40

After Kai helped convince me to forgive everyone, it was easy to move on. The last three weeks have been villain free. Which has set me on edge a little, but it's also relaxing to not have to deal with anything.

I opened the door to Kai's apartment and walked in. I shut the door behind me. I stopped, taking in the situation. Miles and Kai were sitting on the couch, watching the TV. There were empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

Kai looked at me and smiled, "Hey."

I smiled back, "Hey."

I walked into the living room, standing behind the couch. I stared at the screen, recognizing the movie. I leaned forward, resting my arms on the back of the couch. I watched the movie for a minute. Then I realized what was about to happen. She woke up and started talking to the man who kidnapped her. He got closer to her.

I stood up and walked around the couch. I sat between Kai and the arm of the couch. I pulled my legs up on the couch, leaning back into the corner. Kai put his hand on my thigh. His fingers rested between my legs, and his thumb rested on top.

The characters were in the middle of rough sex. All over the boat.

I looked at the two of them. They both seemed entranced by the movie. Miles seemed a little shocked, then disgusted. I leaned over, reaching across Kai. I grabbed the remote and paused the movie.

"Hey," Kai complained.

"Why did you do that?"

I laughed and looked at them. "Why are you watching porn together?"

"It's not porn," Miles corrected.

"It's erotica, which is just porn with a very long story. And this one is part of a trilogy."

"You've seen it?"

"And I've read it." I looked at Kai. "That's not the point."

He smiled, "Did you like it?"

"I think I'm gonna go." Miles got up.

I looked at him, "You're not going to finish the movie?"

He looked at the screen, "It's a little intense." He looked at me again.

"Pussy," I name called.

He looked at Kai. "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

He left, shutting the door behind him. I looked at Kai.

"You're a porn addict."

I put my hand on his. "I am not an addict. I'm an enjoyer, a learner if you will. I take notes. How do you think I'm so good at sex?"

He laughed, "Practice."

I gasped and hit his chest. "You're such a dick."

"But you love my dick."

"Mhm. That still doesn't change the fact that you just called me a whore."

"Inadvertently, and you are. You can't keep your hands off of me."

I lifted his hand off my thigh. "You're a hypocrite. You've slept with everyone."

"You're changing the subject." He twisted his hand, grabbing mine and pulling it to his chest. "Is that what you're always reading? Porn?"

I tilted my head, "No. Only occasionally and never around anyone, including you."

"Maybe you should. Around me, I mean."

I furrowed my brows, "Why would I do that?"

He moved his hand back to my thigh. "You like what you read, right? You get off to it?"

I tilted my head, "This conversation's over."

I started to get up and he grabbed my waist, pulling me onto his lap. I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself. He rocked my hips against his, staring into my eyes. "Answer me."

"Yeah," I answered breathily.

"Good girl." He moved his hands back, grabbing my ass and squeezing it. I could feel his erection pressing into me.

I moved my hands to his neck. "We have plans, remember?"

He shook his head, "Nope."

"Dinner."

"Doesn't ring a bell." He slid his hand under my shirt, moving toward my bra.

I leaned forward, as if to kiss him. I kept my lips off of his, "Keep it in your pants until tonight and you can tie me up and do whatever you want for as long as you want."

He groaned. "Why not now?"

I pulled his hands off of me and leaned away from him. "How much have you had to drink?"

He moved his hands to my stomach, "Three..." He started to unbutton my jeans. "Or seven."

I moved my hands to his. "Can you walk?"

"Slowly and not very well, but yes."

I stared at him as I thought of what to do. Taking him around everyone drunk feels like a bad decision. Leaving him alone leaves an odd feeling in my gut, but I have to go to meet Ryan's boyfriend. Then again, Kai knew about the dinner and he knew I wanted him to go.

"You're mad."

I moved his hands to my thighs. "I'm not." I leaned forward and kissed him. "I'm just upset."

"Upset with me." He slid his hands to my hips.

I looked at the watch on his wrist, checking the time. "I have to go." I moved my hands to his chest. "I'm taking your keys so you can't go anywhere." I pulled him up to kiss him. "Drink some water and get some rest. I'll be back later." I kissed his cheek before moving off of him.

I grabbed his keys on my way out the door. I took the stairs, deeming it a quicker option than the elevator. I ran to my car and got in. My phone started ringing, and I answered it.

"Hey, where are you guys?"

I sighed. "I'm almost there."

"You sound upset. What's wrong?"

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. "I'll explain later, Care."

"Okay. I'll see you in a minute."

I ended the call and put my phone back in the cupholder.

