Chapter 34

Sky Wongravee

The air is thick with tension as I wait for Nani. I've been pacing back and forth in my head since last night, trying to figure out how this conversation will go, how we'll finally address the mess we've left hanging between us. After the fight that left us both standing at opposite ends, saying things we probably didn't mean. Nani shut me out after that—no calls, no messages. I've been left in silence, unsure of where we stand.

I don't blame him. I know I pushed him to that point. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

When Nani finally arrives, I notice right away how different things feel. His face is unreadable, his posture stiff, like he's carrying something he hasn't let go of yet. It's strange, seeing him like this. I don't know how we got here, or if we can ever find our way back to where we were before everything fell apart.

He sits across from me on the bench, his gaze unwavering but distant. For a moment, neither of us speaks, and the silence feels like an echo of everything we've been avoiding.

"Nani," I start, my voice rough, but I can't seem to find a better way to begin.

"Sky," he responds, the single word heavy, like there's so much he wants to say, but he doesn't know how to begin.

I can feel the weight of his eyes on me, but I can't bring myself to look back at him just yet.

"I've been thinking," Nani says finally, his voice steady but low. "About us. About everything that's happened."

I look at him then, my stomach tightening. I've been waiting for this moment, and yet it feels like I'm not prepared for it at all.

"I shut you out, I know," he continues, his voice cracking slightly. "I didn't know how to handle what was happening between us. But the truth is, I couldn't keep pretending it was okay when it wasn't." He swallows, his eyes flickering with something I can't quite place. "And I didn't know how to be around you anymore without feeling like a coward."

I want to respond, to tell him that I get it, that I understand why he did it, but my words seem to catch in my throat.

"I thought that kiss meant something," he adds, his eyes finally meeting mine. "I thought maybe, just maybe, it was a sign that you felt the same way I did. But when you told me it was a mistake, when you pushed me away like that..." His voice trails off, and for a second, I see the hurt flash in his eyes. It's something I didn't want to see, something I thought I could avoid.

"I never meant to hurt you," I finally say, my voice thick with emotion. "I never thought of you that way, Nani. I never saw you romantically."

Nani doesn't say anything at first, just stares at me like he's processing the words. The silence between us stretches, thick and suffocating, before he speaks again.

"I know," he says, his voice so quiet I almost don't hear him. "I always knew. But it didn't make it hurt any less." He laughs bitterly, a sound that catches in my chest. "I kept telling myself maybe it would change, maybe you'd look at me differently. But I was a fool."

I open my mouth to say something, to explain that it wasn't his fault, that none of this is his fault, but he beats me to it.

"I thought you felt the same," he says, his voice barely above a whisper now. "But when I saw the way you've been with May these past few days, how she brought back that spark in you..." His voice falters as he looks away, focusing on something off in the distance. "I realized I can't give you what you need. I never could. I can't be what she is to you."

I feel something deep inside me shift at his words, something I didn't expect. May has been bringing something back in me, something lighter, more carefree, and I can't deny it. But hearing Nani say it like that—it makes the weight in my chest feel heavier.

"I saw the way she made you laugh again, Sky," Nani continues, his eyes locking onto mine, sharp and raw. "The way she brought back that version of you I hadn't seen in weeks. That person who wasn't weighed down by everything, who didn't look like he was constantly carrying the world on his shoulders."

I swallow hard, my throat tightening. "It's not just her, Nani," I say, my voice low. "It's not that simple. She didn't fix me. I didn't just... change because of her."

But Nani shakes his head, cutting me off. "No, it's different with her. I can see it, Sky. She makes you lighter, makes you happy again. And I can't be that for you. I can't give you that."

"I never wanted you to," I say urgently, leaning forward, hoping he'll understand. "I just wanted you to be you. I didn't need you to be anyone else."

But Nani just laughs, bitter and empty. "I was too much of an idiot to tell you the truth. I kept thinking if I waited long enough, if I was patient enough, maybe you'd see me the way I saw you. But that's not fair to you. I've been dragging you through this mess, and I can't keep doing it. Not when it's clear you've moved on."

I feel like I'm being ripped in two as he talks, but I don't know how to stop him.

"I never hated you for the kiss," Nani says suddenly, his voice strained. "But I hated that it gave me hope. Hope that you could feel the same. And then when you said it was a mistake—when you said it didn't mean anything—I just..." His voice breaks for a second, and I want to reach out, but I hold back.

"I didn't want to give you false hope," I say, the guilt eating at me. "I didn't want to hurt you. I just—" I pause, not sure what to say next. "I never thought of you like that. I still don't."

Nani looks at me for a long time, his face unreadable, before he speaks again.

"I thought I was an idiot for wanting more," he says quietly. "But now... now I'm not so sure. I've been holding onto something that was never really there. And I don't know if I can keep pretending to be okay with it. With us. With what we are now."

The silence hangs heavy again, and I feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of it.

"I don't know if we can still be friends," Nani says at last, his voice almost too quiet to hear. "I don't know if I can keep pretending that I'm fine, that nothing's wrong. I've been such a coward towards you, Sky. I don't even know where to begin to fix it."

"Nani," I say, my voice breaking a little. "You're not a coward. You never were."

But he just shakes his head. "I was. I am. I don't know how to fix this. But I'm sorry."

I don't know what else to say. I don't know what to do to make this right. But I ask anyway, the words slipping out before I can stop them.

"Do you think we're able to fix this?"

Nani hesitates. "I don't know," he answers honestly. "I want it to be, but I'm not sure I can handle it. Not yet. I still don't know how to look at you without feeling like a fool."

I feel like something inside me is unraveling, but I don't know how to hold it together. We're both lost in this, unsure of what's next. But I can't give up on him—not completely.

"I don't want to lose you," I say quietly. "But I won't hold you back, if you think parting ways is the best decision."

The weight between us is still there, but it feels a little lighter. Maybe, just maybe, we can figure this out.