32

-

Kai

-

I stared at the doctor as she listed off everything that's right with Evelyn, waiting for her to say what's wrong.

"Complications?" Caroline's voice was high and shaky.

The doctor turned to me. "Are you the boyfriend?"

I furrowed my brows. "Why does it matter?"

A frustrated look crossed her face before she sighed. "During surgery, she miscarried. The pregnancy was very early, but due to the stress that was put on her body, she lost the baby." She looked at Caroline, "I'm sorry."

"Pregnancy?" Caroline's voice was laced with fear. The anger resting behind my grief was manifesting further. I bit down on my tongue. "Can we see her?"

The doctor tilted her head, a sympathetic look on her face. "She's in the ICU right now. She's stable, of course, but that may change." She paused for a beat, swallowing. "You need to prepare yourself for that possibility."

After telling us we should go home and that we'll be the first to know we can see her, she walked away.

"She was pregnant?"

I glanced at Caroline before looking at the floor. "I don't know." I looked at her. "I wouldn't know." I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

She shook her head, "But you're together."

"We aren't together. We didn't have sex." I shook my head, guilt eating away at me. "We didn't even kiss."

The look of disbelief on her face made my stomach turn. My nerves danced in circles, making it hard for me to stay still. I watched as the emotions played out on her face. She mindlessly followed her feet to a chair. She rested her face in her hands, her elbows propped on her knees.

I shifted from one foot to the other and looked at the door. I was stuck between wanting to go find Joshua and Lilly to make sure they were thoroughly tortured and staying here to wait for Evelyn.

Even the thought of her made my chest ache. Caring for someone is so much worse than I imagined.

"She'll be okay, right?"

I took a second before turning back to her. "She has to be," I nodded.

She sucked in a breath of air as her eyes scanned my face. She crossed her arms on top of her knees and tilted her head. "You can feel her. Do you know if she... um -" Her voice broke.

I stepped closer. "She's not awake, and she's not in any pain."

The tears welled in her eyes again. "She's okay."

I nodded slowly. "She's okay."

The door opened. I turned my head as Damon, Stefan, Bonnie, and Elena piled through the door. Caroline rushed to Stefan, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Is she okay?" Elena's voice was the epitome of sadness, along with the look on her face.

I nodded, "Yeah."

She sighed in relief as the tears in her eyes broke free. She turned to Damon, who held her tighter.

The dried blood on me felt nauseating. It only made me feel worse. This room is hell to me. Being away from her is my damnation.

I walked out of the room and made my way down the hallway, searching for her. I stood in front of the elevator, waiting. The impatience in my bones ushered me towards the stairs.

I fought harder to keep my breathing steady the closer I got to her. I froze at the end of the hallway, catching myself on the wall. I could see the chords connected to her, the IV in her arm, the oxygen they were giving her. There was a frail look to her, but it was a facade. The strength she had to have to go through what she did was unfathomable.

Seeing her is almost unbelievable.

The presence of someone behind me made me breathe out slowly. They walked closer.

"She'll be out of here in no time. She'll recover in three days tops. It's what she does." I could feel Damon's eyes move to me as he kept talking. "You have to watch her, but if you watch too closely, she'll shut you out. Don't leave, though. That's the last thing she wants. No matter what she says, she's not okay."

I didn't take my eyes away from her. "I'm the last thing she wants. I'm the reason she's here. If I had just stayed away-"

"You're kidding, right?"

I glanced at him for only a second before returning my attention to Evelyn. "She was the one taken because she was connected to me. If I had left her alone, she wouldn't be where she is right now."

"They would've taken her anyway. Hurting her, or getting anywhere close to it, makes you go ballistic. She's the only thing that makes you feel something. She's the reason you feel anything at all."

I watched as her head shifted to the side. There was a pained look on her face. I was ready to throw myself across the floor before she relaxed again.

"You should go home."

I shook my head once, "No."