I parked the car outside the boarding house. I sat there for a minute, wondering if I should just go home. I grabbed my phone before getting out. I walked into the boarding house. I could hear laughing and talking in another room. I stood there for a minute, taking a deep breath.

"Where's Kai?"

I looked at Damon, who was making a drink. I took a few steps further into the house. "Not here."

He furrowed his brows. "Something happened?"

I shook my head, "Nothing."

"Mhm." He held out the glass of bourbon to me.

I waved it off. "I'm driving."

He tilted his head, "Suit yourself."

I walked toward the voices. There was a game of pool being played by Stefan, Elena and Ric. Caroline was standing off to the side with Ryan, Ryan's boyfriend, and Bonnie. I walked over.

Ryan turned to me, dropping the hand of his boyfriend as he hugged me. I hugged him back, squeezing harder than he did. When I pulled back he took a step back.

"I'm Sam."

I looked at him. "Evelyn."

He tilted his head. "It's nice to finally meet you. Ryan talks about you a lot."

I smiled. "Really?"

Ryan put his hands on both of our shoulders, fake laughing. "Well this is great. How about dinner?"

...

Caroline leaned closer as she lowered her voice. "So why are you upset? And why isn't Kai here?"

I sighed before looking at her. "He's the reason I was late. He got drunk and decided he didn't want to come."

"Why would he do that? He knows it's important to you."

"He was hanging out with a friend. They probably just got carried away and it slipped his mind." I shook my head. "It's not that big of a deal."

My phone started vibrating, stopping her before she could argue. I got up and walked out of the room as I answered Miles' call.

"Why are you calling me?"

"Evelyn."

I furrowed my brows. "Yes. You called me."

"I have my friend here... Your boyfriend is here... He's drunk, like myself. And you've really upset him. I need you to apologize."

I blew out a breath of air. "Where are you?"

"That place... The one where I saw you and him. What's it called?"

I closed my eyes and crossed my arm over my chest. "Okay. Don't leave. Either of you."

"Yes, ma'am."

Before I could say anything else, he hung up. I put my phone back in my pocket. I turned to go back into the room, only to be faced by Ryan and Caroline. I took a breath. "I have to go." I crossed my arms.

"He can handle himself," Ryan started.

I scoffed. "This is really none of your business."

"You made it my business the minute you showed up without him."

"He went off and got drunk after you left," Caroline added. "That's not a good thing."

"He was drunk when I left, and he was upset. He wouldn't do this without a reason and I was too busy to find out why. He needs me so I'm leaving. That's how a relationship works." I uncrossed my arms and took a step back. "I will be fine. So will he." I turned and walked out of the boarding house.

I drove to the Mystic Grill. I got out. I stared through the windows for a few minutes, seeing that he wasn't just with Miles, but with four other guys. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to each of their girlfriend's.

I leaned back against my car and waited for their response. They all texted they were on their way. I made my way into the closed restaurant.

"Hey," a voice whispered from beside me.

I looked over to see Tyler. "Hey."

"They tripped the alarm. Tom called me to come down. I didn't want to call the police or anything."

I shook my head. "Thanks." I looked back at the guys sitting at the bar.

"I can make coffee or something."

I looked at him. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. He walked off into the kitchen. All of their eyes followed him. Steven's eyes moved to me. He put his hand on Kai's shoulder, "Evelyn!"

I groaned softly before walking toward them. I walked to the other side of the bar and grabbed the bottles that were on the bar.

"You're ruining the night," Denny whined.

I sat the bottles back in their places before looking back up at them. "Go sit down somewhere." There were mumbles of protests, but most of them complied. Miles and Kai stayed and stared at me. I looked at Miles. "Go."

He sighed and patted Kai's shoulder before walking over to the booth on the other side of the restaurant with the other guys. I put my hands on the bar and leaned against them.

"You lied to me about being mad."

I looked at Kai. "You're drunk. We're not having this conversation."

He sat up straighter, "So you were mad."

I tilted my head. "Be quiet."

He crossed his arms on the bar and stared up at me. "Or what? You'll ignore me? You already did that. You left too, by the way, which we aren't supposed to do."

I felt my anger grow the more he talked. I pushed off the bar and took a step back. "Go sit down."

I walked into the kitchen. I stood in the doorway, staring at Tyler. "How's Liv?"

He glanced over his shoulder. "She's good. Great, actually." He looked back at the coffee maker. "If you're actually talking about the relationship then that's fine too."

I started walking toward him. "Am I that transparent?"

