If You Love Me: Chapter 3

After Roman drops his bomb, I turn my attention to the juices again, unable to hold his gaze. I need to speak with him privately. What if he tells management about our history? Or worse, what if he tells his teammates? I could lose their respect before I’ve even had a chance to earn it.

This job means everything to me. Working in pro hockey is the pinnacle. That it could end before it’s even begun because of something I did years ago would hurt worse than slipping on ice a thousand times.

But before I can find the words, he heads in the direction of a young woman and leads her out of the room.

I guess that private conversation will have to wait. Maybe it’s better that I have time to prepare for it. When I took the coaching job, I was focused on how amazing it would be for my career. Not how fucking awkward it would be to work with my former two-night stand.

After I finally select a juice—the watermelon lemonade, because of course I follow Roman’s advice—I spend another twenty minutes chatting with Ralph and Kellan Ryker, the goalie who will be stepping in for Roman at the end of the year. Eventually I’m able to escape to my office. But I can’t even appreciate my nameplate fixed to the door. Or the fact that I have a freaking office with a window. Or that I’ve scored my dream job. I don’t know how to deal with this. And I don’t have anyone to talk to.

In three years, I haven’t told a soul about my weekend with Roman. For forty-eight hours, he was all mine. And I was wholly, undeniably his. I wanted to keep it that way. For so many reasons. But mostly because our time together felt special and sacred, and it wasn’t something I wanted cheapened because of who he was to everyone outside that hotel room.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. My stomach flips. What if he’s calling me?

I’m instantly relieved and then concerned when my younger sister’s name flashes across the screen. There’s a big gap between the three of us. Ophelia is in her final year of high school, making her twelve years my junior, and Calliope is eight and in third grade. This move hasn’t been easy, and Fee has had to take on a lot of responsibility with Callie. I relate. I went from sister to mom from one blink to the next.

“Is everything okay?” I ask as I answer the phone.

“Everything is fine,” she assures me. “Callie wanted me to call you about dinner.” The way she says dinner tells me this has very little to do with food.

I grin. “She did, huh?” Callie is very excited about me working for the Terror. Ironically, she loves Roman Hammerstein and all things hockey, just like me. She’s the goalie for her team.

“She asked for chicken fingers and fries, but homemade, and I wasn’t sure how late you’d be tonight since it’s your first day and all,” Fee explains. “She also wants to talk to you, if you have time.”

“Put her on.”

“Did you meet Roman Hammerstein?” Callie asks.

I can feel her excitement. “I did.” And he was not happy about meeting me again.

“What about Dallas Bright? And Flip Madden and Tristan Stiles? Did you meet them, too?” Every word comes out in a sliding rush.

“Yup. The whole team was there.”

“What about Connor Grace? I saw that he got traded there.”

“How did you see that?” The team just found out, and the announcement only went public this afternoon.

“I checked sites when I had computer time after school. Is it true?” Her voice rises with anticipation. She adores Roman, but Grace is her favorite player of all time.

“It’s true. And I met him.” Getting the team to accept him won’t be easy. He’s an excellent defensive player, but it’s no secret he and Madden don’t get along. The question is why…

“Oh my gosh! This is so cool! Both of my favorite players are on the same team! Will I get to meet them?”

“Of course. You can come to a game and meet the whole team,” I assure her.

“I can’t wait! Fee wants to talk to you again. See you when you get home!”

“Sorry. She would not stop asking to call you,” Fee says quietly. “I can go out and get groceries to make dinner easier.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s your first day, too. How was school? Did you make any friends?”

“I said hi to some people, but I like the friends I have.”

“Online friends are good too. Maybe, you’ll find someone close to commiserate with about The Way We Weren’t and Lord of the Rings fanfic. I’ll stop for dinner on the way home. Don’t let Callie eat too much sugar.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Also, maybe try to unpack a few boxes.” The past week has been a whirlwind. We moved three days ago from a house with a backyard to a three-bedroom condo on the twentieth floor. The bedrooms and the kitchen were the priority. Now it’s a matter of unpacking everything else.

