Chapter 32

Obviously there was no possible way I was going back to some group home, even if it was just for a few weeks.

See, the thing about freedom is that when you have it, you do not want to let it go. You do not want to go back to curfews, lights out, and someone being in control of what you are allowed to have and do. Other than that, this would not be my first stunt in a group home. The last time I was staying in one, almost all my personal stuff "disappeared" without being found again. I at least found one photo of my mom I carried with me under my bed. The silver frame that hosted the photo was gone.

And this time would be even worse. I have a bag full of shopping, memories of my trip with E.J., and a list that I wanted to preserve for the rest of my life, even if I wasn't going to finish it just here and now. Maybe the end on the list doesn't even have to be suicide. Maybe I can just one day die, an old man, holding the hand of the person he loves. Maybe that can be an end as well.

"I can't tell your mom who my social worker is," I whisper to E.J. while his mom is in the kitchen making some promised hot chocolate. "I just can't do it."

"Then you'll stay here," E.J. answers without any question, again putting his hand in mine, making me shiver and long to be back in some hotel room, all alone where I can kiss him and hold him in my arms.

"Your mom will never fall for that. Let's be honest about this," I answer again, this time wishing I could sweep the hair out of his eyes and stare into their never-ending pools of sorrow.

"I might have an idea," E.J. answer. "Just stay here for a moment."

I don't want to leave his hand, but I do, as E.J. gets up from the living room sofa and disappears deep into the house, leaving me to rub my thighs through my jeans in a stressed anxiety that just doesn't seem to ever disappear when I think about being in the system.

"Where's E.J. off to?" E.J's mom asks, holding two steaming cups in her hand as she enters the living room which I finally get to look at now that E.J. is not in the same room anymore.

"Not sure. I think he went to his room," I answer as I study the pictures on the wall above the fireplace. There doesn't seem to be many of E.J, and even the few that are there are from when he was still a kid. Maybe about ten years old, or younger.

"Well, he'd better hurry up and get back in here before his hot chocolate gets cold," she says with a click of the tongue before leaving me alone, making her way back to the kitchen.

It has always bothered me that James could have done all of those things to E.J. right under his wife's eyes. From the outside she doesn't look like a bad mom at all. She looks like the type of person that would protect her son no matter what. But... Then again, her son just did disappear for a few weeks without her even knowing where on earth he was, which also says a lot.

"Where's your brother?" I ask as E.J. walks back into the room, taking his mug from the coffee table and plunking down next to me. I gesture to the pictures on the wall, almost as if to remind him who I am talking about.

"Oh, Keith?" he asks. "Dunno. Probably with my grandparents or something. My mom usually leaves him there when she wants some alone time."

"She just leaves him there?" I ask, my eyebrows raising against my forehead.

"You seem surprised," E.J. mentions as he brushes over my hand. "My mom really only cares when she feels like it. Not meaning that she doesn't love us. She just kinda loves life and having fun a little bit more."

I try to imagine having a mom like that, but I just can't. My mom was the total opposite until the day she died. She made sure she knew where I was every second of every day.

"I just find it weird," I mutter, not wanting to ask too many questions. "Where were you just now?"

"Making a plan for you," E.J. says with a smile. "She didn't ask you the numbers again yet?"

"Nope. I think she's thinking about other things," I answer, looking at the mug in my hand, which I try to balance on my knee as much as I can. "What plan have you been making? I need to seriously split soon. I can't go back into the foster system, and god forbid I land up in a group home again."

E.J. all of a sudden takes my hand and squeezes it tight in his.

"I told you, I made a plan. I have arranged somewhere for you to go for a week or two. We can make other plans from then on. But for now it would be good if you just kinda keep your head low," E.J. smiles and takes a sip from his mug.

"Where?" I ask, not managing to say much else.

"Do you trust me?" E.J. asks, squeezing my hand even tighter.

"With my life..." I answer, wanting with everything in me to lean over and kiss him, but I do my best not to as he untagles his hand from mine as his mother steps back in and take the seat opposite us.

