40: Riley

That night, Quinn and her friends take me home. I had to explain to my parents why I wasn't answering, however, I didn't tell them the whole truth. All I said was that Mason and I had a big fight and I needed to cool off but I forgot my phone. They grounded me for a month, which really sucks, but they said I could go talk to Mason the next day to work things out.

It's perfect, I get time to figure out what to say to him. I don't want to hurt him, but it needs to me done. I can't keep stringing him along, it's just not fair to stay in a relationship with someone when you don't love them. I'm taking away his chance at finding love and that's worse than making him upset by breaking up with him.

So, I stay awake to wrote down how I feel and I put the paper down on my nightstand. I take a shower and change to get ready for bed. For once I  feel somewhat relaxed. So, it's easy to fall asleep when I lay in bed and put the covers over me. I didn't think i would be able to sleep this fast, but I appreciate it.

The next day I wake up bright and early, I guess I felt the anxiety creeping in a little now. Thankfully I got a good night's sleep.

I head downstairs to have breakfast with my parents before getting ready to go to school. They are still a bit upset with me for yesterday and I can't blame them. I understand they were very worried, so I try to be super nice to them before heading over to Mason's house.

I hesitate outside his house for a few minutes then I push through and knock on the door. Mason quickly answers the door and looks shocked to see him. We stand there staring at each other for a few seconds and I start regretting this. However, Mason snaps out of it and he reaches out to grab me and pulls in for a hug.

"I was so worried about you. I'm sorry. We don't need to have sex. It doesn't matter to me anymore," he blurts out. Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought it would.

I try to push him back a little so that I can face him as I say, "Mason, we need to have a serious talk."

"Okay, is something wrong?" He asks and I drop my face. I'm so scared. What if he ends up hating me because of this.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks again as he intertwines our fingers.

I push his hand away and I can tell by the look on his face that he is so confused. I take a deep breath and repeat, "We need to talk, Mason. It's super important. Can we sit down first though."

"Yeah, that's fine," he says motioning for me to enter his home. I sit on the couch and make sure that none of his family members are near.

"Mason, I don't think it's a good idea to be together."

He gives me a dumbfounded look and then stares at the ground for a second. "If it's about yesterday, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you want to do it. And if it's because of everyone at school, ignore them, they don't understand what they are talking about."

"No, Mason. It's not about that...never mind, that's part of the problem. However, the reason why I couldn't do it isn't because of the pressure, it was because of something else," I start to explain.

"What do you mean?"

I sigh and try to figure out how to phrase this, "Mason, I can't have sex with you because it doesn't feel right to do that. I love you, but I can't. It's just...it's just that..."

"You're not in love with me," Mason finishes the sentence for me and I look up at him in shock.

Mason sighs and gets up to pace around the room. "I know, Riley."

"I'm sorry Mason, I really am. I just...I don't know what to do. I never met to hurt you...wait a minute. You knew?" I ask. Now I'm the one in disbelief.

"I had a feeling. I don't know how to explain it, but these last few months have felt so different with you. I knew something was off, but I didn't understand it. It felt like we were becoming just friends, or something like that," he replies.

"Wait, I'm still confused. What are you trying to say, Mason?"

"I think that as you were falling out of love with me, I was also falling out of love with you," he responds as he sits down next to me.

"Is that why you were being so hesitant with me yesterday? When I thought I wanted to have sex?"

"Well. Don't get me wrong, I want to have sex and I wanted to make you happy, but it didn't feel right for me either. I was so shocked that you suggested it and I tried to persuade you out of it, but you're stubborn Riley," he comments.

"I didn't want to make you feel bad and I know that you were upset the last few days. I just didn't know how to say no in the situation," he adds.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Mason. My stupid decisions almost made you do something you weren't ready for," I reply. I mess everything up clearly. I didn't ever think that Mason could be going through this. I was selfish. I only thought about myself.

