11

I stared at Caroline as she put the last box in the trunk. The pole I'm leaning against is cold and robbing the warmth from my skin. My head feels heavily weighted down as it's resting against the pole. There's not much I hate, but watching my mom leave home to go stay at a lake house for her last week alive makes me feel bitter.

She had tried to make me stay home to stop me from watching her fade away, but I passed on her offer. I'd rather be with her than not. We argued back and forth for a while before I told her I would just meet her at the lake house in three days.

The boards of the porch creaked behind me as footsteps came closer to me. Stefan was the only one in the house. I can feel how hard he's staring at me.

"I know it was stupid, you can stop staring at me like I don't."

"I just don't understand why you did it, Evelyn. We could've found another way."

I watched as Damon helped my mom in the car. "I've told you why. I'm sure you were listening, but you probably didn't hear me over your ego."

He breathed out, laughing softly. I heard his footsteps as he walked up beside me. "I'm sure there were other things he would've accepted as your end of the deal." He was quiet for a few seconds. "Unless you suggested it, then I'm going to need you to walk in a straight line."

I smiled. "I didn't do it because I wanted to get laid."

"Sure. Because if you did then you would've come to me, right?"

The smile faltered from my lips. I stood up straight and turned to face him. "What?"

He looked at me, "I'm... kidding, Evelyn." He shook his head once and furrowed his brows.

I felt an ache in my chest. The tears that were resting in my eyes spilled onto my cheeks.

He turned to face me, a look of concern taking over his features. "What?"

I swallowed and looked to the side. "How do you know about that?" I looked at him. "Who told you?"

He shook his head, "No one told me anything. It was a joke."

I inhaled sharply. "It was a hell of a joke, Stefan."

He stepped closer, putting his hands on my shoulders. "I don't understand. What's wrong?"

I wanted to run away from him. Away from my feelings, really, but that's impossible. "You... You don't know?"

"Know what, Ev?"

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. It's getting harder to not cry about everything. I don't have the words to tell him, every word in the English language is nonexistent when it comes to him. I moved my hands to the sides of his face and stepped closer. I pressed my lips to his, kissing him. He squeezed my arms, tensing up. He relaxed slowly, leaning into the kiss.

I could feel adrenaline coursing through my body, urging me to be closer to him. If I keep going, I'll never stop. I pulled my head back and opened my eyes. I stared at him. When he opened his eyes, they found mine immediately.

I took a deep breath before closing my parted lips. His stare felt like the only thing holding me together. There was a stunned expression on his face. His thoughts slowly formed, morphing his expression into something deeper. His hands loosened from my arms. His gaze fell from mine as he stepped back from me.

I felt like I was being gutted. My heart shattered slowly. He looked hurt. He was staring at the ground, his arms at his sides and his shoulders squared. Regret hit me immediately. I choked on a sob. I swallowed it down.

"Evelyn," He looked up from the ground but didn't meet my eyes.

"No," I whispered as I stumbled back a step. "I'm sorry."

He looked over at the car, then looked at me again. His eyes found mine. "You can't..." He sighed as he took a step back. "Why did you do that?"

I sucked in a breath of air as tears brimmed my eyes again. "Because I like you."

The look on his face tells me this is new information to him. There's a stunned look in his eyes. His lips are parted and his brows are pinched together. "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was quiet and hesitant.

I felt anger surfacing in my mind. "I thought you knew."

He stared at me, "You never said anything."

I tilted my head, "I didn't think I had to."

He looked betrayed. "You..." He shook his head once. "How was I supposed to know, Evelyn?"

I put my hands over my face and exhaled shakily. I dropped my hands and looked at him again. "Because of the way I act around you. The way I look at you." I felt like my lungs were collapsing. "You were supposed to know."

He sighed in defeat. "You should've told me."

"I'm telling you now."

He didn't say anything for a moment. "I... I can't, Ev."

My insides were curdling at the sound of his words. "I know." I nodded. "Which is why I never said anything." I felt nauseous. I looked down at my feet. I inhaled sharply as I looked up at him. He was staring at me with a hurt look on his face. I looked over. Damon was standing at the end of the sidewalk staring at us. I looked at Stefan again. "I'm sorry. I should've kept my mouth shut." I walked back inside.

I slammed the door shut behind me, then I walked further into the house. I stopped and put my hands over my face. A sob escaped my throat. I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying to force myself to stop crying.

