22

"Do you feel okay?"

I didn't look up from the book I was reading. I stayed planted crisscross on the chair. "I've already answered that."

"You said yes because I'm annoying you."

"You gave me your blood. You made me spend a week in the hospital. I'm fine." Caroline pulled the book from my hands and took a few steps back. I looked at her, annoyed. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"No. Not until I know you're okay."

I put my hands on my knees, straightening my arms. "How am I supposed to prove to you that I'm fine?"

"Let me see it."

I looked at Stefan, who was standing by watching Caroline terrorize me. "Make her leave me alone."

He shrugged as he looked at Caroline. "I can't make her do anything." He looked at me again.

I rolled my eyes and then looked at Caroline. "If you're this worried about me, why don't you just call a babysitter?"

She tilted her head. "Not funny. I'm worried about you, Evelyn."

"I've told you a million times that I'm fine, it's not my fault you don't believe me. You won't let me do anything except sit here."

She tossed my book onto the couch. "I'm just trying to keep you safe."

"I am safe. You've kept me locked in the house. You won't let me be alone. Someone has to be with me at all times." I got up from the chair. "I'm safe." I started walking out of the room.

"Where are you going?"

"To get a drink!" I kept walking to the kitchen. I heard her start ranting to Stefan.

I drank some water before sitting the empty glass in the sink. The house phone started ringing. I walked over to it, and then I picked it up. I answered the call without checking the number.

"Hello."

"You're not dead."

My heart started racing as my body shivered from adrenaline. "You're..." I couldn't get my words out.

There was a moment of silence between us. I pulled the phone away from my face and ended the call before he could speak again. I put the phone back on the receiver. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I heard the front door open, then close. Ryan's back.

I walked back into the living room, my arms crossed over my stomach. I stopped in the doorway.

Caroline walked over to me. "Are you sure you don't need anything?"

I nodded, "I'm fine."

"Okay." Her eyes scanned my face. "Who was on the phone?"

I shook my head, "Wrong number."

The expression on her face told me of her doubt. "Call me if you need me."

I nodded once. She hugged me before being followed out by Stefan, who offered me a smile on his way out.

The deep pit of my stomach was growing cold as I thought more about the call. Why would he call?

"What's up?"

"Hm?" I turned my attention to Ryan as I took a step back. "I'm just -" I uncrossed my arms and forced a smile on my face as I laughed breathily. "I'm sick of being stuck in this house and being with someone all the time." I shook my head.

He nodded slowly, "I get what you mean." He took a breath as he stepped closer. "But you know you can't leave alone, Ev."

I nodded once, "Mhm. It's been made abundantly clear to me by everyone."

A sympathetic look invaded his expression. "It's for your own good." He walked closer. "You're safe here."

I shook my head, "From what?"

"You know what."

I rolled my eyes, "We don't know that he's alive." I do, actually. He doesn't need to know that.

"He wasn't at the church when they went back, Ev. And no one would've come and got him in the time it took us to..." He tilted his head, "He's alive."

"This is ridiculous. I'm an adult. I can take care of myself; I don't need 12 bodyguards around me at all times."

"Ev-"

I put my hands up in defense. "Forget it. I'm going to bed." I stormed off before he could say anything else. I slammed my door behind me and then threw myself onto my bed.

I moved to the middle of the bed and rolled onto my back. I stared at the ceiling. I let my mind stay blank for too long; it began to fill with thoughts of Kai.

He hurt everyone I love. On purpose. Something he said he wouldn't do. Something he hadn't done for a while. He lied. He doesn't lie.

The conflicting thoughts made my brain hurt. I rolled to my side and adjusted my pillow under my head, trying to turn my brain off. Eventually, it worked.

...

It's only been three days, but it's felt like an eternity of agony. How could that be possible?

The agony deepens anytime Kai crosses my mind. Or something he's done. It makes my heart race and my blood boil. How could I hate someone so much after so much longing and care?

He was trapped in the prison world again. His worst fear. I reminded myself that I have the privilege of humanity and empathy.

He must have a reason for what he did. Maybe he did want to die. Maybe that was his way out. And it failed. Suddenly, I was reminded of how it felt. To wake up and still be alive when it's the last thing you want.

He's alone. He called me. He reached out to me. He knows I'm back in town, and I doubt someone gave him that information. He did a locator spell to find where I was. He called the house phone, risking getting caught, but it's his only way to reach me. Caroline blocked his number on my phone. He risked getting caught and killed to call me. And I hung up.

Suddenly, I felt guilty and sad.

