Chapter 4

I woke up to the loud sound of someone knocking on my front door. For a moment, I thought it could be a burglar, but the sun rays that filtered through my curtains gently hit my skin, which meant it was morning. Who would rob an apartment in broad daylight? I also thought it could be a murderer, remembering all too well the horror movie we watch late last night.

Sometimes, I think Chris enjoys these films only because he knows I'll end up taking refuge in his arms, scared. Or maybe I'm the one that keeps on watching horror movies with him because I know he'll lull me in his bear-hug.

When the loud knock on my front door was repeated, I screeched, snuggling closer into him, which woke him up. "Go back to sleep, it's still early," He grumbled, his voice drowsy.

When I moved some more, I finally got to the position I loved most (even if it might look a little creepy), namely, Chris and I facing each other, our bodies glued, him hugging me tightly, my arms wrapped around his shoulders, his head resting in between my neck and collarbone. This way I could both take in his manly scent and have him as close as possible to me. I know, I sound pathetic.

Feeling his hot breath tickle me, I giggled and he grumbled some sleepy nonsense, making me yelp as he crushed my bones by tightening his grip on me. "Uh ... Chris, I can barely breathe like this ..." I kind of complained, although I didn't really mind.

"Shouldn't have awaken me." He protested in response, his voice groggy and muffled, words slightly slurred.

"Ok, but let me breathe at least." I bargained. He slightly released his grip on me, and I could fully enjoy our perfectly perfect position. I smiled, slowly raking a hand through his hair, and when he let out a small pleasured sound, I knew he liked it.

I'd almost forgotten about the possible murderer knocking on my front door, when the bedroom one swung open, startling me. I'd have fallen off, hadn't Chris been holding me so tightly, but I did move slightly, which cause his face to go from my neck, to my boobs. He didn't seem to notice the difference, because he didn't even move.

The blonde woman at the door shook her head in disapproval, crossing her arms over her chest. "I should have known I'd find you like this." Laura commented in a reprimanding tone.

I gave her a fake innocent grin as I explained: "We uh ... we watched a horror movie, and ... I guess I fall asleep."

She rolled her eyes. "Uh huh, and I guess Mr. Knight-In-Shining-Armor picked you up and brought you to bed, so casually falling asleep snuggled up to his favorite pillow ..." Her voice was loud, meant for Chris to hear her, but her tone was also still scolding. She knows about my feelings, and she doesn't approve of this sort of tradition where Chris and I sleep in the same bed, often huddled to each other, like now. She says he only exploits this situation to have his hands all over me all the time, but I know she's wrong.

"I'm pretty comfy like this." Chris admitted, his hot breath tickling me.

"I bear you are, you groper." Laura scoffed. "You're practically buried in her boobs. What man wouldn't enjoy it?"

"Laura ..."

"Tell me, Knight, do you miss your mama? Cos you sure seem to love cuddling like a little boy." She teased.

Chris grumbled something unintelligible under his breath. I sighed, knowing they would soon start bantering as usual. They're like real siblings, always arguing over something. At first, they didn't even get along, but luckily her fiancé was Chris' roommate in college, they're like brothers.

Chris moved to lay on his back and be able to look at her – or rather, send her a dirty look. "Where did you leave that poor guy?" He wondered mockingly. "Did he finally run away?"

"Unlike you, Nick knows what commitment really means." Laura scoffed.

"Come on, Lala, it's not Chris' fault if he's single." I interjected, stretching a little bit.

She gave me a knowing look that had me roll my eyes. "Oh, I know it's not entirely his fault ..." she trailed off, her tone loaded with accusations. "If you tell me you're bailing on me again because of him," she pointed her slender index finger at Chris, "we're done." She threatened.

I knew she wasn't serious, but I sat up, shaking my head. "No, no, I'm coming. I just need a shower." I stood up from the bed, and stretched a little more. "Besides, Chris has things to do."

"Do I?" He wondered, confused.

Once again, I rolled my eyes, turning back to him. "Yes, you do. You're helping Shay move out of his apartment, remember?" Seriously, sometimes it's like I'm his personal calendar, I always have to remind him everything. His office assistant often jokes that I'm stealing her job.

"Ugh," Chris grumbled, ruffling his hair, "I forgot about that. He's gonna bored me to tears ranting about how this was the perfect apartment, he's only moving because the new one is closer to the bar and whatever."

