Chapter 8

My head was a minefield. There were so many things going on in there and I tried my hardest to dodge them all. Sometimes I was successful, other times I triggered a string of emotions I wasn't ready to feel. Guilt. Uncertainty. Confusion. Giddiness. Then more guilt. It was never ending.

Seeing Sawyer at work four days after the camping trip was a heavy misstep and I struggled to keep my thoughts and feelings at bay.

On Sunday, when Sascha and I finally reached an area with phone reception on our way home, there was a message from Sawyer. It was nothing unusual or intense. He simply asked how my trip was and made a little joke about my lack of camping experience. But as I sat there staring it, I couldn't figure out how to respond. I eventually did, but only with a generic message saying it was good and that I didn't get eaten by any drop bears.

I eventually accepted that I felt guilty. I had no idea why. Nothing happened with Justin, and Sawyer and I weren't together. There was no reason for me to feel guilty, at least that's what I told myself. Avoiding him made it easier for some reason. Now that he was here in front of me, though, I could hardly continue using that strategy.

We were in the office working on the rosters. Sawyer sat in front of the computer and I propped myself on the edge of the desk. "When does Maria go on maternity leave?" he asked.

"Not for another six weeks. Have you found her replacement yet?"

Sawyer nodded. "I've got two regular casuals looking for more shifts. They're going to share her regular hours. Do you want to keep your Thursday mornings?"

"Yeah, it works well with my afternoon classes," I agreed. "And only put me on the Wednesday and Saturday shifts."

He turned to me. "Are you sure? That's less than normal."

I looked down at my feet. He would find out soon anyway. "Yeah, I spoke about it with Dad. You'll be hearing about it in your meeting this afternoon."

"You're dropping manager responsibilities?" he guessed. It was hard to tell if he was surprised or disappointed. I simply nodded in way of response. "Does that mean you've made a decision about doing your other course?" Working so closely with my dad and myself, Sawyer knew all about it.

"No," I muttered, still not looking up. "I'm just going to focus on school and these classes. I've given myself until the end of the semester to make a decision." Which would I choose? Working full time in the family business or study for a degree that would lead me into another field, one that had helped me so much in my life.

Sawyer knew what both choices meant to me, and how hard it was for me to choose between them. My decision could also have an impact on his career. If I stayed, we would work side by side. If I stood down, he'd be doing it solo. I wasn't sure which he preferred more.

"Hey," he reached over to tap my foot with his, concern lacing his voice. I was still lost in thought and not engaging. "Are you busy tomorrow night?"

When I looked up at him, he seemed hopeful. I felt a little bad bringing him down. We had barely seen each other since my classes began. "I'm going to the Uni Bar with Sass again. It's a thing now, I think. Dale's band plays every fortnight."

Sawyer turned back to the computer screen, pressing his lips together. Was he annoyed? "How is Sass going with her new boy toy?"

As if talking about her was a summoning spell, Sascha walked through the door. She was here to join Tiana on the front desk for this afternoon's check-in shift. Her timing always amazed me.

"Let me tell you all about his toy," she announced with exaggeration. Sascha leant against the other side of Sawyer's desk.

Sawyer shook his head. "So you finally did it then? Did this happen in the creepy woods on your camping trip?"

Sascha crossed her arms. "Ah, no! It was in our tent actually, and it was magical."

I glared over at her and gestured back and forth between us. "Emphasis on our tent."

Sawyer misread it and pushed his chair back to better see us both. "Wait! Did you two finally have your threesome?" he questioned in mock outrage. "And you did it without me? I've been trying to make this happen for years. What does this guy have, a golden dick or something?"

Sascha and I both laughed as we slapped him on the shoulders at the same time.

"Ouch!" He faked a pained tone as he rubbed both his shoulders.

"You deserve it for being creepy," I said.

He shrugged, faking ignorance. "A guy can dream." The threesome thing was a running joke we had. Neither Sascha nor I took any real offence to it. He wasn't serious. Sawyer's curiosity took over again. "So Sass, if you were banging Dale in your tent, the one you were supposed to share with Elle, and there was no threesome, then where did you end up?" He directed that question to me.

