Chapter 49

How can she do this to me? She is the only one who really understands me, she is- I broke into a heavy sob, hiding my face in the crook of his neck, clenching the soft material of the black shirt he was wearing. In this moment, I completely forgot about the other people sitting in the classroom as we stood there. Nathan leaned away from me, so I had a chance to look at his face, worry and understanding clearly displayed on it.

"It's okay, I'll talk to her later, okay.", his thumb removed a few tears as he smiled at me, the green in his eyes seeming to sparkle and sending waves of comfort towards me. "Can we... go?", I didn't want to be here anymore, I didn't care about school, it's only one more week anyway. He nodded, taking my hand in his and leading me out of the classroom and back to the entrance. I didn't care about the people that looked at me, what do they know anyway.

We head to his car getting in without further conversation and leaving the school grounds. My thoughts quickly swift of to the girl that used to be my everything, that used the be my world. What has become of us? Why did everything have  to come the way it did? Silent tears ran down my cheeks as I looked out of the window, not even caring that we were driving in the opposite direction of home. How am I going to fix this?

After another few minutes, Nathan parked in front of a small little shop, stopping the engine before turning to look at me. "I thought you might want to grab some ice cream.", he grinned, pointing at the shop. I simply nod, a little smile displayed on my face as we got out of the car and into the heat. Nathan walked around the car towards me, removing the remaining tears on my cheeks, before placing a soft kiss on my forehead. He grabbed my hand, giving it a light squeeze and leading me inside the cold little store.

Not many people were waiting in line or sitting at the small tables that were scattered around the room. We got in line, Nathans thumb continually rubbing over the back of my hand, giving me some sort of comfort. I felt a few others stare at us, but just like in school, I couldn't care less, I was grateful for Nathan still being there for me, that he didn't leave me like Claire did.

We each got a huge scoop of chocolate chip cookie ice cream and left the shop to take a quick walk, sitting down at one of the free benches in the shade of a few trees. I leaned against him while we ate the cold and refreshing sweetness. It's as if I never wanted to be apart from him.

I have no idea for how long we've been sitting there, even though we were both long finished with our ice cream. It's more like I completely spaced out, my thoughts were all over the place, this time involving not only him but Claire as well. I would have never guessed that something like this would ever happen.

On a silent command, we both got up, heading back to the car and driving back to our neighborhood. We didn't talk, he just parked in front of my house, gesturing me to get out and come with him. Nathan waited for me to unlock the door and lead the way to my room, where I immediately let myself fall on the bed, burying my face into my pillow and starting to cry again. I can't believe all of this is happening at the same time. Can't anything just last?

The mattress dipped down a little as Nathan crawled over to me, his hands brush through my hair, sending comfortable shivers down my spine. He feels so good, with whatever he does, how could I ever turn away from him? I laid on my back, looking up at him. "What am I supposed to do now?", my voice is rough as the words scrape my throat. "Things will get better again, believe me. Friends have fights every once in a while.", his warm hand touches my cheek. "This is the first time in 16 years that Claire and I have a fight.", that's true, we were always on the same page about everything, there was no need for us to fight.

"There is a first time for everything I guess.", he shrugged, still looking at me with so much care in his eyes that it's starting to crush me. I push his hand out of my face and sit up straight. "Nathan, I don't think I deserve this. I don't think I deserve you. I've been a horrible friend to Claire and I don't even know how I'm going to fix it. But I don't think we should continue like this, you can do so much better than having to be stuck with me.", these words hurt, they hurt so badly that I wanted to hit myself.

How could I say something like this? He is exactly what I needed, but I'm pushing him away again, that's so typical. "Sky, I told you not to think like that. You deserve every last second of happiness, just like Claire deserves to be happy with Dillon. Don't tell yourself bullshit like this.", he seemed angry, but at same time still calm and caring. "You said it yourself, you didn't want to forget about the things that happened between us, so don't you even dare to quit, cause I'm not letting you.", I know I said that and I still mean it, but as long as things are going like this I don't want to trouble him with it.

"Talk to me.", he leaned in closer, an undefined look on his face. "I don't know.", why am I making things even more complicated than they already are? "So you want to stop? Are you sure? I want you to be happy, if that's what you want then so be it.", he got up and left without looking back again, but I knew for a fact that he was hurt. I hurt him. I did what I was afraid of from the very start, not only did I mess up with Claire but with him as well. I really am a complete failure!

