Eight

Chapman didn't reply to my message that day. I hoped he had at least gotten it, but with phones like the one he had provided me... it was no guarantee.

The next day I had no choice but to leave it in my dorm until I had a chance to check it.

Lunch came around and Paige and I decided to sit out of hearing range. Just in case.

"Have you thought of anything?" she asked.

"No, not yet," I admitted.

"How the hell did you even get into the infirmary the other night?"

Instinctively my eyes found Melissa who was on the other side of the dining hall. She looked weird today.

I shook my head. "Picked the front lock."

She raised her brow.

"What?"

"That's a ballsy way to do it."

"How else would I have done it?"

She shrugged. "You could've asked me to help you."

I just smiled. "Yeah well, I appreciate your brains, but I don't wanna get you kicked out of here."

She leaned forward. "I can take responsibility for my decisions you know."

I felt something stir inside me but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge it.

"So guess what I overheard on my way to class," Paige teased.

I tuned in. "What?"

"We weren't the only one to receive a gift from Diaz."

"What are you saying?"

"Stacy was talking to Melissa and had asked him for another fix. Diaz delivered."

I couldn't help myself. "Did Melissa get one too?"

Paige shrugged. "I don't know. She didn't say much."

I regretted asking that of Paige because now she knew I had ties with Melissa that were deeper than I let in on. I didn't want to tell her everything we had been through, but not talking about it was slowly driving me mad. Maybe Paige would be willing to keep everything I had been through a secret, but I wasn't sure.

"Are you worried about Melissa...?" Paige wondered.

I shrugged. "I just wanna know how many people are being effected. That's all."

Her eyes switched between my own but she refused to press me. That was one of many things I liked about her. Paige didn't pry.

Lunch ended and I headed to my last stretch of classes for the day. I debated silently if I should bring up the drugs with Melissa. Would she tell me? I couldn't figure out why I still had a bad feeling she was somehow tangled, and I didn't know why I still cared.

I saw her in Basic Driving but she naturally kept her distance. Once we were in Defense I knew she wouldn't be able to avoid me, and I was eager to talk to her.

When I made it to my last class she was there waiting for the instructor. I caught her picking at her fingers, something I had never seen her do before.

I walked up to her.

"Hey I have to ask you something," I said.

She looked at me but there was something off about her. Had the search spooked her yesterday? Did she get a gift like Paige and I?

"Alexa, I don't want to talk," she declined.

I didn't want to oblige by her request but the instructor walked in and interrupted us anyway. We immediately got to work and I held my tongue.

"This week we'll work on disarming," he said. "As you all know, it'll be crucial you learn these tactics. So pay attention."

We began and I made Melissa be on offense. This was something I had looked forward to for a while now and I wanted to be first.

The instructor handed her a fake gun and we began walking through our first tactic. It required speed and accuracy. Both of which I was positive I possessed.

Melissa stayed quiet the whole time but I had a million questions for her. Not only that, but things she had said the night we snuck into the infirmary continued to play in my head.

I was trying to convince myself I didn't care about her anymore but at this point I knew I was fighting a losing battle. There were things I didn't know. A lot of things. And I was afraid once I knew them it would change how I felt for Melissa again. And I was afraid to get close to her after everything we've been through.

"Alright. Switch with your partner."

Melissa handed me the gun as she copied my moves. She was so much faster. The accuracy of her movements was almost strange. And she was so strong.

Maybe deep down I refused to believe she was using because that meant she was tied up in a lot of bad stuff. Maybe I just didn't want to believe she was that stupid. I don't know. But what I did know was that there was something significantly different about her. And I had noticed it a long time ago but had refused to accept it.

Class ended and Melissa left in a hurry. I caught up to her outside.

"Melissa," I called.

"I meant what I said earlier," she jabbed.

I rolled my eyes. "Why?"

She hesitated. "I'm just really tired okay."

"Is that because you're coming down from a high?"

She stopped walking then. Had I hit a nerve? Was she pissed?

She turned around. "What?"

"You heard me," I stated.

I watched her jaw clench, as if she was holding back what she really wanted to say.

"Paige told you that?" she accused.

"Why would you accuse Paige?" I asked

"Because I saw her eavesdropping on me and Stacy this morning," she stated.

I swallowed. "Are you gonna answer my question?"

She shook her head. "No Alexa, I'm not juicing."

I felt a sense of relief.

"But because of your curiosity, Stacy and Justin have been cut off from more fixes until the infirmary is no longer under lockdown."

"The lockdown wasn't my fault," I defended.

She just gave an annoyed huff.

"Why are you so upset for them anyway?" I probed.

