Chapter 14

‘Where?’ Tomga staggered through the narrow alley, his eyes glazed, his sword resting in his weak hand. “Where can I find an inspector, show me! You all deserve to die, die, I say!” He swung his blade around, hitting a rough wall and sending a shower of sparks raining down on the ground.

The people standing around watched him with schadenfreude and, in some cases, burning greed. Several ladies of the night were just pushing their way towards him from the side alleys when Seroin whistled sharply and flicked the whores back into their holes. ‘Tomga, wait. And put that bottle away.’

The knight glanced at them briefly, their sight seeming to fill his heart with unquenchable rage. He raised the dusty bottle to his lips again and poured the blood gin down his throat. ‘Get out of here! You and this city, this tumour on the world! Your ideas will bring you down, even Defala would be better!’

Seroin grabbed his arm. ‘Not here. If you want to shout and rage, do it in the Sagvi-quarter, not here. I don't know enough people here and Shiverlip can get us...’

He tore himself free and raised the bottle. ‘Yes, to Shiverlip, the philanthropist Shiverlip. What does he want from me? To really help me? Hmm? To the whole city, three cheers for Badazan, three cheers!’

A sadistic giggle broke out among the onlookers and some raised their glasses.

‘To these new gods. With their lights and blood and powder. Look how fast I can walk now. I'd rather break my leg, I'd rather cut it off!’ Tomga poured more of the bottle down his throat.

‘Keep your voice down, this is Ibis gang territory. They know you and...’

‘Oh yeah, the Ibis. Proud veterans like me. And now whores of this city, whores I say. Defala should come and get them!’ The knight smashed the bottle on the ground. “That's all you deserve... only that...” With every kick, he turned redder and redder, and snot ran down the tip of his nose. He cried. Finally, he collapsed to his knees and covered his face.

‘Tomga.’ Seroin supported him under his arms. “Get up, not here. I'll take you away. Understood? Come on.’

The elf looked up at her, his scarred features now those of a broken child. ”For what? Why?’

Seroin grabbed her own sleeve and wiped his cheeks clean. ‘We're going to bury her, the girl, yes? We'll give her eternal rest and a good passage into the next life.’

The silence rang louder in Seroin's ears than any noise in Badazan. She clutched her own body, her eyes fixed on the distant city.

They stood on a small hill blessed with a single crooked tree. The wind raced through the night and the bright lights of the city illuminated even the vast expanse of grass here. Every breeze was visible in the countless blades of grass, the surface looking like a wild sea of green.

‘At last I can see the stars again, the eyes of Diersa. The city suffocated them with its lights day and night, but here. Here I can see my goddess again.’ Tomga bowed his head and formed a silent prayer.

Seroin forced her gaze away from Badazan. ’This is the right place, at the roots, under the narrow branches. What do you want to bury for her?’

Without hesitation, the knight took out his shield and laid it next to him in the grass. ‘I couldn't protect her. She didn't deserve this. I don’t deserve this.’ He grabbed the rusty shovel and began to dig.

Seroin didn't know how long they stood there in silence. She hated the silence, and yet, at that moment, the few sounds of the city scratched painfully in her ears. It was as if she was slowly remembering what it meant to enjoy peace and quiet.

After another thrust of the shovel, Tomga panted wearily. ‘All the magic, all the possibilities, I don't want to see it anymore. The Ideas left this place, gave us their world. And what did this city do with it?! What did I fight for? I thought I was banishing the horrors of this world, but instead I opened the door to new atrocities? Why? Or does it always have to be this way?’

His searching gaze was ignored by Seroin. ‘And there are no horrors out there? No new evils and atrocities? The people who are faithful to the teachings of the Ideas, they are free of them?’

Tomga stared at his mud-covered boots. ’Not like that. Not so twisted. Perverse. I don't recognise my own world. I didn't create such evils...’

Seroin looked at him with dangerous calm. ‘These evils, every new growth tells me about the world out there. Who hates whom for what banal reasons? Power, faith, nature? I am told that the peoples out there have no limits to their creativity in hating each other. In defiling each other. The peoples live as perversely as we do here, only they don't see it.’

‘Never.’ Tomga looked at her in disbelief. “The peoples who are loyal to the Ideas would never live like that.’

She shot him a piercing glance. ”We're not looking for your sister, Tomga. You're an only child. You never had any siblings.’

The deafening silence confirmed that her words were true.

The elf opened his lips, but immediately gave up. ’When did you know?’

‘I saw it in the Aderlass. When I relived your memories of her. It was none of my business, so I kept my mouth shut. But I knew it right away. You never once called her by name. You never really called her your sister. You must have suspected that I knew. And neither of us cared. You came to me with a lie. That was the first thing you did. But you wonder why I kept things from you.’ She laid her head on her side. ’Your wife doesn't know about her, does she? Or how long you've been seeing her in secret?’

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The knight shook his head.

‘And you promised her the world? A life at the side of a war hero. The only price for that, a bed shared now and then. She's not the only one, is she?’

Again, she received only a shake of the head in response.

‘But the good old honour of Ideas dictates that when a mistress flees in a rage, you bring her back safely, doesn't it?’

Silence.

The elf breathed out painfully and now looked spellbound in the direction of Badazan. ‘She wanted more. Children. A house. A family. I couldn't and wouldn't give her that. So she stole all my possessions and fled here. I would actually let her go. I'd prefer that, then all the trouble at home would be over. But she stole something... rare. Something that the demigoddess Arabara personally bequeathed to me and instructed me to keep secret and safe. I was a fool, I bragged about it secretly in front of her, even let her wear it from time to time. It won't mean anything to you, and I don't know exactly what it is myself. But I need it back. If Arabara finds out it's gone...’

