23- Fix Me (Pt. 4)

JENNIE

'It's okay.. We will face this together.. '

'It's okay.. I'm here.. '

'Just call me anytime if you need me.. '

Her touch, her voice, her stares, her words.. Everything about Lalisa Manoban is strangling my need, the need to be protected, the need to be take care of, the need to be owned.. I close my eyes..

What have gotten into me? What did that trainee counselor does to me? This counseling thing was a joke for me, from the start... I was fired from my job before I went to meet the counselors, my awful rude self made me quit from many different works. I have an explicit complex personality that made me hard to control my anger and mood swing, I even suspect myself to have a bipolar and anti-social symptoms.

My manager ask me to quit the job and suggest me to cure my mental illness before proceeding on finding a new job. Hell.. Did I care? I'm not sick.. I know that.. But am I? I'm not insane right? I know certain fact that mental illness could be inherited from gene.. My father was a little bit off from any sane human, am I like him?

That's why.. I went to a counselor company to find out.. although I

don't really believe that they can cure me, I'm just playing with them.. Counseling was a joke, till I met Lisa..

I go the bar again, to fuck with any girl I can hook with, I have no motivation, I only screw myself more if I stay at home doing nothing, I tend to get crazy with all the fear, I should be finding a job, but I'm not in the mood, I need a good break to start on my feet again. Don't underestimate me bitches.. I have a degree in account and finance, I'm quite a good student back on my college days. Surprise? Duhh..

"same as always? " I sit on my usual spot, left side of the bar counter. I nods at her. "How was your counseling thing?Are you less crazier now? " I roll my eyes and sip the tequila. Camila always know the best for me, she's my regular conversation partner in this bar, well.. The one and only person I can engage with, is she my friend? I don't know.. We only chat on this counter.

"I think my counselor is attractive" I say while roaming my eyes around the bar, searching for someone unfortunate, or maybe lucky.. Because I'm so good on bed but I've never been serious with relationship.. The traumatic event since my childhood day, watching my father beat my mom till she nearly dead everyday left a deep wound in my life, I hate man because of that.. I hate relationship and afraid of it.

Camila smirks at my words. "Wew.. I've Never thought that you're into someone with manner.. " she sit infront of me and fill my glass "Yeah.. I'm surprised too.. " I admit it, she's different.. Just different "Tell me her name" I look at Camila, narrowing my eyes. "Hey.. Hey.. Please don't misunderstand, I just want to know her name.. I already have Lauren.. " she rise both of her hands and laugh at my expression. I snort at her remark.

"Tell me about her Jen.. It's unusual for the great Jennie Kim to be attracted to someone..unless it's for sex" She lean on closer to me, her face glitter with curiosity. I sip the glass "I've been changing counselor since I decide to seek help from them, but meeting Lisa was something.. Magic.. From the first time I saw her, she sent me a soothing feeling, that was different, only my sister could do that to me.. " I remember her tender warm stares, her gentle touch, I feel more secure.. I feel protected.

"uhh.. Jennie, for your informoation, people in counseling or psychiatry area wouldn't accept gays counselor/psychiatrist, that's mean, maybe Lisa isn't gay or bisexual, so yeah, you know what I mean right? .." Kill joy, damn you Camila. I flick my stare to her, darting her mouth with a fury stares. "Who care? I knew it already."

Camila laugh at my remark "You want to bend a straight stick? Hahahhaha that's absurd Jennie, she'll break." I slam my hands on the counter " Fuck You Cabello, dare me much eh? " I feel really prompted by her words. "Don't be a bitch Camila, I'm not in the mood" I fumed as my pride feel like scattering, why am I feeling guilty? Feeling hurted by the thought, Lisa wasn't a person I should play with.. She's doesn't deserve to be used.. Such a holy creature, the one and only holy creature im my eyes.

Am I attracted to her? I think yes.. But it's different with her, I'm different with her, I have no lustful desire on her.. The feeling of wanting to be owned, to be protected, to be embraced, to be shielded from society and the destructive nature in myself.

