Chapter 21: Tell It to My Heart

Harry

After I left Regency Falls, I arrived home shortly and went to my bedroom to cry alone.

I greeted my parents first, of course. They asked me how it was over there. I told them how well I was treated, how nice Luna Felicia was to me and how adorable Landon's little sister is.

I talked to my parents enough so they know everything went fine, which is the truth. But when I reached inside my bedroom, I bawled my eyes out in never ending tears. I cried so much, I was dehydrated.

I don't know what I am doing anymore. I feel like this rejection is punishing ME much more than serving its intended purpose. I know I set out to reject the one responsible for the genocide of my pack. I am fully aware of what I did and the intention behind it.

I have zero regrets over this decision, none whatsoever.

Now please tell that to my heart!

The tears won't stop streaming down my face. This is the saddest I have ever felt in my life - apart from the deaths of my family members, including Jessica. I cannot seem to stop crying like I was the one being rejected.

As if somehow HE was the one who drove away from ME.

What the hell?! Why do I feel this way? What on Earth have I done to deserve this? Please Goddess, why mate me away from my own pack? We have 10 thousand people available for me.

I mean we had ten thousand people, now we have five thousand...

I couldn't bring myself to go to the dining room for lunch. I didn't have any appetite. I just wanted to keep on crying because the tears didn't seem to run out.

Eventually, Spencer knocked at my door and when I opened it, he immediately saw my puffy eyes.

"Hi. Welcome back, Harry. What happened? Did he treat you badly? Was he mean to you because I'll beat him up. I'm already angry at him because of Kevin." He said, coming into my room with a worried expression on his face.

I get why he would think that, seeing my face. If only...

"No, it's quite the opposite. He was wonderful. His family was so graceful to me. Everybody was so welcoming to me and treated me nicely. Even his secretary called me Luna." I replied, open-heartedly.

I cannot lie. This trip could have gone horribly wrong - I don't mean being shot-type of horrific - but everybody was so nice to me, made me feel right at home as if I were a member of their pack.

Spencer is baffled by this revelation, looking at me very confused.

"I'm sorry, then why are you crying like you just lost your puppy?" He cocked an eyebrow at me in utter confusion.

"Because I'm losing track of why I rejected him in the first place! He was horrible to my pack, killing thousands of people. Then HE went and treated me with respect and consideration, that fucker!" I growled, raging at the dichotomy.

Spencer sat on a chair, laughing nervously at my misery.

"I get it. You thought you'd go to his pack and he would prove you right for having rejected him; instead, not only he, but everyone else was wonderful to you, so now you lost your nerve and the will to keep on rejecting him." He realized, laughing at my situation.

"Exactly! Why couldn't he be horrible to me and I would be happy here having done what I did." I shouted, angrily.

"Because life is not that simple, my friend. Did you really think he would treat you badly? His own mate? Come on, Harry..." He challenged me with a sassy attitude.

Once again, I am baffled by his response. I guess this is why people need others to talk things through. Or talk some sense into them, though that is not my case. At least, I don't think so.

"Maybe not him, but I don't know... someone in his pack could. Instead, his family was so adorable to me. You should see the drawing of him and me that his sister gave to me before I left this morning. She's the cutest nine year old you'll ever meet." I said, melting into a puddle.

"I believe you, my friend. I'm surprised at you for resisting thus far. Didn't you want to jump his bones while you were there?" He asked me with a mischievous grin. I gasped again because it's so true.

"I did!" - I yelled, emphatically. - "I nearly completed the freaking bond. I was so horny for him! Damn, he has some mouth on him... The kisses were just like heaven." I confessed, drooling at the thought.

I cannot, nor do I want to hold anything back. If I can't be honest with Spencer, I won't be with anybody else.

Spencer widened his eyes at my confession, probably surprised by my admission... or perhaps not.

"Harry, you don't owe any explanation, motive or anything to anyone. You have the same right to accept your mate that you have to reject him. And no one can judge you for it. Not even me, not that I ever would." He stated vivaciously.

I grimace at the thought. I know what he means by this. I can only hold myself back on my own accord. I don't need to fear that any pack member might judge me for the decision. Or at least, I should not. It is absolutely my call and mine alone.

