Chapter 4

"You should eat another slice," Sawyer said, holding the pizza box out to me.

We were cuddling on the couch in his small apartment watching a rerun of one of his favourite sitcoms. I wasn't really a fan of them, so I had no idea what was going on. It was something about a group of geeky friends and their wacky adventures. Not my cup of tea. I'd retrieved my date book from my bag twenty minutes ago and was more focused on figuring out when I could work between classes.

I shook my head without looking up from my schedule. "I'm all good. You probably shouldn't eat so late. It's terrible for your metabolism, and your sleep." The time was pushing on midnight.

He laughed. "I don't know, I'm pretty tuckered out," he replied with his husky, suggestive voice, the one he usually used in the bedroom.

I turned to him with a raised brow. We were sitting quite close, and his arm was already resting behind me on the pillow. My movement brought us closer together. "Oh yeah, why's that?" I asked, matching his tone.

Sawyer shrugged and scanned my body with hooded eyes. "Some chick wore me out." He always looked cute after sex, with his tousled blonde hair and sleepy blue eyes. And he wore nothing but his boxers, which was always a good sight. Sawyer worked out, and while he wasn't as well-defined as a Baywatch lifeguard, you could definitely see the slight curvatures on his abdomen. He also had bagpipes tattooed on his ribs, right below his peck. It was a small nod to his Scottish heritage, and it was kind of hot. "I'll sleep like a baby."

"Some chick? You're not helping your case." I leaned forward to put my date book on the coffee table, brushing my fingers over his thigh as I did. It brought us even closer.

His arm moved from the pillow behind me to rest on my lower back. "What case is that?"

"The one where you try to get me back into bed," I giggled softly.

He was only a breath away now. "There are other ways to do that."

"Oh, yeah?" I challenged, knowing exactly where this was going.

"Yeah." He pressed his lips to mine and I felt his familiar warmth spark the mutual lust between us. Kissing Sawyer always felt good. I found comfort in his arms and it didn't take long before he leaned me back against the couch and hovered above me. In the small space we had, he settled between my legs and turned up the heat.

Unlike Sawyer, I was fully clothed. He had a roommate that liked to come in and out at all times of the night. I had no interest in him accidentally walking in while I pranced around in my bra. While I was pretty sure he was snuggled up in bed right now, I wasn't going to risk it.

My clothes didn't hinder Sawyer. He confidently reached under my knit sweater to run his warm hands up my sides and under my bra. Then he moved to unbutton my jeans.

That's when I broke the kiss. Sawyer moaned and rested his head on my shoulder. He knew what was coming. It was almost a routine at this point. "It's late," I whispered. "I have to go."

He held himself above me, resting his elbows on either side of my head, and pouted. As if that would work. "Come on, old man," I teased, reaching between us to run by hand over his boxers. "I think it's too soon for round two anyway." It had only been half an hour since round one and he needed to recharge.

Sawyer's eyes widened in offense. "Ouch."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "It's not personal, it's biology." I pushed myself up to give him a peck on the lips in the hopes it would reassure him. Science was science and his body needed to reproduce a few substances before we went again.

"I just need ten more minutes, fifteen max," he argued. When I remained silent, he groaned and sat up, pulling me with him. "Okay, fine."

As I straightened myself up, fixing my bra and the button on my jeans, I noticed the couple on the TV screen. They were in bed talking, clearly having just finished their intimate moment. Next thing, they were sidling back under the covers, less than a minute after round one. I giggled at that. How ironic.

Sawyer scoffed. "These shows are so unrealistic."

"Exactly. Unrealistic. So get over it." His pride was obviously suffering, but there was no point dwelling on something so minute.

I stood up and stretched a little, then started to collect my things.

"Did you figure out what you're going to do about work?" Sawyer asked as I put my date book in my bag.

"Yeah, it looks like it will have to be weekday mornings or weekends." My class schedule was spread over four days this semester and that meant less time at work. What it did mean was more time on campus, and potentially more time seeing Hot Café Guy. Normally this would excite me, but I'd tried really hard over the last week to push him out of my mind. So far, I was succeeding, but with classes starting in two days, it was becoming more difficult.

I took a deep breath. I couldn't think about any of that now. Not here.

Sawyer sighed. We wouldn't be seeing each other as frequently in the coming months, not at work anyway. "No office hook ups then?"

I had to laugh at that. "There are no office hook ups now."

"I know, and it's a damn shame." He was pouting again, making a show it. When he noticed that I was all packed up and ready to go, he asked, "do you want me to walk you out?"

"No, it's okay. It's cold outside." He was nearly naked. I leant down to give him a quick kiss goodbye and he tapped me on the butt as I turned around. "Goodnight."

"Night, lovely."

I made it home just before Dad went to bed. He was up late working on the books and was happy that I'd come to say goodnight. It also made things for me a little easier. If he thought I spent the night somewhere else without prewarning him, I would face a few awkward questions in the morning. He was never overbearing and was always respectful of my privacy—I was an adult after all—but he did like to know that I was safe. It was a father's prerogative.

I almost made it through the weekend without a single mention of Justin Hart, that was until the end of my shift crossed over with the beginning of Sascha's on Sunday.

"And where have you been this past week," she questioned as we went over the check-in list. She wore her Sass face, the one that told me she meant business. "It's like you dropped off the face of the Earth."