This time my accusation seemed to get under her skin. She stepped closer to me.

"You've made a lot of enemies already, Alexa," she stated. "And I won't stop them if they come after you."

That's when she turned and walked away. My heart was hammering hard inside my chest. What the hell did she mean I had made enemies? Here at camp or just in general? Was she referring to Stacy and Justin? Were there other people who had gotten cut off too?

And had that been a threat on their behalf?

When I made it back to my dorm Paige was nowhere to be found. I figured she was hanging out with some of her friends so I took the opportunity to check my phone. Chapman had to have responded by now.

And when I checked my messages, I was right.

Chapman wrote:

"Should've figured you'd get yourself into something like this.

But you're right. There's no record of a Michael Diaz on the employment list for this session. What I'm wondering is how has no one caught this yet.

Is it possible for you to get a picture ID? Something to help me identify him?

Keep this under wraps for now until we have more information.

And whatever you do, don't take that stuff. No telling how it could affect you."

I read the message a few times but I couldn't get over the reaction. I had to admit, I had expected more from him. Maybe there were more important things going on over at the NIA headquarters. Like Victoria still missing.

I typed a response. "Someone stole from the infirmary, so it's on lockdown right now. I'll get what you need as soon as I can."

I tucked my phone away and decided to try and not psych myself out. Was I the only one genuinely concerned about this stuff?

I believed I had a good reason, but maybe I was overreacting. No one else seemed to even care, so why did I? Should I just forget about it?

But I couldn't convince myself to quit looking. There was a force that was driving me to find the truth. To stop this stuff from coming in and harming anyone else. And I know people could decline, but what if he was preying on the weak? Persuading them into thinking this was a good decision? That it would help them?

I left and went to the bathroom. The halls were mostly empty since people were enjoying the hours before bed.

And honestly, I just didn't want to be around people right now.

I walked into the bathroom but it seemed to be empty. I chose the first stall.

But when I opened the door the sight knocked the air out of my lungs. Melissa removed the syringe from her arm and stepped back in shock. Everything inside of me froze.

"Alexa..."

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked. The concern in my voice was evident.

She hesitated and searched for a lie. But what could she possibly say? I had seen enough to know what this meant.

"It's a..." She paused. "It's not what you think."

I stepped closer. "And what do I think, Melissa?"

She just stared at me wide-eyed and tried to hide the fact that my disappointment hurt her. The reality of being caught didn't help either.

"I swear I had stopped taking it," she confessed. She sounded close to tears.

I couldn't hide that this revelation upset me.

"When?" I asked.

"After the seizure incident. I tried to quit, but God Alexa I crave it," she said.

The pain I heard in her voice was enough to make me sympathize for her, but that's not what she needed right now. But what did she need? For me to listen to her? To hear her out?

It was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to be angry with her. I wanted to tell her how stupid she was being, but that wouldn't fix anything.

She was scared and vulnerable. And when Melissa was scared and vulnerable, she would spill all the information she had.

"Do Stacy and Justin know it's addictive?" I pressed.

She shook her head. "No. They've never tried to quit yet. But they're gonna find out soon."

"Stacy wasn't the only one to get a final dose, was she?" I asked. "You got one too."

Her arms wrapped around her body. "Yes."

"Is that why you told me I should watch my back?"

She just nodded.

Stacy and Justin had been cut off too. And by the looks of Melissa, it would only get worse after this fix wore off. It was addictive, which meant once they did stop feeling the effects, they would crave. And they wouldn't be able to get another dose till the infirmary came out of lockdown.

I stepped closer to her. "How long?"

She shook her head. "How long what?"

"How long do the effects last?" I whispered.

"About three days," she confessed. "Then it slowly begins to fade. And once it does..."

I hung on to the last of her sentence as it trailed off.

I pushed for more. "What happens?"

She swallowed. "It takes about five days for it to completely wear off. Then you start withdrawing."

The information worried me. How long would the infirmary be on lockdown? Because if Stacy and Justin went too long without another dose they would end up looking like Melissa. And I wanted to believe Melissa wouldn't target me for her cravings. As for Stacy and Justin and whoever else knew I had screwed them... I wasn't so sure.

"How long have you gone without it?" I asked.

Melissa shifted as she rested her back against the stall. She looked up as she thought.

"A week...?" she said. "I took my last dose the day of examinations."

"Melissa it's been over a week since then," I stated.

She nodded. "Yeah, and I was feeling the withdrawal not too long ago. I just broke when I saw it in my bag..."

The confession I had gotten out of Melissa tore me up inside. Here I was thinking she was innocent and just looking out for Stacy and Justin, when she had just been lying to me. Again.