I should've walked away the minute he started talking. I shouldn't have responded at all. It was a joke. I could've laughed. I should've laughed. I sighed, exasperated, as I dropped my arms back to my sides.

I turned around. I was startled to see him staring at me. I didn't hear the door open. He looked confused and mad.

"Go home."

"No."

I turned and started walking away from him. "I don't want you here."

"Then what the hell was that about?"

I turned into the kitchen. "Were you not listening?"

"Of course I was listening." He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.

I stared up at him. "You obviously missed the part where I told you I shouldn't have said anything."

"That's the part that was the loudest, Evelyn. You should've told me. You should've told me sooner, actually. Maybe then we could've tried to be together."

"If you just followed me in here to reject me and tell me that you don't like me and you never have you can leave."

"I followed you in here to fix this!"

"There is no way to fix this! I can't be with you and you can't be with me!"

"Why not?!"

My mouth snapped shut hearing his words. I searched for a way to tell him about Kai, but there were no words.

"Evelyn, I don't want to lose you. Especially not because you like me but you can't have me." He slid his hand to mine. I looked down at our hands. He grabbed my chin and made me look at his face again. I struggled to keep tears from falling from my eyes. "Tell me that I'm not going to lose you."

I felt tense. "You're not going to lose me."

He tilted his head. "That's not very convincing."

I moved my hand to his wrist. "Why don't you just compel me to stay in your life and forget this happened?" I pulled his hand away and stepped back from him.

"I wouldn't do that."

"Compel me?"

He nodded, "Yes."

I scoffed. "You must think I'm an idiot. Do you know how often I don't use vervain or wear the necklace? I'm not even wearing it now. I know you've compelled me before. I know all of you have."

He sighed, "You're making this a lot more difficult than it should be, Evelyn. I don't want to argue with you."

"Then leave!"

"I don't understand how you can switch up so fast. One minute you're begging me to love you, and then-"

"I never begged you to love me! I'm perfectly fine living without you! I've been doing it for a year! And I was way better off when you weren't a part of me."

He took a moment to let my words sink in. "I get that you're pissed off at the world, but you can't just treat me like this because I don't want to be with you!"

"What else am I supposed to do?! You don't want me! You don't need me! Ryan left! I had to go to Kai for help because none of you treat me like a person! And I feel like I'm losing everything!"

"Because you're pushing everyone away like you always do!"

"I don't know how to do anything else!"

He faltered back a step. "Yes you do." He shook his head once. "You just don't want to."

My throat felt like it was closing. "Fine. I don't want to do anything else. So, please, get out."

He squared his shoulders. "I'm not leaving you like this."

"I don't want you here."

"You're contradicting yourself."

"No, I'm just mad now. I don't want to be around you because you're pissing me off. Get out."

"No."

I wanted to scream and throw something at him. I walked out of the kitchen, he followed me. I walked up the stairs to my room. I shut the door and locked it. I walked to my bed and threw myself on it, screaming into my pillow.

I waited for his footsteps to lead away from my door. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling. I waited. And waited. And waited for an hour. After my anger slowly faded out of me, or at least to the back of my brain, I sat up. I stared at my door.

Knowing he's on the other side of it makes me feel guilty and sad. I breathed out slowly as I got up. I walked to my door. I reached for the handle, hesitantly. I unlocked it before pulling it open. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall across from my door. His arms were resting on top of his knees. He lifted his head off of the wall and looked up at me.

I walked over and sat next to him. I sat criss-cross and put my hands in my lap. I stared at my thumbs as I curled them around each other. I can feel his eyes on the side of my face. "You were still in love with Elena. You were wallowing in your feelings, and I didn't feel like it was the right time. Especially not for me. I had never really... been with anyone. I always focused on school over everything. And when I found out I was in love with you, I really didn't like it and forced myself to channel that energy into school. It worked. And then I had to leave for school. And I really didn't want to leave town because I felt like I had wasted my entire life. Mostly because I hadn't figured out the formula on how to fall out of love with you and date boys." I looked up at the wall. "You really... screwed me up, Stefan. And you didn't even do anything. I hated it. I still hate it. And I thought those feelings were gone because I was in a new town and there were new people, and I was with-" I paused to correct myself. "Let's just say I connected with... a lot of guys." I leaned my head back against the wall. "Then I came back a month ago. I saw you and everything came rushing back. I've been lashing out at you, which I have a really hard time controlling and it's killing me. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want to ruin it. Which is why I've never told you." I lifted my head and looked at him. "I love you. A lot. More than anything, actually." I scanned his face, trying to read his expression. "And now I think I did ruin it. I didn't know how to tell you, so I tried to show you. And... you see how that turned out."

