The Last Time

You never truly know when it's the last time you're seeing someone.

You never really know whether the next conversation will be the last.

I never knew that that goodbye would be our last.

Your eyes, shining, gleaming, alive.

Your smile, brilliant, charming, beautiful.

As you waved across the airport at me, as you turned your head and left, as you boarded the aeroplane, headed for somewhere far away from me, headed for a foreign place.

I never saw you again.

"Wait for me, I'll be back!"

The last words you ever said to me.

I waited, I really did.

Waited for your smile again, waited for your touch again.

Waited for you to wake up.

As you lay on that stark white hospital bed, your skin so pale it almost blended into the sheets.

I remember the call that came, your mother's trembling voice fumbling over the words, and my heart stopped for a second, because I suspected the worse.

But then they said you were alive! Alive, but on the brink of death, hanging on to a thread. Holding on for even just one more second.

But I was thankful.

Maybe I shouldn't have hoped.

Because you were gone too soon, gone without a word, gone without seeing any of us again. You left silently, and left us weeping on our knees.

I prayed so hard, clutching your cold fingers in mine, feeling that fragile pulse run underneath my own frantic one, praying you would open your eyes, praying that you would come back to us.

And I knew you were fighting too, fighting in that darkness, searching for the light, searching for salvation. You fought till the very end, to your last breath, for the dreams you'd never fulfilled, for the people you wanted to see again and spend the rest of your life with, for the life you had worked so hard to built. But alas, your fingers slipped, and you fell into the abyss, never seeing the light of life again.

And I was there as I watched you fade away into the dark.

I felt nothing then.

Numb.

Cold.

Like your body which lay covered with a sheet.

It didn't hurt until the next day.

Then it exploded, the pain blooming in pinpricks across my heart, and I cried for you, begged for you in the night when I didn't even know what I was doing, but I knew you were never coming back.

I never knew losing someone could hurt so much.

And it hurt even more, when I found out you had wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.

Oh, how I wish I could have told that to you too.

But I can't now, because there are no more chances, no more you.

I'll never be your ever after in this life, but maybe I can in the next.

I miss you.

They keep telling me to let go, but they don't understand. I don't want to let go, because that means forgetting you, leaving you, and I want to keep you in my mind forever, I want to remember you for the rest of my life even if it hurts because I love you.

I always will.

I can move on, but never let go, I will never ever let go of this lost love that could have been, this what if that could have been our happy ending.

I never expected to lose you so soon.

And even if I did, I had thought it would be beside each other, our hair all silver and gray, our hands spotted with age, and eyes wisened by years.

Not when we were a thousand miles apart, our hair still black and smooth, skin still ageless with youth, and our eyes so lively and bright.

You never really know when the last time you're seeing a person is huh?

I should have known, that goodbye would be our last.

Author's Note

A little late, but I wrote this in dedication to Aloysius Pang, and his girlfriend and family members. He's a Singaporean actor who died while serving the army, you can google what happened if you want! Super sad about his death, he honestly had a really bright future in front of him:( This story is from his girlfriend's viewpoint, and I incorporated a little of what happened into it, and some of the things his girlfriend said. She's a actress as well and when he left, some of the things she said really broke my heart, you can really feel her pain. A lot of 90s and 2000s kids grew up watching his shows, and I did too, seriously can't believe he's just gone like that. RIP Aloysius, you will be missed.

-s