If You Love Me: Chapter 35

“Lexi! You should see our dresses! They’re so pretty. And we went for lunch, and I had sushi, but not the raw fish. Did you know not all sushi is raw fish? They have a roll with sweet potato in it, and it’s really yummy. And I had green tea ice cream and red bean ice cream, and I like them both! Ice cream with beans in it! Isn’t that funny?”

“Sorry. She maybe had some of Fee’s cola while I wasn’t looking.” Aurora gives me an apologetic smile.

“I was also not paying attention. We were very dress focused this morning,” Dred adds.

“No apologies necessary. Thank you both for doing this. I know we’re throwing a lot at you, and I sincerely appreciate all your help.” Marrying Roman today feels like it’s the best roller coaster I’ve ever been on. In a matter of hours, he’ll be my husband. We’ll be starting our future together. Even under these less than ideal circumstances, he’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

“I need to use the bathroom,” Callie announces.

Fee glances at me. “I’ll take her.”

“I’ll come too,” Dred offers.

Aurora waits until they’re out of earshot before she asks, “How are you doing? How was practice?”

“Practice was okay. The anxiety was something else. But now I’m excited and a little nervous. I’m also so grateful for your support today.”

“You’re making a big decision under a lot of pressure.” Aurora’s smile is empathetic, with a hint of worry.

“I know. I’m in love with your dad, though.” He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel like I truly belonged. “He sees me in a way no one else ever has. And it’s not just that we have the same passion for hockey. It’s so much more. Until he came into my life, I didn’t know what it felt like to be so completely loved, or to love so deeply. I feel like I finally understand the concept of a soulmate and that I’ve found mine in him.”

“I believe you.” She pulls me in for a hug. “And I know he feels the same way about you. I can see it on his face every time he says your name. He wouldn’t do this if he wasn’t sure. I have faith in his decisions. Even his accidents tend to have positive results.”

She winks and we both chuckle.

“How are you and Hollis?” I’ve been worried about it all day. “I’m sorry I put Roman in this position where he couldn’t be honest with you. I know how important you are to him.”

Aurora gives me another squeeze and waves it away. “Oh, we’re fine. I was…shocked, and a little hurt at first, but mostly my reaction came from a place of deep understanding. Because I did that to my dad last year—kept things from him out of what felt like necessity at the time but was mostly based on fear. Your situation is different, but it hits the same emotions. I expressed my feelings about it, and Hollis listened, and we talked it through. I know this is a precarious position for you. It has the power to be divisive. But I won’t let hurt feelings interfere with my dad’s happiness or my relationship with him.”

“How are you only twenty-one?”

She smiles softly. “Almost twenty-two, actually. But I grew up in this world, and my dad is a huge believer in the benefit of therapy, so I’ve spent a lot of time talking about and understanding my feelings. That’s not to say I haven’t had my struggles. Falling for my dad’s best friend was a challenge. I worried about the impact it would have on our relationship, but also on his relationship with his teammates, and with Hollis. We’re mostly okay now, but it’s taken some time.” There’s so much compassion in her eyes. “My dad wouldn’t promise you forever if he didn’t mean it, and he wouldn’t choose someone who didn’t love him back with the same ferocity. He loves hard and so do you, I see it with your sisters, with your dedication to the team. I know the circumstances are a challenge, and that this is a solution, but I also know it’s about much more than that. You’re protecting each other because that’s what partners do.”

Fighting the tears is pointless because I’ve already lost that battle. “You don’t know what a relief it is to hear you say that, Aurora. I love Roman. That man owns my heart, and I’m so grateful to have you behind us. I tried so hard to keep my distance, but he’s just…easy to fall in love with.”

“He was built to love people. I’m happy that he’s happy. And I like you, Lexi. A lot. The only thing I’m nervous about is what’s on the other side of this. For all of us.”

“Me, too,” I admit.

“It’s clear he pursued you when he shouldn’t have. Seems to be a family trait, since I did it too.” She rolls her eyes.

“Turned out good for you. Hopefully, it’ll be the same for us,” I say as Fee, Callie, and Dred make their way back to us.

“It will.” Aurora gives me a side hug. “Now, let’s find you a very pretty dress so you can marry my dad.”

Aurora takes us to a very swanky, very expensive boutique dress shop with name-brand, top-of-the-line dresses.

“Um, this place is nice, but I don’t know if I can afford anything in here,” I whisper before one of the sales associates reaches us.

