Chapter 183

Ella I’m gaping at Ethan, wondering where on earth this came from.I already explained to him why I haven’t shared our baby news with the pups yet, and I can’t believe he would dismiss those concerns so quickly.

What am I saying? I think grimly. Of course I can believe it. This isn’t the same Ethan who lowed you, remember?

“No, it’s too soon.” I object, feeling furious that he chose this moment to have this conversation, when I should be enjoying watching the children unwrap their new pet.

On the floor in front of us, the pups are carefully unwinding the ribbon from the box containing their new bunny, positively quaking with excitement. They’re wearing identical expressions of utmost focus, brows furrows and lips pursed in concentration. No sooner have they freed the ribbon and carefully lifted the flaps of the box, that a little white blur comes bursting out, hopping right out of the box as the pups squeal with surprise and excitement.

“It is a bunny!” Paisley exclaims, “I knew it!”

“Wait, where are you going!” Riley directs her words at the bunny itself, which is enthusiastically exploring the penthouse and seems completely unbothered by the fact that four puppies are in hot pursuit, eager to catch and cuddle it.

“That bunny has nerves of steal.” I observe dryly .”Oh I tested every bunny at the pet store.” Ethan whispers, standing much too close for my liking. “I knew we would need a brave one to survive the pups.”

I can’t help but smile as I watch my children giggle and beam, following the bunny around and asking it questions. Is it from the wild? Does it have a name? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it white because it came from the North Pole? They don’t seem to mind that the bunny isn’t answering any of their questions.

When the bunny hops onto Ethan’s foot, I begin to wonder if this bunny is brave or just stupid. I know it was raised around wolves, but surely it recognizes a predator as dangerous as my ex- husband?

Shouldn’t it be more afraid of being gobbled up? Ethan scoops up the furball in one large hand. “Let’s see, little bunny, what’s your story?”

Ethan lifts the rabbit to his ear, pretending to listen intently then nodding along as if the bunny is speaking to him. “He says he’s a boy, and he calls himself Mr. Fluff though you can give him a nickname if you like, and yes, he is white because he comes from the arctic, though he’s only ever visited the north pole itself.”

“Daddy ask him if he’s wild!” Paisley chirps excitedly.

“Mr Fluff, are you wild?” Ethan presses, speaking very solemnly to the little fuzzball resting in his palm.

He holds the bunny to his ear again. “Ah, he says he was wild once but he got tired of living in all that snow and hopping around so much just to find his dinner, so he went to Santa and asked him to find him a nice family that would give him a home, and lots of treats so he can get very fat.”

The pups giggle, and my stomach drops. Of all the challenges I’ve encountered coming back to the NightFang pack, seeing Ethan be silly with the pups again is near the top of the list. It drives me mad that he can be so fun and loving with him, when I know he plans on phasing himself out of their lives. It makes everything feel so very insincere. What’s worse than my outrage for my pups, however, is my own disappointment that he’s not putting on the same sort of act for me.

Couldn’t he pretend to be nice until we go home?

Couldn’t he show me a fraction of this warmth, even if he plans on taking it away again?

Ethan kneels before the pups. “Do you want to hold him? He told me he loves cuddles but only if you don’t squeeze him too tight.”

The pups extend their little paws with reverence, as if they’ve been assigned a very solemn duty indeed. Parker takes the bunny first, cuddling him to his chest and stroking one finger down his pink, twitching nose. “We promise not to squeeze you, “We’ll give you a nice home and feed you whenever you want.” Riley adds, hesitantly reaching out to stroke the soft white fur. “Ooh, he’s so fuzzy!”

“Daddy I didn’t know you could speak bunny language!” Paisley looks up at Ethan in awe. “Can you teach me?”

“It’s really just about listening with your heart.

Clear your own mind and let him do the talking.”

Ethan advises. “Do you want to try?”

