Chapter One

"Tutor," I asked dumbfounded?

My homeroom teacher nodded, "Yes, a tutor. You are one of my brightest students, and I think this will be a useful thing for you to do."

"Who will I be tutoring." He reached behind him and pulled out a folder. I watched carefully as he started to flip through it.

"Is there anyone, in particular, you'd like to tutor," he asked suddenly.

"No, I was just wondering how troublesome this task would be," I responded truthfully.

He sighed, "Not too troublesome. After all, you are only going to be tutoring this person." I nodded, and he turned his attention back to the files. I waited in silence for the name of the person who I would be stuck with for who knows how long. This would mess up the strict schedule I had.

"The person you will be tutoring is a student by the name of Ba Wei. Do you know them?"

I shook my head, "I have never heard of him."

"Well, you'll get to know him."

"How long will these sessions last?"

"The sessions will be an hour-long, each day until his grades start to get better." The more I listened the more this 'task' sounded like a punishment.

"When do they start?"

"The first one will be today after school in room 205. I will let the other party know as well."

"How bad are Ba Wei's grades exactly?"

"They are not too bad, but not good either. Hence why we need your help. Don't think that you have been singled out in this process. Many students have been assigned students in need just as you have."

"I understand. I will try my best to help him."

"You may go now. Enjoy the rest of your lunch break."

"Same to you," I said as I stood.

I bowed and took my leave. When I walked out into the hallway it was noisy. It was always like this at lunch, and I didn't appreciate it. I pushed my way through the crowd skillfully. As I was scanning the ocean of students my eyes met with someone I wish they hadn't. I shifted my eyes quickly and pretended like I didn't see them, but it was too late.

"Ji Nan," a high pitched voice called! Even though I wanted to keep walking; I stopped out of kindness. I turned around to see a short girl approaching me. Her hair hung to her shoulders, beautifully framing her face. A smile was plastered across it.

" hey Yaling," I said with a smile. Although I had a smile on my face, I was anything but happy to see her. It wasn't that she was annoying, it was that she brought a crowd with her. I don't like people, and I can't understand how she couldn't have guessed that by now.

"You didn't say my surname," she said with a shocked expression. I just stood there confused. It took me a minute to understand why she had such a reaction.

"Ah sorry. I will do my best to say your surname also next time." She didn't say anything, she only nodded in response.

"What were you doing," she asked as she took my hand in hers. I looked down at our locked hands and just sighed. I didn't try to pull away, but rather let her have her moment.

"The homeroom teacher wanted to speak to me about something."

"What was it?"

"He just needed to speak to me about something."

"Are you not going to tell me?"

"No," I stated truthfully. It was none of her business. I try my best to not be rude to her, but she makes it very hard.

"Why?"

"Because it's none of your business."

Yaling didn't say anything in response, but she didn't let go of my hand. I turned my attention to the students that surrounded us. I had just noticed that Yalings friends made their way over to me. Her group consisted of two girls and a boy. Lucky her I guess. The two girls appeared how most girls at this school looked. Long hair, pale skin, makeup, and a bubbly attitude. The guy on the other hand barely spoke. He would mostly observe from behind them. I didn't mind him as much as the girls.

"You guys are so cute," the girl that is called Lin Cai squealed. I didn't pay her any mind. I was more focused on looking for a way to escape Yaling's clutches.

Her being like this was never an issue. She's been doing this since I moved here. She would constantly stick by my side, and do odd things. I let it slide because I don't want conflict and because I'm nice to everyone. I should tell her to just leave me alone, but I think doing this makes her happy.

I do sometimes wonder if she likes me. Like she does a lot of things that could be seen as intimate. Such as holding hands, and hugging me out of nowhere. She once even tried to kiss me. Of course, I dodged it and she played it off, but I think she wanted to kiss me.

"Hey, I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

The look on her face was anything but happy after she heard what I said, but she still let go. The bathroom was on the hall over, and most likely there would be fewer people. Although I said I had to use the bathroom, I had no intention of using it. I pushed my way through the crowd and soon I reached the desired hall. I glanced at the bathroom and kept walking. I looked at my watch and signed because lunch was far from being over. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see a message from my father.

