Chapter 25

Derek's POV

Adrian's lips are on mine.

I repeat, Adrian's lips are on mine.

He cupped my face, stood up on his tippy toes and kissed me. It threw me off so hard at first, but I accepted it and cupped his face back.

"DeShaun's not here right now, he's breaking up with his girlfriend," I tell him.

"No sex though, I don't want that."

"Of course, of course, Adri, anything you want."

"Okay."

I fumble around with my keys, Adrian's hands wrapped around my neck now, watching me lose unlimited amounts of aura and ruining what was a great vibe. I finally find the right set of keys and unlock the door. I put my keys back in my pocket and put my hands on Adrian's waist, kissing him again.

"God, you're fucking gorgeous, Adri. Holy shit, you're so fucking gorgeous," I tell him and he pulls away and looks at me in disbelief.

"I am?"

"Yeah, no shit you are. Look at you. Oh my God, I can't believe I made it this far without asking to kiss you."

"You really li-"

I stop him from talking by pulling him closer to me and kissing him hard, but also sensually. He groans into my mouth, and I can't tell if it's in discomfort or if he enjoys it.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'm uh, I'm great," he says, brushing hair out of my face before slamming his lips back onto mine. He's standing on his tippy toes and might be uncomfortable because of that.

I pick him up and sit him down on my bed. I sit down next to him and pull him onto my lap, kissing him more and more. The only thought going through my mind is Adrian, Adrian, Adrian, and more Adrian. More Adrian is all I want.

His hands find their way under my tank top, massaging my muscles and feeling every ridge between my abs.

"How do you have so many abs," he mumbles into my mouth.

"I work out a lot."

"Is that why you got terrible grades in senior year."

"No, I got good grades," I counter.

"Okay. Can I touch your chest?"

"Yes, don't even ask me," I answer. He pulls away and I watch in adoration as he feels up my shirt. He's so gorgeous. I can't handle this right now, this is really killing me.

"I'm really confused how you worked out so much," he says, softly grabbing my pec.

"I just put a lot of work in. You can do it too, it won't be that difficult. You already have a good body."

"Can I kiss you again?" he asks.

"Don't even ask, just do it."

Adrian leans down and kisses me again, electricity again flowing through me. His hands are still up my shirt, sending chills through my body as he massages my muscles. He shifts his position so he's straddling me now, and he continues to kiss me. It's sloppy, it's a little bit chaotic, and neither of us are experienced kissers, but it doesn't matter to me at all. It's motherfucking Adrian, I don't care if he's not a good kisser.

"Goddamnit, Adri, you have no idea how crazy I've been going recently," I mumble into his mouth.

"I've been going crazy too," he says, his hands now gripping my own waist.

He continues to sloppily kiss me while I kiss back and continue to hold his face in my hands, wanting to never let go of this beautiful man. He's so fucking cute and I don't want to stop kissing him over and over again.

"We should probably stop," Adrian says, snapping me back to reality.

"You're probably right," I say, pulling away from the kiss.

Adrian sits up on my lap, still straddling me, and just smiles down at me. I smile back up at him, probably flustered and shit. His lips tasted like, well, mint, which I guess makes sense because we just had mint ice cream. I can't believe we just did that, it's crazy.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't believe we just did that. I feel so weird. You're my first kiss," he beams.

"You're my first kiss I actually wanted."

"You really wanted to kiss me?" he asks.

"Yeah. Why else would I have asked?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to talk about this tomorrow? It's getting late," I state.

He nods at me and I sit up, shifting both of our positions. I cup his face in my hands and stare into his eyes, his beautiful eyes that I've had a really hard time looking away from for the last month. But now I can just look into his eyes without it feeling weird. We kissed. We made out basically, without tongue, but still. He touched my body everywhere, and I loved it.

"You're gorgeous, okay? Don't let anyone keep you down. If someone says mean things to you for being gay, just know that they can't match your looks. You're so beautiful. All the fucking time, Adri. All the fucking time," I tell him.

"Thanks," he says, blushing. "You have big muscles. You could be a linebacker."