Aurora pats my hand and laughs. “You’re not paying for the dress. My dad gave me his credit card, which is something you’ll have to get used to. He’s a bit extravagant with gifts. It’s part of his love language.” My dad is the same. I consider calling him, but he won’t be able to make it.

“Hi, you must be Aurora.” The sales associate shakes her hand.

“Thank you so much for fitting us in. This is Callie, Fee, and Dred—the wedding party—and this is Lexi, our bride to be.” Aurora squeezes my shoulder.

“It’s lovely to meet all of you. I’m Sariah, and I’m excited to help you find your perfect wedding dress today.”

“I’ll need to be able to wear it right away.” I can’t believe I’m having a shotgun wedding. And yet, I’m more ready than I ever thought I’d be to walk down the aisle.

Sariah doesn’t miss a beat. “Of course. Shall we get started?”

“That would be great, yes, thank you.”

We follow Sariah to the back of the store. We’re the only people here. The girls are given sparkling grape juice, and Aurora, Dred, and I are handed champagne. I don’t drink often, but I accept it as we browse dresses, already pulled in my size.

“I can come in and help you, if you want,” Dred offers once we’ve collected a few possibilities.

I nod. “That would be great.”

“We’ll be back!” Dred calls over her shoulder as Sariah brings the first two dresses to the room.

I strip down to my bra and panties. Having spent years in locker rooms with a team of women, I tend not to be shy about my body.

“How are you doing?” Dred helps zip me into the first dress.

“This is the right decision,” I whisper.

She turns me around to face her. “You love him.”

“So unbelievably much.”

“And you want to be his wife.”

“A thousand percent yes. Today, tomorrow, six months from now, the answer would be the same.”

“Then this is the right decision.” Dred is an amazing best friend, but I still wish this was a conversation I could have had with my mom. She couldn’t be the mom I wanted her to be, but I yearn for that mother daughter connection. She’ll never see me in my wedding dress or her other daughters. Now we’re building another family, and my chest aches a little. I resolve, in this moment, to be the mom my sisters need, and to show up for Dred if she ever walks down the aisle and needs me in the same way.

“Thank you for being here.”

“I got you, girl. How do you feel about this dress?”

I smooth my hands over my hips and look at my reflection. “I like it, but I don’t think I love it.”

“We should show the girls anyway.” She opens the door, and I step out.

They ooh and ahh but agree that it’s not quite right.

The second one is the same.

“How about this one?” Aurora points to a simple, elegant dress.

“It’s pretty.” Callie has said this about every dress.

“I like it.” Fee gives her approval.

“It’s understated, and I love it,” Dred weighs in.

It’s not flashy, but it has the potential to be stunning. “I’ll try it.”

I disappear into the changing room and carefully slip into the beautiful blush dress, dotted with simple blossoms. The back is corset style and laces up. Dred expertly tightens it and ties a bow at the base of my spine. “If I could get a boner over a dress, I would have one now.” She steps back and turns me toward the mirror.

“Oh my gosh. This is…”

“It?” She arches a brow.

“Yes.” I can see myself walking down the aisle in this, envision Roman waiting at the altar for me. Warmth spreads through me and my heart swells, knowing that soon, I’ll be standing in front of the man I love, promising him forever. For all the heartache this season and the potential for more fallout, knowing I’ll finally be his brings me such peace. “This is the dress I’m getting married in.”

“Let’s show the girls,” Dred suggests.

I step out of the dressing room, and the girls suck in a collective gasp.

“That is…” Aurora presses her hand to her heart. “Wow. Just wow.”

I’m unable to contain my smile as Sariah sweeps in with a veil, shoes, and a bouquet of flowers to complete the look.

“You’re so beautiful,” Fee says.

“Like a princess,” Callie agrees.

“Stunning.” Dred arranges my train.

“This is the one.” My nerves vanish and in their wake is giddy anticipation.

“My dad is going to lose his mind when he sees you.” Aurora’s smile is huge.

She snaps a few pictures before I disappear into the dressing room and put my regular clothes on so they can steam the dress.

I just about pass out when the sales associate rings up the dress, shoes, and veil. I grip Aurora’s arm and whisper, “Maybe I should try on something else.”

She gives me a look. “That dress is perfect for you. Trying on more is pointless. Just do what I do when Hollis decides he needs to outfit me in a dress that costs three months’ salary: pretend there’s one less zero at the end of the price tag.”

“This will take some getting used to,” I murmur.

“I know.” She passes over Roman’s credit card.

Our next stop is a salon down the street. I’m prepared with pictures of what I’d like. The stylist braids my hair, weaving it through with baby’s breath, while my sisters, Dred, and Aurora get light curls and their nails done.