Why had I even expected any less from her?

"How could you be so stupid?" I asked.

"Because I'm not like you, Alexa!" she nearly shouted.

We stared at each other for a minute."

She pressed her hand against her forehead. "I'm not like you, okay? I'm not as strong as you are."

I shook my head. "What are you talking about?"

There were so many things Melissa wasn't telling me. I could see it on her face. The only problem was that she didn't trust me, just like I didn't trust her.

The conversation ended, and I didn't have the strength to press on.

Instead, I pointed to the syringe. "We need to get rid of that."

"I'll just throw it away-"

"Are you nuts?" I accused. "They're still looking for this stuff, Melissa. If they find it in the trash they're gonna bring us all in to get examined. Do you want that?"

She exhaled a deep breath before handing me the syringe.

"I'll keep it in my room for now until the infirmary opens back up," I ordered. "Then I'll sneak in and throw it out. The right way."

"Why are you even helping me?" she asked.

I stopped leaving the bathroom. Her question had stumped me because honestly, I didn't know. I had no clue why I was helping her after she had lied to me about so much already.

Was it because I pitied her? Because I didn't want to see her get in trouble? Because deep, deep, deep down there were still unchecked feelings?

I shook the last thought.

My hand reached for the bathroom door but Melissa called me back again.

"Alexa..."

I forced myself to face her.

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "You know, Melissa... I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to move on from all the bullshit you put me and my friends through. The bullshit you told me before you turned us in..."

I took a moment before continuing.

"I'm trying hard to just forget and move on, but I can't," I finished.

She studied me in silence. For a moment, I believed she had nothing left to say.

"Maybe you'd be able to move on if you'd just let me explain what happened that night," she advised. "Let me explain everything."

All I could do was look at my feet.

"Even if I let you explain..." I started. "It doesn't mean I would believe you."

Then I left the bathroom in confusion.

I was confused over this place. Confused over why I felt the way I did with Melissa even after everything. I was just confused about so much and I couldn't deal with it.

I needed answers. I needed closure. But how could I get that with her when I didn't believe a word she said? She made trusting her again so hard. I was starting to believe it was impossible.

And maybe, deep down, Iknew that already.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, I decided to talk to Paige about what I had discovered last night. I needed to get this off my chest.

I found her at breakfast, sitting at our usual table, alone.

"Morning," I greeted.

"Hey," she responded with a wide smile. "How were workouts?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just wasn't really feeling it today."

She gave me an understanding expression.

"So last night..." I started.

God, why was my heart pounding?

Paige looked up. "Yeah?"

"I caught Melissa in the bathroom. Stacy wasn't the only one to get a gift," I confessed. "Melissa got one too."

I could see the shock in Paige's expression. And most of that was probably because I had tried so hard to convince her Melissa wasn't taking it. Looks like she had us both fooled.

"Was she...?"

"Yes," I answered. "But that's not all I found out."

She leaned forward. "What else?"

"They're getting cut off. All of the people who are getting that stuff from Diaz aren't getting anymore while the infirmary is under lockdown."

Paige raised her brow. "Is that bad?"

"Yes, because it's highly addictive," I said. "Melissa told me everything."

"Do Stacy and Justin know it's addictive?"

I shook my head.

She shifted in her seat. "Well, that's bad."

"Yeah, and Melissa's sure that they're gonna blame me for this once their last fix starts to wear off." I looked down at my tray. "She said they might come after me."

Paige's hand reached out and grabbed mine. "They're not gonna come after you."

"I'm not so sure about that," I confessed.

Paige looked confused. "Look, it can't be that bad..."

"Melissa said she's experienced withdrawal from this stuff when she stopped taking it," I said. "Stacy and Justin haven't given quitting a second thought. Once they hit withdrawal, it might be ten times worse for them. They'll be desperate."

I could tell Paige thought this made a lot of sense. Maybe it was scaring her. And she was involved with me now. If Stacy and Justin began to blame me, who's to say they wouldn't blame her too?

"So what do we do?" she asked.

I looked up from my tray. "I don't know."

We both knew we had gotten ourselves into a bad situation, but right now there really was nothing we could do. We were stuck her for a few more weeks. In the short term, we just needed to ride out this infirmary lockdown. After that passed, things would get easier.

"Can I ask you something?" Paige voiced.

I just looked at her.

She played with her hands. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to but... How'd you really end up here?"

I wanted to be upset that she had asked me this. I should've wanted to tell her to screw off and stay out of my business, but I couldn't. I didn't want to say those things, even when I wished I did. Did that mean I trusted her?