He stared back at me. "You didn't ruin it, Evelyn. You could never ruin it. You can't control who you love or how you love them, it just kind of happens. And I know you're analytical and you need to control everything, but you should really stop. You may never find out how to stop loving me the way you do."

His words cut deep, cutting every piece of me. I want to be angry at him for not feeling the same, but I can't. I know that. "What if I don't?"

"Then... I'll be here. Right now, I don't think you should be with anyone. You're obviously going through something, and knowing you you'll probably lash out at the person you're with. And if that relationship is toxic then you'll just become conditioned to it. I don't want that for you, Ev."

I don't know if it's the way he says it or what he says, but it flips a switch in my brain to make me smile. "I hate you."

He smiled. "What?"

"You and your stupid advice." I looked at the wall in front of us again. "It makes me think you know everything and then I just..." I shook my head. "I hate you." I looked at him again.

His eyes shined. I could feel the lightheartedness of his stare through my entire body. It was calming and made my head spin. His smile made my heart skip. "So we're okay?"

"Always," I answered quietly.

"Good, because I need to ask you how many guys is 'a lot'?"

I laughed. "You're actually delusional if you think I'm answering that."

He tilted his head, "Then you can call me crazy."

"I can think of a few stronger words that I'd like to call you." I stood up and turned to face him.

He stood up and stepped closer. "By all means..."

I tilted my head. "No thanks, Mr. Salvatore."

"Mister?"

I shrugged, "It's what I call all of my gentleman callers."

He raised his brows as he laughed. "I'm your gentleman caller?"

"You're one of them. Now get out so I can call the rest. Too much time with you will raise suspicion and cause the murder rate of our town to skyrocket."

A smile rested on his face. He stared into my eyes for a moment before responding. "You'll be okay by yourself."

I tilted my head. "Yeah. I'll let you know when I need you."

He stood in front of me for a few seconds. "Good night, Evelyn."

"Good night, Stefan."

He nodded once before walking down the steps. I heard the front door shut a minute later. I walked back into my room. I pushed the door, letting it stay cracked.

A wave of emotions washed over me. It was as if everything hit me at once. My mom will be dead by next week. I'm stuck in a sex deal with Kai, and I have to hide it from everyone. Stefan doesn't love me the way I love him. I'm alone in this house for the next three days.

I made my way into the shower to try and wash off the feelings. Only after getting dressed did I realize that I succeeded in distracting myself. But then everything came back. I got into bed and forced myself to fall asleep.

The next day was lonely and boring. I just watched tv. Today was the same. Except sadder. For no reason, really. I just feel sadder. I was hoping the bottle of wine would've soothed it, but I just slept it off.

I reached for my phone that I put under my pillow and checked the time. 1:04. I sat up and looked around the dark living room. I turned off the TV. I buried my face in my hands and exhaled slowly. I heard footsteps. I lifted my head and looked over to see Kai. He walked over and sat next to me.

"Knocking is a thing."

"Would you have opened the door?"

I rolled my eyes and faced forward. I sat back. "What are you doing here?"

"You."

"But I said we can't do things here."

"Yeah, but no one's going to catch us. Your mom and your sister are both wherever, and none of your friends would show up here at 1 in the morning. They may call you, but we both know they're not just going to show up unannounced."

"You did," I looked at him.

"Yeah, but I'm not your friend."

I nodded once, "You're right. And I don't even know you. So technically, I could call the police. You're breaking and entering. You could go to jail for that."

A smirk formed on his lips. "Look at you, miss lawyer." He glanced at my shirt before meeting my eyes. It was a fitted t-shirt and it was low cut. And to top it off, I'm not wearing a bra and it's freezing.

"Please get out, I'm not in the mood."

"Oh, I would love to. Unfortunately, I'm not going to."

I turned my body to face him, pulling my leg onto the couch and keeping my hands on my calf. "Why do you act like that? I mean, I know you're a sociopath, but can you at least pretend that other people matter? It's dehumanizing, and I know that means absolutely nothing to you, but it means something to everyone else."

