16) SING

Luca's POV

I got into my yellow Lambo and speeded down to Evil Man's lair.

How dare he kidnapp Malia? That's my job!

No but seriously, Ralf was right. This was the same guy that took Megan away from me. And now he's got Malia too. If anything were to happen to her, I could never live with myself.

I sneaked past the poor security in Evil Man's lair. So the easy part was over. But now for the hard part- trying to figure out which torture room Malia was in.

I walked past the hallway filled with the rooms. This guy had hundreds of rooms in his place. Finding Malia was going to be impossible. I had no idea, what so ever, which room she was in. She could be in any one of these rooms. And I'd never know which one. I might as well just give up now, because I know I'll never find her. Never ever find her. Never ever never find her. All the odds were against me. Where could she be? I have no idea. She could be anywhere. Literally, anywh-

"She's in here, dude." My boñer said, pointing to one of the rooms.

"Oh. Well that was rather easy."

Ralf was right, again. My boñer did sense when Malia was in a room before I could.

That man never fails to surprise me.

I was about to go in, but then I thought, "This is your chance to show Malia what you're made of, and no, I don't mean your huge genitals. You could be her hero. You can't just walk in there like an idiot. You have to make an entrance."

So I hid in a corner and spent about fifteen minutes trying to think of a good entrance.

Malia's POV

I sat alone in the well lit room (which I'm still annoyed about by the way. Mafia man my ass). I was trying to think of ways to escape.

"I need something to cut this damn rope," I said to myself. "Maybe a piece of sharp glass." Too bad I didn't have anything.

It was at that moment I noticed the piece of sharp glass lying on the floor next to me.

I used my foot to sweep the glass over to me. I bent down and picked it up then started rubbing the sharp edge against the rope. The rope snapped and I set myself free.

The big door at the end of the room opened, and two rather large silhouettes stood.

"Hey! How'd you get out?" One of the figures questioned.

"A magician never reveals her secret?" I chuckled nervously.

"Get her!" The other voice boomed.

Before I could even run, one of them threw himself onto me and I wheezed. It was the scary motherfucker that kidnapped me. This guy weighed like a thousand pounds.

His fingers curled around my neck.

I thrusted my leg out, attempting to kick him off me.

When he didn't budge, I sank my teeth into the skin on his arm.

"Shit," he hissed as he grabbed his arm, loosening his grip on me.

I kicked my foot into his balls. He squealed and his hands went to the sore spot.

His body collapsed on mine as he hissed in pain. I grabbed the gun that was hoisted on a belt around his waist.

Pushing him off me, I stood to my feet as quick as I could and pressed a foot against his stomach, preventing him from standing up.

I panted as I fumbled with the gun for a minute, trying to figure out how to reload that shit.

"Not so fast!" The other guy charged towards me.

"Ah fuck," I dashed foward, grabbing his huge ass head and pushing it down. My knee slammed into his face.

Two arms snaked their way around my waist and lifted me off the ground.

Shit I forgot about scary motherfucker.

I kicked my legs back and squirmed but the guy's hold on me was too tight.

Instead, I pushed my elbow into his already crooked nose. He screamed out and let go of me.

With the two of them on the ground, I darted towards the door.

I fumbled with the gun again and when I finally heard a click, I smiled.

Suddenly, two more guys appeared through the door frame.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" I cursed.

One grabbed my arm with the gun and twisted it behind as I yelled out in pain.

My hand bent, causing me to release the gun which fell to the floor.

I pushed my feet off the ground as my attacker held onto me tight. Then I grabbed his arm that was across my chest with my free arm and threw him over me.

He went tumbling to the ground.

"Yeah eat dirt you bag of diçks!" I screamed.

The second guy dashed towards me.

I immediately picked up the gun and shot it at his leg. "You bitch!" He fell to the ground.

Two arms snaked around my waist, again.

I looked behind me to meet scary motherfucker's one eye. "Seriously. We're doing this again?"

I attempted to shoot him in the leg too, but another hand grabbed my arms and pulled the gun out of my grasp.

I started kicking as hard as I could. But that same guy grabbed my legs.

How many men did this Evil Man have?

"Shit," I snarled.

I wiggled and whined as the three men held me in place. I couldn't get out. It was too hard. Not unless someone would save me. But who? I know of no one that knows of my location. Ah narts. I was doomed.

Just then, a- much familiar- figure appeared in the door frame. I sighed a sigh of relief. I was finally going to be saved.

BUT THEN the figure slammed the door closed.

Well shit.

BUT THEN a pounding noise started coming from the other side of the door. What could it be?

Three pounds later, the door fell to the floor, and in came Leeroy screaming, "Sorry for dropping in! Ah shit that doesn't work for a door. Damn you, Rafael!"

"What. the. fuck?" I muttered.

"Malia! Don't worry I'm coming!" He shouted as he charged towards us.

"Was the closing and kicking down of the door really necessary?" I questioned.

"I needed a dramatic entrance," he shrugged, still running to us.

It was a large room.

Does he seriously think I'm just going to forgive him like that, even though I'm the one that invaded his privacy and acted all dramatic?

"Well go away!" I yelled at him. "I don't need your help!"

"Looks like you do." He smirked.

He was judging me, wasn't he? He really thinks I can't look after myself? I'll show him.

But how?

I nervously looked at all my attackers. I racked my brain trying to think of a plan.

Then my mind drifted to last night. If only I shut my mouth and sat in my room. I could be watching the second Miss Congeniatlity movie right now.

Then it came to me!

Miss Congeniatlity! The talent show scene!

All I had to do was sing. SING.

S- I- N- G.

Solar plex. Instep. Nose. Groin.

"Just stop being stubborn and let me save you." Luca rolled his eyes. "You clearly need the help."

I took a deep breath in, and then spat in the guy holding my leg's eye.

"Ew what the fuck?" He let go to wipe a hand across his face. My legs fell down so I was standing on them again.

"Malia stop you're embarrassing yourself." Luca complained.

This bitch.

"You know what boys?" I scoffed. "I think it's about time we sing."

Suddenly, You're unbelievable by EMF boomed from the intercom.

I looked around the room at my opponents. My eyes locked with Luca's and I shot him one of my badass smirks.

The two guys charged at me while scary motherfucker still held onto me.

"Solarplex!" I receited as I thrusted my elbow into scary motherfucker's guts.

He coughed out heavily, but I didn't stop there. If Luca wanted a show, he was getting a show.

"Instep!" I jabbed my foot onto his, hard. He finally let go of me and rubbed his foot.

Then the other guy came charging at me. "Nose!" I yelled as I used the palm of my hand to push his nose back hard enough to break it.

"GROIN!" I yelled out and kicked my leg out into his balls.

"Fucking hell," he moaned. "This chick's insane! Let's get outta here!"

Luca's POV

I am so attracted to her right now.

Malia's POV

And with that, they were gone.

I dusted my hands and smiled triumphantly to myself.

"Well," Luca walked up to me. "Didn't know it did that."

❈ ❈ ❈

Wow, this chapter is just CHAOS.

Well this entire book is pure chaos.

Guys, it hurts to say that MHASBASDSWTMM is soon coming to an end.

Yes yes I know you're upset, but please, let's not make a scene. Like they say, all good things must come to an end.

If only Luca's boñer could help me choose the correct answers in my exams.

Le sigh.