22- Fix Me (Pt. 3)

Second Session

LISA

"Lisa.. I'm not satisfied with your report, I would understand if the client refused to do the recording.. But seeing this report, what you did during the counseling session isn't enough and isn't that good" my lecturer is definitely not satisfied with the report I gave her, of course he would.. Even myself feel disappointed over my poor performance when I've been practicing my career with over more than 30 client.

"I'll do better next time.. The client is hard to handle.. " I bow down my head and answer truthfully. He put his hand on my shoulder "it's okay Lisa.. But, is she that difficult to handle?" His voice soften after seeing my pitiful expression. "She's so intimidating and bold, she is also manipulating.. She can lure out your emotion.." I'm a bit hesitant to tell the whole story. "And I made a mistake that made her confront me.. " He face palmed himself when he hears my story. "You shouldn't have done that Lalisa.. You know the consequences right?" I nods slightly, I feel a collision in myself.

"It's okay.. The next session, don't let her conquer you again, control yourself" He assures me by patting my shoulder, I'm indeed an excellent student when it comes to my area, but Jennie Ruby Jane Kim isn't the people I can manage easily, her personality which is bold and dominant always hit my weak spot in my introvert self, which is.. My insecurity. I hate myself sometime.

I have to do a repo again to build a decent therapeutic relation. (therapeutic relation is important to maintain a professionalism between counselor and client, never let client grow any attachment and see you as a friend/ family/ gf/ bf .. Emotion will affect the treatment)

Jennie Ruby Jane Kim.. Speaking about that small devil.. A mysterious intimidating dark aura always surround her, scary, fierce.. Sexy, alluring, beautiful...

Aish.. What am I thinking about! I'm gonna do this properly.. Today is our second session... I hope it will work out..

Wednesday, (2:00pm)

So here I am again.. Waiting for the cute devil girl in the same counseling room. I remember our session last week, it send me a chill when I picture her cold face.

Knock! Knock!

Inhale.. Exhale..

I open the door, Jennie is wearing a white dress, my mouth curl a smile because she really looks like an angel, an angel in a devil dress. Lol.

"Come in.. "

Her gazes are already fixated on mine, my heart start beating erratically. She walk through me, her soft vanilla scent is lurking inside the room, I can't be more nervous than this. I close the door and immediately sit on my position, I shift my face at her and her beautiful features appeal infront of me, my breath hitched at the sight.

Her empty expression is savouring me with nervousness. "Hello Jennie, how are you today? " I ask her warmly, trying to hide how killing the sensation is. "Fine" she answer shortly and I nod at her answer. "Thanks for coming today Jennie.. Last week session was a bit short, I hope it will last longer today" I want to drag the session and complete it without failing.

"So Jennie, do you remember what we have discussed last week? " she raise her brows at my question. "We.. We discussed about me, about my life. " she answers blankly. "Yes.. Exactly" I smile at her cute thinking face, she's suprisingly a good mannered person compared to last week, maybe she's not that evil at all, but still her dark aura still surrounds her petite body, still not failing to make me nervous.

I initiate the session with a smooth direction, she answered and talk with a more natural gesture, no bold talk and behavior. Well.. That's great! What have gotten into this puffy cheek girl? Well.. I'm not complaining, the atmosphere went all lighter compared to last week session.

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"So Jennie.. What actually brought you here? " this is the point where a counselor will explore the client's problem and put a session goal for her, well it is a bit late for me. She look at me and see her hesitant gestures, we are in silence for awhile.

She fiddles her finger, I can see how clammy her hand is. Her strong immobilizing stares suddenly changed into a vulnerable hopeless stares.

"Are you okay? " I feel a little concern when she hang her head low. I touch her shoulder, and she immediately grab my hands her head shift to lock her, eyes with me. I can feel her grip harden as I lock my eyes back at her. "Will you.. Will you help me? " her eyes are begging, my heart shudders at her sight. I nod slowly and squeezes her hands to assure her. She regain her calm after minutes, I can see fear lurking inside her.

Maybe she really need a help..

"I've been in a devastating state since my family died, I kill them... " She hide her face in her palm, her shoulder begin to shake abruptly. Looking at her made me really~really want to hug her, but our relation have the boundary that I can't cross, we have the wall that I can't break and must not break. I waited for her to calm down. "Here.. " I give her tissues.

"It's okay.. Just take your time.. " I assure her more, I don't want her gut restrain her from letting her heart out. Her breathing looks more steady, it hurts me looking at her vulnerable states because from the first time I saw her, she looks so strong and unsusceptable. I learn something about her today and I just can't lie to myself that part of me already attached to her, I really want to expose herself, know herself more.. Because there is something in her, really.. Really.. Pulling me to fix her.

"I.. Killed my family" she breaks the silence, her pale skin turn red after minutes of crying. I should have been nervous or scared or run from her when I heard her admitting that she killed her family, strangely I'm not.. My body ache to stay, parts of me commanding my guts to protect her.

Suddenly she stands up, she slowly unbutton her shirt, my eyes widened at her action, without hesitation or doubt, she remove her shirt away and shift her hand to unbuckle her belt, I gasp for oxygen.. A heat sensation attacking me. She unzips her jeans and it leave her half naked.

What..the..

What happened..

I supposed to be arroused with her state, because damn she have a hot body! But something caught my attention, her body painted with various length of scars, I was taken aback, shocked that I almost tripped from my seat. She have a long thin scars across her chest till her upper stomach, both of her wrists also painted with three lines of scars, a proof that she have been struggling to live and move on.

