Chapter 58

Amazing cover by NightmarexDaydreamx

I break the surface soon after,trying, but failing, to glare at Nathan who was still standing outside wile laughing. "You better get your ass in here.", I grin, keeping my body underneath the pleasantly cold water. Nathan simply nods, jumping in and splashing water all over my face."Really?", rubbing my eye slightly, I watch him as he approached me. "Really.", his arms sneak around me, pulling me closer to his chest, only our heads popping up from the surface. "I love you.",his lips brush over mine, stealing multiple tiny kisses, one of his hands tugging at small strands of hair, which caused comfortable shivers to run down my back and into my limbs. He deepens the kiss,tilting my head to where he wants it to be. I apply light pressure on his chest, signaling him to break the kiss, since I was kinda out of breath already.

I look up at him, after we broke the kiss, his eyes seeming to glow in the intense light of the hot sun . "It's adorable how fast you're out of breath, it kinda makes me want to kiss you even more, but waiting a little longer before releasing you.", he smirks, biting the lips, that touched mine only mere seconds ago. "In other words, you want to suffocate me.", I cross my arms over my chest, grinning at his puzzled face. "No, not that much.", he ruffles through my wet hair, pushing it back with one hand. "How come you can hold your breath for so long?".Nathan scratches his neck, as he smirks at me. "I used to be in a swim team.", he explains, gesturing swimming motions with his arms. So that's why he's such a good swimmer.

Nodding, I simply stare at his face, my thoughts slowly drifting off into nothing. Well, not really nothing, more like thoughts about the upcoming days. Prom, summer break, Claire. I never really spend time with other people during break, it was just Claire and I. We would hang out at each others places or go downtown for whatever reason. I know I have Nathan now and I bet we're going to hang out as well, but it's just not the same without her. She's been such a big part of my life, unlike anything else, and I treated her so badly the last few days, or even the last weeks. Fixing it. That's the big problem, I don't knowhow. I never know how to do stuff like that, I'm not the type of person that gets put into a situation of this sort. Nathan. I could just ask him for advice, but I really don't want to drag him into all of this, since he's why it's originally started. I'm not saying that it's his fault, but he's a part of it. Not the fault, I mean the reason. And I don't want to be a burden to him, since I'm still not even sure if it's okay for us to be together, or more like, if it's okay for me to be together with such a wonderful person. Why even did he choose me?

A light tab on my arm snaps me out of my thoughts and I meet with worried green eyes. "Hey, is everything okay?", his hand rests on my shoulder, a warm sensation running through my cooled down body. "Everything is fine.", I lie, forcing a smile and forcing it to not look forced. Which I must have failed. "Do you want to talk about it?", he tilts his head a little, like a puppy or kitten would do so. "It's just the whole thing with Claire and all. I have no idea how to deal with things like this.", exhaling deeply, I close my eyes for a few seconds,knowing that he'll wait with his answer. "Are you sure it's not about me? About us?", I don't know if he had a glint of hurt in his eyes or not, but I always feel awful whenever he talks my thoughts out loud. "A little.", I can't really lie to him, not even to Claire or other people. I'm a really bad lair and literally ever one knows that.

"Well, we can talk about it if you want to.", he seems hesitant as he asks, his features also slightly forced. "Why? Why do you put up with me? You could do so much better than-", he interrupts me by placing his hand over my mouth, almost glaring at me as he does so. "Stop, just stop. If you weren't my boyfriend, I'd punch you dead in the face, you know that?", I look at him wide eyed, it's been so long since I last saw him this angry. Did I make him mad? "I don't care how many times I have to tell you that you are more than enough, that you deserve someone to make you happy and to love you and that I'm so grateful that I'm the one. Or at least I hope I am. But you need to stop thinking the way you do. Just stop it. Drop it. End it. Delete it. Never say it. Never think it. It will only hurt you in the end.",he removes his hand, his facial expression smoothing after he got things off his chest.

"I know, but I just don't know how . How can I turn thoughts off, that are so persistent?", tears start to stream down my face, dripping into the water we're already standing in. "I feel like I'm bothering people just by being alive sometimes and I really don't want to bother you, because you're very special to me.", looking up at Nathan, my vision got even more blurry with more tears making their way down my face. "But you're not. You could never bother me, since I love every second I get to spend with you. The only thing that downs you are you're thoughts.",he cups my face in his warm big hands, smiling his cutest smile. Nathan puts his arms around me, my cheek rested against his chest. I could feel his heart beating inside it, steady and calming. Suddenly,it was like there is no need for me to cry, he's right, he's got to be. As long as I believe his words everything will be fine, I just need to focus on him and try not to get weighed down by my thoughts.

But on the other hand, I feel like I'm thinking the exact same words I have thousandths of times before. I always talk myself out of it, but it never lasts for long. For now, I will believe his words, I will believe that I'm enough for me, but in a little while, the same doubts from before will crush down on me like a wave. I'm not sure if I can live like this for the rest of my life.