Father: I won't be able to come back until later this month. Something big came up.

I wasn't surprised at the excuse he made. It was always the same. Something came up.

me: okay

I stuffed my phone back in my pocket. I was thinking deeply about where I should go for the remainder of lunch. I could go to the library, but I would have to go back the way I came. Yaling and her friends would defiantly accompany me there, and annoy me in the process. The library was off the table so the only option left was the roof.

I had just started walking towards the stairs when my phone started ringing. I dug it out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID. It was no one other than my father. After letting it ring for a few minutes I finally picked it up.

"Hello."

"Hey, son."

"Why did you call," I asked as I began to climb the stairs.

"I needed to talk to you. I know that I haven't been home in a while and I-"

"It's fine, I know that you are busy."

"I promise I will come later this month."

"Sure."

Before he could say anything I hung up the phone. I pushed the big double doors open and walked out into the cool breeze. It was a great day to be outside, I walked over to the railing and sat down.

I looked down at my home screen for a minute before clicking my call log. I scrolled through the list until my fingers lingered over one number. I hesitated a little before pressing it. It rung a few times before the person on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello," a deep voice said.

"Hello, may I speak to my mother."

The line was silent for a minute before a soft voice started to speak.

"Ji Nan," she called, "how have you been."

"I have been good."

"Why did you call so suddenly?"

"I miss you, mom." She was silent for a long time before I heard her sigh.

"Ji Nan. It's best if you don't call anymore."

The line went dead right after that sentence. I looked down at that number and sighed. I truly missed my mother, but our relationship was as strained as mine with my father. I wish I could get back close to her, but after what happened. I don't think I ever will get the chance.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift off. It was only when my watch alarm went off did I finally get up from that spot. I rubbed my eyes and stretched. Slowly but surely I made my way back to class.

---

The classes went by quickly after lunch, and after what seemed like days I began packing up. I was just putting my last book in my bag when a familiar high pitched voice called out to me.

"Ji Nan."

I looked up at Yaling and smiled faintly, "Hey."

"What are you doing after school," she asked cheerfully?

"Why?"

"Because me and my friends are going to hang out and I-"

"Not interested," I said as I stood up. Even if I wanted to go, I couldn't because of the new addition to my schedule.

"Why not," she whined.

"Just not interested." I walked past her, but she grabbed my arm.

"What's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean," I asked confused.

"You have been snappy, and you're keeping secrets from me."

I looked at her puzzled by what she meant. She knew nothing about me other than my name and the type of food I liked. We barely talked beyond that. I pulled my arm away from her.

"I don't have time for this. I'm sorry that I'm acting different lately, but I have to go."

"Ji Nan," she called as I walked out the door. She was becoming troublesome. I hope I didn't come off as rude, but I have to get to the tutoring session on time. It's bad to be late and be the host of something.

I made it to room 205 easily, and quite early because it was empty when I went in. It was a relief because I had to set things up. I pulled two chairs beside each other and sat down in the one on the left. I pulled out my literature book, and flipped to the page we went over in class. I began reading over it, and just as I finished the door opened.

A guy walked in slowly. He had short black hair, olive skin, a strong jawline, and high cheekbones. His face was stiff, and as he walked closer the only thing I could sense from him was coldness. I stood up when he finally made it over to the table. To my surprise, he was taller than me. He was at least 190cm; he put my 182cm to shame.

"You're late, but my name is Ji Nan."

He looked me up and down before muttering," Sorry."

"It's nice to meet you, please take a seat so we can get started ."

"What are we going over today?"

"Mathematics," I said coldly.

I waited until he was seated before I sat back down. I pulled out my math book and waited. I looked him over, and it was quite apparent that this guy focused on anything that wasn't his classes. I watched as he took out his math book, and turned to the appropriate page.

"Are you gonna stare at me the entire time, or are we gonna get this over with?" I was quite shocked at his snappy attitude. I immediately apologized and turned to the beginning of today's lesson.