It only took me ten seconds to decide to go to him. As I got dressed as quietly as possible, my mind replayed the phone call. His voice. He didn't sound arrogant or cocky; he was upset. He was calling for help. And I ignored it.

I rushed out of the house, careful not to wake anyone up. I snuck out the backdoor. I ran to my car and got in. I buckled up before driving to Kai's. I got out of the car. I shut the door. I walked quickly to the building, trying to catch my breath. I wiped at the unnecessary tears that ran down my cheeks.

I stopped in front of his door, staring at it. I took a breath and pushed my hair behind my ears. I exhaled shakily, trying to calm myself. I stepped closer and knocked a few times. I put my arm back at my side. I looked down at the ground and closed my eyes. I listened for footsteps.

The door opened. A shuddered breath rushed past my lips as I looked up. He was staring at me. I watched his hard, tough gaze melt away. His body relaxed, and he pulled the door open further. He leaned into the doorframe.

"You called me. Why did you call me?"

He swallowed. His eyes soaked in my appearance for a beat. "You shouldn't be here."

I shook my head, "That's not an answer."

A small smile cracked onto his lips before slowly slipping away. "You can't be here."

I wanted to push through into his apartment. "Kai, please."

He sighed quietly as he turned his head down to look at the floor. "Please go home." His hand tightened on the door.

I kept the breath in my lungs in place, holding it as I took a step closer. I kept myself from touching him. He lifted his head and looked at me. He looked into my eyes. They seemed darker, yet still sincere. Then it happened. The veins flashed under his eyes. The pieces slowly fit together in my mind. "Let me help you," I whispered.

His eyes were trained on my lips. His jaw tightened, and the veins slowly disappeared. He shook his head slowly. He pushed off the doorframe, his hand sliding up it. "Go home, baby."

I felt tears in my eyes. "You said you need me." I tilted my head. "I don't understand why you won't let me help you."

A pained expression crossed his face. "Don't do this to yourself."

I shook my head, "I- You called me."

He leaned closer, "We can't do this, Evelyn. You and me. It can't happen."

I felt the world flip completely. "What?"

"Go home. Go get some sleep."

I stepped closer, "What did I do?"

He looked to the side, "Ev-"

"Whatever it is, I'm sorry. I can make it up to you. Let me make it up to you."

He looked at me again, a stern expression on his face. "Goodbye, Evelyn."

I opened my mouth to speak. He stepped back and shut the door before I could object. I stared at his door for a while. Until my legs couldn't hold me up anymore. I walked out of the building. The sun was starting to come up. I walked to my car and got in. I drove home.

I stared at my front door. I could hear talking on the other side, then yelling. I didn't want to hear it from the other side. But I had to face it eventually. I opened the door and stepped inside. I shut the door. I walked to the doorway of the living room, which was occupied by Caroline, Ryan, Stefan, and Damon.

"Where were you?!"

I crossed my arms. "Not here."

She walked closer, "Seriously, Evelyn, where were you?!"

I stared at her, unmoved by her anger. "I'm alive. Isn't that enough for you?"

"No. You could've been hurt, Evelyn. He almost killed you. Remember? And he's still out there! He could've found you and killed you!"

"He didn't kill me!"

Her brows furrowed.

"But he found you," Damon declared.

I looked at him. There was anger on his face. I shook my head once.

"You went to find him," Ryan corrected. "Why would you do that, Evelyn?"

I looked down at my feet, laughing breathily.

"You can't be around him, you know that," Caroline's anger had only grown.

"Where is he," Damon asked.

I looked at Caroline. "Well, I'm done trying, so you have your wish."

Her anger slowly drained from her face.

"Where is he," Damon repeated.

I ignored him. Caroline opened her mouth to speak, but I was already on my way to my room. I shut my door and locked it. I walked to my bed and sat down. A few minutes later, there was a knock on my door.

"Unlock your door."

I wiped at the tear on my cheek. "Go home, Damon."

"I could break it instead."

"And I could jump out the window."

"Evelyn."

I looked at the door. After a few moments of contemplation, I got up and walked to the door. I unlocked it and then walked back to my bed. I stood in front of it, my arms crossed over my chest.

I watched him open it and walk in. He pushed it shut before taking a few steps closer. He shoved his hands in his front pockets. He stared at me, reading the expression on my face. I looked at the ground as I exhaled slowly.

"What happened?"

I looked at him. "I went to find him. He opened the door. I found out he's a vampire. I wanted to help, and he wouldn't let me."

"A vampire?"

I nodded slowly. "That's how he's alive."