"Are you trying to have a philosophical talk with me? I didn't come here for a therapy session, Evelyn. And if you're trying to crack the code in my brain to get me to feel something, then you're going to be devastated when you find a dead end."

"I'm just trying to get you to realize that you're not the only person in the world anymore. You're not in an isolated prison, Kai. You're in the real world with people who can kill you. Piss off the wrong person and see where you end up. Get on the right person's good side and you're set for life."

"And you're that person?"

"I never said that. All I'm saying is that you should try to act like a person instead of a monster."

"But then people wouldn't be afraid of me."

"You think people are afraid of you?" I changed the course of that conversation before it could begin. "People would like you, Kai. Have you ever had friends?"

"I don't want to. From what I've heard, they're all backstabbing and-"

"So find the right people. Then maybe you won't have to make deals with people to be able to have sex. Which, by the way, isn't happening tonight."

"Well, I didn't plan on having sex with you. Like I said before, I'm not having sex with you until you're asking me for it."

"That's never happening."

He tilted his head. "That's what you think. You didn't want me to touch you at first, and then you didn't want me to stop."

"If you put a bottle in front of a baby it's going to reach for it. And touching me and being inside of me isn't the same thing."

"My fingers were inside of you."

I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't think of a response. I looked away from him, thinking for a moment. "Your dick and your fingers are two completely different things." I looked at him again.

"Yes, I know that. One will make you feel way better than the other."

The darkness in the room couldn't hide the blush that heated my skin. "All... All I'm saying is maybe if you tried to act human then people might like you. I might be more compelled to do things with you if you acted differently."

He stared at me for a minute before saying anything. "Why do you think you saying something would change me?"

I stared into his eyes. "I believe there's something good in everyone. And it won't hurt anything for me to try and bring it out. You may think there's nothing good in you, but there is, Kai. I don't know what it is, and I can't see it yet. But I do know that you haven't hurt me in a way that's irredeemable."

He stared at me with a confused look on his face as he processed what I said. "You think I'm redeemable?"

I shrugged, "Why don't you find out? Find the good thing that's in you and bring it out. Then go get forgiveness from the people you've hurt and forgive the people who have hurt you so you can move on. It'll be hard, but-"

"No." He sat up. He looked angry.

I furrowed my brows, "I'm just trying to help you."

"I didn't ask for your help." I rolled my eyes and looked to the side. He grabbed my face roughly and forced me to look at him. My heart was beating faster. His face was inches from mine. "If I need something from you, I'll tell you. As of right now, you just need to hold up your end of the deal. Now drop the damn attitude."

My breath caught in my throat. His low, demanding voice made my skin feel hot. My brain felt numb as he stared into my eyes with a look that was nothing short of lust. "Make me."

A low growl rolled from his throat, filling my ears. He leaned closer. His lips pressed against mine, capturing them in a slow kiss. His tongue slid across my bottom lip. I moved my hands to the sides of his face, leaning into the kiss. He kissed me harder and moved his hands to my waist. He laid me back, never breaking the kiss.

He slid his tongue into my mouth, rolling over mine slowly. He slid his hand to my stomach, lifting until just the tips of his fingers were left on my body. He moved his fingers to the hem of my shirt, pushing it up to the middle of my stomach before sliding under it. My heart was racing as he inched closer to my boobs.

I felt his fingertips brush against the soft skin. He flattened his hand against my body, cooling my skin and making me shudder. His hips grinded into mine, his erection rubbed against me, making me moan. He slid his hand higher, grabbing my boob. He moaned softly as he kneaded it slowly.

I moved my hand to his. I pushed my shirt higher, finding his hand. I pressed my legs against his body, urging him closer. He moaned into the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He moved his hands to my legs, hooking them around his waist. He slid his arms under me, pulling my body against his.

He lifted me and stood up off of the couch. I moved my hand to the back of his head and kept kissing him. He walked up the steps then to my room. I didn't give any thought to how he knew the layout of my house.

He set my feet on the ground and pulled my arms from around his neck. He pulled back from the kiss, taking a step back. I opened my eyes and stared up at him. He kept his eyes on mine.

"What are you doing?"

"Take your clothes off."

