Nepenthe

I couldn't sleep at night.

Because it hurt.

It hurt like a thousand daggers

Stabbed into my heart

Again and again

It hurt

Like knives were being dragged

Across my skin

It burned

Burned like I was in hell

The fire scorching me from the inside

Searing across my skin

Turning me to ashes

I truly was in hell

The pain,

The sorrow,

The grief,

Oh, how I suffered

It was killing me from the inside

And every night

I gripped the sheets

Clutching at my head

Lips parted in a silent scream

And her eyes haunted me

The way they looked

When she fell to her knees

Dead.

I lost her.

The pain came the day after

Surges and waves of agonising hurt

The longing for something I had already lost

The lingering ache of empty space

Once occupied

Until I found my Nepenthe

And it watered the flames

Into embers

And the embers

Into ash

And the pain ebbed

And faded

Into nothing

Oh, how welcome this emptiness was

So I took more

Little blue pills

And syringes filled with liquids

I wanted to forget

So I drank from the fountain

Of forgetfulness

To forget

And with the push of the syringe

The liquids filled my veins

My Nepenthe

To forget

The sorrow,

The grief,

And the suffering

I needed more

More of it

And it became more than forgetting

It turned into a mindless craving

And hunger

To sink into oblivion

And go under the surface of reality

Escape

From this twisted, horrible world

More

Until my eyes rolled back

And my veins ran blue

More

Until all I saw

Was a blurry haze

More

Until I started to fall

Sucked

Into a endless, silent void

No more pain

I took until I felt nothing

Until I was numb

Until I felt invincible

To the grief of living in this world

Nepenthe helped me forget

But I overdosed.