There was a look of contemplation on his face. "...right." He stared at the wall for a minute.

I uncrossed my arms and sat down. I held onto the edge of the bed. I stared at the floor.

"You loved him, right?"

I didn't look away from the floor. "I honestly don't know." I felt a lump in my throat. "I remember... the way I felt when I was with him, and the way I felt when I didn't have him." I swallowed. "I care about him. I feel guilty for caring about him, so then I hate him. I also feel guilty for hating him, and I end up just hating myself for it." I looked up at him. "So I don't know."

He thought for a minute before speaking. "Why do you feel guilty for caring about him?"

"Because he's done terrible things to everyone. He's hurt a lot of people."

He nodded, "Can you forgive him for that?"

I stared at him. "I've done it before." I shook my head. "I can't do that again." Tears welled in my eyes. "It's like I'm betraying all of you. And he doesn't want my help; he doesn't want me. So, as far as I'm concerned, I don't want him." I wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"So now you're lying?"

I looked up at him, "No. If he doesn't want my sympathy or my feelings, I'll just ignore them and move on with my life. If I don't think about it, I won't feel it."

He scoffed, "You really believe that?" He took a step closer as he continued. "You're horrible at knowing when to stop fighting for something. You're stubborn and passionate about everything you do. You're either all in or nothing at all."

I was stunned by his words. "Are you trying to make me hate you?"

"You're strong enough to fight for this if you really want it. Go back to him, Evelyn. This is what you want. Everyone knows that. Hell, I'll drive you over there myself! You can't just let one misstep in whatever the hell you two have going on determine your entire future."

"I can't change what he wants, Damon. And I'm not going to try. He doesn't want my help, and he doesn't need it. I'm better off without him anyway. That's what all of you have told me at least ten times."

"Ev-"

"Go home, Damon. I don't need a cheerleader."

There was a sliver of guilt in his expression. He pulled his hands out of his pockets with a sigh. I watched him leave my room. He shut the door behind him.

The familiar burning sensation in my throat made itself known as more tears brimmed my eyes. I inhaled sharply, trying to ease the tightness in my chest.

...

I ignored the knocking on the door as I drank the rest of what was in my glass. I didn't need to look over to see that Damon had walked through the door even after I didn't answer it.

"Your solution is to drink yourself to death?"

"What do you want, Damon?" I sat the bottle on the coffee table and then sat back.

He walked to where I could see him. "Get up."

A wry laugh escaped my throat. "I'll get right on that."

"Seriously, Ev. We need your help."

I looked up at him, "When do you not?"

"Jo's dying."

I felt my stomach drop as I sat up. "No, she's not. I saved her."

"The knife that Kai used to stab her was cursed with dark magic."

I shook my head, "That's impossible. He doesn't use dark magic."

"Well, he did." His eyes scanned the coffee table. "How drunk are you?"

"What do you need from me?"

He tilted his head. "Well..."

I could see the question in his eyes. I almost laughed. I stood up. "You're not serious, right?"

"Evelyn, it's for Jo."

"No! He won't listen to me. I've tried."

He stepped closer toward me. "Come on, he was just pissed off or upset or whatever. I'm sure he's over it by now."

I started to walk toward the door. "I love Jo, and I want her to stay alive, but I'm not asking him for help." I pulled open the door and turned to him. "Goodbye, Damon."

He marched over, "Please, Evelyn. She's dying! You could save her. All you have to do is ask him a question!"

"Forget it! The last time I asked him for something was the last time."

"She's going to die, Ev."

The guilt that pranced through my mind made my stomach churn. Maybe it was vomit.

A look of defeat crossed his face. "At least... At least think about it." I've never seen Damon this upset. Or desperate.

I swallowed my pride. "I'll think about it."

He sighed, and the hope was restored to his face. He left without another word. I shut the door.

I walked toward the living room, stopping in the doorway. I felt dizzy and exhausted.

Thoughts of Kai and our last encounter made my head feel heavy. The thoughts were sobering and sickening. I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. I held my hair back.

I flushed it and then got up. I walked to the sink and brushed my teeth, removing the taste from my mouth.

A reflection of light caught my eye. I looked down at the sink to see a razor blade. A very sharp one.

The feeling of being stabbed in my side returned. It didn't feel so bad. It helped, sort of. Maybe cutting isn't that bad if it gets rid of some of my bad feelings.

The next few minutes are a blur. A bloody, messy blur.

The tears in my eyes made their way down my cheeks as I made my way to bed. I kept my hand against the cut on my forearm, which isn't bleeding anymore.