𝟶𝟺𝟼: 𝙱𝚢 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙽𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙰𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎

I get super pissed whenever I see him socializing around. Just the thought of him makes me feel like shit!

"Stop grinding your teeth. It's scaring me." Nene says, scooting away from my desk.

"His ego is too big..! That stupid bitch..!" An whispers, breaking her pencil in half. We're studying for an exam tomorrow.

"It doesn't matter anymore. What's more important is that after this exam, we're going on the plane! It's too bad everyone we're friends with can't go." Mizuki sighs, handing An a new pen.

"At least they wished us luck!" Airi tries cheering everyone up, but fails. The air in the room is so tense..

Tomorrow is Friday. Emu said she's gotten our tickets already. Damn, how rich is she..?

We did have a meeting last week, after I went to go to talk to Kutabare...

The conditions of going on this trip were that we had to take a risk of skipping an entire week of school.

It should be fine... Right? It's no wonder it was just us.

So, as far as I know, the remaining people getting on the plane to America are An, Tsukasa, Kamishiro, Mizuki, and I.

I'm getting nervous just thinking about this. Fuck. I have to pass this test, so my mom at least goes a little easier on me when shouting my ears off...

I haven't told anyone in my family about this, but Ena obviously knows since Mizuki is going. She really wanted to go with us, but she said she's going to be busy with something.

"Are you guys nervous? I mean, it's over twelve hours to get from here to the US.. well, the location Toya's apparently going to be." An asks, weary. Is she afraid of flights?

"That's half a day!" Airi says, seemingly surprised. Damn, I'm gonna be really hungry.

I can worry about that stuff later. I'm not good with English in general...

I'll just do my best.

°•°•°

"H-Holy shit..." Nervous, An stares at my paper. I let her do the reveal for me.

"Is that really his test score?" Airi whispers with her hand over her mouth. Why are they all so scared? It's making me uneasy.

"Just tell me what I got! Is it that bad?" I ask, continuously clicking my pen.

"Dude.. you got a 78%." She says. No fucking way.

"This is amazing!! Your mom will only kill you half to death!" Akiyama cheers, hugging me tightly. Yay...

"Hello..." Tenma opens the door harshly, causing us all to get scared. Dude.. one day he's gonna break it.

"Oh, hi, Tenma!" Mizuki waves.

"I'm going to get straight to the point."

He.. doesn't look so well.

"We aren't really there to stay for long, so please don't pack unnecessary things. The security will definitely get suspicious of us..." He begins rambling, already looking stressed out.

Exactly, how will people react to five high schoolers going from Japan to the US?

"We'll just have you or Kamishiro cross-dress and act as our parents!" An suggests, and he stares at her blankly.

Kamishiro walks in, looking even worse than Tenma is. They seem exhausted.

"Are.. Are you okay?" I ask. He lets out the loudest yawn ever and nods like nothing happened.

"We haven't been getting sleep lately. And no, it's not because of what you're thinking about." Tenma silences An before she even says anything.

"What-"

"With Rui being the director of our stage in Pheonix Wonderland, and me being a cast member, we had a lot of stuff on our shoulders. Especially since this was so sudden! Rui had to complete the script for the play for this weekend as soon as possible, and we had to find candidates as a replacement for me!" He runs his fingers through his hair, sighing.

I guess they do more than being a circus.

"It'll be fine, Emu and I are there, aren't we? We've got this." Nene speaks, and they both stare at her, moved.

"Nene..!" Kamishiro sobs, going up to her to hug her, but she rejects it by smacking him in the face with a textbook.

Oh, crap. The sun is setting. We can't be here too late.

"I'm heading home. I still need to double-check what I'm bringing. We're meeting at the airport, right?" I ask, getting up.

"Yeah. Nine p.m sharp." Kamishiro answers.

"I'll be checking on your bag, by the way." Tenma glares at Kamishiro, who looks to the side.

"See you then." I grab my bag, heading out.

°•°•°

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit.

I'm actually sneaking out from my window. Damn it, why is my room so high above the ground?

"Jump!" An whispers, putting her hands out, and I throw my stuff.

"Move or I'll land on your face." I joke, and she cringes.