"She's okay. She has ten doctors watching her at all times. If anything happens, they're here for her. You can feel her, you know she's fine. And she knows how you feel, so if you aren't okay, neither is she. You need to go to sleep. Or at least wash the blood off. If she wakes up and sees you covered in blood, she'll freak out."

Guilt consumed me if I even thought about leaving.

"She wouldn't want you to stay here. You know that better than anyone."

I didn't move. I kept staring at her to make sure she's still alive.

I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Come on."

"I can't leave her."

He sighed and dropped his hand. He stepped in front of me. A sudden panic enveloped my mind. He tilted his head. "She's not dying. She's gone to hell and back, and I doubt she's giving up now. Let her do what she does best; let her come back stronger than the last time."

She wouldn't want me to be here. He's right about that. Leaving her feels like abandoning her. I reminded myself that we're not together. Which only made me think more about what they did to her and how I should've stopped it.

I need to find them.

I looked at her one last time before going away from Damon. I ignored his question about where I was going.

-

Caroline

-

I watched her breathe slowly, finally without the oxygen tube. Three days here, and she's recovering faster than anyone knew. Remembering Stefan having to pull me out of the hospital made me feel guilty. I abandoned her. She would've wanted me to leave, but I didn't want to.

I looked at Kai, who was still sitting in the exact same position from when I walked in five hours ago. Once he came back from wherever he ran off to, he never left her side. He hasn't taken his eyes off her.

"She's still breathing. You do realize that, right?"

"Mhm."

"So why are your eyes glued to her?"

He didn't look at me or answer.

I sighed, feeling annoyed. Their dynamic frustrates me. She's been broken up over him for the past year, and he acts like he doesn't care. The only thing that's changed since a year ago is how intently he stares at her and how much time they spend together. Hearing that they haven't even kissed makes a weird feeling form in my chest. It's almost anger, but not quite.

"You have to stop doing whatever you're doing with her."

"What are you talking about?" He didn't tear his eyes away from her.

"Look at me."

There was a debate in his mind about whether or not he should. He looked at me, finally, "What are you talking about?"

"She had feelings for you, like, real feelings. That's only happened once or twice for her. And once you lose her, you lose her forever. Yet somehow, you haven't lost her."

He tilted his head, "You think she had feelings for me?"

I sat up further, "I know she did. I saw her develop them. I don't know if she's lost them or not, but she had them."

"She doesn't have them now."

"Do you?"

I watched him shift uncomfortably. His eyes switched to her for a few seconds as he sighed. He looked at me, "Why are we talking about this?"

"You're ruining her life. First, it was with your feelings, and now it's with your presence. Whatever you're doing with her has to stop because it's messing her up. Eventually, she'll get to a point where she doesn't need to be, and it will ruin her. That can't happen again. And you being around her and toying with her feelings is leading to it."

He shook her head, "That's not what's happening. I'm not leading the relationship between us. She is. We're not together because she doesn't want to be. We're not hooking up because she doesn't want to. If she doesn't want to talk, we don't. Everything is up to her."

I laughed breathily, "Why don't I believe that?"

"Because you don't trust me. You blame me for what happened to her, but I can't fault you for that because I blame myself too. I hurt her; I know that. But I'm not that person anymore."

I looked at Evelyn. His words only spurred my resentment for him.

"Look, Caroline." He leaned forward, and I looked at him. "She's your sister, and you love her. You hate anyone who even looks at her the wrong way, but so do I. You may not believe it, but I do care about her. I care if she's hurt. I care if she feels happy. I care if she's sleeping every night. I care if she's happy with herself. I care about her dreams and her goals. I care about what she likes. I care about the people she loves. I care about the things she does. I care about her little quirks. I care about her."

The realization laid itself out in front of me. "You're... in love with her."

He didn't deny it. "You can hate me all you want, but as long as she wants me in her life, then I'm going to be in it."

