Chapter 337

Chapter 337

Translator: yun

Though Castor tried to run towards me, I summoned a wall between us, blocking him.

“Wait! Wait!”

He banged on the wall but the wall I conjured out of divinity remained impregnable.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me anything!”

I turned my eyes away.

“Will anything change if I did?”

I glanced at his face that twisted in pain before staring at the door through which the nanny had just left. She was a good and kind woman.Nnêw n0vel chapters are published at novelhall.com

But he would lose her as he had done before.

When I looked back at him again, he was staring back at me anxiously. As though he was expecting me to do something. He was desperate like a devout believer seeking for god.

“Alright. Then, I have a favour to ask of you.”

To devote all your affection to one person meant losing everything once you lost that person.

“Don’t go insane.”

It was just then.

[Ashley!]

The moment I thought I had heard the diary, the shackles around my wrist broke. The pieces of red chain also looked like gold as it fluttered down like rain. I was then swallowed by a ball of light and I could no longer see him.

***

With the voice of the diary entering my ears, the sight in front of me changed. The moment I took a step with my feet, my fingers started trembling.

I still remembered how it felt to hold Castor’s neck with these hands as his pulse drummed under my fingertips.

I regretted it.

‘Why didn’t I kill him?’

Why couldn’t I press on his pulse? Because he wasn’t guilty? Right. He was not the sinner. But he was going to become a murderer in the future, wasn’t he? Why wasn’t I allowed to judge him for his future crimes?

In the space Castor had created, the concept of time had slowly collapsed. A blank space that held nothing merely functioned as a passage through the past and the future. My judgement had clouded.

“Who are you?”

The man who didn’t remember me. The man who lived a different life in a completely different timeline. The innocent man from the past who had done nothing wrong yet. I might have gone a little mad after being forced to see everything through this unwanted time-travelling.

“Have... I gone mad?”

Ha, hahaha. I hoped that this empty laugh I hear echoing in this space was not mine.

“I should have just gone insane.”

For how long must I live in this pain? Until the day I die?

Why did we meet?

I couldn’t help but to ask even though this question seemed to bind us together indefinitely.

“No. No.”

I hugged my arms before murmuring to myself like I was reciting a spell.

“I should have killed him.”

I could still feel his beating pulse under my fingertips.

“If I had killed him, I wouldn’t have ever needed to die, right?”

Had I stopped laughing? Ah, I did. I stopped laughing. I corrected myself. I had been wrong earlier. I hadn’t killed him because he was innocent but how should I feel about exacting his punishment only after he had committed his sins?

It was then. A small hand touched my arm. It clasped my sleeves tightly. As though it was holding onto my sleeves so that I wouldn’t fall.

Before I realised it, I found the diary staring at me.

“Diary?”

With strength, the diary pulled me towards her. Her big eyes stared at me anxiously.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were here...”

“.....”

“Diary?”

Pouting, she puffed up her cheeks. I furrowed my brows.

“Don’t tell me, you can’t speak?”

The diary nodded.

There was only one person who could do this.

“... Was that Castor’s doing?”

Nod.

“... So, you wouldn’t be able to speak even if you returned to your notebook form?”

Shake.

Seeing her shake her head, it seemed like she was either unable to return to her notebook form or it was impossible for her to change form. I raised my head with a frown.

“When did we enter this space?”

But I was given yet another chance.

“Ha, hahahaha.”

The gods had given me one more chance.

‘I cannot miss it again.’

Someone pulled on my arm harshly. It was the diary.

Huffing and puffing.

Even though she tried to speak, her voice wouldn’t leave her throat.

“Let go.”

The diary shook her head vigorously. There was no way she wouldn’t understand.

‘The goal is right in front of me!’

The diary was now full-on embracing my front and shaking her head.

‘I’m going to change it. I’m going to change everything by killing Castor.’

But she barely put up any resistance so even with the diary attached to my side, I reached out to Castor.

“I don’t know why you’re giving me a chance.. But this was your decision.”

Castor merely stared back at me.

“.....”

I grabbed the shackles. It only took a split second. My blood-soaked hands were coated in divinity.

“You’re going to die by my hands. Castor.”

The butterflies blackened as though responding to my hatred. The moment I tried to wield the divinity that had now turned into a swirl of black and purple.

A terrifying rush of wind swept across the top of my head. Didn’t people say those without wings were sure to fall?

Thud.

It sounded as though a huge piece of wood had been thrown onto asphalt ground from the 20th floor of the high-rise building. I wasn’t unfamiliar with the sound. Out of the many deaths I had experienced... I had also died from falls as well.

I forced my head to turn as though it would creak if I didn’t. The moment we made eye contact, Castor spoke.

“That was my nanny.”

I heard an answer I never thought I would hear.

“This is the place the only person I loved killed herself. It was my nanny. She’s dead now.”

The day I had regained my memories, the words Castor spoke repeated in my head.

No. I could not let myself understand him. If I did, I would be crossing a line. I should not allow him my sympathy or compassion.

The Heir to the Lord was said to grow stronger as the regressions they undergo increase. Those eyes and hands belonged to the man who once killed me.

“Now I think I can guess why you couldn’t tell me why.”

“.....”

“You’re an Heir to the Lord, like me.”

He realised who I was as he underwent his regressions.

“Did you return back in time?”

The current you recognised me as well as your past.

“I will keep my promise.”

Wind blew. But I didn’t want it to.

“Will you kill me?”

The wind brought with it the smell of blood.

“How, could you say that?”

A tear could be vividly seen streaming down his cheek. Even now, the smell of blood stuck to his body. The smell of blood from people who were once alive was tiresomely familiar.

“The emperor had tricked my nanny into thinking that I would awaken if she were to kill herself. I have witnessed her suicide many times now.”

My numerous deaths were flashing across my eyes.

“I have tried stopping her, dying with her and running away from it altogether. But nothing worked.”

Castor closed his eyes.

“I couldn’t even count how many times it has been now.”

He said as he opened his closed eyes closely. On the other side of his gaze was a corpse that had just died.

“In the end my nanny would always jump and I would always return to the point right before she does.”

It was only then did I understand why he thought it had been a long time since we last met. Because he must have undergone countless repetitions at this point.

“Now, I know how to stop these regressions.”

“Do you know how to escape this curse?”

He spoke calmly. No, perhaps all his emotions had simmered beneath his skin before vaporising. It was the horrible method he had once revealed to me.

“Killing your loved one with your own hands.”

It was to abandon your humanity on your own. If you chose to become a monster in order not to go mad, who should you blame for being given such shit choices?

“If that’s the case, would you understand me?”