Chapter 5 Panic Attack

"Better?" he asked as I continued to stare.

Embarrassed to be caught out I looked down to Cissero and pet his head before glancing back up. Ice blue eyes continued to watch me almost analytically. I could only imagine what he was seeing and thinking, as his mind seemed to live in the gutter.

I had bed head and was still wearing the same clothes from last night. They were wrinkled and I was sure they smelled. I probably looked as groggy as I still felt, as well. I didn't usually stay up as late as I had last night. Not getting eight hours of sleep had never been a good look on me.

"So, I take it that means you did just get home?" he persisted.

I didn't know why he kept asking and I really didn't know why it was any of his business but the look on his face and his continued questioning made me feel he would keep at it until I answered.

"Yes," I finally said. "Thanks to you!" I tacked on for what reason I had no idea.

I should have known better but he was frustrating me. I didn't know how to handle this man. I didn't know what he wanted from me, I only knew how I reacted to him and even that I didn't really understand, I just knew I did. It was kind of impossible to hide from.

Pierce cocked his head at me. I noticed how is eyes had flashed when I first answered but he had followed that up with a sudden frown as I continued.

"Are you really trying to say spending the night with your boyfriend or boyfriends is my fault?" he lashed back. "You're exhausted because you're obviously having trouble keeping up. Maybe you should reconsider some of your life choices!"

Cissero didn't like the tone of his voice and neither did I. I especially didn't appreciate his insinuations either. I hadn't the first time he made them and I definitely didn't now. My life choices? I almost laughed. My mind boggled at what he was suggesting.

I calmed my pet before looking up to meet Pierce's direct accusing look with my own angry glare. Anxiety bubbled in my belly but the anger was a close second. I felt sick from the combination of emotions churning inside me but I knew I needed to defend myself.

No... not defend myself. I needed to stand up for myself. This man was evidently used to saying whatever he wanted. I had to make him see he couldn't do that with me. Especially about my friends.

Taking a deep breath, and taking a stand I unloaded my thoughts and feelings onto the unsuspecting man.

"I don't know why y...you keep saying things like that but I don't appreciate it. Y...you don't know me and y... you don't know my friends," I stuttered out, hating the hesitations but unable to keep them from coming out.

I never confronted people. I have never really had to since freshman year. People left me alone after the guys and I became friends and the few times someone did mess with me usually one of them was around and they dealt with the situation. Handling this now on my own, was harder than I expected but I was so angry I couldn't keep silent.

I noted he was watching me with an odd expression on his face. I couldn't read it and I didn't try to as I concentrated on what I had to say. As long as he was listening, his thoughts didn't matter to me.

"Archer and P...Percy will be getting married soon so implying I'm some kind of side p...piece to them is not only insulting! And the other g... guys aren't gay so your implications are ignorant!" I finished feeling both proud of myself and stupid at the same time.

I felt like I was back in school and defending myself against a bully. I knew I sounded like it, too. I knew my cheeks were bright red. My face felt hot and I felt like the blood was racing through my veins. My fingers were twitching and I gripped desperately at Cissero's leash with both hands as I tried to control their trembling.

He had already heard my stutters. I didn't want to further humiliate myself by allowing him to see more of my weaknesses. I sure did not feel like the twenty-six-year old man I was supposed to be. It was a humiliating thought.

"And are you?" he asked suddenly into the silence after staring at me for long moments.

I had watched as his eyes had looked at my rosy cheeks and flashing eyes as I delivered my heart felt if somewhat childish speech. I also couldn't help but notice how they had strayed further down over my shoulders, hips and down my legs.

He had given me a thorough once over and despite him no longer wearing the sunglasses, I still didn't have a clue as to what he was thinking which only added to the irritation I was feeling. And the nervousness. His wandering eyes flustered me in a way I could not grasp.

My head suddenly snapped to attention.

"What?" I asked, suddenly catching on to what he was asking but hoping I was wrong. "Am I what?"

"Are you gay?" he asked without hesitation.

My mouth opened and closed a couple of times. I knew I probably resembled a guppy. I felt liked one. I was floored. Who was this man?

"Is that really any of your b... business?" I finally managed to ask. "Is any of this y...your business?" I managed.

Cissero started to fidget, I placed my hand on his head again, trying to sooth him as Pierce stared back at my defiantly troubled face.

"You're still in the closet then?" he asked and my cheeks puffed out before an explosion of air escaped with a woosh, most likely upgrading me from guppy to puffer fish.

"Wow!" I finally managed. "You just don't s... stop."

Pierce Lucciano actually laughed then.

His smiling face and shining eyes did funny things to my body. Butterflies flapped while my heart skipped a beat. It was all cliché but how he made me feel was something right out of a romance novel. And that kicked my discomfort levels up a whole other notch.