"No, no. It's not your fault. I never said anything. I was scared..."

"Why?" I ask.

"Well...because I didn't want to lose you. You're like my best friend and I didn't want to fuck it up. And everyone was so happy for us to be together and they were expecting so much. I didn't want to let anyone down," he explains. He feels the same way that I have been feeling this entire time. We were both so scared of what others would say that we continued a relationship that neither of us wanted.

I put my head in my hands and just stare at the ground for a few seconds before saying, "We felt trapped. We've felt this way for a while and we never said anything."

"Fuck," Mason mumbles and I glance up at him and he looks sk defeated. Mason has always been this strong person who i thought would never do anything that he didn't want, but I was wrong. Mason just wants to be liked and feel like he fits in. He's like me, we worry about what other people think.

"Mason, you deserve to be happy. I never want you to feel pressured to do anything you don't want, I want you to be free and to experience everything," I tell him.

"We both deserve to be happy and free," he interrupts.

"I just want you to be happy," I add.

Mason shakes his head and comments, "Riley, it isn't just about me. I'm not the only one who deserves all this. You deserve to be so happy and carefree and not afraid of what anyone thinks. You deserve freedom and a real love. You deserve everything you have ever wanted."

"No I don't. I'm not like you Mason. I'm not good, I'm messed up. I don't deserve to be happy," I reply.

Mason puts his arm around me before saying, "That's not true, okay. You really do deserve happiness. You're an amazing person, Riley. You deserve to show off how awesome you are. You deserve to be the real you no matter what because the real you is my favorite person. I know you'll be other people's favorite person too."

I hug Mason and he hugs me back. We stay like that for a bit longer until I start to feel better. Then we both pull away from each other.

"What do we do now?" I ask him.

"I'm not sure. I guess carry on with our lives and try to become better people and learn from our mistakes. Let's promise to always do what's right for us, not what seems right for other people," he replies and I agree with him.

"Mason?" I whisper and he looks at me. "Does this mean we can't be friends?"

"What! What are you talking about? Is that what you want?"

"Of course not! You're important to me, I don't want to lose you. I was just asking since most people who break up don't stay friends," I explain.

"Well that's not us, okay. I don't want to lose you either. You were my best friend before and you will be my best friend after. Don't worry. Who gives a shit about what anyone says, I trust you and will always be here for you," he replies making me smile.

"I'll always be here for you too, Mason. I'll always love you, no matter what," I respond.

He smiles and pulls me in for another hug, "Thank you, Riley. I'll always love you too."

We pull away from the hug and Mason looks around my legs. "Where is your bag?"

"Oh. I didn't bring it," I reply sheepishly.

"Well, why not?" He asks.

"Well I assumed you wouldn't want give me a ride after I broke up with you. I had no idea that we would have this understanding talk," I reply.

Mason chuckles and agrees with me there. Then he adds, "Don't worry, I'm not upset with you. Now, go get your bag, I'll wait for you in the car so we can go to school."

I smile and head out of his house so that I can go to mine and grab my stuff. I thought today would be a horrible day, but that's not how it turned out to be. I'm so glad that things worked out.

Maybe, just maybe things will get better. I might have a chance at being happy.

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Author note: Here is the long await breakup chapter! And so many of you guys thought Mason was a bad person. Nope! He just felt trapped like Riley. Sometimes thinking about what others will say can greatly affect our mental health and the choices we make in life.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and continue reading, because there is still a lot left.

Also, I uploaded another travel video where I visit Machu Picchu. It's one of the seven wonders of the world and it's an ancient Incan city. If you guys watched the video it would mean the world to me. Also, don't forget to subscribe to my channel.

If you made it this far, you are awesome. I'll just add more details about the beautiful girl I'm talking to. She's amazing and so sweet and the best person that I have ever met. I can't wait to meet her in person one day and go on a date. I'm lucky that she lives like 30 minutes away, but this quarantine is making it hard.