36: Riley

I go through the next few classes until school ends, then I walk to the field to see Mason and Quinn.

Suddenly I freeze because I realize that Quinn doesn't want to talk to me right now, that she needs time. I really fucked up this time with her. It's best to just not show my face around her.

So, instead of heading to the field I go to the library. Once inside I sit down and try to do some homework, but my mind is so preoccupied with Quinn and what the cheerleaders said to me at lunch. I try to focus again, but give up within a few minutes.

I decide to walk around the library, maybe I'll find a good book around here somewhere. So, I walk for a bit, but I'm barely paying attention, I feel like a walking corpse right now.

"Watch it!" Says the girl that I almost walk into. I immediately apologize then realize that it's Megan, the head cheerleader.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at practice?" I ask her.

"Well you're right, but you see, I got detention so I have to help clean around the library until school ends," she replies.

"Oh okay, that makes sense. Are you going to practice after?"

"Hell no, I get out in another thirty minutes then I get to go home to relax. I don't want to go to practice for another hour of practice," she explains.

"Okay, well have a good afternoon," I add before trying to walk away.

"Wait, I'm bored and desperately need someone to talk to!"

I sigh and turn around to pretend like I'm interested. She tells me about some gossip and I nod every now and then to make it look like I'm paying attention, but in reality I'm having a hard time not falling asleep.

"So, are you and Mason thinking about doing it soon?" She suddenly asks which gets my full attention.

I don't want to sound scared to do it so I aitomatically answer yes. I don't want her telling other people that I'm not up to it. I don't want them to make fun of me or ostracize me because I'm not sure that I want to have sex yet.

"Nice. Are you guys just going to go with the flow and do it at random or are you planning a specific day to do it?" She asks.

"Umm, Mason and I are going to do it on a specific day, I think he's planning where, you know," I lie. Mason and I haven't talked about it one on one after what happened at lunch today. So I don't know how he feels about this, but I'm guessing he's excited, he probably wants to have sex.

"That's so romantic. I know Mason is going to plan the place so wonderfully! I have faith that he will do everything right for you. However, I advise that you bring condoms. Guys happen to forget those a lot," Megan adds.

I get a dry mouth and widen my eyes as I hear Megan say that. She's right, but u didn't think I would be talking about my plans for sex with her. This is so awkward, I've never seen Mason have a condom before, I'm not sure if he has any.

"Have you ever bought condoms before?" Megan asks. "Okay I'm going to assume that deer in headlights look says no. Well, I get out in a little bit so I can drive you to a store to get some."

"Uh, yeah. Sure, that would be good, thank you," I stupidly reply. Why did I just say that?! I don't want to do this with her, I don't feel comfortable. However, I have to get out of my comfort zone, I can't be a scared kid forever.

"Okay, awesome. When I get the dismissal from the librarian, follow me to my car," she adds and I nod.

Megan goes back to work on putting back some books on the shelves and I stand there awkwardly. I don't know where to go or how to get sex with Mason out of my mind. Am I really going to do this? I guess so, why not?

"Why are you just standing there?" Megan giggles, "Do, you want to know any information about sex?"

"Um, yeah. What can you advise me about so I do it good."

"Don't worry about how good you will or if Mason will like it. He will, so don't be on your head, just go with the flow. Although, it will hurt a bit in the beginning, but you'll get used to it. You'll be pretty sore after so make be careful how hard you guys go at it," Megan explains.

"Wait? It's going to hurt? Like a lot?" I start panicking.

Megan stops what she's doing and she walks over to me. She puts her hands on my shoulders and says, "Hey, it's going to be okay. It's just the stretching that hurts a little because you're not used to it yet, but it will get better over time. Don't think about the pain in the moment, think about you and Mason and how much you love him. You can also tell Mason to go slow and be gentle. So, everything is going to be okay."

Her words calm me down a bit and Megan gives me a small smile before she goes back to her work. I guess I feel better now, it's not a scary thing to have sex. I just need to be calm and communicate how I feel. Everything will be okay.

Minutes pass by quick and before I know it, Megan is done with her dentention and we are on our way to the store. She parks and we get out and head inside. I've never done this before, so Megan leads me to wear the condoms are.

"Okay, here they are, pick which one is the best for your boyfriend," Megan says.

I look at the different options. There are extra large condoms, super thin condoms, extra lubricated condoms, and so many more. I didn't know there were so many varieties. How the hell am I supposed to know which one to get for Mason.

"Having trouble there? I know it's a lot to take in. How about you describe Mason's penis so I can help you get the right one. Wouldn't want the condom to break because it's tight and slip of inside of you because it's too big," she jokes. I stay silent though. I don't know how to answer her still.

"Well? You going to tell me?" She asks again.

"Actually I don't know," I answer.

"What do you mean you don't know? You haven't seen his penis? Have you never given him a handjob or blowjob?" Megan whispers.

"No, I've never seen him without his briefs on. I mean sometimes he has a nice bulge because he's he gets turned on, but like I don't exactly know what he looks like down there," I try to explain.

Megan looks at me in shock and turns to look at the condoms in shock then back at me then at the floor. I may have broken her by accident.

"Well shit. I don't know what to say," he mumbles out.

"It that a bad thing? Does this mean everything will go wrong? Please don't tell anyone that I haven't seen my own boyfriends penis," I beg.

"It's okay, Riley. It's not bad, I'm just surprised that's all. You guys have been together a long time, I just figured that you would have seen his penis by now or done something sexual with me. I promise I won't tell anyone okay, but I also don't think you should jump right into sex so soon. You should try to be more sexually intimate with Mason and try things out. See what you like and what you don't like before sex. Get you're foreplay down before you go straight to sex."

"Oh god, this is all so complicated

I just want to get it over with though," I reply.

"Riley, sex isn't just a task to accomplish and check of the list. It's something you do in the moment when you're feeling the passion," Megan adds. She does have a point. I can't do it because of peer pressure and to get everyone off my case, I have to do it because I really do want to experience it.

"You're right, that's why I want to do it. I want to feel that passion with Mason. So, can you please help me pick out a condom that you think would work the best for Mason and I," I beg.

Megan looks around and finally pick one. She hands it to me and I stare at it for a few seconds. I guess I'm really going to do this. It's for the best.

This can give me so many answers. If I like it and feel good with Mason then I can't regret staying with him and not kissing Quinn. It will mean that Mason is the one for me and no one else.

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Author note: I seen a lot of people trying to villinize characters in this book and that's the wrong way to look at this story. There are no evil main characters in this book. All humans make make stupid mistakes but that doesn't mean they are horrible people. You guys need to distinguish the difference between bad choices and malicious actions.

For example, the people at the lunch table who were teasing and trying to push Riley and Mason to have sex are making a bad choice, it's a mistake to do that, you shouldn't push people to do that. However it's not malicious. A malicious act is what the bullies did to Riley's brother, they beat him to death for being different.

I purposely made the characters relatable. I didn't want to make them black and white, most of their personalities and actions stay in gray zones for a reason. This is how most people are in the world.

There are so many lessons I'm trying to teach through this book and all my other ones. If you pay attention you can see the social commentary that I'm making.

With that being said I hope you all are enjoying this book.

Also, if you're bored and want to know what Peru looks like and hear funny stories, I uploaded a video of what my trip to Peru that I went on a couple of months ago was like. The video is down below!