Sascha jumped in before I could respond. "Oh," she chuckled. "She found new accommodations easily enough."

I stood up and walked to the other side of the room, not wanting Sawyer to see the glare I sent in Sascha's direction. He did not need to know I slept in Justin Hart's tent. Being my dad's prodigy and hearing all about our family history, Sawyer knew exactly who Justin was. I had no idea how he would react if he knew. Would he be mad? Would he tell Dad? I was not interested in finding out.

"There was spare space in one of the other tents," I stated, forcing my face back to neutral as Sawyer spun around in the chair.

Sascha took the hint and returned the attention to her. "Um, we were talking about my boyfriend's golden dick, remember? Let me tell you—"

"Nope!" Sawyer interrupted with a look of disgust. "Not interested in gossiping about your insatiable need for the D."

Sascha hmphed. "Fine, let's talk about something else then. Oh, I know!" She jumped up in excitement. "The hospitality award night thingy is next Friday night, isn't it?"

Sawyer and I both nodded.

"Do you have your outfits yet? You'd look damn sexy in a tux." She gave him a chef's kiss.

I laughed. While the event wasn't the ballgown type, we still needed to dress up. Twenty-Nine on Queen wasn't nominated for any awards this year and Dad was more than happy for Sawyer and me to attend in his place. I'd never been before and was excited. Sawyer had been once before and took it as a good chance to network. It was also a charity dinner, so a lot of high flyers in the industry would be present.

"No tux, but I am wearing a bow tie."

Sascha growled. "That's hot. You guys going out after?"

Sawyer shrugged. "Haven't thought much about it yet."

He turned to me expectantly, and I suddenly found myself very interested in a notification that flashed on my phone, which on the desk behind him.

I reached around him to grab my it and spoke as casually as I could. "I don't know what to expect at this event. We will have to see what happens on the night."

"Okay, well if things finish early, I'm headed out with Dale. Not sure where, but it's Emily's birthday, so probably more than one club."

Emily? Even though we'd had some civil moments on the camping trip, I didn't feel the need to join her birthday celebrations.

Sawyer picked up on my hesitation. It was probably written all over my face. "Who's Emily?"

"Sascha's boyfriend's twin sister's best friend," I offered with certainty.

He didn't seem to follow. "Right, well, if the night is young, maybe we could make it." It was an empty offer. "We'll see how the night goes," he reiterated and then put on a fake whiny voice. "But you've had her three weekends in a row now, Sass. Next weekend is my turn." Sawyer began an argument he knew he couldn't win.

"Sorry pal, best friends take priority." She stood up to make her point known.

Sawyer did the same. "You see her all the time, I'm having Elle withdrawals."

And so they continued fighting over me in their usual bantering way as if I wasn't standing right next to them.

I took the chance to check my phone. There was a message from Justin asking if I had time for a quick coffee before class.

I hesitated for a few seconds. I hadn't seen Justin since Sunday. After overthinking Darcy's little warning, or whatever it was, I made the decision to avoid him on Tuesday. It meant I didn't get my coffee at the campus café that day, which was devastating. Macadamia lattes were a critical part of my diet. But I had calmed down a little and felt ready to see him again. Don't get me wrong, I headed Darcy's advice, but I also found myself thinking about these mini coffee excursions Justin and I shared. They were becoming routine, and I actually enjoyed them.

But they also didn't mean anything. I barely knew Justin, which meant we were barely friends. Darcy had jumped the gun.

I glanced at my watch. There would be enough time if I left now. I tapped out a quick reply to let him know I'd meet him at the café in half an hour. The EU campus wasn't far from here and I had my car today.

"I'm going now," I announced, stuffing my phone into my bag. Sawyer and Sascha stopped their trivial argument to say goodbye.

Sascha hugged me fiercely. "No driving to classes tomorrow," she demanded. As if I could forget with her reminding me every day. "You're drinking with me this time."

I rolled my eyes. "I promise."

