Chapter Five

After what felt like forever mum finally walked out of the office and told me to go in. He told me to sit beside him on the couch and I did.

I felt like a all child at that moment, a child that was about to get scolded for doing something bad.

"First I want to apologise, for everything." He started and I slowly lifted my head up to look at him.

"I know these past months I've been unecesarily harsh on you and with the wedding, forcing you to marry someone else. My actions were truly uncalled for and I deeply apologize." He held my hand that was on my lap and squeezed gently.

I returned the action and smiled, "it's okay dad."

"No it's not okay, I don't think I can ever really forgive myself, I shouldn't have let things get this far. I'm sorry." He apologized again and I could see the guilt in his eyes.

"Forgiven," I nodded and he smiled and slowly let go of my hand.

"So, I heard that you were planning on leaving tonight," he looked at his watch then back at me. "Yeah two hours."

I shyly looked away, "yeah."

"It's okay, you need to leave anyways. I'll just have to act like I'm genuinely shocked that you left."

I chuckled, feeling a heavy weight lifting off of my chest. "Thanks dad."

"You don't need to thank me." He shook his head. "So have you told Andrew and Miles?"

The question I was avoiding. How the hell am I supposed to tell him what happened?

"Yeah," I nodded, keeping it at that.

"Good, they both should better get ready." He stood up now. "Run along now, you don't want to miss your flight."

I sighed, happy that he didn't say much. I stood up and rushed to hug him. "I love you dad."

"I love you too." He placed a kiss on my hair as his hand wrapped around my frame.

I finally pulled away after a moment and without another word I walked out of the office. Funke and Ana were just outside the door when I walked out and they both rushed to me.

"I'm still leaving as planned, you all make sure you put on your best acts of shock tomorrow." I said with a smile and they both physically relaxed.

I met mum in the kitchen. "I don't know whatever you said to dad but thank you." I smiled and hugged her.

She dropped the spoon she was holding, "just get out of here okay?" She kissed my forehead.

"Definitely, I love you mum." I didn't let her go.

"Love you more."

After a while I left the kitchen and went outside to where Ana and Funke were standing by the car.

"What are you going to do about Andrew?" Ana asked as I got to them.

I sighed, "I don't know Ana. I'm scared. I don't want my baby to  grow up without it's father." I touched my very flat stomach, as if I could feel the growing featus in there.

"Miles will be there," Funke reminded me.

"But he won't be the biological father, that's what I don't want. I don't want to have to lie to my child to believe another man is his or her father."

"What if the child is for Miles?" Funke asked now.

"Then I would move on with Miles," I said without thinking.

Funke rose a brow in question, all three of us knowing that may not happen.

I rolled my eyes, "if Andrew ever comes back and he's willing to take me back then yeah."

"Then your whole point of not having to lie to your child is defeated." Funke fired back.

I groaned, "I wouldn't lie to the child then."

"But you can also do that if Andrew doesn't come back." Funke pulled on a fake smile and I eyed her.

"What's your point here?" I folded my arms.

"You have to know what you want Victoria before life would have to make that choice for you." She answered now calmer.

"I'll miss you." Ana pulled me to a hug.

"I'll miss you too," I hugged her back. "I'll be back soon though."

"Till when?" We pulled away from each other.

"Three months. I'll be back to do a paternal test." This is thought out and planned.

"Okay," she opened the passengers door for me and I got in.

"Take care of yourself." Her smile was faint.

"I will," I smiled back.

"And call me if you need anything okay?"

I nodded, "I will. Love you sis."

"Love you too," she finally closed the door for me and I pulled on my seatbelt.

"So are you going to take some clothes and stuff with you now?" Funke asked as she started driving.

"Yeah," I nodded and looked out my window.

When we got back to my house, everyone was still there as we had left them. "Where's Miles?" I asked Adrian.

"Kitchen," he pointed towards the kitchen without tearing his gaze from the TV.

I made my way there and true, Miles was there. He was on his phone, his face squeezed into concentration and he didn't notice I walked in until I was beside him.

"Hey," I whispered and he froze.

He looked up and his eyes met mine. "Hey." He dropped his phone on the kitchen counter.

"Can we talk?" I felt bad for how I ignored him earlier and I just want to clear things up.

He nodded and this time tucked his phone into his pants pocket. "Yeah sure."

I led him to my room upstairs and I made sure the door was closed behind me. "First I want to apologise."

"For what?" He sat on my bed and I slowly made my way there and sat beside him.

"For how I treated you earlier. I ignored you and you we're just trying to talk to me," I placed my palms on my laps, scared to look at his face.

"It's okay, I understand that you were angry and sad and I guess it just wasn't the time to talk." He placed his hand on my palm.

I now looked up at him, "I'm still sorry." I whispered.

He nodded, "it's okay." He pulled his hand from mine and cleared his throat. "In case you need to hear it again, I'm here with you, always will be."

Even if Andrew isn't

I felt the tears at the corner of my eyes and I sniffed.  "Are you just doing this because the baby may be yours or-"

He stopped me short, "I'm doing this because I love you."

This time I froze and had the courage to look him in the eyes. No fucking way.

"I mean it Victoria, I love you and I may sound stupid but I don't regret any second of it because you made me feel something and that feeling overcame a lot of things and trust me at those moments when I felt that maybe we could be something together, I felt at peace, I felt different and I've never felt that way about someone or with someone before. You may not love me back and that's fine because you aren't supposed to but thank you for making me feel alive for making me feel different. So I will always be here for you, always."

I was crying now and he reached out and wiped my cheeks. We stared at each other in silence, me unable to say anything.

What am I supposed to say to him?

"You don't have to say anything, I understand." His hand didn't leave my face.

"Miles," I managed to say.

"I know you're I'm love with Andrew and he's gone now and he might come back and that's fine. Even though, I'll still be here because I just want you to be happy and if making you happy means I'll get to be that shoulder to cry on when you need someone then I'll be it."

There was really nothing for me to say so I hugged him. "Thank you," I whispered into his neck.

He held me so close to him like if he let go I'd disappear into thin air. I just stayed there in his arms because that's what I've wanted all day long. Someone to hold on to as I felt my world falling apart.

I don't want to use Miles as a shoulder to cry on so that's why after now, I'm going to not want to see him again. He deserves better, better than someone that may not give him a future.

I don't want him to remain stuck up on someone that would leave him in a heartbeat for the man she truly loves.

Like I said if Andrew comes back, I would let him back into my life with open arms because seeing him walk away from me was the hardest shit ever and that one thing I don't want is to lose him forever so even if he comes back years after now, I'd still want him.

I'm not pushing Miles only because I don't love him back but also because even if we decide to work things out today, I'd never love him the way I do Andrew, I'd never love him the way he should be loved and he deserves someone to love him truly and unconditionally, everyone deserves that kind of love.

Maybe if we met in another life, maybe things would have worked out, just maybe.

When we finally pulled away from the hug he smiled at me and stood up, walking out of the room without another word.

I'm really sorry Miles, I truly am.