The happiness I felt was a little concerning. "You're going to tell her when she wakes up? What you feel?"

He looked at Evelyn. He thought for a moment. "She won't be ready for anything for a while. Especially not with me."

I shook my head. "You're wrong."

He scoffed and looked at the floor. "Right."

"She doesn't live in grief. She doesn't want to. She'll push through her pain and try to live again. You've seen it happen before. You were the reason she did it. She'll have dark days, but she knows that you'll be there the second she feels off and you'll stay with her even after it's over. She's ready for you."

He looked at Evelyn. There was a softness to his gaze that I hadn't seen before. At least not with anyone except her. It's not a soft look; it's love.

-

Evelyn

-

The sound of dripping made my skin crawl. I thought I was out. The fear in my mind manifested as tears in my eyes. I felt a hand on mine. I rolled my head to the side and slowly opened my eyes.

"Hey."

The sound of Kai's voice made me feel safe. I let my eyes shut again and breathed a sigh of relief. I felt him squeeze my hand gently. The overwhelming thoughts in my mind made it hard to speak. My breath caught in my throat.

"Evelyn." His soft tone brought me back to reality.

I could feel the IV in my arm. I opened my eyes and stared at our hands. "Why am I in a hospital?"

"When we found you, you were -" He paused. "You were dying. I gave you my blood, but you were really hurt."

I felt weak, and my stomach felt sore. "Are there any drugs around?"

He put his other hand on ours. "You already have them, sweetheart."

I sighed. "Are you sure?"

He lifted my hand, holding it closer to him. "I promise. I can ask if there's-"

"No. It's okay." I felt afraid to look at him. "Do you know what happened to me?"

He was hesitant to answer. "Yeah. I do."

The embarrassment I felt was painful. Tears stung my eyes. I only remember bits and pieces. All of a sudden, they flashed in my head. The feeling of his hand around mine made me feel sick. I pulled my hand from his. I put my hands over my face and laid back. I gasped for air.

"Evelyn."

I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes as I bit down on my tongue.

"Stop it." He wrapped his hands around my wrist and pulled my hands to my stomach. I felt disgusted with myself. "Open your eyes."

The unease in my mind only made me feel worse. There was an overwhelming amount of grief coursing through my entire body.

"You're safe, Evelyn. I promise you. I'm right here. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Please let me go," I whispered. I breathed out shakily.

He slowly let go of my hands. I felt him move away from me. I opened my eyes. I pushed myself to sit up. It hurts to move. I looked at him. There was a confused and hurt look on his face.

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize to me."

I felt exhausted. "I don't know why I did that."

He stepped closer, slowly. "It's okay, baby."

"No. It's not normal."

"Well, you've been through a lot, and you don't want to be touched. I understand. I should've asked. I'm sorry."

I felt a tear roll down my face. I didn't know what else to say.

"You should lay down, Ev."

I furrowed my brows, "You're leaving."

"No." He shook his head and sat back down. "I'm staying. I'll be here."

I wiped the tears off my face. "Where's Caroline?"

He tilted his head, his eyes darting across my face. "I told her to go home and get some sleep."

I nodded once. "Thank you."

He looked at the door, then at me. After a few seconds, I laid back down. I stared at the ceiling. The dark, boring ceiling. I felt scared to close my eyes. I turned my head to see Kai. He was staring at me. I could feel how worried he was.

I reached my hand out to him. He looked at it for a few seconds before taking it in his gently. I rolled to my side, keeping hold of his hand. I rested my other hand under my pillow. I stared at him as he stared at me.

Freaking out on him feels like knocking over a stroller with a baby in it. Kai didn't do this. I don't blame him for anything that's happened to me. He didn't ask for any of this to happen. I just got in the way.

The guilty look in his eyes made me feel like I had disappointed him somehow.

Before I could even think of talking about it, a wave of exhaustion washed over me. Unfortunately, my humanity preserves my ability to sleep.