37: Riley

Megan and I head to the self check out option, but it's out of order so we have to go to a cashier. I hesitate because I'm nervous to go in front of someone and buy condoms. Will they judge me?

Megan sees that its bothering me and she gently takes the condoms out of my hands and walks up to the cashier to buy them as I watch in disbelief.

"Aren't you young to get these? What would god say about you having sex now?" Asks the lady who is handing Megan the receipt.

"God would say I'm being responsible and that you should mind your own business," Megan relies back definitely before she turns to walk out of the store. I run along after her shocked at how well she handles that situation. That lady had no right to say those things.

Once we are outside, Megan hands me the condoms. She looks as tough as always, I guess what the lady said had no effect on her.

"Are you not upset with what the lady said?" I ask.

"No. She has no right to judge, she's probably doing some fucked up shit in her life that way worse than me wanting to have sex. I think that she's just jealous because she isn't getting any," she jokes.

"How are you so confident? How do you ignore what other people say about you?"

"I wasn't always like this, Riley. I used to care so much about what others said to me, I used to do whatever anyone else wanted me to do just to be liked. But that's not right, you shouldn't change yourself to make others happy. If they don't like you for being you then they don't deserve you and they aren't worth your time."

"You're not how I expected you to be," I blurt out.

"Well maybe you didn't give me a chance before. I get why, you're shy and not into sports, but if you don't open up a little you close yourself up from meeting good people. Not everyone is out to hurt you Riley, I wouldn't hurt you, okay," she comments.

"I'm sorry for not giving you a chance. If it's okay with you, I would like to be your friend, Megan."

Megan gives me a big smile before saying, "Aw come on, you don't even have to ask." She pulls me in for a hug and I'm happy. I haven't felt happy these last few things with everything going to shot, but Megan helped bring up my mood and I'm thankful for that.

After that we get back into her car so that she can drive me home. Megan and I start sharing information with each other and I come to learn we have more in common than I thought. I'm sad when we pull up in my driveway, today has turned put to be not so bad.

I say goodbye to Megan, but she doesn't let me leave just yet. She suddenly asks, "Riley, I'm sorry that i have to ask, but are you in love with Mason?"

"Yeah of course, why do you ask?"

"Well, you see," she hesitates for a few seconds before continuing, "since we are friends now we have to look out for each other, which is why I'm asking. I don't want you to make the wrong decison with Mason if you don't love him. And I guess I'm concerned because they way you act around him makes me doubt that you love him."

"What do you mean?" I ask in disbelief. Of course I love, Mason. He's everything to me.

"It's just that the way you two act around each other and the way you explain not having done anything sexual to me makes your relationship sound more like a friendship. Do you love Mason or you in love with Mason?"

"That's the same thing, Megan. I don't really see a difference," I reply.

"They aren't the same thing, Riley. Those are two very different situations. For example, I love Mason, he's a cool guy and I know I can trust him. He's awesome, but I'm not in love with him. I see him as a friend or maybe like a goody two shoes sibling, but I would never want to kiss him. So, now let's put you in the situation. Do you love Mason like I do, or do you want to passionately fuck Mason because you're in love with him?" She asks.

"Am I supposed to ignore how weird that comparison sounded?" I joke.

"Okay, I could have worked on that example better, but you get the point. So, no changing the topic, I need you to answer me."

I hesitate for a few seconds because I should be in love with Mason and should want to be passionate with him, but I'm not sure. Something feels off.

"Riley?" Megan says snapping me out of my thoughts. She's still waiting for her answer.

I want to say I don't know. That's the truth, so why am I so afraid to say that out loud. Instead of confiding in Megan, I lie. I tell her that I'm madly in love with Mason. She nods and gives me a hug before I get out of her car and walk inside my house.

I head up to my bedroom so that I can just lay in bed. However, I feel my phone vibrating, yet I make no move to see who is messaging me. I just pull the covers over me and try to take a nap, I don't want to think about anything that occurred today.

All I repeat to myself is that I'm in love with Mason. I'm in love with him and that's it. There's nothing more to it.

I have this gut wrenching feeling when I repeat those words but I try to ignore those feelings. And soon enough I drift off to sleep.

However, I'm woken by someone gently rubbing my back as they whisper out my name. I open my eyes and notice that it's Mason. I sigh because he isn't the person I wanted to talk to now. But the one person I want to talk to about everything is also the person who doesn't want to talk to me.

"Hi, Mason," I murmur.

"Hey, babe. I just wanted to check in on you, I know that today was rough," he replies.

I sit up in bed and look over at him, he's genuinely concerned about me. "I'm okay, Mason." I also give him a fake smile so that he believes me.

"Okay, okay. Just forget about everything that happened today," he adds.

"I don't want to do that though," I reply already regretting my words. "Mason we need to talk about what the others said at lunch."

"I know, look I never want you to feel pressured, I'm okay with waiting...," I cut him of by kissing him and he stares at me in shock.

"I don't want to wait Mason. I've wait for years and I don't want to wait any longer."

"Oh, I thought you would say the opposite. Sure, we can figure out when exactly we want to have sex later. I'm fine with that," he adds and I roll my eyes at him.

"Mason, when I said I don't want to wait, I meant it. Let's just get it over with now," I respond. This whole thing is annoying at this point. The only person who gets to make my virginity a big deal is me and I don't fucking care anymore.

Mason looks at me in disbelief and stutters out, "But I don't have any condoms on me now."

"That's okay, I have one," I show him as I take the pack of condoms out that I bought earlier.

Mason gulps loudly and takes the pack out of my hands. "Where did you get these?"

"From the store, where else?" I reply back.

"Well of course, I'm just surprised you went to get them, that's all," he adds.

"So?" I continue.

"So what?" Mason asks making me roll my eyes at him.

"So, are we going to do it now or what, Mason?"

"Uh, yeah we can do it now," he mumbles out. Why is he acting so weird, I thought this would immediately turn him on, I guess I need to do foreplay, like Megan mentioned earlier.

So I straddle Mason and start kissing him, I try my best to make it as passionate as possible. After getting over the initial shock Mason kisses me back and then he pushes me down on the bed.

I try to grab the bottom of his shirt and pull it up, he gets the idea and takes it off for me. Then I graze me hands over his chest as we continue to kiss.

Mason tries to take off my shirt to no success and I help him do it. He looks at me sheepishly and I giggle as i pull him close for another kiss.

Things are starting to get very heated between us and I try to unzip his jeans. However, Mason stops me to ask, "Are you sure about this? You know we don't have to do this if you aren't ready."

Some part me of doesn't want to do this, but I push it aside. I can do whatever I want. I want to have sex. I want to know what it feels like and if I like it or not. Maybe I'm jumping of a cliff now and it's probably not a good idea, but fuck it.

"I'm sure," I reply and Mason takes of his pants and helps me with mine. Then we take of the remainder of our clothing and attempt to do this.

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Author note: Okay, I know you guys probably hate me, but hear me out!

Mwhahahaha!!!!!! Enjoy.

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