"I don't want to be a linebacker. I'd rather be a cornerback so I can be closer to you on the field."

He blushes again. "So we can talk about this tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Preferably in the morning, because my mom wants to see me. I've been avoiding her and not answering her calls for too long and she's getting mad."

"Oh. She's homophobic, right?" Adrian asks, frowning.

"Yeah. I want to come out, but she's really fucking with my mind. I don't know my dad well enough to want to go to him, so I don't know if I could come out and be comfortable with it."

"Oh. Well, I'll uh, I'll see you in the morning. Can I just kiss you one more time?" he asks and I nod.

"Of course."

He softly and quickly pecks my lips before climbing off of my lap. I stand up with him and wrap my arms around him, hugging him. He quickly hugs back, and I look down at him while he just covers his face with my body. He's so pretty.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Adri."

"Bye."

He frowns a little as he leaves my room, walking back to his room. I can't believe what I just did. I just asked the most pretty man in the country if I could kiss him and he said yes, but he was the one that kissed me eventually. I wasn't the one who did it, he kissed me first. I can't believe this shit. Does he actually like me back?

I am going to have a hard time falling asleep tonight. The feeling of Adrian's warm, strong hands on my body gives me burning sensations in the places he touched me. He was really trying to memorize my abs and he was gripping onto my pecs. I don't love when people touch my body, but I will make a huge exception for Adrian. I really enjoyed that, and he boosted my self esteem when he told me how big my muscles are.

The next morning...

Well, DeShaun never came back last night. The breakup might've gone bad in two ways. Either he backed out of doing it and just stayed the night with Aaliyah or he broke up with her, felt really sad about it, and stayed with his parents for a night. It's really convenient that we live here in the same city as all of our families because we can just stay with them for a night.

Anyways, I am going over to Adrian's room right now to talk. I hope he didn't have a complete change of heart last night. Maybe telling him I don't want to come out was a bad thing. I don't not want to come out, I just can't really. My mom would shun me. Her boyfriend Chad also allegedly has gone to jail for a hate crime against an LGBT person. It makes sense that my mom found that piece of shit.

I knock on Adrian's door and he opens it, smiling weakly as I walk in.

"So, uh, should we talk about last night?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm just gonna be honest. I don't know if I can be with you. I want a public relationship, I don't want to have to keep hiding. I want someone that I know will defend me for being gay and also be comfortable with being seen in public with me. And I thought you would be more comfortable with coming out after what happened last night, but you aren't. I understand why you don't want to come out though. You have big family issues, and I don't want to pressure you into coming out."

"Oh," is all I can muster.

He looks at me with a frown before closing his eyes and covering his face with his hands.

"I'm so sorry, Derek, oh my God, I just hated having to hide my true self before I came out, and now that I'm out, sure, shit is not great, but I have such a clear conscious. I don't want to have to start hiding again," he says.

I put an arm around Adrian's shoulder.

"Adri, I really do want to come out, I swear, but my mom will really just go ballistic on me, and her boyfriend is insane. He committed hate crimes. My mom is already unhappy that I even spend time with gay people, but you and all of them are my friends. If you don't think you can be with me because I won't come out, that is your decision and I'm not going to pressure you to change your mind. Thank you for being honest, Adrian. You're an amazing friend," I tell him.

"Really? Why aren't you mad?"

"I can't be mad at you. I know how difficult it was to tell me all of that, because you're such a kind person. That's why I really like you," I state.

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I can't do anything other than pat his head and pat his back. I feel bad for him. I'm not even that broken. I still want Adrian more than anything in the world, but I respect his decision and understand it fully. Maybe I really should start seriously thinking about coming out.

"Hey, everything is gonna be okay, Adrian. You've done nothing wrong, and I'm not mad at you for anything you did," I tell him softly.

"But I'm mad at myself," he says.

"Why?"

"Because I should want a relationship with you, I really should, but I don't because I want to be public."

"Adri, I get where you're coming from. If you want a public relationship, that's exactly what you should have. I wish I could be that for you, but coming out is not a good idea for me," I state.