I giggled. "We might join you for lunch, right, Lala?" In response, Laura rolled her eyes so hard I thought they got stuck at the back of her head. She probably read through my attempt at not spending the whole day far from Chris. I know, I know, it's not healthy – she keeps telling me that. I just can't help it.

"Promise?" He pouted, looking way too cute for me to say no.

"Yes. Now go." I gestured for him to get up, since I really had to take a shower and he was late to our friend's. I definitely didn't miss how Laura shook her head in disapproval.

Chris obeyed, finally getting up. "Alright, I need a shower, too." He dashed out the door, but barely 5 seconds later, he came back. "Almost forgot ..." he placed a wet kiss on my cheek, causing me to giggle like a silly teenager. "See you later, Vivy." He went to the door again. "Go step on a Lego, Laura." He stuck his tongue out to her, which made me laugh.

She didn't reply, just waited to hear the front door close to remind me for the thousandth time: "You need to tell him the truth sooner rather than later."

"What for?" I repeated my same answer as I opened my wardrobe to grab some clean clothes. "I'm like a sister to him."

"Even so," Laura came closer, "you need to get it over with."

"You know what would happen if I told him what I feel." I reminded her while I picked cozy blue jeans and a shirt. "Remember Stephanie? They were friends, she had a crush on him. She told him, he immediately stopped hanging out with her."

"It's not the same thing."

"How is it not?" I emerged from the wardrobe, and threw the clothes on the bed. "He chose to renounce to their friendship in order to avoid hurting her."

"But she wasn't you, was she?" Laura shrugged. "You're comparing yourself to some girl he became friends with in college. You're his best friend of 20 years. You two grew up together."

"Yeah, that makes it even worse." I huffed. "He would never hurt me knowingly, Lala. He would do anything in his power not to hurt me. And that would involve ... giving up on us." I sighed. I don't want to get to that. I know we will separate eventually, but I'm not ready yet.

"Oh, come on, he would never give up on you." Laura scoffed. "And that's the whole problem here." There she goes again. "You two are co-dependent on each other, Vivian." She repeated for the billionth time. "And I can't even begin to tell you how unhealthy that is."

"Laura, please, don't restart ..." I sighed, heading to the bathroom just not to hear her rants again. I know she's just worried about me and how much this situation with Chris is hurting me, but I'm really tired of listening to her on this. She couldn't comprehend what we have, nobody does. Our bond is unique and exclusive between us. It's something only Chris and I can really understand.

I don't know when it started, when did I begin to look at him as someone I would want to share my life with, as someone I wish to have in my bed more than just by my side, so to speak. I just know that it changed everything, and I had to keep it a secret before it would change us, our friendship, too.

I don't want him looking at me differently or pussyfooting around me because he's afraid he'll hurt me if he says something about a girl or whatever. I don't want things to be awkward between us. I want the same old us, even the part not even our friends understand, where we sleep together and cuddle to each other so much. Telling him the truth would ruin all that.

Laura followed me into the bathroom, insistent: "He needs to know the truth, Viv, because sure as hell he doesn't get how bad he's hurting you."

"If he knew, he'd feel guilty."

"And you don't want him sad because he's too cute when he smile and blah, blah, blah." She mocked.

I rolled my eyes, albeit amused, swapping her shoulder with my hand. "Don't mock me." We've known each other five years, back then she was the only female friend that's lasted more than a few months, even though we'd had a rocky start, with her being jealous of me because she thought her boyfriend liked me. Of course, he didn't, Nick has eyes only for her. But like I said he was Chris' roommate and I was often at their place, so Laura got jealous.

The point is, she understands me and supports me. Other than Chris, Laura is the best friend I could have ever asked for. The only thing we disagree on is this situation with Chris himself. She just doesn't get how disruptive the truth would be at this point.

"Listen," she restarted, "you know as well as I do that this entanglement can't go on forever."

"I like it."

She scoffed. "Really? You like having the man you love all over you all the time? So weird!"

"Lala ..."

"You know it will hurt way more if it ends on his terms."

That hit me way deeper than she probably intended to. I sighed, leaning against the sink. "I know that." I lowered my gaze to the floor. "I know he'll meet someone he'll really love and I'll become history. I know all this has an expiry date that gets closer and closer every day. But what exactly do you want me to do?" I looked up, my eyes filling with tears.

When she noticed them, Laura immediately came to hug me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She rubbed my shoulders as I cried. "I just don't want you to keep breaking your own heart every time. Karen was a close call, the next one might be the last. Do you honestly feel you can wait until that happens?"