Chapter 37

The guard hands me a book titled The Anatomy of a Cat.

I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

We’re wolves, for crying out loud. We’re supposed to despise cats. I don’t know why, it’s just in our nature.

When I asked for a book, I was hoping for a novel, not a damn textbook on feline anatomy.

But, I read the book anyway.

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it was kind of fascinating. At least it helped pass the time.

Once I’m in my cell, I fall asleep.

I sleep through breakfast and by the smell of it, dinner is on its way.

Toby, my assigned guard, opens the door with a tray of food. He gives me a pitying smile.

“Roman is tied up at the moment. But, I’ve heard another wolf is coming to your aid.” His eyes twinkle with excitement.

I take the tray from him and take a bite of the meat. I wave my fork in the air, encouraging him to continue. Who could possibly be coming to my rescue?

“He’s one of the Alphas on the council. Alex from the RiverStone pack, I think.” It must be Penelope’s doing.

“Any other news?” Toby’s eyes dart to the side for a split second, but it’s enough for me to notice. His cheeks flush a bit before he shakes his head.

“No, that’s all.” I raise an eyebrow but let it slide. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Toby turns to leave but pauses at the open door.

“Can I ask you something?” I nod, his serious tone making me uneasy.

“Why don’t you escape? We’ve seen your fire, some of the members even call you Phoenix. But both times you’ve been in this cell, you’ve just waited patiently to be released. Why don’t you just escape?”

I’ve been avoiding my feelings by sleeping and reading about cats.

But his words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Why do I stay? Why don’t I just blow this place up and walk out?

I know the answer, but I don’t want to admit it. I want to be free.

I want my heart to beat normally again.

“I love him.” My words are barely a whisper.

Understanding flashes in Toby's eyes, and he just nods before leaving me alone with the truth that’s been buried deep in my heart.

I lost my home, I lost my parents long ago, and I pushed away the parents who raised me.

I pushed away my best friend, the girl who’s always been there for me. I pushed everything away for Roman.

Even the news that my parents are alive brings me sadness.

Because if I’m being honest, sometimes I wish they weren’t.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and never ask.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and just stay in that safe room.

But my stubbornness, my need to always do what I want, has landed me here, and I don’t know what to do.

Tears silently roll down my face, falling into my plate of food.

I push the plate to the floor and curl up in bed. I cry, and for the longest time, that’s all I do.

I used to be so strong, I thought I could take on the world if I had to.

But right now, in this moment, I feel so weak.

Like a shattered mirror, I’ve become the cliché of every love story.

I gave up everything for a man who doesn’t want me.

For a man who isn’t who I thought he was.

But unlike those stories, I can’t run from him, heal my heart, and fall in love again. I’m bound to him, forever.

And even if we could break that bond, it’s too late. I’ve felt love, and now I want nothing more.

I can’t settle for anything less. So what do I do?

I could burst out of this door and run. Death doesn’t seem so bad right now.

But I know I could never kill Roman.

Because that’s what will happen if I leave. We’ll both die.

Yet staying here feels like it’s slowly killing me too.

Somehow, despite the pain in my head, I manage to fall asleep.

I dream of a better world.

A world where Roman and I are together. Where we rule and have cubs.

Beautiful cubs with his eyes and my hair. A world where we fall asleep in each other’s arms every night.

But when the cell door slams open, I’m jolted back to reality. I remember where I am and that what I want isn’t what I have.

“Get up, princess. It’s fight day.” Jess' voice pulls me back to reality, and I quickly rise to follow him out.

Walking willingly into another heart-wrenching situation.

I know Roman will win, but what will he lose when he looks his father in the eye and kills him?

I push my own heartache aside and focus on his. I will find a way, a way for us all.

Hopefully.