He laughed breathily. "You were at a dinner and he was drinking with his friends. I know you hate hearing me talk, but you have to hear someone. And most of the time you actually listen to me." He turned to face me. "I know tonight was important for you. You were supposed to go together to meet someone and he blew it off. That sucks, I know. But I've been on his side of this before. Something's wrong with him. Maybe you should figure out what it is before you judge too hard."

I stared at him, letting his words sink in. "I just don't know what to do. He won't tell me anything because he thinks I can't handle it because I already have enough going on. I want to help him but he won't let me."

He sighed as he looked at the coffee again. "Don't think too hard about it. When he's ready, he'll talk to you."

"And if he never does?"

He looked at me. "Maybe he doesn't trust you as much as he lets on."

My stomach dropped hearing the words come from his mouth. "Okay."

He turned his attention back to the coffee. I looked at the door, thinking about just leaving. I looked at Tyler again. "Thanks."

I walked out of the kitchen. I sat at the end of the bar, staring at Kai as he laughed with his drunk friends. He looked happy. Would he have been this happy tonight with me?

I pulled my ringing phone out of my pocket and answered the call, not bothering to look at the screen. "Hello?"

"I can see you."

My stomach sank. "Who is this?"

"You know exactly who it is, sweetheart."

Hearing Joshua's voice made my throat feel like it was swollen. I ached to move, but I couldn't. "That's not possible. I watched you die."

"It would be such a shame if that boyfriend of yours lost his humanity again, wouldn't it? Hell, I think he never got it back, but you've got everyone convinced. Because you love him." I started to pull my phone away. "Hang up and Tyler dies."

I gripped my phone tighter. "What do you want?"

He took a few seconds before answering. "You were pregnant with my child and you lost it."

I felt tears in my eyes. "How do you-"

"Oh, I know everything. Like how your relationship is coming to an end. He isn't fit to be loved. You just needed him to prove a point. He will hurt you, Evelyn. He'll prove to you just how much of a monster he is."

"I don't understand. Why are you-"

"I'll be seeing you, Evelyn. Very soon."

He ended the call. I pulled my phone away and stared at it. The safety and strength in my body flooded out. Everything that he's ever done flooded my mind. I took a deep breath and looked at the bar. I put my phone on the bar top and stared at it.

I heard the door to the Grill open at least ten times over the next thirty minutes. Everyone except Kai and Tyler were gone. I grabbed my phone and stood up. I put it in my pocket.

"Hey, I'm gonna head out."

I looked up at Tyler. "Okay. Thanks for everything."

He nodded before walking out. I stared at the floor as I walked over to the booth Kai was at. He turned his head and looked up at me. He was leaning back in the seat.

"Come on." I held my hand out to him.

He grabbed my hand and sat up. He got up and I turned to walk out. He tugged my hand, "Hey."

I sighed as I turned to face him. "What?"

He pulled me as he walked closer. He put his hands on my waist. "I'm sorry."

I grabbed his hands and pulled them off of me. I kept holding one of his hands as I walked. He walked beside me. I let go of his hand and we got in the car. I could feel his eyes on me as I drove. I kept my eyes on the road.

"I know I'm drunk. I know you know that. I know you're mad, too. You won't admit it because you don't want to fight. But we have to talk about it."

"When you're sober we can talk about it. Just be quiet."

"But then how could I tell you how beautiful you are and how much I love you?"

I didn't react to his flattery. "Please be quiet."

He didn't say anything else. I parked the car and we got out. He walked two steps behind me. I felt his hands on my hips as I opened the door. I pushed his hands off and kept walking. He walked in. I walked further into the living room as he shut the door.

"Come on, baby. You can't just ignore me."

I stopped behind the couch and turned to face him. "It's too late for this."

He walked further into the apartment. "I don't get why you're so upset. Can you tell me so I can-"

"No! We're not doing this tonight."

He tilted his head. "Evelyn."

I turned and walked into the bedroom. I pushed the door shut as I kept walking to the bathroom. I slammed the door and locked it. I walked to the sink and rested my hands on the counter.

He knocked on the door, "Just talk to me, baby. I want to help you." I stared at the faucet, not answering him. He was quiet for a few minutes. "Can you tell me what happened?"

I closed my eyes and breathed out shakily. I lifted my hands as I walked backward. I sank to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest. I put my hands over my face.

"Evelyn, please."

There was a sinking feeling in my chest. Why do I do this? I love him. I want him to be okay. Locking myself in the bathroom to avoid talking to him ruins both of those things. I'm sabotaging our relationship.

He didn't say anything else for a few hours. I wondered if he went to bed. I crossed my arms over my stomach and looked at the door, listening closely. I couldn't see his shadow under the door. I couldn't hear anything.