Paisley nods vigorously, and Parker gently lifts the white creature to his sister’s ear. Her sweet face lights up like fireworks, and she grins up at us. “He says his favorite food is marshmallows, and he’s happy to meet us.’

“There, see.” Ethan smiles proudly. “You’re a natural.”

Despite my sadness over Ethan’s two-faced behavior, I’m glad that this game has distracted him from thoughts of telling the pups about the baby, at least for now. Of course, almost as soon as I think this, he finds a way to prove me wrong. The pups sit in a circle and release Mr Fluff onto the floor, letting him bounce around between them and taking turns holding him. As soon as it’s obvious they’re settled, Ethan pulls me aside.

“It will be better if we can tell them about the baby while we’re together, so we can both answer their questions.” He says quietly.

“But what if… what if something goes wrong?”I whisper, hating speaking this particular fear aloud.

For a moment, I think I see a flicker of emotion in his eyes, but it disappears as quickly as it surfaced.

“If something does go wrong and the pups know, then you won’t have to go through it alone.” Ethan answers, his voice low and steady.

I look back at my pups, clenching my jaw, “They’re already worrying about me and I can’t stand it. I’m not going to put that on them too.”

“But Jane, they were worried without you saying a word about your feelings. It’s probably more stressful for them to know you’re upset but not understand why, then to have you talk things through with them. Besides, if you share your feelings with them, they’ll learn to share theirs when they grow up.” Ethan advises.

Damn it, he’s right. I realize. If I bottle things up and hide them from my children, they’ll learn to do the same. It goes against my every instinct, but when Ethan continues, I know I have to agree.

You won’t be placing a burden on them, you’ll just be teaching them it’s okay to be sad sometimes.

Trying to cover it up only makes them think it’s wrong or shameful. And we don’t even know if that will happen.”

“Fine,” I reply, wrapping my arms around myself protectively, and wishing they were his. “Let’s tell them.”

“Kids,” Ethan states warmly, “Mr. Fluff isn’t the only one joining the family.”

All four pups look up in wide eyed confusion. “He’s not?” Riley asks, crinkling her nose in confusion.

“Did we get another bunny?” Paisley asks eagerly.

“No angel.” I answer, chuckling softly and reflexively moving my hand to my belly, “We’re going to have a baby. Mommy’s pregnant, and in a few months you’ll have a new sibling.”

At first, I’m not sure they’ve heard me, cuz their faces are blank. I know they understand the basics of pregnancy – mother’s carrying babies in their tummies, but beyond that they have only the most rudimentary concept of how babies come about, and I have a sneaking suspicion we’re about to enter a conversation I’ve been dreading for years.

“So there’s a baby inside you right now?” Parker asks quizzically.

“Yes.” I reply simply.

“But how did it get in there?” Ryder follows up.

“Your Daddy planted a tiny seed in my belly, and now it’s growing into a baby.” I reply, hoping this will satisfy them.

“Planted, like in a garden?” Riley reasons, perking up. “Mommy is there a garden in your tummy?”

“No sweetheart.” Ethan smiles, “But Mommies have a special place inside them for growing babies, and so Daddies can give them seeds to grow when they want a new baby.”

“But why did you want a new baby?” Paisley asks, suddenly looking worried. “Aren’t we enoughs for you?”

“Of course you’re enough.” I profess, sitting next to her on the floor. “But the magical thing about Mommies is that they have infinite love to give – do you know what that means?”

“No.” The pups admit, looking back and forth between one another.

“It means never ending, with no limit. So having another baby doesn’t mean I have less love to give to you all, it just means that I have so much love to give that I want as many babies as I can to cuddle and spoil. And just think about how much you all love each other, isn’t it exciting to think you’ll have a new brother or sister to love and play with?”

Riley, Parker and Ryder are smiling now, looking as though they like this idea very much. Paisley on the other hand, is studying Ethan and I with that look that always reminds me she’s lived a much different, and harder life than her siblings. “Does this mean we get to stay with Daddy?”

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