"I know, Spence. I really wanted to hate him... but not only is he kind, respectful, a loving brother and decent guy, he never pushed me into anything I wasn't comfortable with. In fact, every time we did something, I was the one who initiated it." I confessed, flustered by the recent memory of our 'conversations'.

"I know you thought he'd prove to be a monster because he had five thousand people killed. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Not that I'm saying his decision wasn't absolutely abhorrent." He argued, upset at the fact.

"I guess no one really knows what they're capable of until they have no choice but to prove it to themselves. I'm not excusing his behavior in any way, but he probably thought that was the only way to end the war. If he had just killed my brother, we would retaliate. The back and forth could last years." I pondered, really thinking about the controversial subject.

"Yeah, probably. But I'd rather my mate was still alive. He didn't deserve to die." Spencer teared up, losing himself in thought.

"Of course not. Nobody did." I agreed, getting up from my bed to hug my best friend.

We commiserate over our loss, though any of mine can't ever compare to his. We talked for a bit more before he exited my bedroom.

By dinner time, I was feeling conformed with my decision. I did what was best for me, I have to believe that.

My parents asked me if I was alright since they didn't see me here at lunch and I told them I was fine.

"I understand it must be very overwhelming seeing your mate being shot. It can make you call into question your decision. But whatever you decide, it'll be fine with us. Only you can make your own mind up." My mom pondered, wisely.

"I know, mom. Thanks for saying this. Ironically, it wasn't so much the shooting that called my decision into question. It was the fact that everyone over there was so nice to me. Not only my mate but his family too. Even the pack secretary was kind enough to call me Luna." I smiled at the thought. She was a tad incisive, but kind hearted.

"I see. Well, I'm sure they are great people. The Goddess wouldn't mate you to a horrible person." She argued, playfully.

"Just a murderer." Aaron interjected, making me scowl ugly.

"YOU ARE A MURDERER!" I yelled at him, irritated.

Before we began fighting, my dad reprimanded us both and told us to be kind to each other.

"Sorry dad, I just can't stand hypocrisy." I sneered, aggravated. If there's one person who CANNOT speak about my mate it's Aaron Staedler.

Aaron growled at me for calling him a hypocrite. My dad glared at the both of us.

"Son, please leave your brother alone. He can't choose to whom he is mated any more than any of us could." Dad interjected in a sorrowful tone.

I lowered my head at the thought. He is right, of course. But I would hazard a guess that if my mate's father wasn't brutally murdered, Landon would be a great choice of mate for me.

An educated, handsome Alpha from a great prestigious pack. I'd have to live away from home, sure. But it's little over half an hour away. It's barely another city.

I am sorry for those who think my mate is a horrible person because of what happened to our pack. It's a horrible feature, indeed.

But that is simply NOT the person I saw back at Regency Falls. On the contrary, who I saw back there is simply enchanting.

Have you ever heard the saying: 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'?

Well, I am the idiot who thought being absent from my mate would make me forget he even existed.

I know, right? It's like I wasn't raised by werewolves... Come on!

In the days that followed, I was absolutely miserable. I missed every single aspect of him. From his gorgeous looks to his charming smile. It was impossible for me to NOT think of him at any given time during the day or night.

In fact, I thought about him every single day of the week. Nothing could keep me from thinking of him.

Even when I got drunk, partying with my high school friends. It was good clean fun, but still I couldn't shake that damn Barnett off my mind.

It was even starting to affect my mood.

Ironically, I would miss him much less if I had never gone with him back to his pack. I certainly would have much less things to miss about him.

What the hell was I thinking? Spending time with him like that? What was I hoping to accomplish? Did I seriously think being (so) close to him would hurt his case? Really?

Well, kissing him certainly didn't help me much to NOT miss him. Goddess, I miss those lips. Fuck! My! Life!

"Harry, as part of the terms of the negotiation between their pack and ours, we have to take part in a mixer between their unmated folk and ours." My dad was telling me all about his new idea some time in the following week.

"Well, I can't say it's a terrible idea. We do have some unmated members. I don't know if any of the dead people were still unpaired." I pondered, worriedly.

"There were a couple of unmated people among the casualties, but that's not our concern for now. The problem is to get our living unmated folk together with theirs." Dad explained, frowning in worry.

