Chapter 194

Jane My pups are gone.

The blood is rushing in my ears, pounding through my skull in a relentless flood that blocks out all other sound. I can hear nothing above the whirr of white noise, and my head is dizzy with thick, black fog. I blink repeatedly, trying to orient myself amidst these strange sensations.

My entire body feels strangely heavy, as If I’m fighting gravity just to stay upright. I’m too warm, and yet I’m shivering too, trembling so violently I have to wrap my arms around myself just to keep my limbs still.

I’m in a dark alleyway, the scent of my pups mingling with the sour tang of strangers – rogue wolves who wouldn’t hesitate to sell them to the highest bidder. We came so close! We were on their trail but it’s gone cold now. They’ve disappeared without a trace. My babies might have outsmarted Eve, but no young children could survive this part of the city unscathed.

My wolf howls inconsolably, and tears pour from my eyes. “My pups.” I sob. We have to find them!”

A man’s voice sounds beside me, familiar and yet distant – like a memory long forgotten. “Jane, can you hear me? Do you know where you are?

I spin around, searching for the source of the voice, but all I see are the darkened streets of Cite de la Nuit. Why can’t I see him? And where is Ethan?He should be here, he’s supposed to be here. “They’ve taken my babies.” I m0an again, you have to help me.”

“Jane, it’s okay. Everyone’s safe.” The familiar voice insists. “Parker, Riley, and Ryder are here.”

“No.” I cry, I know exactly what’s happening.

I’m not sure how, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the pups have been kidnapped. The traffickers!

Anita!” The name appears in my mind, as if from a dream. “She’s going to sell them to King Aimon.”

Jane, you’re having an episode. King Aimon is dead.” Strong hands try to grasp my shoulders, but these words don’t make sense. I know what’s happening, it feels too real-I’ve been through this before.

“But my babies are gone!” Sunlight flashes through the darkness surrounding me, if only for a moment.

It’s beyond disorienting – one moment I’m ensconced in absolute darkness, in a city that reeks of, the next I’m blindsided by an explosion of light and fresh air. It disappears almost as quickly as it appeared, but I lower myself to the ground, no longer able to maintain my balance.

“Mommy, we’re not gone! We’re right here!”

Parker frets, leaning against my side. Two more warm bodies pile into my lap, and tiny hands press to my face.

“It’s okay Mommy,” Riley promises, “please don’t cry.”

Shock freezes me for the barest moment. I can’t see them but I can feel them. What’s happening? Am I losing my mind? My arms lock around the pups, dragging Parker into the circle of my arms with his brother and sister. “Where’s Paisley? I need Paisley!”

Silence meets my ears. I can still feel the pups steady weight, but they’re not speaking to me anymore, nor is the man with us. Tell me!” I demand, hating the desperate edge in my voice.

Where’s my little girl?”

Janey, drink some water.” The man requests and a plastic bottle presses to my lips. His voice is a soft purr, and the gentle rumbling continues long after his words end.

The sound grates against my nerves, and I knock the bottle away. Stop that!” I beg, I don’t like it. I have to find Paisley!”

Devon what’s wrong with Mommy?” Ryder whispers, his young voice sounding afraid.

“She’s just having bad memories,” Devon – of course it’s Devon, no wonder his voice is so familiar. But why is he here? I haven’t seen him in years. “Sometimes this happens after you go through something scary, like having a nightmare when you’re awake.”

Mommy wake up!” Parker requests, sounding miserable. “Is okay, we’re okay. We’re gonna find Paisley!”

Jane, please drink this.” Devon encourages, You’ re scaring the pups. You don’t want them to be afraid.”

His large hand settles between my shoulder blades as he offers me the water again. His words gradually seep into my mind, and I’m crying harder than ever, thinking that I might be frightening my babies. I such down a few gulps of water, but there’s a strange metallic taste to the liquid. I cough and sputter, but Devon praises me gently. “That’s it, good girl.”

