33- Homophobic (Pt. 6)

LISA

"Fuck off Austin.. " I voice in a low tone, Jennie is standing beside me gripping my shoulder tight, her frightened stiff body show the fear she possess. "I said give Jennie to me!! " Austin shouted so loud that the veins on his neck are visible, his face is flushed with redness, his brows knitted in frown, his charming stares turned into a hungry beast blazing stares.

"Don't try anything stupid Austin, I'll call police if you hurt Jennie.." Austin laugh sarcastically, Jennie's grip on my shoulder begin to tighten. "Don't get in our business Lisa, you already lose your legs.. You don't want to lose your arms, I'm telling you! Now give my girl back" my anger boiled at his words, damn this legs! I want to stand up so bad that part of my legs tremble to try, I could have been kicking his filthy mouth if I can move. Jennie squeeze my arms lightly, and give me an 'It's okay' looks, Jennie turn her stares into the fuming guy in front of us. "Austin I'm not your girl, I told you before I'm not interested in you! We're nothing Austin..NOTHING! I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore.. "

He grits his teeth "You can't do this to me Jennie...Tell me... Why? " He scoffs, his eyes shift at me "Aah...you're now with her? This lesbian girl? " He point his finger at me and laugh with a mock in between. "I thought you were homophobic Jennie Kim.." He sarcastically says, I can see Jennie is fuming at his words, a tense silence built up eating us in bitterness. I know it's hard for Jennie to handle him, she couldn't even utter a word, setting aside our matter, I speak up "Leave her alone Austin, she may be a homophobic but she's not stupid to choose a dickhead like you ...and you.. Obviously not her type.."

My heart ache at my own words, but Jennie's secureness is more important at this time. He smirks "Well Miss Hotty, how would you know that? Ask the girl who is standing beside you.. Did our sex felt that great? Because she was screaming out my name wildly, her moan answered everything" My anger turn into something more burning, I feel a tingling pain lurks inside my bloodstream, did Jennie had sex with him? "Fuck you Austin! It was a mistake! You made me drunk and I can't even remember about that night! Get lost Austin.. Me and you, stop here.. "

Yes.. She did..

I see Jennie was storming to shut the door, but I just can't let Austin snatch her hand and drag her like he did just  now, I push my wheelchair and stop Jennie at her track, tugging her hand, I was reaching out the door

.. "Go fuck yourself douche bag.. " I say in a cold tone. He step backs and hold the door from closing "Well let me tell a secret before I go.. This Lisa right here.. Who is now paralyzed,is actually so in love with you.. But you broke her heart and.. Make her lose her legs..try to make her dance with that legs, Jennie Kim .. "

I slam the door and hear his laugh echoing in front of our door, I hang my head low while holding my head with both of my hands. I turn my wheelchair around and see Jennie still standing behind. I feel like exploding, the pain is stabbing my whole existence that I feel like fainting. "Li..Lisa.. " I don't have any strength to see the same expression she gave me at the park. Now that she know about my other secret, there is nothing we can do to fix our bond again..

I push my wheelchair passing through her without meeting her eyes. The pain is real..

It's draining me in the way I can't define..

I'm giving up..

"Lisa! " Jennie call out my name again, I stop from moving. "What" I force my voice to break out from its shell. "I'm.. I'm sorry.. " her voice is a little shaky, I turn around to face her, her eyes avert down to floor. "It's okay, It's not your fault " I says coldly. "Lisa I.." I cut her immediately "Jen.. I said, it's okay.. So please! " my voice arise, she was taken aback of my words, I sigh.. I have never rise my tone to her before, seeing her expression turns into a slight fear, I soften my tone "Jen, if you feel guilty about what happened, don't.. Don't force yourself, please.. I just want a time, to heal.. Physically, mentally, emotionally.. You dont have to do anything.. Give me space.. "

I turn back moving ahead to my room, I hear her small sob, she's crying..its really breaking me when I hear her small cry, I swear.. It took me more than a physical strength to ignore her cry, I clench my eyes tight while pushing my wheelchair to my room, as soon as I shut my bedroom door, I cup my mouth, trying to prevent the sound I make because I'm starting to drown myself in tears that have been welling since Austin arrived.

I don't know what to feel, all the pain are stabbing me in the same time that I can't even feel myself anymore. This heart break is too much for me to handle, why am I still living if I can't even do anything anymore, what is the point of living if I'm just a useless human, not able to catch my dream, I have been stepping inside it but all of it crushed because of my stupidity. If I never tell them my secret, I wouldn't be in this situation, sitting weak on a wheelchair without able to do anything.

I cry hard, I can't hold the pain anymore, I clutch my chest as I fall on the floor, feeling every vein start to pump as I devour my emotions into tears.

My bedroom door creaks and I see a familiar silhouette slipping in with my blurry vision. Jennie.. She storm to me and immediately pull me into her hug, I pushed her away didn't i? But seeing her feature weakening me.. She've been always my weakness even till now, She've been always the home I run to, the home that always bring calm and warmth.. I surrender myself into her embrace, needing a comfort for this colliding heart. Im really hurted with the fact that I can't even own my dream anymore, the fact that my life is messed up and I can't help but yearn about it.