This was attraction? Was what happened last night and what was happening to me today, was that me physically reacting? Was I being turned on by this outrageously rude man?

I tried to swallow but my throat felt locked up. My rapid pulse became palpitations that made it feel like my heartbeat was now in my throat and I could not swallow. A suffocating like feeling overtook me as I could not get enough fresh air into my lungs.

I stood stock still as I tried to get my body to work when the sudden realization that I was having a panic attack took hold of me and I bent over and placed my hands on my knees trying to steady my breathing as well as my body before I collapsed in a heap at this man's feet.

Wouldn't that just be wonderful I thought wildly, as I tried to draw air into my starving lungs.

Suddenly I felt the leash being pulled from my tight grip. At the back of my mind I registered the short game of tug of war that took place between Pierce and I as he fought to take the leather strap from my grasp. In the end he won.

Warm hands grabbed my mine and encouraged me to stand back to my full height. I heard a voice over my head saying things like 'relax' and 'breath' but the meaning to most of what was said was lost on me.

What wasn't lost was the soothing deep timber of how the voice talked to me. It was warm and firm and commanding. It made me want to listen and follow. As it directed, I started to obey.

Long moments later my surroundings came back to me and I was shocked to find Pierce standing directly in front of me, holding my hands, bent forward so that he could talk softly to me near my ear.

I froze. My head darted to his face then around looking for Cissero. My shock was compounded when I saw another large bodyguard playing with Cissero twenty yards away. I looked back at Pierce.

He had stood back up to his full height but he was still staring down at me, his brow wrinkled in concern. For the first time I wondered how old he was. I knew it couldn't be much older than me.

I also noticed how very attractive he was. His jawline was strong, his cheekbones prominent. He looked as Italian as his name sounded. Except for his eyes. The shade of blue screamed Nordic ancestry. It was an odd combination but it was beautiful too.

When my heart skipped a beat as my thoughts wandered back down that path of a few moments before, I immediately ceased noticing anything else about Pierce and simply took a step back. I didn't need another panic attack.

Thankfully he released my hands as I withdrew a step. I swiped a hand through my hair as my other hand rested on my chest and lightly rubbed. Though the panic attack was over the aftereffects would linger for a while longer. Unfortunately, this wasn't my first episode but thankfully the first one I had had in a while.

I looked into Pierce's face silently blaming him for my condition before looking away.

"Are you okay?" he asked me quietly.

I looked back and was about to make a snapping retort when I noticed he looked pretty shook. The over confidant A-hole that said and did and asked whatever he wanted without a qualm looked genuinely bothered by what had just happened.

I was surprised by his human-like response. Until now he had seemed larger than life. A pain in the ass larger than life man, but still larger than life. He seemed untouchable, not susceptible to most things, but my panic attack did not appear to be one of them.

My panic attack had shaken him.

That touched me more than I expected it to.

Instead of making my snappy response. I just sighed and nodded. There was no reason to be provoking. I wasn't in shape for it anyway. It would most likely only make my condition worse seeing as how I wasn't really comfortable doing that kind of thing to begin with.

"Has that happened to you before?" he asked. "Do I need to take you to the hospital?" he pushed.

I sighed again and nodded my head yes then shook it no.

Pierce chuckled softly. "Did you have a stroke, too?" he asked.

"Yes, it has happened before," I said nodding my head up and down in an exaggerated manner. "No, you don't need to take me to a hospital," I finished now shaking my head back in forth.

He chuckled again. "You can be kind of a smart ass," he commented quietly but he was still smiling so I didn't take it as an insult.

"I'm usually not," I responded honestly. "I think it's an automatic response to your brand of communication."

Pierce laughed out right.

I noticed his pearly white teeth and lips then and I wanted to groan. Why was I suddenly noticing every minute detail about this man? Not only noticing but appreciating the aesthetic beauty of his face. He was remarkably good looking. But I was used to being around four pretty hot guys already and I had never noticed them like this before. Their looks, their bodies didn't phase me in the least. Why was it different with Pierce?

His sudden question came back to tease at my mind. Are you gay?

I had honestly never thought about things like that. Archer liked men and I was okay with that. Branson, Noah and Mick were complete dogs when it came to girls and I was okay with that too.

Me though? I had never had much interest one way or the other. Archer often times said he thought I was asexual. I was fine with that assessment. Nothing had ever made me want to find out otherwise.

I was quiet and a bit socially awkward. I loved my job and loved my friends. I didn't go out much unless the guys dragged me out and those occasions were fine because I was with them.

Now I stood here on a Saturday morning staring at a man who made me think about these things and made me feel things I never thought to feel. A most unpalatable man that was more jerk than human. A snide and snarky individual who my friends already despised was opening a door in my life that had long been kept shut.

What was I going to do with that?