She face her back on me just to reveal another dark history made from a tiny, long and deep scars marking her body. I gasped at the sight.. I can't..

I stand slowly move forward at her and trace my fingers at her back, she seems triggered that she step away from me. "Don't.. Don't be scared.. I will help you, I will fix you.. " I grasp at her shoulder and turn her body to face me, she hang her head low. "Don't worry Jennie.. We will work together to face your fears.. " I talk in a soft tone, wanting her to accept my help. Hearing my words, she tilt her face to look at me, my heart flutter at her damn sexy face, her lips are parted, the bold red lipstick fadded a bit and left on her palm. Her mascara stained bellow her pretty feline eyes, scattered by her drenching tears

I put her shirt on, she didn't even resist, she just freeze and eye me with a weak stares.

She's a depressed soul..

"I was.. I was scared back than.. I can see my father wrath possessing him, his eyes was red and slitty, you can see his vein popping on his forehead as he gnashed his teeth, I'm just too scared that I can't even move to stop my father, stabbing my mother with a knife, her voice tremble calling my name.. She asked my help but I... "

Jennie collapse in tears once again, this is my first time encountering dark history from a person, it's too much for me to not break the wall. I wish someone could help us both, because we are drowning in emotion. My weak spot is where my rational self lose over an overwhelming emotion. She keeps sobbing harder.. And harder.. It's painful for me to be a counselor at this crucial time, because I really need to be the person without any boundary to break, to touch and sooth this scarred soul.

I'm hopeless..

I grab her hand and kneel in front of her.. "shh.. It's okay, we will face this together okay" I assure her with a calming voice. She immediately pull me into a hug, she clings on me like her life depends on me. "I'm scared.. " she hugs me tighter. "It's okay.. I'm here.. " I rub her back " I didn't get to help my mother when my father stabbed her, I was a coward.. I'm useless.. I killed my mother, and when my sister came home, she was screaming and crying.. I just watch my sister lose her sanity as she step on to my mother's flowing blood from her dead body.. she fight my dad with all her might but she's just a girl, a weak girl.."

Jennie inhale deeply, still hugging me tight, I can feel her breath as she mumbles every words beside my neck. "But.. She's brave, so brave.. Because all this time she was taking all the pain my father give her, she scarred more than me, because she protect me and my mother.. Everytime my father need a release for his anger, she'll come to us, my mother was begging him to stop, but he already lose from his sanity. He beat my mother till she can't move, I want to do something but I ended up running.. "

"I'll pray my sister would be there for us, and she did.. She stood in front of my father, begging him..to stop beating my mother, my father will smirk and he'll start beating my sister.. She take it.. She take everything for us.. " Jennie grip my shirt, pulling me impossibly closer to her.

"And the day my father killed my mom and sister, I was in the bedroom.. Peeking outside while crying.. I didn't do anything.. I can't do anything Lisa.. " her trembling features send the urge for me to hug embrace her, so that she will feel safe. Safe with me here. Her voice cracks mixed with sobs.

I pull our body apart and pushing her down gently on the seat, I cup her hand, sitting while leaning forward. "Where is your father now Jennie? " I ask her carefully, not wanting to trigger any gut in her. "He ran away.. I'm scared that he'll be back and kill me.." My eyes soften looking at her vulnerable states. "Have he contacted you since then? " she shook her head.

I pull her left hand towards me, flipping it to see the marks on her wrist, I caress the scars. "It must be so hard for you.. I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this." I voice in a gentle tone. "I really want to get rid of myself, I hate being alive with the feeling of remorse and fears, I have no one.. I mistrust people, I cut my wrist while looking at the picture of my mom and sister but I remember they protected me till their last breath.. I stop, and cry, hide in the corner, wishing that I'm not exist."

"What do you want in your life Jennie? " I ask her, darting my soft stare on her vulnerable feature. "I want to stop hating.. Myself and people, I want to be free from my destructive self, I want to be happy even though I live with my sins, even though I killed my mother and sister.. "

She didn't hesitate, her hoarse voice uttered every words clearly. I smile and nods at her words.

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We finished our session after 2 hours, I didn't even realized the clock. We head out from the building, walking side by side. I glance at her, her bare naked face is really glistening, she wiped out her make up after realizing it was messed up.

"Lisa.. Can I call you if I get scared? " she stop at her track and turn to me. "Yes Jennie, just call me anytime if something happened to you" I smile, what a miracle, last week, she was an evil person but now.. She looks like a lost kid. I want to befriend with her, but knowing our role.. No, we just can't.. Though I really want to.

"Lalisa.. Are you attracted to me? " she snapped my thought off and immediately recompose myself. "W-what?" damn.. I stuttered "because you've been staring at my face for minutes.. " she smirks, shit.. Her milky face and her cat eyes really know how to hit my weak spot.

"know this Ms. Counselor.. " She steps closer to me, I blink a few times at her sudden attitude change. "You own me already.. " She lean her face closer as she stood right in front of me. "I need you.. To fix me.. And no one can do that but you, I chose you.. " she trace her index finger from my collar bone down to my chest dragging it to the left and right on my upper breast.

I froze at her sudden action.. She was innocent just now, and it's unbelievable that she change her attitude 360 degree in a second.

Damn you Jennie Kim.. Please stop breaking my wall.