"I know. And I'm sorry your mom is like that. I wish your mom was like my mom. My mom's an angel," he smiles. "She's the best."

I smile back down at him. "You were raised well, Adri. You're the nicest person I know."

"Did you mean everything you said last night? About how, you know, I'm pretty or whatever?"

"Yeah. You really are beautiful. You have a beautiful soul too, you really do. Do you still want to be friends?" I ask.

"I do. I really want to still be friends. Last night was not a good decision."

"You're probably right. I should've thought that through better, because it was not smart."

"We both made bad decisions, I say the blame is on me too," he says.

"Mostly me though."

"Eh."

Me and Adrian do our usual shit for the rest of the morning, just chilling and talking about random shit. It's almost like nothing happened last night. We both know what happened last night, there's no denying what happened last night. We made a dumb mistake, that's all that happened. I'm willing to have that be the explanation. I'm still obviously deathly attracted to him, and he's still my angel, but I don't think us being together would be a good idea. He's 100% right. He shouldn't have to be hiding his relationship, he should be happy with a guy, he should be public, and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that yet.

"Adrian, I'll see you later, I have to see my mom now. Don't do anything dumb while I'm gone. Don't, you know, go to some truck dealership and tell everyone there that you're gay. That's just asking for trouble," I tell him, standing up.

"Yeah, I obviously won't do that," he laughs. "I'll see you later. Good luck. Don't let her get in your head."

"Thanks. Bye," I say, exiting the room.

I get to my car and take a deep breath before starting it. I really don't want to have to talk to my mom today, but I really have been avoiding her for too long. At some point I do have to answer her calls, I can't just keep telling her I can call next week. I bet if I called her once in the last few weeks, she wouldn't have asked to see me in person. I highly doubt she actually misses me as much as she says she does, because truly, there's no way.

There might be some sort of love she has for me, just like I have a sliver of love for her, but still, does she actually miss me? She would just yell at me for being friends with Aaron all the time, and I really didn't give a fuck. Aaron is my best friend and I would never turn my back on him, I will always be his best friend.

And her boyfriend Chad took up a lot of her attention once we moved. The only times she really cared about me were when I got in trouble in school, and she would go ballistic on me. Now, me getting in trouble in school was not normal, and it didn't happen very much, but still, whenever it did I knew I had to count my minutes before she would go absolutely batshit crazy on me.

Then when she finished scolding the life out of me, she would always be like 'you know I'm doing this for your good, right? You know I love you, right?' and I would just stand there and nod at her.

The drive to my mom's house is around 30 minutes, and I do not want to go so I'm going the way that takes 45 minutes. I'm gonna hopefully get stuck in all the lunch time traffic so I can stall. I'm gonna pick up lunch on the way back, hopefully my mom doesn't make me stay for a long time talking to me.

Just like I wanted, I arrived to my mom's house about 40 minutes later. I took a deep breathe before getting out of the car and walking to the front door, not excited to possibly be yelled at for not answering her calls.

I knock on the door, and my mom quickly opens it for me, hugging me immediately. I don't hug her back, but she doesn't notice.

"Derek! It's been too long!" she exclaims.

"Yeah," I reply with complete disinterest in my voice.

"Come in! We have a lot to talk about," she says, her voice not enthusiastic anymore.

I walk in and I'm jumpscared by that asshole Chad, who's standing still in the dining room, his arms crossed and his brows furrowed. He thinks he looks intimidating, but he just looks stupid. He's trying to be tough and it's not working. I am still scared of him a little bit because he attacked a gay person before, but without that knowledge I would not be scared of him at all.

"So, we have been watching your games all season. We're impressed with your play. However, we have also noticed interesting body language between you and your teammate, Adrian Sanders, does that ring a bell?" she asks.

Yeah, no shit that rings a bell, he's my teammate, I almost say. "Well, yeah, he's my teammate, we are on the same team," I reply.

"Well, you seem to be friends with this boy. Is that true?" she asks.

"Yeah. We've known each other for a while now, we are friends."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?" I ask.

"He's gay. He's sinning. The devil is revealing himself through your teammate."