I quietly got up and moved to the door. I twisted the lock and opened the door. He was laying in bed, his head turned to face the door, but his eyes were closed. I debated laying with him or just leaving. After glancing at the clock and seeing that it's already three I decided to just leave.

I walked into my house. I stopped in front of the front door, hearing people in the living room. I wiped the tears off my face before entering the living room.

"Hey, Ev."

"Hey," I responded to Ryan.

Sam was sitting next to him. Caroline moved to the edge of her chair. "Are you... okay?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I nodded. "Mhm." The tears in my eyes proved my answer wrong.

"What happened," Ryan asked."

I shook my head. "Nothing. I'm fine-" My voice caught in my throat.

Caroline started to get up, "You're not-"

I put my hands up, "No. I... I'm just tired." I took a step back. "I'm going to sleep." I walked out of the room, going up to mine. I shut the door before walking to my bed. I put my phone on the nightstand.

I moved to sit criss-cross in the middle of my bed. I put my hands in my lap and stared at the floor. I closed my eyes as I pleaded for the tears not to fill my eyes.

I'm tired of crying and feeling sad and messing everything up.

There was a knock on my door before it opened. "Hey, Ev," Caroline said softly.

I opened my eyes and looked at my hands before looking up at her. "Hey."

She shut the door before walking over. She sat down beside me. "Can you tell me what happened tonight?"

I looked down at my hands as I sighed. I took a minute before explaining why Kai wasn't there and how I locked myself in the bathroom to stay away from him. I didn't tell her about the phone call, though.

She wrapped her arm around me and pulled me close to her. She put her other hand on the side of my head. "It'll be okay. You guys can work it out. And don't listen to Tyler. Kai loves you and he trusts you more than he trusts himself. He probably didn't tell you that something was wrong because he didn't want you to feel like you needed to take care of him. You guys will be better in no time, okay? You just have to talk."

I sighed as I sat up. "I can't talk to him. I've already done too much."

"Talking to each other can-"

"No." I looked at her. "He'll try to fix everything, and it will get messy and dramatic. Then we'll just... He won't just listen to me. He'll insert himself into my problems and I don't want that. But when I tell him that's not what I want, he doesn't listen. Then it makes me question whether he loves me or not. And I hate that because I love him. I love him so much that it hurts. I can't-" I gasped softly.

"Listen to me," she grabbed my hand. "Kai loves you. You're the only person he loves, the only person he cares about. You were the one who gave him a chance and he will never forget that. When you were gone, he never stopped looking for you. He never slept. He didn't stop until we found you. And at the hospital, he was there until I forced him to get out. He was the first person who knew anything about you. He loves you more than anything, Evelyn. He would do anything for you, even if it's something you don't want him to do because you don't want him to get hurt. He would die for you if that's what you needed. Maybe he doesn't do what you want him to because he knows it's what you need. He would rather make you hate him than see you suffer, and he thrives on your attention. Without you, he wouldn't even be half the person he is."

I shook my head. "I thought you hated him."

She tilted her head. "It doesn't matter what I feel. You're going to love each other either way."

I looked at our hands. I thought about everything she said. Kai probably hasn't been told that he's loved since he was a child until I said it. He probably hasn't felt anything other than hatred either. "Did you ever forgive him?" I looked at her.

She thought for a minute. "I did. He may have been a really bad person, but he's changed. That took me a while to realize, but once I did it was easy to forgive him."

"Do you... Do you think that I changed him?"

She took a breath. "I think he changed for you. I think he saw what you needed and became that."

I nodded. "And do you think I'm better with him?"

A small smile spread across her lips. "I think you're happier with him."

"But am I better?"

Her smile slowly faltered. "I think you should get some sleep. It's late, and you've obviously had a long day." She pulled her hand from mine as she got up. She walked to the door. She looked at me, "Goodnight, Evelyn."

I looked up from the floor to her. "Goodnight."

She shut the door behind her. I stared at the door. She avoided the question. Whether it was to spare my feelings or to get me to go to sleep, I didn't want to know. But I did want to know if Kai was making my life worse or better.

When I'm with him everything feels right, and it makes sense. Sometimes he does something, or I do something to mess everything up and we're back to the way we were. The back and forth is killing me, but I don't want to be without him. Over half of our problems are my fault. I want to change that, but it feels like I can't.

If he could change himself entirely to exceed my standards and be better for me, why can't I do that for him? Why do I keep letting us suffer for the sake of nothing?

The thought of our suffering led to thoughts of my suffering. Suddenly I felt alone and empty, which only reminded me of the baby I can never have and the one I never even knew I could've cared for. I could've loved that baby endlessly if I had just gotten the chance.