From his tone, I can sense a plan of action. He is not telling me this for no reason, of that I am sure. I know him.

"I see and you want me to round them up for you?" I gathered by his train of thought.

"Well, you're the first person we had from our pack mated to one of them." Dad commented with a playful smile.

"Right. And why would they listen to a person who rejected their mate?" I frowned, not really sure about this idea.

"Would you rather have the option to do as you choose or would you have preferred to remain unmated forever?" Dad countered with a poignant look on his face. Mom was staring at me in curiosity, even my younger siblings were baffled by dad's choice of words.

Well, when you put it that way... I would go crazy if I were left unmated forever. Oh my Goddess! Suddenly, I can understand his point clearly. He is a genius...

"I'll do it. Do you know who I am supposed to talk to? I may know one or two unmated persons." I asked him, unsure. It's not like there is a census of pairings.

People live their lives how they see fit. If they are not in our circle of friends, we don't hear about it except for the occasional gossip.

"Lucas is compiling a list for you as we speak. You can check with him later." Dad informed me, pleased with himself.

"I pity the people who will be mated to any of them." Aaron interjected in his signature sour mood.

"That's because you have no idea what it's like to be unmated. To feel like a pariah in our society. Or a loser who can't find happiness with your soulmate." I snapped at him, angrily.

I am done with this bullshit attitude of his. I know he suffered a great loss, I miss her too. But he is not the only person who lost a mate. You don't see Spencer dragging down the mood around him, though he would be entitled to just as the next widower.

"I know what it's like to lose a mate." He glared at me as if somehow those two things were equals.

"You knew happiness. You knew a fantastic person, probably the best woman you'll ever meet aside from mom. You completed the bond, you were happy for several years. You have NO idea what it's like to be unmated. Don't even try to compare the two things. They are completely distinctive and you'll never feel as inadequate as I felt. As I'm sure they all do." I lectured him, not in the mood.

Don't start with me, bitch! You don't know what I am giving up here... *grunts rabidly*

My whole family gasped at my powerful speech, baffled by my words. I never made light of my brother's loss. It weighs heavily on me to this very day. But it cannot always be about him.

A lesson Spencer teaches me every single day with his bravery and selflessness. He is the one who definitely did not deserve to be mateless, even more so than my brother.

Aaron sobs, no doubt thinking about Jessica, pondering about my words. We all feel bad for him, especially my parents. I wish to Goddess Jessica was still alive and well.

"I'm not saying your situation isn't terrible. But to paraphrase a poet: 'it's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all'." I stated, feeling bad for him but firm in my conviction.

"You're right, Harry. It's not the same thing. Everyone deserves to be mated, regardless of who their mate turns out to be." He agreed, shocking us with his selfless words. At last.

Both my parents got up from their seats to hug him. All of us are emotional right now.

After talking to Lucas, I made it my mission to talk to every single unmated member of our pack.

My schedule was wide open anyway, so I went from house to house. Family to family.

Of course, I heard a lot of negativity. I faced more resistance than I had expected, but my selling point was:

'Do you really wanna spend the rest of your life mateless? The rest of your life in doubt that your mate could be a few miles down the road?'

My father is a genius. If anyone can relate to each one of them it is me. Yes, I am technically mated now. But I was unmatched for years. I know about their fears, their tribulations.

It really does take one to know one. And I knew every single reservation they had because I did too. I knew about their fears because they were the same as mine. I knew exactly how to talk and convince them.

Honestly, it was impossible for me to fail this quest.

Any other person, sure. But not me. I know what lies deep within their hearts.

After a successful mission, I texted my mate to tell him I had rounded up our people per his request. I only needed them to agree to come here, since most of them had told me that they wouldn't travel up there.

He replied saying that he would do his best to arrange a meeting some time soon. I couldn't help but ask him if he missed me.

'I miss you like the Sun misses the Moon. I miss you as the plant needs water. I miss you as if life only ever made sense if you are there by my side. I miss you like my lungs need air.'

Yeah, that is verbatim the text I got from him.

Excuse-me while I go over there and cry... a lot.

A|N: Poor Harry. I get you boo. Stay strong.

You're gonna need for what's coming.

Love,

Léo.