Tutoring him wasn't bad at all. He knew most of the material, but he had problems with a certain type of question. It was rather a bonus question, but it would benefit him to know how to solve it. I would quiz him on that particular type of question and he would always get it wrong. I would walk him through the steps to solve it and move on. After another bit of review, I would quiz him again. Again he would get it wrong.

It was starting to get annoying, but I didn't get upset because I knew some people just have a hard time learning. I continued the process until the session was over. I watched him as he completed the last question in the section. He looked up at me, and slowly slid the booklet over to me. I looked over all of his answers and all of them were correct. When I got to the last page I noticed that the bonus was left blank, and I pushed the booklet back over to him.

"You did good, but you have to answer the bonus."

His eyebrows knitted together for a moment before he nodded. I didn't watch him do the problem I rather took this time to focus on him in general. Why hadn't I ever seen him around? He was a big guy, and a very handsome one; so where has he been hiding? With his looks, I'm sure girls would be all over him and cause a ruckus, but no such scene ever has happened. Was he new? He can't be new; he wouldn't need help right away if he was. My thoughts were interrupted by a smooth deep voice.

"Are you gonna check it?"

My eyes immediately snapped towards the booklet. I looked over the question and to my surprise it was correct. I looked up at him and forced myself to smile.

"It's correct. I was afraid you weren't listening to me at one point."

"I wasn't at first." His speaking patterns were flat and never changed. He barely had said anything through the entire session. The most he spoke was on the bonus question review between all the rest.

"I'm still glad you retained the information." That was a lie. I could care less, but I couldn't necessarily say that. I pushed my books into my bag and stood up. "Same place, same time tomorrow."

"mmhmm," he hummed as he followed my movements. I was just about to exit the room when I stopped and turned to him.

"Try not to be late again." He pushed my arm out the way and exited the room.

"Can't promise anything." I watched him as he walked away.

"Dick," I muttered under my breath.

I exited the room and started to make my way to the far exit of the school. It was the easiest way for me to get home quickly. I pulled my phone out and looked at all the messages from my father. I had known he was gonna do this. Usually, when I hang up on him, he spams me with apology text.

father: I'm sorry okay. Don't be angry with me

father: look I know that I always have an excuse

father: I'm gonna come soon okay

father: I love you

I walked out of the school building as I read the last message. It left a strange feeling within me, but it wasn't anything close to love. It rather left a numb feeling within my heart that I was too accustomed to. It was a feeling that I had grown not to hate.

As I walked home I let my mind wander to any place but how I was feeling. It would be pointless to focus on how I felt when I didn't feel anything. I was grateful for not being able to feel. I didn't want to feel that pain that hid deep within my emotionless body. I didn't want to feel anything.

I had walked for a good minute before I reached my apartment. I unlocked the door and as soon as the door clicked behind me I let out a sigh.

"Home sweet home."

I tossed my bag on the couch and walked into my bedroom. My apartment was not small, but it wasn't big either. It was smaller than the one my father originally wanted to get me. I only got this one because I told him it was too big. He was gonna rent out that one for 'us' knowing that he was barely home. It was a stupid idea, and I'm glad he caved into my request.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I walked back out and started to strip. Once I was naked I put the dirty clothes in a basket. I walked to the fridge and glanced in it. Most likely I would have to just eat cup ramen or go out and buy something to eat. I picked out cup ramen and sat it on the counter. I tapped my finger on it for a minute before I turned and headed back towards the bathroom.

After I showered and ate I climbed into bed. I probably wouldn't sleep anytime soon. It was not that I didn't want to, it was more that I couldn't. I stared at the walls and my thoughts went to my mother. Her soft smile flashed in my mind, and a small smile appeared on my face for a brief moment. I closed my eyes as an unfamiliar pain touched my heart.

After hours of laying there reliving the pleasant memories of my childhood, I reached only the bad ones. The small smile that appeared on my face disappeared. My eyebrows knitted together and my breathing became irregular.

"I'm sorry mom," I said breathlessly, "I'm so sorry." Those were the last words I said before the night took me into its arms.