If You Love Me: Chapter 33

It’s been hours since that message landed on my phone. I’ve been waiting all fucking day to have a conversation with Lexi. It isn’t until Callie is at practice with Fee that I’m finally able to go to her place so she can share the details.

She tells me what happened while pacing the living room, her fingers at her lips. “I’ll lose my job, Roman. I’ll be fired.”

“I’ll retire early. If I’m not on the team, they can’t fire you.” It would solve the problem. “I’ve already floated the idea with Vander Zee.”

“What? When? Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Because I didn’t want you to panic. I mentioned the Hockey Academy option, mostly to feel them out and see if they thought Ryker was ready.”

“You can’t. There’s a month left in the season. We’re on track to make the playoffs, and Ryker needs the time to prepare.”

“If I had an injury, he’d have to be ready,” I point out.

“You will not hurt yourself to get out of the playoffs! Besides, if you retire early for me, it will make things worse,” Lexi argues.

This will already have backlash. There’s no way it won’t. But there must be a way out of this that doesn’t ruin her career. “I love you,” I state.

She stops pacing and turns to face me. “I love you, too.” Her eyes roll up to the ceiling. “This is not how I wanted to tell you that.”

I move to stand in front of her and take her hands in mine. “It doesn’t change the weight of those words.”

“I know, but management won’t care that we’ve fallen in love, Roman. I’m in a position of power, and I’m engaging in a romantic relationship with a player. Full stop. The story ends there. No one cares that we’re both adults. No one cares that you’re retiring this year or that you’re a decade older. I’m a first-year assistant coach, and I disregarded one of the fundamental rules. There is no getting out of this without a shitstorm.”

I hate that I’ve put her in this position. I should have kept my distance. Should have made it easier for her to stay away from me. But I didn’t, and we’re here, in this place I never wanted her to be.

There is a solution, though. “Let’s get married.”

Her eyes flare. “What?”

“If you love me, and I love you, why not get married? They can’t fire you if you’re my wife.”

“I don’t know if that’s true,” she whispers.

“The rules say no fraternizing with players. But if you’re my wife, that can’t apply.”

“Roman—”

I gently kiss the knuckle on her bare ring finger. “I want you. I want to be with you. I want to take care of you, and love you, and support you and the girls. I’m head over heels for you, Lexi. I’m desperate for the season to be over so we can be together. I think about early retirement on the daily because I want you more than I want to finish the season. You are what makes coming to the rink worth it every day. We get married, and we save your career, and we don’t have to hide anymore.” No more guilt. No more lying. The freedom to love her openly and protect her is all I want.

“I don’t want to throw your entire world into upheaval.” She settles a palm on my chest. “I don’t want the start of your retirement to be a media nightmare.”

“And I don’t want to be without you,” I reply.

“I don’t want to be without you either.” She exhales an unsteady breath. “I love you; I want a life with you. I just don’t want to create a rift with all the people you love if we do this. There will be consequences.”

“Teenage dad, remember? I can handle consequences, especially if it means I get to spend the rest of my life loving you. That’s bigger than some blowback from head office.”

She nods slowly, hand still pressed against my chest, like she needs grounding. “If I have to choose between my job and you, I will always choose you, Roman. I would rather have to start over in a new career then spend another three years regretting my choices.” She looks so scared, but under that is hope and the love I feel for her reflected back at me. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes. Absolutely. Unequivocally. I’ve been searching for this feeling since I found you all those years ago. I was going to ask you to marry me once I retired, anyway. Now I don’t have to wait.” I squeeze her hand, wishing I had a ring to put on her finger. “Let me stand beside you. Let’s build our future together.”

“It’ll be messy,” she whispers.

“Stop trying to give me an out I don’t want, angel. I’m not scared of messy. I raised a daughter on my own who ended up falling for my best friend. I can handle messy. I can handle anything, as long as I get to do it with you. Marry me, Lexi. Be my wife.”

“Why are you so amazing?” A single tear tracks down her cheek.

I brush it away. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes.” She pushes up on her toes, whispering the words with a smile against my lips, “I’ll marry you.”