"Honestly Paige, I want to tell you," I admitted. "But not here."

She seemed surprised I had even considered telling her at all. Hell, I felt the same way.

"I was planning on hiding away in the library after lunch," she said. "If you still feel like sharing by then..."

I smiled. "I think I will."

Then the bell rang and signaled breakfast was over.

Paige stood. "I'll see you later?"

"Of course," I answered.

We dumped our breakfast and went our separate ways but for some reason I was looking forward to telling her the truth. I hadn't told a single person about anything and it felt like my whole life was a big fat lie.

Before coming here, I had been completely blindsided by my mom and dad. I had been blindsided by Melissa showing up. Then surprised with countless events that had happened here over the past few weeks...

I just wanted to get some of it off my chest, and Paige seemed to be the only stable ground I had around here.

Maybe talking to her would help, and there was only one way to find out if that was true.

The first half of my classes passed slow, but when lunch came everything started to look up. I met Paige in the cafeteria and we ate, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth in there. Too many people. Too many pairs of ears that could overhear the conversation.

I decided to wait till we were done eating, then head to the library where I would feel more secure. But as we were leaving the cafeteria, Melissa caught me at the door.

"Alexa, can I talk to you?" she asked.

"Uh, I'm kind of busy," I declined.

Paige gave me a nod. "I'll be there till lunch is over. Just come find me when you're done."

I watched her leave me and Melissa but I had a feeling this discussion wouldn't be a quick one.

I looked at Melissa. "What?"

"Come with me."

She began walking away from the dining hall and down the pathway to the dorms. Maybe she wanted to get away from everyone else too.

"Did you tell Paige...?" she wondered.

"Yes," I answered, deciding it was best not to lie.

Melissa shook her head. "Why?"

"Because she knows about what's going on, Melissa."

"That doesn't mean you have to tell her about me."

"Why? Does it bother you?"

She took in a deep breath. "Because no one knew I was taking it until you caught me."

I raised my brow. "You mean Stacy and Justin don't know?"

She shook her head.

"Why didn't you tell them?"

She shrugged. "Just because we're friends doesn't mean they need to know about everything I do."

I hated to admit this, but Melissa and I weren't that different when it came to letting people in. We were both very closed. I wanted to believe my reason was because of Melissa herself, but if I was being honest, I had been that way before I had even met her. When did she start to be so secretive?

I looked at her. "Are you afraid I'm gonna tell Paige the other things I know about you?"

She stopped walking and faced me.

"Maybe," she admitted. "It's not like I could stop you if you wanted to."

I stayed quiet.

"But if you were planning on telling her about me I'd like you to know the whole story," she said. "Before you try and paint me as the bad person."

"Are you still trying to justify what you did to me?" I jabbed.

We both looked at each other but I would try not to break this time. Every time I got too close to her, or too close to this subject, I backed out. I kept running from the possibility of getting hurt again. Maybe I should show her how much she truly hurt me by letting her tell her side and see how screwed up it was.

But why was I still so scared to do so?

"Alexa I'm not trying to justify anything," she admitted. "I'm just trying to tell you the truth."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah just like you told me the truth about the drugs."

She clenched her jaw.

"Why did you need to talk to me anyway?" I asked.

"You need to stop your little investigation," she demanded. "Seriously. Justin may not come after you, but I'm not so sure about Stacy."

"It's too late now," I stated. "If they're getting cut off because of me it's too late to stop."

"You know all there is to know!"

"Chapman doesn't."

Everything stopped. Melissa looked at me with an expression that screamed a million words. My face grew hot at the revelation. I had said way too much.

"And how do you plan on telling Chapman?" Melissa pressed.

Shit.

"I've gotta go," I finished.

But she stepped in front of me.

"Alexa, answer the question."

Then the bell rang and signaled lunch was over. Thank God.

I pushed past her. "I have a class to get to."

We left things unsettled but I knew this wasn't the end of the conversation. She would continue to press me about this. I knew it. And I didn't blame her. She knew I was hiding something now.

And I had totally bailed on Paige, which meant she would be upset with me. That was a thought I didn't like at all. But it's not like I had done it intentionally. Melissa was just trying to save her own ass. Like usual.

I avoided her during our first two classes together but I knew there would be no avoiding her during Defense class. And I wasn't looking forward to it.

When I made it there she was already waiting for me. Her arms were crossed over her chest.

I took a deep breath and waited until we were forced together.

She stood in front of me. "So, are we gonna finish our conversation?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Because there's nothing more to say," I lied.

"Alexa, how did you plan on telling Chapman about all of this?"

I shrugged. "I was gonna tell him when I got back."