JENNIE

My heart cracks at the sight of Lisa in tears. "Its okay Lisa.. Im here, Im here for you.." She tighten her grip on my shirt as I voice out to assure her. The guilt start to serenade me when I hear her sobs "Im here Lisa.. I promise that we will face this together.." that is the last word from me and I let her pour out her feeling till she fell asleep. I move her to her bed awhile ago and now Im here, watching her light snores, caressing her puffy eyes and nose, wiping the stained tears on her face.

I will never push her like what I did to her before..

I wake up with the sight of a sleeping angelic face, I smile at her calm feature, and after minutes of contemplating her face, her eyes flutter to open "Morning?" Her eyes widened with surprise "J-Jen?" her husky voice radiates warm in me, its been weeks since I've heard her voice. "You okay?" she nods and shift her body, trying to sit up, I immediately help her to do so, she then lean her back on the bed board. It's a pure silent after that, Lisa avert her eyes from me when I try to open my mouth..

"Lisa.. Can we talk?" I don't know if this is the right time but I can't wait anymore. She doesn't say a thing, still keeping her eyes on the wall beside us. I tilt her chin gently to face me and the moment her eyes dart at me, they send me an electricity that makes me stunned. "What is it Jennie?" her voice is clearer compared to when she just woke up. It's like I swallowed my own voice, I suddenly become speechless due to this strange feeling, maybe its because Lisa and me haven't talk in a long time. She touches my hand that rested on her face." What is it?" her voice breaks the spell and that make me snapped.

"I-i.." Lisa's eyes.. Those sorrowful stares again my heart begin to rumbles with the pain I kept for weeks "Lisa.. I'm sorry for what I have done to you, my words.. My act.. My ignorance.. How I shove you away with my homophobic, and how I caused this.." I move to touch both of her bare legs. "I'm really sorry.." I hold both of her legs, both of my knees kneel, my body bent that my head leans again her legs.

Moment later, my body begin to let out a small sobs, the guilt I contained really aching me. "I promise, I won't do the same stupid thing to you again, I won't hurt you ever again because hurting you make me.." I couldn't continue my words as I hit my breaking point, my small voice turns into a wail. The thought of the past is really aching me, the remorse I carried heaved me in the way I can't speak.

"Jen.. Hey.." I feel Lisa's touch on my back, I lift my head to see her "Come here.." she pull my hands up and wrap her hands around me, the warmth I longed from her, the gentle touch she always give, the feeling of home.. Lisa.. I continue to sob on her chest, clutching her shirt, damping it with my tears.. "shh.." I feel Lisa's hand stroking my head, her other hand is rubbing my back, I won't lie.. It soothed me. After minutes, I pull out and she cup my face with both of her thumbs wiping my tears. I can't meet her gaze..

"Jennie.. Look at me.." Lisa tilt my head to meet her eyes, and I did.. Her doe eyes meet with mine, feeling a strong connection between our gaze.. She curl a small smile before speaking "Will you promise me something?" I nod at her "Don't ever avoid me again, don't ever leave me again.."

"I promise.."

.

.

.

.

.

AUTHOR

After that morning, Lisa become herself more and more, the goofy and mischievous Lisa.. The loud and prankster Lisa.. The silly and crazy Lisa.. Her unnies are more delighted by Lisa's change, its like everything goes to normal again and they wouldn't complain about it, especially Jennie.. She's relief that Lisa begin to offer the warmth she used to give her.. She smile looking at Thai girl, looking giddy and cheerful.

"Jennie.. Its your turn to accompany Lisa for her treatment today.." Jisoo says and slump her body on the sofa where Jennie and Lisa sit, Lisa scratch her nape "I'm sorry Nini.. You don't have to do it if you don't want to.. Because I know you're tired from yest- ..." Jennie put her index finger on the latter's lips and that makes Lisa stop talking. "I don't like your idea at all.. That is why I will go with you.." Lisa's smile widened at Jennie's answer, this is the first time Jennie accompany Lisa to her appointment because she didn't let the latter to do so before, it was always her mom, Jisoo or Chaeyoung who bring her for a medical review.

Jennie stayed close till the Thai girl finished her physiotherapy session, she is actually able to walk a little by now but with support, Jennie smile at the girl's determination, she've been assuring her that she will be able to perform as long as she doesn't give up, and that made Lisa tried harder than before, Jennie's word is always a magic for her, it made anything possible and easier. Jennie have never know that she could leave an impact to the Thai girl, Jisoo is right.. Lisa was always genuine, and she was blinded by her stupid phobia that she shove the pure girl away from her.

Before this.. She have never actually dive into Lisa's character, she have never actually know Lisa deeply, its not because Lisa didn't show it then, but she was just too ignorant, she have never take Lisa seriously.. Because Lisa was only a kid in her eyes, that's why she always seemed so whipped to her, but that was then.. Being emotionally closer to Lisa have made her realised, Lisa is a strong and determined girl, she've been taking Jennie as her example since they were trainees, she worked hard to be in this spot, but she.. Crumpled the Thai girl's dream, look at her now, her legs was her life.. Jennie's breath choked as she inhale the guilt.

