21. Haunting Thoughts

After calming down in his now-dark room, Han Xin managed to evaluate the situation better. Thinking back, Meng Huo actually hadn't shown an impeccable performance to hide his identity.

From the first encounter, Han Xin understood he wasn't a prince. He was apologizing and stuttering all the time; he was only eating a little vegetable; his hands were covered with calluses; he was getting nauseous in carriages; he couldn't answer any question about the East royalty; he didn't have any talents or hobbies...

As the list was going on and on, Han Xin felt very stupid. Wasn't he the one who thought Meng Huo was either a servant or a war captive? Then why was he so shocked to hear he was a slave? Indeed, him being a slave was a bit more shocking, but what difference would it make?

Didn't Han Xin love him for who he was, regardless of his title?

The way Meng Huo appreciating small things like flowers or wooden carvings; the way he smiled whenever he received something; the way he cherished the wooden hair slide above all the golden ornaments; the way he was worried about Han Xin when he didn't come in two days; the way he sacrificed his own life to save his father...

All of those were the reasons why Han Xin loved him and none of them had anything to do with titles.

Then what was that disturbing feeling in the pit of his stomach? Why did he feel so betrayed although Meng Huo had a really good reason for his actions, that he didn't deceive him of his own volition?

What ifs.

After contemplating for a long time, Han Xin figured the reason out: what ifs. What if Meng Huo received a message saying he had to kill the king to save his sister? Would he obey the order? What if everything was revealed after the marriage? Would he be a spy in the North or use his status to tamper the relationship between the East and the North to save his sister? If not, would he leave him one day without saying a word?

Now everything turned out well; the sister was saved, the ugly truth was revealed, his father was still alive. Therefore, it was hard to guess what would happen if one thing went wrong. Yes, he believed Meng Huo's words, but could he swallow everything in? Yes, he still loved Meng Huo, but wouldn't the past possibilities hunt him down whenever they had a chance? Yes, he believed Meng Huo didn't kill his brother intentionally, but wouldn't he remember that fact whenever Meng Huo filled his cup?

Han Xin felt like he could endure all those mysterious what ifs... if Meng Huo trusted him a bit. During the time they spent together, he must have learnt what kind of a person Han Xin was, right? If he asked for help, Han Xin would have saved Meng Hua a long time ago!

As there was no end to those hurtful thoughts, Han Xin decided to focus on the future rather than the past. He still didn't learn anything about the East King's hidden agenda and that matter held the utmost importance.

With determination, strength came. Han Xin guzzled down the liquor and went to talk with his father meanwhile Meng Huo was sitting in front of the window, his unfocused eyes staring out blankly.

After Han Xin left the room, he thought about the happenings and realised that he had no right to feel angry or disappointed. He lied to Han Xin and his family for days and would probably continue doing it if Meng Hua's life wasn't in danger. He betrayed their hospitality, kindness and trust, yet he impudently asked Han Xin to save his sister. It still felt like a miracle that Han Xin actually saved Meng Hua, and as she was safe and sound, Meng Huo could die with a clear conscience.

I should have enjoyed my time more with him.

The thought kept appearing in his mind, but he didn't try to dismiss it. He was already a shameless person, so who would care what he thought?

Absent-mindedly, his numb hand went to his hair and took out the wooden hair slide Han Xin made for him. He ran his cold fingers on it repeatedly to engrave its shape to his mind before they snatched it from him. It was the only thing he had ever gifted, so he couldn't stand the idea of losing it. Maybe Han Xin wouldn- No! He had no right to ask for anything; he was a liar as well as a slave, so the only thing he deserved was punishment, if not death.

"We are going."

The voice dragged Meng Huo out of his reverie. Looking towards the door, he saw Han Xin was standing on the door with a solemn expression on his face.

"C-Can I see my sister one last time?" the poor slave asked softly, tears welling to his already swollen eyes.

Han Xin didn't understand what he meant by 'one last time', but he wasn't in the mood to question Meng Huo. "She is on her way to my palace," he said nonchalantly and Meng Huo nodded with a tiny bit of smile.

"Thank you, my prince," he whispered and followed Han Xin out of the room silently.

"I will get someone to bring the stuff later," Han Xin said when he saw Meng Huo take a glimpse towards his stuff before closing the door.

Meng Huo gave the prince a confused look, "why?" The question escaped from his unruly mouth.

"Why?" Han Xin let out an annoyed sigh, "what will you wear there if we don't bring back your stuff?" he asked sardonically and started to walk, but Meng Huo's voice made him halt his steps.

"S-So... won't you... kill me?"

The prince turned around and looked at the slave with wide open eyes, "what the hell are you talking about?!" he snapped at the smaller man and after calming down a bit, he added "why are you always bringing up death? Do you want to die this much?"

Seeing the anger in his eyes, Meng Huo lowered his head, "no," he murmured with a low voice, "this is just because... for me it is either survive or die."