"I think you mean you haven't come back down to Earth in the past week," I laughed. Both were true, but it was probably best to focus on her so that we could avoid scrutinising me. I knew exactly where this conversation would go if I didn't keep the attention on her escapades with Dale, and I wasn't ready to talk about it. Whatever it was. "I've just been busy prepping for classes and working and stuff."

Sascha tapped her nails on the counter. "What prep? There's nothing to prep until classes start and you get your book list and assignment schedule."

I rolled my eyes at her, putting on an air of sarcasm. "We both know I've already looked up the course material."

"Nerd," she chuckled. There was not faulting that logic. Plus, I did look up the course materials for the semester. I knew what I needed to buy at the campus bookstore tomorrow.

I bent down to the key cabinet below the counter to slip the cards into their little envelopes for today's check-ins. "What have you and Dale been up to?" I played up a suggestive voice and wiggled my eyebrows at her. She was instantly distracted.

Sascha and Dale were official now. She was his girlfriend, and he was her boyfriend. I remembered what it felt like to get a new boyfriend. Granted, my last official relationship ended when I was seventeen and that was just puppy love. There was nothing spectacular about it now that I looked back. As a slightly more mature adult, and after witnessing the pain and let-downs Sascha experienced in previous years, it was plain to see that this was the real deal. Watching them last week at the Uni Bar showed me the intensity that could be experienced between two people, and not just of the animal instinct kind.

It was beautiful.

Sascha sighed dreamily and rested her elbows on the counter. "He took me to the beach the other day, it was so romantic."

"It's freezing." The beach seemed like an odd place to go in the middle of winter.

"We didn't go in the water," she laughed. "We just strolled along the sand and then sat on the rocks and talked for ages."

I smiled, standing back up now that I'd finished the room keys. Check-in started at two o'clock and everything was ready to go. "That's really nice. Have you guys, you know?" I wriggled my eyebrows again.

I was very invested in Sascha's relationship at the moment. It was like the Sascha buried deep inside her, the one who only came out with family, had surfaced. And for a guy. I'd never seen that happen before.

This new Sascha was intriguing.

"Not yet, and I'm kind of glad we haven't." Another surprise. My confused expression led her to elaborate. "You know how I've always jumped in too hard, too fast? Well, I don't want that with Dale. All those other guys only wanted my body or liked the idea of me hanging off their arms. But with Dale, I just want to make sure he really likes me before we get into that part of the relationship."

"Because you really like him?" I guessed.

Sascha's smile lit up her beautiful face. "Because I really, really like him," she admitted.

I reached for her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you, Sass."

The phone rang then, and we let go. While Sascha spoke to the caller, I busied myself by making sure the counter was tidy. It really made things easier if everything was in order.

"Right," she began after hanging up, and I cringed at her tone. "Now that the plan to distract Sascha with her dreamy boyfriend has concluded, we can go back to you. What's going on?"

I should have known I couldn't fool her. "Nothing's going on specifically, I just have a lot happening right now."

She rose one eyebrow and stared me down. "There's a difference?"

I turned to her with hands on my hips, hoping some attitude would deter her. "Okay, you've got two minutes until my shift ends. What do you want to know?"

She rolled her eyes. I was being a little dramatic. "Classes start tomorrow. What are you going to do when your hot café guy shows up?"

What could I do? I spent the last week trying to ignore his existence, which proved to be a fruitless task. History told me I would see him this semester, just like I have every semester in the past. And it would likely be at the café.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I would have to say hi now that we've met." And now that I knew I'd known him for over half my life. There was no ignoring that.

"That's it?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, I thought maybe you'd want to hang out a bit. He was checking you out, remember? Maybe we could double date." She looked hopeful.

There were so many things wrong with that. "He was kind of a dick last weekend. He knew exactly who I was and didn't care."

Sascha's enthusiasm dimmed. "Is that going to be a problem? What happened when you guys were kids?" Was she worried my hesitations about Justin would affect her life with Dale? "He's kind of been through a lot as well."

That he had. I'd been burned by Caroline's choices, and they'd had a profound impact on my life. But Justin? He experienced a world of pain before any of that. At seven-years-old, he lost his mother to breast cancer. I couldn't even imagine what that was like for a kid so young. And then two years later his dad married someone else. He suddenly had a stepmother and a little sister. It was an emotional rollercoaster I couldn't pretend to understand. Sure, I'd lost Caroline, but it wasn't the same. I could have seen her anytime I wanted.

I knew of Justin Hart, but I had no idea who he really was.

None of what happened in our mutual past was his fault, but that didn't mean seeing and interacting with him was easy. And then there was my dad to think about. I still hadn't told him about Justin, and I felt so guilty about that.

"Sass, I don't know what will happen when I see him," I admitted solemnly. "But the least I can do is not criminalise him for things he can't control."

This time, she was the one to pull me into a hug. I held on tight. "I'm proud of you. And I'm here, anytime you need me, okay? No more pushing me out and avoiding me."

Still in Sascha's arms, I nodded. I had been avoiding her because I knew she would make me confront things head on. But it also felt good knowing she was there, and that she noticed my struggles.

It was true, I didn't know how I would react when I saw Justin again, and of course I would see him again. What I did know was that I had a storm of emotions brewing inside me and I couldn't define a single one of them.