"Hey.. Are you alone? " someone sit beside, I turn to her face and see a beautiful sexy lady, she smiles at me seductively, pointing her thighs towards me. "Need company? " she leans her body close to me, her breast bounce slightly showing a clear cleavage on her chest. I look at her parted lips, I should have been horny at this woman temptation but tonight it fades right away when I think about the doe eyes, her smile, her warmth.. Only her..

"Yes I'm alone..no I don't need a company, go find someone else" I drink straightly from the bottle, the  girl seems embarrassed, I didn't even bother to look at her. The girl immediately space out after being ignored for minutes..tsk..tsk.. Gold digger.

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AUTHOR

"Enough Jen.. You drank three bottles already, you are drunk! " Camila grab the bottle from Jennie's hand, she never sees Jennie this drunk before. "Yah.. I'mnhowtdrunchs, shutpid bish" Camila massage her temple, looking at Jennie state, she sure will collapse in a minute. 'Aish.. This girl.. ' she search for Jennie phone and immediately call someone, the only number in her phone.

"Hello? Is this Lalisa? "

"Yes.. who is this? Where is Jennie? Did something went wrong? " Lisa on the other line asks furiously.

"I'm Camila, her friend.. I work at bar and Jennie went here and got drunk with three bottles of tequila, my shift hours are still long, I can't help her to go home.. Can you pick her up? "

"Ishdat Lalisha tou cawll? " Jennie's words tumbling from her mouth with a barely distinguishable syllables. "Lisha-yaa.. Help meee.. "

"Aish that girl.. Okay, I'll be there shortly, just send me the address. " Lisa look at her clock and it's 11pm, hearing the girl's drunk voice make her groan in frustration.

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LISA

I was just starting to analyze my clients' file when my phone buzz, I see the caller and it's Jennie, the only thing in my mind is her safety.. My concern arise when someone not her voice out.

I grab my hoodie and quickly grab my car key, starting the car engine rapidly.

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AUTHOR

"Lishaaa..."  a familiar figure walking slowly in an unstable way, she looks sunken and threaded with scarlet so densely. Her hoarse voice calling for the barbie - doll-looked girl. Lisa immediately pull the puffy cheek girl into her arms, she hold her close with a securing motion.

"I'm Camila.. You must be Lalisa?"  a petite girl appear in front of her, her face looks like a mature woman in a small body.. 'Why am I encountering many small people these days? ' Lisa laugh in her head. The small girl narrows her brows "bitch.. Are you mocking me in your head? " Lisa was snapped right away by her words, damn.. She's just like Jennie! What a bold creatures.

"I-Imm nott" I stuttered, she's giving Lisa the same vibe as Jennie, she rolls her eyes and push Jennie to her body. "Watch her out.." that's all she said and she turn away to go to the counter. "Where does she live anyway?!" Lisa was a bit flustered, she doesn't even know the puffy cheek girl's home. Camila didn't bother to look back, she shook her hand and waves her hand.

Lisa face palms herself and drag Jennie to her car, its a bit difficult as Jennie start to collapse and instantly passed out after a few minutes. Unbelievable Jennie Kim. Lisa shook her head and decide to piggy back her.

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LISA

Aish.. What am I thinking about..why did I brought her here.. I mess my hair while sitting at the side of my bed, glancing at the shorter girl who is now sleeping on my bed. I shouldn't have bring her here.. She's my client, argh! The treatment won't work if she keep popping out of nowhere and make me feel.. Things..

I close my eyes and begin to massage my temple, my head is throbbing, lol.. I didn't even drink.

"Mom..."

I hear a cracking voice and immediately turn my face to the puffy cheeks girl. Does she have a nightmare?

"Mom.. "

I lean closer to her face, a drop of tears forms at her eyes, her hands tremble, her face scrunches in pain. I touch her hands and start to rub my thumb on her back hand. I caress her cheek as I wipe the tears on her face.