"How was it?" Jennie ask the Thai girl after her 1 hour of physiotherapy session. "It was good, my doctor said that I'm progressing so fast" she giddily answer. "That nice then.. Want to go for an ice cream?" Jennie offers her an unofficial date. Lisa then enthusiastically nods "Such a kid.." Jennie smiles at Lisa's act and pinch the girl's cheek slightly and that makes Lisa more hyped at Jennie's sweet gesture.

"Ahjumma, one big scop of chocolate ice cream and milk ice cream" She turns her head to Lisa and flash a gummy smile to her, Lisa's heart beats erraticly at the sight, lately Jennie have been so sweet and caring to her, at first she tried to resist everything Jennie have done to her, making her bruised with her charm, makes her badly hurted by the butterflies attacking inside her abdomen, makes her stunned with the electiricity she transmit in her blood vessels.

And.. For making her remember how deep she fell for her since trainee day.

"One big scop of ice cream for Lalisa Manoban, a reward for the great progress " Lisa giddily grab the bowl from Jennie's hand. "Is it good?" Jennie ask her as Lisa take a bite and she nods like a 5 years old kid, Jennie smile at the sight. It is strange, Jennie usually feel annoyed at her when she acts like a child but as time passed, she enjoys every expression Lisa shows and think it is cute.

"Thank you for today Nini.." Lisa flash a smile at the older girl while tilting her head up as Jennie push her wheelchair. "No biggie.." Jennie smile and keep walking, Jennie brought them to the the same park they went at the night they fought. "Why are you bringing me here?" Lisa asks curiously as Jennie sit on the bench "To get a fresh air?" she avert her eyes to the left "Yeah? Really Nini? Don't fool me.. I know there is a reason you're bringing us here.."

Jennie sigh a defeat "I have never have the chance to apologise in a decent way to you about how spiteful I was to you directly and indirectly.." she slowly shift her head to meet the doe eyes but she cannot bear to stares into them "I know, my apologies won't change anything but.." Lisa cut her in the middle of her sentence "Nini.. It is okay, to be honest? I was mad at that time and was disappointed at myself in the same time.." she paused for awhile, aware that she might slip out her true feeling. "But.. Jennie, I can't stay mad at you, I can't even hate you.. The night you embrace me while I'm collapsing, I realised how much.. You mean to me, and I had enough of breaking.. And staying away from you doesn't feel right, it have never feel right.. You were my strength then.. And you're still my strength now.. I need you Jennie.. "

She devour all her feeling in her words, Jennie's eyes welled with tears, her heart skip a beat hearing Lisa's genuine words." I know I'm such a kid and you used to resent me, annoyed at me.. And.. I know you hate my nature, that I'm actually homosexual.." it is bitter for her to say the word, it always feel new "...the thing I'm afraid is, you'll change and this is your play pretend.. "

" But it is not! I'm not pretending Lalisa, I'm starting to know you more, I'm starting to realised that you're actually a beautiful soul, I'm starting to see you as someone else, not just a kid.. Not just a maknae.. The moment I did this to you.. " she pointed her finger to Lisa's legs "... I reflect a lot about the toxic idea inside myself, and I regret it a lot, every night I fall a sleep with a load of guilt and awake with the same weight, you have no idea how much it affect me.. If you think I'll despise you again like the old fool me did, you're wrong.. Because I'm not, you're my Lisa.. Nothing can change that.. "

A short silence occurred, both are speechless by each other's unexpected confession.." But Jennie.. You sure about that? I can't afford to lose you again.. " she stares deeply at the feline eyes" I'm aware of everything Lisa.. Everything.. Even after I knew about how you really feel for me.. I won't change.. I won't leave... "

It's too much for Lisa to interpret the meaning behind Jennie's words, it's too much for her to chunk, she frowns looking at Jennie".. Then that's mean.. You're accepting my nature? Like.. You're not Homophobic anymore? And after knowing everything.. " wait.. What with the word of 'everything'? And she widened her eyes as she recalls Jennie's words syllable by syllable" You.. Know what?! " she is suprised by her own words.

" I know you like me Lisa.. Austin said it before.. I can't help but think about what he said, and I ask Jisoo unnie and Chaeyoung.. They confirmed it.. "

Lisa is dumbfounded with the new information she get, she doesn't know how to react, should she feel relieved because Jennie finally know about her true feeling and it won't heave her anymore, or feel saddened at the thought Jennie won't be able to return the feeling cause hell she's a straight woman.

"I don't mind it at all Lalisa.."

Why is she being like this?

A/n: Finally! I'm able to finish this chap, I'm really sorry for unpublishing it before, I actually realised that  there are some part I need to edit😂

Well I'm aware that there is a plot hole in this story where Jennie found out about Lisa's feeling for her and I didn't expressed it in Jennie's POV, but I actually intent to do so, so I can surprise Lisa that Jennie actually kept everything from her😂