"Bullshit."

I rolled my eyes.

"He sent you with a phone," she accused.

I looked up. How the hell did she even know that? Had he sent her with one too? It was a possibility...

"No he didn't," I defended.

"Yes he did," she said. "You can fool everyone else but I see past it."

I shook my head. At this point I could continue to lie and endure Melissa's glares, or I could tell her the truth and hope for the best.

"You've had one all this time?" she whispered.

I just nodded.

"For?"

"Updates on Victoria," I confessed.

The information managed to hit a nerve.

She shifted. "Has he found anything...?"

"No," I answered. "Not yet."

Silence settled between us after that. Melissa obviously still felt guilty over the whole Victoria getting kidnapped thing. And for months to go by with no lead at all on where she was... Well, we knew that was bad news.

Class ended quickly after that and I tried to ditch Melissa, but even that seemed useless now.

"So you told him about everything that's been going on?" she wondered.

"Yes."

"Did you tell him about me?"

I sighed. "No."

"Why?"

"Do you want me to?"

Her eyes widened. "N-No."

"Alright then," I finished.

She continued to follow me. "Well what the hell did he say about it?"

"When we snuck into the infirmary and found out that man's name wasn't on the employment list, I told Chapman. He looked into it and confirmed I was right," I revealed. "Then he asked me to get a picture I.D. The only problem is that the infirmary is now on lockdown."

"So you're at a dead end," she said.

"Until the infirmary opens back up."

"Maybe it's for the best."

I rolled my eyes. "And why's that?"

"So you can stay out of trouble for once."

I gave her a wry look. "You know, you're starting to sound a lot like Derik."

I ditched her in the cafeteria and found Paige sitting with a few other people. I wanted to apologize for ditching her earlier, but I didn't want to do it around her friends. It would have to wait till later.

I grabbed dinner and sat at her table but I could tell she was upset. Granted, she was trying hard not to show it. But it was too obvious to hide.

And when she stood to leave I did the same.

"Paige," I called once we were outside.

She slowed so I could catch up.

"Hey, I'm sorry," I confessed. "About earlier."

"It's not a big deal," she said.

"I would still like to talk about everything with you."

She looked at me. "Alexa, I don't think you do."

For a moment we both stopped walking.

I shook my head. "Paige-"

"It's fine if you don't." She gave me a smile. "I understand sometimes information is sensitive and it matters who you tell..."

She started walking again and I followed.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you about me," I acknowledged. "It's just... I have a lot of trust issues."

"We all have trust issues."

"I went to prison."

The words left my mouth before I could think about it. She stopped walking again and turned to face me.

"What?" she mumbled.

I nodded. "I was there for two months."

She studied me without a word. I was afraid she was judging, but at least she knew something about me. I liked Paige a lot, but I had once liked Melissa a lot too and she had back-stabbed me and put me in prison. Getting over something like that was hard.

Paige crossed her arms. "If you went to prison... How are you here?"

I took a deep breath. "That's what I wanted to explain."

"But you're scared."

"Terrified."

Her shoulders relaxed. "Alexa, who would I even tell?"

I just shrugged.

She looked down at the ground. "Like I said, I understand if you don't want to tell me."

I smiled. "And like I said... I do want to tell you."

She returned my smile. "Well, then I'm all ears."

We walked back to our room while I started from the beginning. It felt so good to get everything off my chest. There was just one thing I couldn't make myself reveal to Paige, and that was the fact that Melissa had been involved. I decided to keep her name out of it, and it could've been a result of our earlier conversation. I wasn't sure.

After I was done explaining, Paige just sat on her bed cross-legged with her wide eyes on me.

"Pretty unbelievable, huh?" I joked.

She nodded in awe. "It's quite a story."

"I almost don't believe it myself."

There was a moment of silence. I figured Paige had to process a little bit, so I let her do so.

"Was leaving hard?" she asked. "When you got back to your family?"

She was referring to when I left for camp.

I nodded. "It was."

She smiled. "Good news is there's only about two-and-a-half weeks left."

"I can't wait to go home," I admitted.

Our conversation seemed to end, which was fine with me because I really wanted to take a shower. I stood and grabbed my shower bag.

"I'm gonna go get ready for bed," I told Paige.

She just nodded me off.

When I left the room, I noticed a little bit of the invisible weight had fallen from my shoulders. It had felt so good to tell Paige about all the stuff I had gone through. I hadn't talked to anyone about it since. And I knew she wasn't the girl I needed to talk about it with, that was Melissa, but hopefully I could make myself do it eventually.

If the talk with Paige wentwell, maybe that meant the talk with Melissa would to.