Nathans hands rub over my back,even after I have stopped crying, he was still holding me in his embrace, slightly above me since I'm nearly kneeling on the ground of the pool. After another few minutes, he releases me, his eyes hoovering over my face as to check if I'm still crying. "Are you okay?", his fingers play with my hair, causing a small smile to form on my lips. "I'm okay, thank you.", he looks relieved,placing a kiss on my forehead. "Remember, I will tell you this for as many times as you need to hear it. I love you.", he intertwined our fingers, both of us watching our hands, connected to one another."I love you too. Thank you.", I mumble, his lips covering mine soon after.

It's gentle, not demanding. No one leads and no one deepens the kiss further than how it is now. Gentle. Endlessly calming, soothing and beautiful. He's beautiful,not only the way he looks or his masculine stature, but also his way of acting whenever he's around me. Sometimes, he's like the only place I can really shut down for a while, I couldn't even do that with Claire. He calms me with everything he does, even when we're kissing. I used to be nervous about it, scared of doing something wrong, but now. I'm calm whenever we do kiss or cuddle or even talk. For I just want to be around him for the rest of my life,I really want him to be the place where I can shut down without feeling vulnerable or weak.

We break the kiss, staring at each others eyes, our fingers still interlaced and submerged underwater. "Is there something you want to do?", he runs his freehand through my hair, banning strands that were dangling into my face. "I want to be close to you.", it was really cheesy for me to say something like that, but it's the truth, and I already tried to lie to him once today. "That wish can be granted easily.", he pecks my lips, smiling at the way I must have looked while saying what I just did. "Anything else?", I shake my head, grinning sheepishly as I did so. "We could do some sunbathing?"

And that's what we did. Simply laying on a towel we placed on the grass and cuddling next to each other. It was perfect. He's perfect. He'd play with my hand and fingers, while I tried not to doze of, tracing over every line there was, even multiple times. And it felt good, just because it was him. Liza came back from work, talking with us for a few minutes, but mostly asking us about our current relationship and stuff, then she cooked us lunch which we ate inside, since we were already dry. I think I left somewhat around 4pm or 5pm, after I spend endless hours with him, doing either nothing or talking, but even that felt incredible.

I'm currently in my sisters room after I took a shower, being squeezed out with annoying questions from my sister and, you wouldn't believe it, mother. Both of them are way too keen on finding out what Nathan and I were doing throughout the hours I've spent over at his place. And even if I'd tell them we did nothing, they'd say I'm lying, which I'm only partly."You can't tell me you were only sulking in the pool or laying on the grass, there must be more to it.", my sister's eyes are literally sparkling, so are my mothers, which is actually quite terrifying. "I'm so happy that my little baby, found someone he likes. I'm so proud of you.", the blonde woman, violently ruffles through my hair, smiling from one ear to another. Females, I guess."I'm happy too, now, am I allowed to go or not?", I really want to just nap or something, but not play questions and answers with those two anymore. "Sure, we'll get back to you soon anyway.",Alex grins, so does my mom. "Thanks, I guess.", I mumble before heading over to my room, where I immediately drop on my bed with my face buried in a pillow. Tomorrow is the day. I look at the bag that is sitting next to my desk, imagining the content of it. Hopefully,tomorrow won't be as terrifying as I'm picturing it right now.

Dinner wasn't really a bliss, my dad was rather uneasy about the fact that I spent the whole day with Nathan instead of being at school, even after my mom explained everything. All of the sudden, it was like he didn't trust my boyfriend anymore. I could be mistaken, don't get me wrong, but the way he looked at me after I told him about my day was weird. Well,I'm not trying to get myself worked into things again, I just feel like the people around me are changing. I keep thinking about it,even as I'm laying in bed, waiting for sleep to take over. I can feel my phone vibrating next to my head, picking it up soon after.

Hey baby, just wanted to tell you good night and that I'm excited of going to prom with you tomorrow. I love you and you are the most perfect boyfriend I could ever ask for.

I smile as I read his message, imagining his face, his grin while he wrote it. It's almost as if he was sitting next to me, fingers running through my hair and sending shivers down my spine. I really do miss him.

Hey, I'm excited too, no wait,more like terrified, but also happy about the fact that you're going there with me and not some ugly bitch. I love you too and I wish you a good night, see you tomorrow. And thanks for saying it again.

He really did keep his word, with the "I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it"-thing.And to be honest, I'm so grateful that he does and that he cares so much about me. It feels good, knowing that there is someone that loves you more than you love yourself. I plug the charger into my phone, turning it on airplane mode. Even though, it's not even that late yet, I'm more than tired, exhausted and worn out are the better terms to use right now. So it's no wonder that I fell asleep only a few minutes after, falling into one nightmare after the other. Mostly about Claire and Nathan turning their backs on me and my dad telling me that he hates gay people.

I know, my mind is pretty messed up at the moment, but the Claire thing is correct and already came true, so there is a high chance that the rest will as well.