"I don't really care that he's gay, he's not harming anyone, he's not doing anything wrong," I counter, getting fed up. Is this really what she wanted to talk about?

"Derek, you can't hang out with that-that faggot!" Chad yells at me.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I ask, laughing at him.

"Don't talk to my boyfriend like that!" my mom yells.

"Yeah. I go to church!" Chad states.

"Uh, yeah. Okay, I believe you," I say.

"Anyways, what we're saying is that we want what's best for you in your future, and we've discussed it a little bit, and we think it would be better if you didn't spend time with this Sanders boy. If you don't we'll file a restraining order," my mom says.

"Okay. There is a lot to break down here, mom. First of all, why should I care what that semitruck thinks about my future?" I ask, pointing at Chad. "Second of all, I'm 18, so my future is what I want it to be, and you can't control me anymore. Adrian isn't hurting my future, by the way, let's just make that clear. Third and last, once again, I'm 18. I'm in college. You can't file a restraining order on someone that I don't want to put a restraining order on. I am the one that is allowed to put the restraining order on people. You can't put a restraining order on someone for me. That should be pretty obvious to you."

"Don't call me a semitruck," Chad says angrily.

"Sorry. I meant cargo ship."

"Derek, you can't seriously expect to be successful in your future if you have a homosexual friend. God is watching, and he knows who's been serving him well," my mom claims.

"Mom, I've been friends with Adrian for years, and oh, did you forget the couple times Aaron came over after school to play videogames? Yeah, he's bisexual. He has a boyfriend on the same team. I'm still doing great. I made it here with gay or bi teammates, and none of them hurt my development in terms of football," I state.

"God is watching you, Derek, and I don't want you ending up like your father!" my mom yells. My dad is doing great, I might not want his life, but I would be fine with it.

"Dad is doing well, mom. I saw him a month and a half ago, and he's doing very well. He has a family that loves him."

"Yeah, but he has to live with the knowledge that he's going to hell," my mom says.

"For what?"

"For associating with homosexuals. He has friends that are gay, that's one of the reasons we got divorced. It was too much for me."

"Seriously? Why didn't you let me live with him instead?" I question.

"Because I am the better parent."

"Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night," I say, beginning to stand up. "Fuck you, Chad."

"Don't talk to him like that. If we don't see a change in your behavior, I will have this beautiful man go after your friends," my mom says, looking up at Chad.

"Do you think that thing is beautiful?" I ask.

"I am! My mom said I'm special!" Chad claims.

"Not in that way. You have a very unique body shape, that's for sure."

"Derek! Just know this is a warning, okay! You have to stop being friends with these people! Your future is important, and it is going down the drain if you keep associating with homosexuals," my mom tells me.

"Yeah, whatever. Bye, mom, this was terrible," I leave.

I honestly don't doubt that Chad will hunt my friends down, he's crazy enough to do it, even if I do stop hanging out with all of them, which is not going to happen. I'm gonna stay loyal and not ditch them for no reason. I know that Cam and Aaron can defend themselves easily, there's two of them.

It's really Adrian I'm scared about. I need to be there for him, like I have tried to do for the last few weeks, and I'll have a clearer conscience. Maybe I'll actually just straight up ask to be with him, just reveal my true, full feelings for him and then I can be even happier than I already am.

Adrian deserves someone that will make him feel loved. I will make him feel loved and appreciate everything he does. I will do everything in my power to make him happy.

If I can't do that, I'll back off, I don't want to pressure Adrian into doing something he doesn't want to do. He has his own brain, he can use it and I know he can use it. He's a very smart person.

Maybe at some point I really will man up and tell him my feelings.

A/N: Spicy shit at the beginning of the chapter, I hope you all enjoyed that. Sorry about all the 'I can't be with you shit' but if I don't really feel like writing angst between them later in the book, this is the most drama between Adrian and Derek that we'll get all book. Once they actually get together, there is a very low chance that I actually let them be mad at each other. I don't like that, and I feel like Derek wouldn't fuck up a chance with Adrian, and Adrian has been wanting to be with Derek for years, he doesn't want anything else. Anyways, thanks for reading!!!