“Already tackled four boxes of books and put them on the living room shelf.”

“You’re the best.”

“I know. I gotta go. Callie’s playing hockey in the living room again.”

“Give her the stress puck!”

“Already did.”

“Love you, Fee.”

“Love you, too, Lexi.”

I end the call and drop into my executive chair. I love my sisters, and I wouldn’t change my relationship with them for the world. But me becoming their legal guardian has been hard for all of us. It wasn’t just the overwhelming grief and changes after my mom and stepdad died. Between taking a lower paying position to keep stability for the girls and trying to manage a household on a single income while we waited for the estate to be settled, last year was a financial struggle. But we did it, and we can do this too. I can handle working with Roman for a year. As long as he doesn’t blow this chance up for me.

A knock on my office door has me bracing for more of the worst. I fully expect a confrontation with Roman, and the sooner it happens, the sooner we can both move on. But it’s not Roman standing in my doorway, it’s Wilhelmina Reddi-Grinst, the team’s key PR liaison. There was enough attention on her public engagement to Dallas Bright that her name would be hard to forget. You need thick skin to deal with the backlash from that.

“Hemi, right?” I push my chair back and stand.

“That’s right.” She smiles. “I had a meeting right after they introduced you, but I wanted to pop in and welcome you to the team. Looks like you’re settling in.” She glances at the pile of boxes in the corner and then at the art I hung on the wall. It’s a watercolor of the lake we used to vacation at when our mom was still alive. Ophelia drew it in her grade ten art class, and I had it framed. She hates it—although that extends to a lot of things—and said I couldn’t hang it in the condo, so I brought it here.

“I am,” I reply. “Everyone has been welcoming so far.” Except for Roman and Donnie, but at least I know why on both counts.

“The team is fantastic, and the head office is super supportive,” Hemi assures me.

“I’ve heard great things, and I’m looking forward to working with you and Shilpa. I love what you’re doing with the women’s team.” The attention they’ve garnered over the past year has been fantastic, and there are so many gains being made for women in the sport.

“That’s been such a passion project for me.”

“Well, it’s incredible. And last year’s gala was out of this world with the money you raised for all those charities. Plus, I can’t believe there’s a horse named after Dallas Bright.” The way the team always comes together is impressive and one of the reasons I couldn’t pass up this job.

“I couldn’t have managed the gala without Hammer’s help. She’s my right hand.”

“Hammer?”

“As in Peggy Aurora Hammerstein. The team calls her Hammer. She works with me in PR.”

“Right. Yes.” That’s another thing I didn’t consider. Working with Roman is one thing, but his daughter, too…The layers of complication keep multiplying.

“She was in the meeting this morning, but you were probably overwhelmed with all the people. She’s out at a promo op with her dad, but she’ll be in tomorrow. I’ll introduce you.”

“I would love that.” That my words don’t come out laced with anxiety is a miracle.

“I know you probably have a lot to do, but some of us are heading to the pub after work, if you want to join. We’re all very excited to have you on board. It’s nice to have another woman on staff. The other coaches don’t usually join us—they have young kids and a lot going on—but we’d love to have you. If you can make it, you’ll meet Hammer and Shilpa, plus a few players. It’s a nice way to get to know them in a more relaxed environment.”

While I’d love to make friends in the office, if Hammer is there, the potential for awkwardness is real. And if Roman shows up… A conversation is imperative, but not with all our colleagues and his teammates around. “Thanks so much for thinking of me. Can I take a rain check? I still have some unpacking to do.” I motion to the boxes.

“Absolutely.” She nods. “Maybe next week would be better.”

“That would be great.”

I’ve dodged that bullet for now, but I can’t avoid my office colleagues indefinitely. I’m pretty sure this will all get harder before it gets easier. Who knew having your dreams come true could feel like a nightmare?