T W E N T Y F O U R

This may trigger some readers, such as those who have suffered from depression or physical abuse.

The sleeves of tattoos on his arms were illusions. Illusions of happiness. The happiness that once swirled in his brown irises. The happiness that once danced in his brother's. Happiness he once felt.

He slammed his fist into the walls, the faded scarlet left in their wake, as his silent screams bounced off the cool surface. The memories haunted him like prominent shadows in his mind. Heidi bit down on his trembling lip, the agony choking him, leaving him suffocating and gasping for air.

Pierce's dull blue eyes flashed in his mind, the memory of his corpse being dragged out of the lake he swam in on occasion, the pain he was drowning in, from the darkness engulfing him, and the waterfall that tumbled down his face.

Caged in darkness' embrace he shivered, the bone-chilling cold piercing his numb, honey colored skin. Heidi stared at his arms, the crimson scars hidden beneath the countless images taunting him, just like his mother used to. The marks she imprinted onto his skin clothed him in the eerie darkness late at night. The reminiscences of the silent war in her mind were etched onto his skin.

He remembered how he cried, how he screamed, how he begged for the dark to embrace him. Her haunting green eyes bore into his mind, striking him with unbearable pain.

Heidi rocked himself back and forth at a slow pace in an attempt to rid the burning images from his mind. With a nonchalant expression, Heidi held up a knife, the temptation to shove it into his hand gnawing at him. "I'm sorry, Apollo," Heidi choked out, salty tears pricking in his eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep suffocating in silence. I know you don't understand and honestly, I don't expect you to. I have to be with my brother now."

"Heidi, no!" Apollo sobbed out. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom. He watched, fear within his eyes, as his best friend held a knife an inch away from grazing his flesh. "You can't kill yourself."

"And why the fuck not? You don't know what's it like, Apollo. You don't know what it's like to feel like you're barely breathing all the damn time. I only smile when I'm with you. I don't know what it's like to feel genuine happiness. It's not like anyone will care, anyway."

"That's not true, Heids. I'll care. Fuck, I'll care." Apollo's voice cracked at the words. "Heidi, if you drive that knife into your hand, I'll probably do it, too."

"You can't do that," Heidi whispered.

"Why can't I?" Apollo crosses his arms defensively.

"Because you just can't!"

"Heidi, I-I love you."

Heidi froze, the knife slipping out of his grasp and falling onto the floor. "What?"

"I love you. Bloody hell, Heidi, I'm in love with you. I won't be able to live with myself if you take your life. You know how your brother fell depressed when his boyfriend died and how you felt depressed after your brother died. Suicide doesn't end the pain. Instead, it hands it over to someone else," he pauses. "Heidi, I-I have broken down so many times at the those cuts on your body. I didn't understand how I didn't see your pain. Dammit, if you graze that knife across your flesh, Heidi, you might as well kill me, too."

"I-I can't. Apollo, I can't do that." Apollo gave him a somber smile. He encased his arms around him, holding onto him, for the fear that he might be dead if he loosened his grip for even a second scared the fuck out of him.

"I'm sorry, Heidi. I'm so fucking sorry that I wasn't here for you enough. I'm supposed to be here for you whenever you need me, but I let you suffer."

"But you were," Heidi whispered above the blizzard raging outside. "You were the one who saved me, Apollo. I told you I wasn't worth saving, but you didn't believe me. Instead, you let me cry for as long as I needed to and never complained. If it wasn't for you, I'd be bleeding out on the carpet."

"I didn't save you.... Heidi, please get some help. Please do it. It breaks my fucking heart to see you like this. I wish I could save you, but in reality, you have to save yourself. I can be there for you every step of the way and trust me, I will. But I don't have the power to help you. I tried, Heidi."

"Apollo, look at me. I'll get help. I will. But I want you to know that you are the reason why I didn't stab my hand. You saved me, okay. For some fucked up reason, you thought that I was worth saving. I never thought about how much it would effect you. I just thought that you didn't care about me enough. But now I understand that if I commit suicide, it would kill you, just like my brother's suicide almost killed me."

Apollo's pistachio green irises averted to the worn carpet beneath his feet. He wasn't planning on confessing to Heidi that he loved him, but he had to distract him from the overwhelming sadness threatening to drown him. He didn't regret it, however, because it was true. If he'd found Heidi dead on the carpet, he would have shoved that knife into his hand. Because Heidi was the fucking world to him.

Apollo planted light, feathery kisses onto Heidi's tear stained cheeks, the taste of salt encasing him. Onto his lips was a content, half smile, as he stared lovingly into the dirt colored orbs blinking at him. Heidi wore both admiration and confusion sewn into his facial features. Heidi was the only person Apollo will be vulnerable for, the only person he'll show emotions to, the only person he'll allow his true colors to bleed through around.