It’s nearly three by the time we’re finished with hair and makeup. We pick up the dress and flowers and return to the condo to get ready.

When I reach my bedroom, I find a huge gift box in the middle of my bed. Aurora hangs my dress and squeezes my arm. “I’ll give you a minute. Just call if you need me.” She pulls the door closed behind her.

I run my damp hands over my thighs and pick up the card lying on top of the wrapped box, smiling at Roman’s neat handwriting.

Lexi,

I know this isn’t how we expected things to go, but I can’t wait to make you my wife. The moment I met you, I started falling. And in the years between then and now, the longing to find someone who made me feel the way you do kept growing. But that hole in my heart could only be filled by you. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life loving you, caring for you, standing beside you.

All my love,

Roman

I tip my head back, overcome with emotion at how thoughtful and kind this man is. And he’s about to be mine. “Get it together, Lexi.” I reach for a tissue so I don’t ruin my makeup before I even put my dress on.

I pull the satin bow, lift the lid, and peel back the tissue paper. On top is another note from Roman.

I can’t wait to take these off you when you’re my wife. With my teeth, of course.

Love, Roman

I smile at the satin-and-lace panty set. It’s sexy, classy, and pretty—everything I’d expect from Roman. I strip out of my clothes, carefully rinse off from the neck down with the handheld showerhead, apply lotion, and then slip into my new lingerie. It’s the most beautiful set I’ve ever had the pleasure of wearing.

My phone pings with a message.

I answer on the first ring.

“Talk to me. I need to hear your voice.”

“Hi.”

“Hi, beautiful. Tell me how you’re doing,” he says.

“Excited to have you as all mine, nervous because of the circumstances, guilty that I’m about to make your life a lot more complicated.”

“My dear, sweet, sexy, incredible almost-wife, I want you—all of you and everything that comes with you, including complications. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me otherwise,” he assures me. “What else do you feel guilty about?”

“That I’m getting married and I haven’t even told my dad. And you haven’t told your mom.” I put the phone on speaker and set it on the bed as I run my hands over my dress.

“My mom is on a two-month cruise, and she’ll be ecstatic that I’m not single anymore. But we will have a proper wedding in the summer, with all our friends and your dad in attendance. And if he needs to have words with me for marrying you without asking his blessing first, I’ll gladly accept his wrath,” he says as I loosen the corset. “How does that sound?”

“Like you know exactly what to say to calm me,” I whisper.

“Good. Later I’ll wind you right up. Sound like a plan?”

I laugh. “Sounds like a wonderful plan.”

“I think so, too. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“With all my heart. Deep breaths, angel. We’re almost there.”

There’s a pause before I say something scarier than even those three little words. “Marrying you feels like a dream I was too afraid to hope for. You make me feel like I’m the most precious thing in the world. I never worry you’ll disregard me or prioritize something else above me. I’ve never had that before, Roman. I’ve never had someone love me the way you do. You are the most caring, wonderful man I’ve ever met, and that I get to give you my heart is the best gift in the world.”

His breath comes heavy through the line. “You were always meant to be mine. I was always meant to be yours. I love every part of you, and I’ve never felt so wholly loved in return. I can’t wait to be your partner in this life.”

“Same. See you soon?” My eyes burn as I think about the man I’m about to call husband.

“I’ll be there.”

We end the call, and I step into my dress, then call Dred in to help me lace it up.

“You are absolutely radiant.” Dred ties a bow at the base of my spine for a second time today, then helps me with my shoes before she opens the door.

Callie comes bounding in, her poofy dress swishing and curls bobbing. “Oh wow! You look like a princess, Lexi!”

Aurora gives me a soft smile. “You are beautiful.”

“You really are.” Fee’s chin wobbles. “I wish Mom were here to see you.”

That’s one thought I’ve been shoving down all day. I miss her, and I wish she was here to fuss over my hair or my lipstick. “Me, too, honey.” I open my arms, and my sisters fall into them.

Dred pulls a tissue from her purse and dabs under my eyes. I laugh, and the girls laugh, and Aurora dabs under her eyes, too. “We need some pictures, and then we need to get you to City Hall.”

Aurora snaps a bunch of photos of me with the girls, then sets her camera on a tripod in the living room so she and Dred can be part of it, too.

They make sure we have everything we need, and the five of us take the elevator to the lobby and climb into the waiting limo.

It’s really happening. I’m getting married. To the man who’s starred in my dreams for the past three years and become the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.