I didn't know if I should listen to him. Making him leave would be the better and smarter option. But his disheveled hair and his lustful gaze is making me weak and filling my head with poor decisions. "I thought you said-"

"Yeah, well, things change."

"In ten minutes?"

"Absolutely. Now take your clothes off."

I tilted my head, "No."

He raised his brows. "You would've been more than willing two minutes ago."

I walked to the end of the bed and sat down. I put my hands on the bed. I looked up at him. "This is a bad idea. This is bad for me. I'm not benefiting in any way other than the obvious. And even then I feel guilty. So what am I getting out of this?"

He crossed his arms. "We had a deal."

"Yeah? Why don't you remind me?"

He took a breath as he uncrossed his arms. He walked toward me, "I helped you by taking away whatever was killing your mom, and now you have to sleep with me. Whenever I want. Until I say we can stop."

I stood up. Our bodies were an inch from touching. I put my hands on his belt and he looked down at them. I stared at his face. "Since you can recite it so well..." He looked at my face. I started undoing his belt. "I need you to tell me what I asked you to do."

He took a second before answering. "Not to show up here, and not to let people know."

"So why should I follow your rules when you can't follow mine?" I dropped his belt on the floor.

A smile broke out on his lips. "Should we establish new rules then?"

I tilted my head, "Hmm." I stared at his lips as I slid my hands in his shirt, resting them on his stomach.

"You would obviously hate for people to know we're even talking to each other. So we'll keep it a secret."

I looked at my hands. "And we'll stop whenever I say so. It won't matter if you want to keep going."

"Is that so?"

I looked up at his face as I slid my hands to his sides after thoroughly exploring the expanse of his toned abdomen. "Yes. And you know that if you disagree, we'll stop right now. I'll call Damon and you'll be dead in the next ten minutes. You don't have free will in the situation, Kai, nor do you have power. Everything here is my choice, and if you hate that then you can walk away just as fast as you walked in."

"So what am I getting out of this?" He put his hands on my waist.

I moved my hands to his jeans and started undoing them. "Me. But since that's obviously not enough for you, you can tell me when you want me."

He looked down at my hands. "Is that all?"

I put my hands on his wrists. "As of right now, yes. Whenever I think of something else you'll know."

"Good, so can we do this now?"

"Your decision. Did you already forget?"

He laughed breathily and looked at my lips. "Hilarious." He leaned down, kissing me. I kissed him back, gripping his wrists. He pulled me against him. He stopped kissing me and whispered, "When's the last time you had sex?"

"A month and a half."

He pulled his head back as he pulled my shirt over my head. I rested my hands on his chest. His eyes dropped to my chest, lingering for a minute. He leaned down and kissed my neck. My eyes fell shut as he sucked gently on my neck. I gripped his shirt in my hands, pulling myself closer. His hands found my shorts. He slipped his hand inside of my shorts. He moaned once he found that I wasn't wearing underwear.

He pulled his hand out and pushed my shorts down my thighs. He moved his kiss to my lips and kissed me slowly. I moved my hands to the bottom of his shirt. He replaced my hands with his and pulled it over his head swiftly, then tossed it to the floor. His eyes found mine, staring into them for just a moment. He started kissing me again.

He grabbed my waist and laid me back on the bed. He let his weight rest on me for just a minute before raising up. His hand pressed into the mattress beside my head as he pulled back from the kiss. I raised up on my elbows as he moved off of me. I watched him undress the rest of the way. My face twisted in shock and I gasped softly.

Subtle, Evelyn.

He's easily eight inches and it's horrifying. I struggled to move my eyes back up to his. He was grinning. I struggled to form words. I laid back as he moved over me again. He stared down at me.

"What?"

I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean, 'what'? You're going to kill me. The worst way possible too."

He glanced down at my lips before looking into my eyes again. "You're dramatic."

I stumbled over my words as I tried to put off having him inside of me. "You won't fit. I know that for a fact."

"Really? You've never tried."

He's got a point. A stupid, valid point. "Do you have a condom?"

He furrowed his brows, "What the hell do I need a condom for?"

"Seriously? I don't know who you've slept with. And I don't want to get pregnant."

He tilted his head. "I'll pull out."

I laughed, "Yeah, I've heard that before." I put my hands on his chest.

"Then I won't pull out. Either way, you won't get pregnant. Just trust me."

I stared at him. I don't trust him. Not in the slightest. But the way he's staring at me makes me feel like I can trust him. "Fine. Just go slow."