Seroin broke her gaze and took a few steps towards Badazan. Behind her ever-unchanging expression, her thoughts raced like startled wasps. She quickly grabbed her fork and bag and took a shot of numbing powder. A plan formed.

‘What is it with you?’

The knight's question made her flinch, and she quickly stowed the powder away again. ‘What do you mean?’

‘The powder.’ Tomga pointed to her bag. “Every powder has an emotion, a feeling. What is it for you?’

Seroin shrugged. ”Indifference. Emptiness. It's not that addictive, but it feels good. You see a lot in Badazan.’

The knight shook his head again. ’What this city does to you, what...’

Seroin waved his finger to interrupt her. ‘Not the city. Your people, your loyal mortals of the Ideas.’ She looked out at the sea of lights and slowly the silence began to disturb her again. ‘I've known the city's slums since I was born, but I wasn't always like this. For almost a decade, I was a proud inspector of the free and beautiful city of Badazan.’ She stood up straight and performed the Badazan salute, placing two fingers above and two below her right eye.

Tomga staggered back a step, his hand finding the hilt of his sword.

But she didn't care. ‘And I was good. I wasn't a magician or born with magical abilities, but I knew the streets and I had my will. And I was loyal, so loyal. The image of Bema Sandevi filled me with pride and fire, I loved this woman, her family, all the great families of the city of Badazan. I was so loyal that being transformed into a G.M.E. was literally calling me. But it never came to that.’

She stared down at the tree, at a spot between the dark roots. ‘We were ordered to leave. To seek out elven villages and document their raw materials. Your wonderful Lady Olva was right. Where does Badazan get all the resources for its miracles? From others. I've lost count of how many elven tribes we've driven away or robbed of their land. They were just savages, what could they do? And Badazan always took in refugees, so soon the tribes we had driven from their homes came to us. But that never bothered me.’

She swept her foot around the spot between the roots. ‘On one such mission, we found an ice elf child, a little girl with a broken ankle, obviously abandoned. We are not barbarians, so we took her with us, and my inspectors even took very good care of the little girl. She slept in the broom closet, had a warm bed, was given proper food and drink, and even work, which she did diligently. She was different in the head, others say stupid, I say simply different. She talked a lot and at length, had difficulty remembering things, was simple. And thanks to her information, we found almost a dozen more Ice elf tribes.’

A dead memory formed in her mind. ‘Less than a year later, we learned that these very same Ice Elves were coming to the city as refugees, having been driven out by us, of course. And the little girl wanted so badly to see her people again. Why not? When the Ice Elves came to us, we handed her over to their care, almost as a welcome gift. Rarely have I seen her laugh and scream like that.’

Seroin knelt down and grabbed a handful of dry earth. ‘They killed her almost instantly. They twisted her neck. They said she was lazy, weak, unfit for life, broken. That she wasn't worthy of being an Ice Elf, that she was born wrong, not as they had intended. Just like that. Her people threw her away like rotten fruit.’

With a deep breath, she fumbled for her fork again and stabbed. She needed it, too often lately.

‘Back then, I saw a certain cruelty in the world outside Badazan. And you showed it to me again just recently. It robbed me of so much then, as it does now. I left. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought so many things were right. In the end, Badazan and the world outside only convinced me of their shared cruelty. I didn't want to see either of them anymore.’

To her great surprise, Tomga knelt down beside her. ‘You're crying, left eye.’

Seroin blinked in surprise and felt her cheek. “I need more.’

Before she could reach for her fork, the knight took her hand. ”She's here, isn't she? The little one. You buried her here.’

Seroin nodded silently, not wanting to look at him, disgusted with herself in that moment. She knew Badazan, and yet the city broke her again and again.

A realisation dawned on the knight. ‘The girl from the gutter, at the market, the little blind Emila...’

With renewed anger, she looked up at him. ‘You broke her neck because you didn't think her life was worth living. You felt equal to your gods and banished her to the next existence. No better than all those out there. Dead because you didn't think her life was worth living. And you see that as mercy?! Did you ask her? Did you ever ask anyone you killed for that reason? And then you look at me and my city and immediately judge us, calling us blasphemers! If that is your faith, I am proud to mock it!’

He looked lost at the city. ‘And now? I condemn you, you condemn me. And we go our separate ways? I would welcome that. I don't know if I, if we, would survive a walk through this city.’

Seroin slid off the small, bare grave and stood up. ‘No. I'm not giving up now. Life is cruel, no matter where. Get used to it. I did. We'll find your lover, we're so close.’

The knight shook his head, but slowly a smile formed on his lips. ‘Us against a disgusting evil, a superior force of perverts. Doubt in the man next to you, fear in your gut. It's like I'm back in the war. Fine. But how? The girl who lived with her, the little one, is dead. That means we've lost her trail.’

‘No.’ Seroin rummaged through her bag again. “The girl shot herself numb and dumb with powder, right. I almost forgot. But she wrote down what she wanted to keep in a diary, she said so herself. It must have been in her backpack when she jumped. And now it's lying next to her body as evidence.’

Tomga avoided her gaze. ”How do we get hold of the book?’

Seroin took out a shell encased in a steel frame. On the back of the shell were the jagged edges of an A.M.I. connector. She immediately pulled out a cylinder and snapped it into place.

A hissing sound came from the shell, followed by a quiet but recognisable ‘Yes?’

‘Chief Inspector Madex? It's time for my favour.’