breath huffs against your neck. He's crying too, you realize.

"y/n," he croaks, body quivering with tears and from the cold, "I always want you. I-, you-". Mark pulls you in extra tight as he struggles to find the right words.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," the words strain against Mark's throat, "when I first saw you, I dropped my shit and ran away".

You pull slightly away, looking up at him quizzically.

He shakes his head and continues, "You were so beautiful and even when I thought you hated me, I couldn't stop thinking about you all the time. I don't want anyone else-".

Grabbing your face with both of his hands, he presses desperate kisses to your forehead. The rain bears down hard, lightning cracking in the sky, but you're numb to everything else except the feeling of his lips pressing their love onto your skin.

"You're it for me," his voice wavers. The vulnerable confession sends you into a fresh wave of emotions and you grip onto the back of his neck, crying into his shoulder. "You're my heart. I knew it from the first moment I saw you".

Pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes, he brushes back the wet strands of hair stuck to your face. You're tempted to do the same, the once golden locks now almost black against his brow.

"I love you".

The words leave his lips so suddenly, but they've been at the tip of his tongue for so long they roll off with ease. Your heart drums against your chest as time seems to stop.

"You love me?" you choke, not believing your ears. His forehead is pressed against yours.

"I love you," he repeats, "I love you. More than anything. So much that I can't breathe. I was so scared when you left today because I thought I did something wrong and I was thinking of what I said and I was sitting at my desk waiting for you to call because I wasn't sure if I should call you first after what happened but then I almost did and then-,"

You shut him up with your lips.

He sinks into your touch, responding naturally as you kiss him with everything you have.

Your mind spins with a mixture of relief and excitement as you let all of your worries go. It was never about other people, you realize, it was about your own insecurities and you were tearing yourself down. Without realizing it, you forgot to take into account the other half of the relationship: Mark's opinion.

But now you know for sure, the opinion that actually matters, not the anonymous person who doesn't know better. He loves you. It's you he's chosen. Out of all of the people he could pick from, Mark holds you in his arms, whispering soft 'I love you's' between each kiss. Kisses to your lips.

How could you ever want him to be with someone else when you're the one he wants?

"I love you too," you reply breathlessly into his open kiss.

We deserve to be happy.

He doesn't say anything, instead responding by tugging your waist closer to him, moving his jaw feverishly to indulge you deeper. Water drips down from his hair, splashing onto the bridge of your nose.

"Let's go inside," you gasp. The heat of the moment made you temporarily forget, but the icy November weather slowly started to soak past your jacket. You shiver as a strong gust of wind blows past your drenched body.

Mark leads you inside and you hustle up to his suite. His hand is warm against your wrist and you can't wait for it to be tangled in your hair again.

Slamming open the door, Mark's arms are around your waist before it could drift shut. You jump up, wrapping your legs around his hips as he carries you to his room, lips never leaving yours.

Jeno, unsuspecting, is lying on his bed with a book in his hands. If your eyes were open, you would flush at the incredulous look the poor boy shoots towards you.

Meanwhile, your boyfriend works at your jacket zipper quickly, removing the wet outer layers as he sits you on his bed.

Pausing a second, he turns his head to speak to his roommate.

"Out".

You don't have time to feel embarrassed before Mark's jacket is on the floor and he's lying you back, hovering over your body. The bedroom door rams shut as Jeno scurries out, not keen on seeing the scene progress any further.

I'm sorry, man.

Your mental apology doesn't last long as your wet hair soaks into the pillowcase beneath you. Mark kisses a line from your jaw down the side of your neck, raindrops wet on his tongue. The heat of his body contrasts the cold of yours and you want all of it against you.

Rain-stained articles of clothing gather on the floor one after another until there's nothing between you.

"God, I love you so much," Mark hushes against your ear. His gruff tone sends shivers down your back and you scratch your nails through the base of his hair. Your legs find their way around his hips again, pulling him down impossibly closer.

"I love you too," you gasp back.

He kisses between your collarbones, then looks back into your eyes, "do you want this?".

You nod frantically, your voice nothing short of breathless. "I want this".