He smiled like he had a joke but didn't say it, "Okay."

He looked between our bodies as he guided his tip to my entrance. He pushed the tip of his cock into me. I already felt full. I slid my hands to his shoulders and closed my eyes. My mouth hung open, I felt unable to close it. He pushed deeper into me. I gasped as he stretched me out, filling me with his cock. He moaned. He moved his hand to my lower stomach.

I felt him kiss me, I kissed him back. I dug my nails into him as he slid deeper. I couldn't focus on kissing him. I pulled away from the kiss and looked between our bodies. I whined seeing how much was left. I leaned my head back into the mattress. His eyes locked on mine.

"Tell me."

I shook my head, "I can't- You-" I was cut off by a moan. "It won't fit. It's too much."

He moved his hand to my face, grabbing my chin and forcing me to keep looking at him. "You can take it, baby."

He pushed into me further. My brows knitted together. Stars filled my vision as my eyes fluttered shut. He started kissing me again. I struggled to kiss him back. He thrusted the rest of the way inside of me, making me scream. He moaned.

"Oh my God," he breathed. A soft whimper left his lips.

I forced myself to stay still, avoiding the pain that came with having him inside of me. He brushed against my clit, making me moan.

"You feel so good, baby."

I moved my hands to his chest, pushing against him. I opened my eyes as tears filled them. "I can't..." I whined.

He nodded, "Yes you can."

He moved his hands to mine and pulled them above my head. He crossed my wrists, and pinned them to the mattress with one hand. He moved his other hand to my leg, pulling it up against my stomach. I whimpered, feeling him move inside of me. He kept his hand pressed against the back of my thigh. He grinded into me. I groaned.

He looked between our bodies as he pulled out of me, I let go of the breath I was holding. I leaned back into the mattress, letting myself relax. I opened my eyes. He kept his gaze locked between us, watching and marveling at the way we connected. I bit down on my bottom lip, waiting nervously for him to fuck me.

He thrusted into me harshly, all the way to the base of his thick cock. Tears escaped my eyes as I yelled out. The pain and pleasure blurred together, making me feel euphoric. I dug my nails into my palms.

He started kissing my neck, adding to the sensations that filled my body. I tried to keep my thoughts straight, but it felt impossible with him buried inside me. He pulled back out to the tip, drawing a whine past my lips. He thrusted back into me, making me yell out again.

"Kai, I can't-" I moaned.

He moved his lips to my ear. "Shut up. Just take it like the good slut you are, baby."

I gasped as he started fucking me faster. His cock filled me each time, brushing against my cervix. I felt an orgasm slowly building in my body. I arched my back, causing him to reach something inside of me that made my walls clench around him. He moaned into my ear and I practically shattered.

"Fuck, Evelyn," he whispered.

"Kai, I need to cum." I whined.

I rocked my hips, rubbing my clit against his body and pushing him inside of me to hit the same spot again, forcing my walls to clench around him again. He groaned and tightened his hold on my wrists and thigh. He pressed my leg harder into my body as he slammed into me, making me yell out.

"Let me feel you cum on my cock, baby."

I gasped, at how my body commanded his words. I felt like I was under his complete control. I couldn't contain the sounds that escaped my throat. I shut my eyes tightly as I came around him. He pushed into me as deep as he could. I felt his hand move from my thigh to my arm, gripping it tightly.

My brain felt like it was in another dimension. There was a pounding in my head that made my body feel weightless as it shuddered. He rested his weight against me. His breath mixed with mine as his forehead pressed against mine. I felt his cum shoot inside of me and I whined.

My body slowly relaxed. I felt his lips on mine as he kissed me slowly. I kissed him back. He pulled out of me and a moan left my throat, getting trapped in the kiss. He pulled away from me. I felt lifeless. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me. He was just as breathless as I was.

This could only get worse from here. That made me feel better than anything or anyone had ever. I'll never be able to have sex ever again. He moved off of me and laid beside me on the bed, sighing as he relaxed into the mattress. I felt too weak to move my arms from above my head. I stared at the ceiling as I caught my breath.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. We just laid there and processed what just happened. I realized what could happen. Someone could find out and kill us both. Or just him. Either one was bad. The worst part of all of this is that I enjoyed this. I'm afraid I'll never be able to sleep with anyone ever again.

