35: Riley

I'm miserable.

Quinn won't talk to me at all. She refuses to answer my texts or pick up my calls. I don't know what to do. I want to make everything okay between us, but I don't know how.

I know what she wants now, but I can't be with her in that way. I just can't. She's my friend, I don't want to ruin that friendship and I don't want to ruin my relationship with Mason.

What does this all make me though? I do have feelings for Quinn, I feel so much when I'm around her.

Does this make me bisexual? I've had feelings for Quinn and Mason, so yeah, I guess I am.

However, the feelings have never been so strong with Mason as they have been with Quinn. This whole thing is so complicated. I wish I was normal. I don't want to have to deal with all this.

I walk over to Mason's as he is leaving his home. He puts his arms around me and kisses me, but I don't reciprocate. I feel numb now, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go to school or be near Mason now, I just want to be myself. Preferably in my bed.

Mason notices my down mood and asks, "What's wrong? Still upset by what happened with Quinn yesterday?"

I told him that Quinn and I had a fight, but I didn't tell him the real arguement. I just told him that we fought about the set up again. He bought it luckily.

"Cheer up, babe. Everyhting will be okay. You two will be back to being inseparable in no time," he comments. I give him a fake smile before we get in his car to head to school.

I wish it was as simple as Mason says. However, I don't know what is going to happen. I'm not sure if Quinn wants to just be my friend anymore. Regardless, I have to talk to her, I just have to, I need to try to fix things.

We make it to school in a few minutes and I don't even wait for Mason to get out of the car before I hop out and head inside. I'm going to have to apologize for leaving him later, but I need to see Quinn. I don't want her to hate me.

I walk though the hallway and try to squeeze past people to make it to my class. Once there I wait outside the door and scan the crowds for Quinn.

After a few minutes I spot her walking by. She glances up at me and then immediately looks down at the floor as she comes closer.

"Quinn, can we talk," I ask.

"Look, Riley, I think it's best that we don't right now. Class is about to start soon," she replies.

"Please, Quinn," I beg. "I'm sorry for hurting you, that was never my intention. Can we to back to how we were before, can we go back to being best friends?"

Quinn sighs and finally looks up at me to say, "I need time to think, Riley." With that being said, she walks past me to a seat in the back that is a few desks away from me.

I can't help but feel my heart breaking. I didn't mean to fuck everything up. I didn't mean to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't know what to do to make this all stop.

I sigh and walk through the aisles of desk feeling absolutely defeated. I sit down in my usual spot but it feels wrong without Quinn sitting next to me. I feel like crying, but I hold the tears in and look out the window.

I can't let anyone see me like this. I don't want any attention on me. I just want to be invisible.

The entire class period, I can't help but glance over at Quinn who never turns to look at me. She stays focused on the lecture ahead and every second that goes by I feel worse.

Finally class ends and Quinn hurries on out of there, but I take me time. I feel sluggish so everything is hard to do right now, but I eventually get out of the class ro head to my next one.

For the rest of the day I feel like shit. I can't concentrate on listening to the lectures or doing the class assignments. The only person on my mind is Quinn. I keep replaying our fight from the weekend, wishing I could go back in time and fix everyhting. I'm not exactly sure what I would change though.

Maybe I would change the almost kiss moment, bit some part of me doesn't want to do that. Some part of me wishes I kissed her. I push that aside though as I walk into the cafeteria.

I scan the crowds of students looking for Mason's table and I spot it and walk over to it. Mason waves at me and I give him another fake smile. I sit down next to him and he hugs me, but I'm not in the mood so I just stay stiff.

He let's go to hold my hand as he starts a conversation with someone on his team. A few more minutes pass before the cheerleaders arrive and sit down, some of them notice me not eating.

"What's wrong?" The head cheerleader asks.

Before I can say anything Mason speaks for me which really annoys me. "She had a fight with Quinn."

"So that's why she isn't at our table today. I thought it was weird that she wasn't with you today. Well, dont worry, things will work out," the cheerleader, Megan, replies.

"That's what I told her, but she's still sad," Mason adds. I kick Mason under the table to get him to shut up, I don't feel like sharing any information with these people. Mason looks at me in disbelief and runs his aching foot.

"I get that, but they to do something that will make you happy or forget about why you're upset," another cheerleader comments.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Sex, duh, that always puts me in a good mood," the girl replies.

I widen my eyes in shock and Mason goes quiet beside me. People at the table look from Mason to me suspiciously then they start smirking.

"I'll take you that you two haven't done the deed? Wow that's surprising, you guys have been together for such a long time. How do have self control?" says Mason's friend.

"Uh, we've just been going slow and steady," Mason stutters out.

"That's really slow and steady," someone comments while laughing.

This is so awkward now. I wish I wasn't here, I wish I went to the library instead. I don't want to talk about my lack of a sex life with these people.

"Don't you guys have urges though? Like I tried to wait with my boyfriend, but we couldn't help it," another girl mentions.

"I mean, yeah, we have urges, but we are waiting for the right time," I reply and some people laugh.

"For the right time? That's bullshit. The first time is always a bit awkward since it's a new experience, but with practice it feels so good. Sex makes everything better," adds another guy.

"You guys have been together for a long time, you don't need to look for the right moment. You two love each other. Just get it on with," Megan comments.

Mason glances over at me and I turn to look at him, he shrugs and tries to go back to eating his food. However, I know Mason, I know that he is fully into this conversation.

There are many times when Mason wanted to do it, but he's always respected that I wasn't ready. I can't ignore how many boners he has gotten over the years though, it's driving him crazy that we haven't done it yet.

"You two really need to get layed soon. All your problems will blow away and look insignificant when your going at it," says Mason's friend.

"I could give you some pointers on what to do," a cheerleader directs to me. I try to say something, but nothing comes out of my mouth. I don't know how to reply to her.

I have no idea what to do in this situation. However, the cheerleaders start giving me advice while the guys start coaching Mason on what to do.

"I expect you guys to tell how how it went sometime this week," comments a cheerleader as they continue to give me pointers on sex.

Maybe they are right? Maybe having sex with Mason is the spark that I've been missing with him. I might forget about being bisexual and reinforce that notion that I'm actually straight.

Mason and I have been together for a long time. Its is weird that we haven't done it yet. We probably should I guess. It's better late than never.

There's no point on waiting for the right moment, I've been waiting for years and I'm done with that. I don't want to wait longer, I just wants to get this over with.

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Author note: I had to bring some more angst into the story lol. Nothing in life is every really that easy or simple, which is why Quinn's and Riley's story is a roller coaster.

Also, if you guys wanted to know the story of the first girl that I ever had a crush on and loved, the video is down below.