"I need to talk to the two of you," she says without a smile. "What you did was really irresponsible. E.J., obviously you are grounded. A month or so? Seems fair?"

I watch as E.J. nods his head solemnly, almost as if he is really deserving of this, whereas I try my best to bite my tongue and not tell his mother what I really think of her not even knowing where her child has been, not even mentioning the sexual abuse her ex husband put him through for years.

"Okay. So now that that is sorted..." She turns to me and looks me dead in the eyes. "I need to know where you are going from here. I need some names and numbers. I can't be caught harboring a minor who is on top a runaway. What you did is deplorable to say the least. Taking my son over state lines. I should actually have you arrested, and I almost have a good mind to do so, but I also know you come from some different circumstances. So I will give you the benefit of the doubt for the moment, but I would like to make myself clear as day. I don't want you seeing my son ever again. This friendship is over. E.J. needs to focus on his studies - not run away with someone who seems to have absolutely no direction at all in their lives."

I can feel the blood inside me boil with every single word she utters, but I catch E.J's eyes, reading his plea and I do my best to keep my mouth wired shut, only allowing myself to nod at her, while what I actually want to do is to tell her what a utter bitch she is.

"So I will need those numbers now," she finishes as she lifts herself from the couch. "I'll be back in a bit and then we need to call your foster parents or social worker."

I watch her back as she walks away and disappears into the kitchen once more.

"Listen quickly," E.J. whispers before I can even open my mouth to tell him what a horrible person his mother is. "You need to get the hell out of here. There's a park up near the mall. About two blocks past it when you walk from here. We passed it on the way here from the airport as well. Just go there and wait for my text. I have made some arrangements, but you are gonna need to leave right now."

"And you?" I ask not wanting to leave E.J. here. I want him with me, where I can make sure he is okay.

"Just go. Trust me, okay?" E.J. answers as he takes my hand and then plants an unexpected but soft, quick kiss on my lips. "Now, quickly!"

"When will I see you again?" I ask as he gets up, pulling me up with him and taking the mug from my hand.

"Soon. Now go. Run. Act as if you just ran out like you didn't plan it at all."

A rustle from the kitchen makes me grab my bags and head for the front door. A I open it to the cold air outside I can't help but turning around and looking at E.J. I hope that my eyes convey everything that I am wanting to say to him. That I love him. That he means everything to me. That he has saved my life. That it physically pains me to leave him here and not take him with me where I can keep him safe for every minute of every day.

"Run," E.J. mouths again, his eyes sprinting towards a sound coming from the kitchen.

"I love you," I mouth back before I exit the house and start running as fast as I can, making my way over the cold tar that crunches under my sneakers, trying my best to remember the park that E.J. had been speaking about and wondering who on earth would be giving me a place to stay as I hide from the government, the social worker, my foster parents, and E.J's mom.

"I trust you," I huff, repeating the words over and over until I can see the mall looming in front of me. Knowing I don't have much further to go I stop to catch my breath and take my phone out of my pocket.

E.J: I love you. Just trust me. Someone will be waiting for you and you HAVE to accept their help. Do it for me.

I can't help but frown as I move forward closer to the park, only looking down at my phone to type back.

Brody: I hope you're okay. I told you I trust you with my life. I love you more.

When I reach the park, the sun is setting over the trees. Everything looks like a horror movie. No leaves on the trees. The ground almost frozen. A swingset slowly swinging in the wind, making it creek as it goes back and forth.

I try my best to search for the apparent someone who should be meeting me here, but I see nobody as I walk closer to an iced pond at the edge of the park. I take out my phone again as I sit down on the cold ground, reading E.J's text again in case I missed something important he had said.

"My, my... What do we have here?" a voice says before I even have a chance to type a message to E.J.

I turn my head and look up at the guy towering out over me.

"Oh fuck no," I mutter as I lower my phone, bracing myself for what will no doubt happen next.