Friday was one of two days we shared on Campus. Tuesday was our other day, but our schedules conflicted because Sascha studied education and her classes ran on different days. Now that I didn't have to work so much, maybe we'd see each other more. Fridays would be our most eventful of the week, so long as Sascha and Dale stayed strong. She was adamant that we go to all his shows. This Friday, he wasn't just playing with Dream of Darcy at the Uni Bar, he was also doing a DJ set afterwards.

I hugged Sawyer as well, feeling a little awkward as he leant down to kiss me gently on the cheek. He lingered a little, holding me in the embrace. This was normal for us, so why did I feel a heaviness in the pit of my stomach when it took him so long to let go?

As I left, I felt that heaviness concede to something else. Not knowing what it was, I tried to suppress it and focus on driving. It didn't work. My mind returned to its battlefield. I kept telling myself I had no reason to be guilty, so why was I feeling this way? These emotions were foreign to me, so was it actually guilt, or was it something else entirely? Either way, it was undeniably frustrating.

When I strolled into the campus café, Justin was nowhere in sight. I'd beaten him here. This gave me an opportunity. Justin always surprised me with coffee, and now it was my turn. I'd memorised his order, just as he did mine, and joined the line at the counter feeling very pleased with myself.

I was one customer away from ordering when his woodsy scent snuck up on me. Without turning, I glanced to my left at the shiny glass of the cake display. Sure thing, there he was, with only one person separating us. I couldn't make out his features in the glass, but I could tell it was him by his blurred reflection. I'd been in this position many times before. It was one way I use to look at Hot Café Guy without actually looking at him. If he saw me now, he showed no acknowledgment.

I pretended not to notice him as I stepped up to the counter. I ordered and paid for my usual macadamia latte as well as a large cappuccino with a double shot of expresso for him. When I moved confidently to the waiting area, Justin followed.

"Now, I'm hoping that cappuccino is for me, otherwise I'm going to look like a bit of a tool," he remarked as he came to stand beside me.

I smirked. "Actually, it's for this guy I'm meeting up with. He's a bit of a loner so I thought I'd take some pity on him." I kept my tone casual as I referenced the first time we had coffee together. He sat with me, apparently, because I looked lonely. I was starting to wonder if that was the case at all.

"Sounds like a bloke who might need it," he shrugged, seeming disappointed. "I guess I'll leave you to it then." Justin took two steps and I quickly grabbed his wrist. I knew he was playing around, but I felt a sudden fear pulse through me and reacted.

I rolled my eyes to cover up my mini panic. "I guess you can have it if you so desperately need it."

He chuckled and held a hand to his chest. "I'm desperate? I'm pretty sure you drink more coffee than I do."

"I may buy more," I admitted, knowing it was true, "but you drink double shots."

He went to respond but pursed his lips after reconsidering. "Well, doesn't that make us even?"

It was my turn to giggle. "Not a chance. I bet you drink energy drinks as well. Those things are loaded with caffeine, among other things."

"No, no," he argued. "We're discussing coffee here, not caffeine."

The barista rang the bell on the counter and called my name. "Saved by the bell," I laughed, suggesting he was the one being saved. In reality, the bell was relief for me. He wasn't wrong.

We collected our coffees and started toward the exit. "Should we continue this argument by the soccer field?" he suggested with an air of amusement. "If I recall correctly, you really enjoyed that last week."

I held my empty hand up in defence. "Hey, if they're playing skins versus shirts, it's not my fault if my eyes wander." I wasn't even paying that much attention to them. They just happened to be there when I looked away from Justin, which I did often so that I wasn't caught staring at him. Not that he needed to know that.

He eyed me knowingly and with a smirk. "Oh, I'm no stranger to your wandering eye," he declared confidently.

It took me a moment, but as soon as I figured out what he meant, my entire body flushed. Not just my cheeks. Everything! I felt warm all over and I'm sure my face turned a bright beet red. Was he referring to the few times I allowed myself to ogle him shirtless on our camping trip? It was rare and from a distance, but I was sure I'd been subtle about it.

Justin chuckled at my reaction but thankfully let it go. "Come on then, you'll miss the show if we don't get there soon." He urged me forward with a wave of his hand.

He noticed? He always seemed to catch me staring, but not once had I seen him watching me. And he found it amusing!

Could this be any more mortifying?