32. Positive Reinforcement

On Saturday morning, following Taylor's first week in homeschool, he and Kaylee sat in the front yard on a blanket, soaking up sun and hanging out while Kaylee scrolled through TikTok, and Instagram on her phone, sharing posts with Taylor. They were chatting, laughing and having a good time.

"You're so lucky to have your own smartphone, Kaylee. I wish my brother would allow me to have one."

"Why won't he?"

"He says I'm too young and that social media is a bad idea for anyone under the age of sixteen to be involved with."

"Screw that. He's just trying to control you and you shouldn't ever let a man do that. That's what mom tells me, anyways."

Taylor didn't respond to the negative comment about his brother, instead he changed the subject.

"Know what I think? I think Homeschooling is better than public school, even though it's more intense, I love it and I'm learning way more."

"So you really like it?"

"I do, a lot."

"Me too, although I've never been to public school. If it's as bad as I hear, I'm glad I've never been."

"Compared to this, yeah its not cool. You're lucky."

At one point, Kaylee brought up Astrid.

"Hey, I have an idea."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"We should see if Astrid would be interested in a sleepover tonight. What you think?"

"Yeah, that's um, a cool idea I gurss, but don't you think you should ask your mom first, to see if it's okay to have someone else over?"

"Kaylee! Taylor!" Carissa called out, as she exited the front door. "I have a great idea, you guys. I just saw on the TV that the mall is looking for models."

"Okay, and," Kaylee asked, sounding disinterested.

"I think it'd be great for both of you to try out. They're looking for boys and girls, seven to seventeen years old, to model clothes in stores, on posters, in print ads, and on TV. They're conducting interviews tomorrow. Oh, and it pays, too. Now, I was thinking if we get ready and leave in the next hour or so, we'd have time to get each of you a new outfit for the interview before Taylor's game at one. What do you say?"

"That sounds like something Taylor would like more than me, mom. Do I have to?"

Carissa saw this as a great opportunity for Kaylee and Taylor both to immerse themselves in femininity and didn't want to see either of them miss out on something she just knew they'd love, especially Taylor.

"Taylor, sweetie, you'll do it, right? It's a chance to show  everyone you're more than just a football player, that you can kick ass on the field and be a beautiful, feminine model, too."

"No, I don't think so."

"What? No? Why not," Carissa asked, shocked by Taylor's rejection of an opportunity to do something she was sure he'd jump at. "Not the kind of girl you wanna be? You're gonna pass up on this opportunity?"

A week ago, he would have firmly told her no he didn't want to be a girly girl, but now, with everything that had happened, his thoughts and feelings were becoming less clearly defined.

Sure, he did originally say he didn't want to do it, but he began to second guess his reply, so rather than shut the door on the opportunity to explore something else that might help him figure out what was going on in his mind, he responded with, "I'm not gonna do it by myself, but . . . if Kaylee were to say yes, I might think about doing it with her."

This way, he knew he could have the experience without it looking like he was becoming curious about this girly life he had been cornered into, while hoping the experience really would help him figure some things out.

"Kaylee, honey, well? Are you gonna be the reason Taylor misses this opportunity? Don't forget what I told you last night."

Kaylee looked at Taylor then back at her mom, who was giving her a stern look.

She dropped her head in defeat. "Okay, fine, if she's definitely gonna do it, I guess . . . I'll do it too."

"Kaylee, don't sound so unhappy, I promise, if selected, you'll love it. Now, you guys, come inside and get changed."

Once the three of them got to the mall, it didn't take long for Carissa to have an arm load of dresses that she wanted both Kaylee and Taylor to try on.

Deep inside, Taylor was torn. Everything he knew was telling him he should fight the confusion and new feelings and only do the bare minimum in order to survive, so he could get back to his normal boy life as soon as possible. However, the curiousity, the desire to understand what was going on inside his head, at this moment, won out and he didn't fight trying the dresses on, not like Kaylee, who made it clear she didn't really care for it much.

Carissa gave them both helpful advice as they tried the garments on, but she especially directed the majority of the tips at Taylor.

Taylor definitely didn't want to lose his position on the football team by being caught, or end up getting beat up by Johnny for not being the girl Johnny thought he was, so he intently listened everytime Carissa corrected him or pointed out how certain things made him look more feminine, or less.

This really ain't so bad, Taylor told himself as he tried on yet another dress. I mean, the attention I get from Carissa is nice. Everything I'm learning from her and Kaylee is helping me convince everyone else I'm a girl. And the attention I'm getting from everyone else for being such a good football playing girl is pretty cool too . . .

Carissa stepped into the dressing room and began to gush over Taylor and the dress he now had on. Still believing Taylor was a mtf transgender girl, she really played up her adoration of Taylor, as she went out of her way to provide positive reinforcement and a confidence boost.

"You are such an adorable young lady, Taylor, and special as well. I wish you were my daughter too. Actually, if everything works out, you'll become Kaylee's sister and you'll never have to worry about going back to your male life ever again."

What's going on with me, Taylor pondered, when Carissa went to check on Kaylee while he changed into another dress Carissa had brought him. I know I have to do this to play on the team, especially after hearing what Johnny said in the diner, but why don't I hate it as much as I should? Does that mean  I'm starting to like it, or am I just getting comfortable with it out of necessity?

About an hour and a half before Taylor had to be at the football field, they settled on a sleeveless, knee-length, a-line dress with a hand painted, eye-catching, brightly colored, abstract floral patten on white fabric, for Taylor and an equally beautiful, sleeveless, fit and flare dress, with rhinestones, a high/low front to back, mint colored, floral skirt and white top for Kaylee.

Carissa then insisted they find new shoes to go with the dresses.

Browsing the Tween shoe department, Carissa put a lot of attention into getting Taylor to try on as many different styles as she could and obviously enjoyed watching him do it.

After a half hour of trying on shoe after shoe Taylor, with Carissa's guidance, picked out a pair of white leather, cork wedge heeled, espadrille sandals.

Kaylee insisted on nothing more than a pair of plain white canvas tennis shoes, so her mom made the decision for her and chose bright mint colored, microfiber ankle strap, block heel sandals.

When they got to the football game, Elayna, and Liberty ran towards them as they headed across the parking lot.

"O. M. G. you guys. I've never seen so many people at a little league game." Liberty exclaimed.

"I heard some of them talking and they're here because they heard about the girl that plays on the team and how she's better than most of the boys." Elayna added.

"Most? Most? What are they talking about? I'm the best player on this team." Taylor replied, defending himself.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just telling you what they're saying." Elayna shot back and they all laughed.

"I'm kinda worried about this team. They've never played here before. Came from out of town for this game. They're the best team in Clayton. Might even be better than us." Liberty pondered.

"You saying the all city team might lose a game with Taylor playing? Say it isn't so."  Elayna demanded.

"Yeah, it's possible, but not gonna happen." Taylor answered less than confident and they all laughed.

Taylor took off to go warmup with the rest of the team while

Kaylee, Elayna, and Liberty, took seats on the bleechers with Liberty's boyfriend, and his best friend.

During the game, the group all cheered Martin and Taylor on. Every time one of them was on the field, especially when Taylor had the ball, they yelled louder than anyone else at the game.