"Fuck.", I laid back down, pulling the blanket over my head and closing my eyes. I messed up big times.

I must have fallen asleep, like I literally always do, because the next thing I knew was someone repeatedly shaking my shoulder. Reluctantly I opened my eyes, they felt puffy from crying and I looked up to see Jordan. He was sitting on my bed, seeming worried as he scrutinized me. "Sky, are you okay?", his eyes widened as he saw my face. Great, I totally forgot about him. "I'm fine, just tired.", I sat up, rubbing my eyes with both hands. "You don't look fine to me. Do you want to talk instead of study, I mean, it's summer break in a few days?", he ruffled through his washed out green hair and adjusted his glasses.

I don't even know him that well, why would he want to talk about something that doesn't concern him? But the thought of telling another person that's not involved seemed kinda nice, maybe he has some advice for me. I thought for another few seconds, almost staring at his cognac colored eyes, before actually telling him.

And oh did it feel good to let go. I told him everything, from the very start. From when Nathan and I met, to the party, the café, the kisses and the bottled up emotions, the crushing doubts and insecurity and last but not least about today. About all of the things I messed up in just one single day. Jordan never said anything, instead, he listened, his eyes following my movements whenever I started to gesticulate.

"I don't know what to do, I didn't mean to hurt him, neither did I want things to get messy between Claire and I.", I ended my story, relief rushing through my body as soon as I had finished. My tutor thought for a second, adjusting his glasses before answering. "I don't think you necessarily messed up, maybe go talk to Nathan first, be honest about your feelings. From what you told me so far, I don't think you ever did tell him because it seems that you have fallen in love with him.", he smiled broadly, revealing a line of straight white teeth.

"But I don't know if I'm in love with him yet.", I tried to argue. Why does everyone assume that? "Well, for me it's pretty obvious, just listening you talk about him makes it pretty clear.", Jordan tilted his head a little. He seemed so young with his hair color and glasses when in reality he's actually 23. "Let's set that aside for a second", he smirked at my words, staying quiet though, "What am I supposed to do about the thing with Claire? I've never been in a fight with her.", I sighed, just thinking about it got me all frustrated.

"Well, talk to her.", his answer seemed so endlessly easy, when in reality I don't even know how to. "Just tell her that you got distracted by the person you fell in love with.", a small smirk formed on his lips. "I told you, I'm not in love with him.", the more I said that, the more I doubted myself. Maybe I've actually fallen for him already.

"Say Jordan, can I ask you a question?", he nodded in response, adjusting his glasses once more. "How long does it take to fall in love?", I felt kinda stupid to ask something like that, not only because that's my tutor we're talking about, but also because he's so much older than I am. "One heartbeat.", he tilted his head again, watching me closely from behind the glass. "What? I thought it takes weeks or even years.", how can he be so sure about that?

"Well, then let's say starting from one heartbeat to a whole life time. But in your case it was a heartbeat.", how can he say something like that? Didn't I tell him about the scary Nathan I've encountered the first time we met? It's true that I kept thinking about him but that was because I was still angry. But, the music room. When he hugged me. It felt so right and good, that I completely forgot about all the anger. Everything that had happened after that was the same. In every memory I've made with him, he's been so nice to me.

I kept quiet for a little while longer, staring at his shirt, deep in thoughts. What if he's right? What if I fell for Nathan the second I laid eyes on him? I wonder if he feels the same way... is it even too late to set things straight again? "What should I do?", I look up at Jordans face, greeted by a huge smile. "You'll go over to his house and tell him.", he took his glasses of. "Tell him what?", I threw the blanket off of me, ready to get up. "Idiot, that you're in love with him.", he laughed, not only at the shocked expression that was displayed on my face.

"No, I can't!", like before, I pulled the blanket back over my head, shielding myself from his words. Well, it wasn't that effective, since he just ripped it out of my grip and threw it out of my reach. But what he did afterward was even more unfair, he grabbed me by my waist and threw me over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. Struggling and screaming potatoes.

Jordan started heading downstairs, going right for the door, at least I did try to grab stuff, like the corner of the wall or a chair, which wasn't all too effective. Once we got outside, he placed me on my feet, without shoes if I may add. "And what was that for?", he was way taller than I was, so I had to look up quite a lot. "I got you out of bed and now, you lead the way to his house, since I don't know which one it is.", he ruffled through his hair, smirking at me. "Don't worry, I'm here for you."