I’m shaking my head. This is wrong, Devon shouldn’t be here. Ethan should be here. My wolf isn’t going to be calmed until either Paisley or my mate is here. No, I don’t want you. I want Ethan, I need Ethan.”

“I know Janey.” Devon sighs, “But Ethan is out looking for Paisley, you have to do without him for now.”

No, he can’t have. He tried to leave, but I didn’t let him go alone. I followed – he must be here somewhere. Suddenly the alleyway is gone, I’m upside down, inching up the rigging line of a ship with Linda. I’m moving, swaying in the wind and shaking with the effort of hanging onto the ropes. And yet…

I’m not moving at all, I’m completely still. “My head hurts. I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Come away pups.” Devon encourages the kids, give your Mommy some space.”

No! She needs us.” Riley argues, cuddling closer. “You can be sick if you needs to, Mommy.”

Despite my daughter’s offer, when my stomach rises in my throat, I force them out of my lap as gently as I can, flipping myself over so that I can vomit onto the grass. Small sniffles and cries meet my ears as my body rejects the water Devon just fed me, and tiny hands pull my hair back I’m sorry.” I weep, aware enough now to realize that my pups are trying to take care of me when I should be taking care of them. “I’m so sorry.”

I hear a phone dialing in the background, and Devon’s urgent voice speaking rapidly into the receiver.

“Ethan, she’s spiraling and I can’t help her, I’ve tried everything. She doesn’t seem to know where she is or what’s happening – she only wants you and Paisley.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then he continues.

“No, she can’t keep it down.” Another pause, “I think that would be best – it’s not like she’s going to remember it anyway.”

Then a phone is pressing to my ear. “Janey?”

Ethan’s deep voice filters through my senses, and the fist around my heart loosens slightly. “

Can you hear me, little wolf?”

“Ethan?” I hiccup, the world blurring around me in a blinding flash of colors. “Where are you? P-

Paisley’s g-gone and I- I’m so confused. What’s happening?”

His purrs emanate through the phone, soothing my frayed nerves even from so far away. “I’m here sweetheart. I’m sorry I can’t be with you, but I’m searching for Paisley.”

I want to help, I want to be where you are,” I complain, not caring one bit that I sound about as mature as my children.

I know angel, but I’m too far away, and if I come to you, I’ll have to stop searching for Paisley. I promise I’ll bring her to you as soon as I find her.” He vows, his voice overflowing with warmth. “It’s going to be okay, baby.”

I’m scared.” I confess, “I keep seeing… I keep thinking they’ve all been kidnapped, but then they’re here with me!”

Jane, Devon has some sleeping pills, I think you need to take one.” Ethan advises. “You won’t have to be afraid, you won’t have any bad dreams. You can just close your eyes and when you wake up I’ll be there with Paisley.”

“But the other pups!” I object, “I can’t let them out of my sight.. and I don’t want to go to sleep, what if something happens while I’m out.”

The other pups can nap with you.” Ethan suggests. “Trust me, sweetheart, it can’t be good for them to see you this way. And Devon will watch over you all.”

“Do you promise that you’ll be here when I wake up?” I beg, hating how needy I sound.

I ‘Il do my best. He promises. “You don’t have to worry. I’m not going to let anything happen to Paisley.

We got through this once, we can get through this again.”

But I’m her mother. It’s my job to worry about her. I can’t just stay here and do nothing when she’s in trouble.” I object, feeling a sudden rush of defiance. The world around me is coming more and more into focus, the docks and darkness disappear, and the fog in my brain eases.

You have three other pups to take care of and worry about Jane. And one in your belly. Let me handle finding Paisley, you focus on the rest of our family.” Ethan presses. We’re going to get through this.”

I nod silently, only realizing he can’t see me a moment later. “Okay, I’ll try.

“That’s my girl.” There’s a meaningful break in his words, as if he’s trying to decide whether or not he should speak the words on the tip of his tongue. “I love you so much, Jane. I always have, and I always will.

I whimper, wondering why those simple words make my heart swell with a tidal wave of grief.

You too.”

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