I felt a wave of exhaustion settle over me. I moved my hands to the mattress beside my body and raised up on my elbows. I moaned softly, feeling how sore my body is.

"I hate you so much."

"That's not what it felt like when I was inside of you."

I looked over at him. "Yeah, well now you're not inside of me so I actually know what to think."

He smirked. "Are you saying that you're a brainless slut when it comes to me?"

I rolled my eyes and looked to the side. "Fuck you."

He put his hand on my chest and pushed me back down. He raised up on his arm and leaned closer. He stared into my eyes. He slid his hand to my throat. "Is that what you want? For me to fuck you until you can't breathe?" He squeezed my throat gently, "Because that's what it sounds like. And I'll do it, babe."

I didn't know how to respond. His hold on me tightened. I gasped for air. The content look on his face made my body hot. I moved my hand to his forearm, gripping it tightly.

"Kai," I begged.

His eyes moved from his hand to meet my gaze. He answered with a toothy grin. "Are you scared of me, Evelyn?" His voice was low and gravelly.

I couldn't look away from his eyes. He looked deep into my mind, scouring every inch for an answer. No words formed on my tongue even as I searched for a way to answer him. He does something to me that I can't even fathom. The way he stares at me. His delicately painful touch that has me writhing beneath him. It's impossible for me to even think straight.

He squeezed my throat once before sliding his hand to my stomach. I opened my mouth to say something, but paused. I tilted my head. "You could easily kill me or spell me in some way to make me do whatever you want. But you haven't. That's proof that there's humanity in you, Kai."

He took a moment before responding. "Stop looking for something that will make this easier for you and just accept the fact that you slept with the bad guy."

"No."

He sighed and rolled away from me, "Evelyn-"

"Kai, you're not as bad as you and everyone else thinks you are. Sure, you've done some pretty fucked up things, but you can stop doing them."

"I don't want to. I'm fine with who I am. You need to be too."

I sat up and looked at him. "You shouldn't be fine with it. You're an evil person. But there's something good in you and you need to realize that. Stop pretending that you don't want to know what it is."

"But I just don't want to."

I sighed, realizing he's stuck in his way. There are few ways to change a stubborn person's mind. His eyes wandered my face, then focused on my lips, tracing them.

I moved toward him, raising my leg over his waist. I seated myself on his stomach. I leaned down, kissing him softly. His hands found my thighs quickly. I slid my hands from his chest to the sides of his neck. I pulled my head back, letting my lips hover over his. My thumbs rested against his jaw. I looked into his eyes.

"I'm going to take a shower. You can join me or leave."

"Shower sex."

"No."

He groaned, disagreeing with me. "Evelyn, the rules."

I smiled, moving my eyes to his lips. "I'm unfamiliar."

He raised his head to kiss me but I sat up, pulling away from him. I pushed off of him, finding my footing on the floor. I walked into the bathroom and pulled the door shut, leaving it cracked just an inch. I stepped into the shower and turned it on. I looked up at the water and closed my eyes.

I felt him wrap his arm around me, his hand finding its way back to my throat. His other hand reached for the showerhead.

"What are you doing?" My breathing was uneven.

"Spread your legs."

I was hesitant to do what he said, but I did it anyway. He pressed his lips to my jaw, then peppered kisses down my neck. I felt the water pressure get harder, making me adjust against his body. His chest was pressed to my back. He moved the water down my body until it reached my pussy. I moaned at the sensation.

"Does that feel good?"

"Mhm," I moaned.

The side of his face rested against mine. He squeezed my neck gently. He moved the water in slow circles. I arched my back as my eyes fluttered shut. He explored my pussy with the water. I felt the pressure hit my clit and I moaned loudly.

"Oh my..." I whined.

"Right there?"

"Yeah," I moaned. I moved my hand to the side of his neck. He increased the water pressure and I gasped. I slid my hand to the back of his head. My legs were trembling.

"It's okay, baby. Cum for me."

I was getting frustrated with how well my body commanded him. I moaned as I came. I moved my hand to his arm that was resting against my chest and dug my nails into his skin. He rinsed the cum from my thighs with the water.

I felt too exhausted to move. It was difficult for me to hold my eyes open, let alone hold myself up. I lifted my head off of his shoulder and watched as he put the showerhead back. He moved his hands to my hips and kissed my shoulder.