"Shh.. its fine.. " her breathing starting to calm, I shift my body closer to her.

I can see pain, trauma and fears dominating her body. It's hurting me looking at her fragile feauture. Her body turn into a curl and I snake my hands around her body.. securing her.

This is wrong.. I know.. What I'm doing is wrong.. She's my client, and I'm her counselor..

JENNIE

I feel safe.. I feel calm.. I feel light.. For the first time after 5 years, I feel secured without the haunting remorse and fears, even my father's face fade right away when I feel a touch. It's so calming..

I open my eyes as I feel the heat of the sunbeam shooting on my face. I clench my eyes, I opened my eyes slowly and greeted by an unfamiliar place.. White room.. Am I in heaven? Because everything I see is white. Where am I? I force myself to check out the place, am I kidnapped?

I panicked at the thought that I almost lost my breath, I stumble to stand up but ended up falling on the floor, the hangover really hit me so hard.

"Jennie? " I look up and see Lisa hurriedly walking towards me, why is Lisa here? She pull me up and help me to sit on the bed. "Are you okay? " She ask worriedly. "Where am I? " I ask her confusedly. "You're at my house, your friend Camila called me last night to pick you up from the bar. You were madly drunk" I face palmed myself as I remember a glimpse of what happened last night.

"I want to go home" this is embarrassing. "Just eat first.. " I look at her doe eyes, she's really an angel. "Let's go to the kitchen." She drags my hand and ask me to sit as she serves the porridge she cooked.

"Eat.. " I was a bit hesitant, this is awkward for me but pleasing at the same time. I look at her with 'are you sure? ' look. She nods with a smile.. gosh.. Can you be less perfect because you're making me question my sanity. I put a spoonful porridge inside my mouth and the taste is so good that it makes me smile from ear to ear.

LISA

I was jaw dropped as I see her wide gummy smile, I've never see her smile before. "This is so good! Your cooking is so good Lisa! " I smile when I see glitter in her eyes, and I feel proud to myself that I'm able to crack her iced heart with my cooking. She's just like a kid, my heart throb when I see her tender and genuine smile.

"Want more? " I ask her when I see her bowl is almost empty, she nods quickly.. I smiles at her and fill her bowl again.

"Stop staring Lisa.. It's rude to stare someone while she's eating" I was snapped right away, I flushed as soon as she mutter the words. "I-Im sorry, I'll go and wash the dishes." I immediately stand up and was walking away when she tug my shirt. "I didn't asked you to leave " I turn around and look at her, her stares are gentle.

I sit right away and she continue her breakfast. I'm holding myself from involving more in her life, like asking her what her favourite meal.. What's her favourite drink.. Everything about her, Im cursing myself in my head for being like this.

"Lisa?" I was snapped when she call my name. "Yes Jennie? " I look at her, I cringed at myself, the way I answered was too formal, while last night.. I picked this girl up from the bar, brought her in my house, laid her on my bed and I even hug her to drift her nightmares away.

"Is it true that.. As a counselor.." She stops and I frowns at her words.its a few second before she mutters.. "Are you gay? " I widened my eyes at her words, she stares at my eyes with a demanding answer, I'm puzzled..wait..  Why am I still thinking if I'm really are straight? Lol, this is the first time Im questioning myself about my sexuality, I've never thought about it because all this time I remained natural. "Who knows? " I'm playing safe. She raise her brows and lean her body on the chair crossing her arms. "What do you mean?"

I remind myself again to stop involving in a personal matter. "Well.. No.. I'm straight? " I answer her with a question, honestly I'm confused. "Okay I see.. " she continues her breakfast in silence, she didnt talked again afterward.

Am I gay?

Am I?

Do I look gay in this story?

AN: It's hard for me to update instantly nowadays as my schedule is so tight.. I'm sad, but still I managed anyway..hehe

Thanks for still reading my crap, let's support each other! :) BTW I'm sorry with the gramatial error or misspelling. My fat fingers are too lazy to edit. 😂