"Akito!" My door opens.

I get startled and fall.

"Shit!" Mizuki shouts, getting out of the way. After letting me land on my ass, we look up to see Ena.

"Be safe!" She whispers, as Mizuki blows a kiss. I nod, giving her a thumbs up.

Corny ass.

"Okay, let's hurry!" Kohane says. They help me up, and we run with multiple suitcases and bags.

"What did you pack in here?!" An shouts, struggling to keep Mizuki's bag up.

"Nothing..."

It's probably dumb shit.

I can see An staring at Kohane drag her luggage and bags. I roll my eyes, pushing her, signaling for her to offer help.

An told me not to tell Kohane we were going, but since I did make that deal with her, I couldn't leave her out. I'm surprised her parents let her.

"D-Do you need help?" An asks, tensing up when she looks back at her.

"Oh..! N-No, I'm okay, An-chan!" She grins. Fuck, An, don't drop my damn bag!

°•°•°

Going through security went easier than we thought. They did seem suspicious of Kohane, though. We managed to get past.

So glad I was able to find my passport...

"I'll check up on you guys, so don't draw any attention." Kamishiro warns us, with a stern look on his face. It's scary seeing them serious...

I glance over to the seats across from me, noticing An and Kohane acting like they just fell in love at first sight. Ugh.

"Are you tired..? Do you need to get some rest?" An asks, acting all shy. Get a grip! You just kicked that guy out of that seat so aggressively!

Next to me is Mizuki. They tap my arm, and I turn my head.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay? I mean, we're all here because of you. Sure, we want Toya back, but not as much as you do. So that's why you're basically gonna do the talking for us."

I'm.. what? Wait, so I'm going to have to be the one to talk to him?

"If anyone can make him change his mind, it's you. I know both of you guys would never get over that so easily. You're each other's first loves.. I know how it feels." They rest their head on their hand, glancing over at Kamishiro.

Shit. Right.

"But he can't compare to my beautiful girlfriend now, LOL."

Dude, talk about mood swings.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." I assure them.

I hope.

I'm almost there, Toya. Don't get a heart attack and die.

"Do you think I can get him to be a permanent model for m--"

I hit their head.

-*-*-

"Toya, get up from the floor, please..." Yasunori panics, trying to lift me up. It feels like gravity is pulling me down...

I can't.

"You'll be fine! Hurry, before Father comes!" Tobia slightly kicks me, causing me to want to give up even more.

The concert is less than a week away, so we have to go on another plane because it isn't even held in our area. It's only an hour, it should be fine.

But I don't want to..! And after that, we're staying at a huge ass hotel with our own rooms. The hell's up with that, I don't want to feel like one of those shitty fancy musicians!

... Excuse my language.

What's gotten into me lately..?

"You look like you're having an internal crisis." Yasunori pokes me. I finally get up, surprising them. I already have my bags packed, and the people they hired to carry them have already left, so all we need to do is get into the car to the airport.

"L-Let's go." I murmur, sulking. They sigh and head out the door. I'm so scared.

What is this going to say for my future? If I do well, aren't they going to raise their expectations for me? Is this going to be my life from now on..?

I notice my father staring at us through the window, but he just walks away from it. Huh?

"Toya." Tobia calls out to me, snapping me out of it.

"Oh- S-Sorry. Coming." I say, running over to them.

-*-*-

Three days until the concert. I'll be fine. I will be okay!

"Get off the floor!" Tobia shouts, dragging me to my bed. Leave me alone!

"Toya, I get that you're unsure about this, but it's far too late to back down now! You can't just give up and hope you die on the floor." He scolds me, almost putting me to sleep. I don't even want to deal with this right now.

Father advised me to practice as much as I can with him without us, but I can't even bring myself to press the keys.

Whenever I get near that piano, it's like I lose the ability to walk, and I start panicking. I wish I didn't have to feel this way right now.

"Don't think about it too much." Tobia says before leaving my room. Ugh.

I just want to go to sleep.

Why did it have to be like this..?

-*-*-

"You want to go back to school..?" my mother asks, a mixture of surprise and fear. I nod, brushing her off.

"Do you not remember what happened when you tried to go to school in person and keep your lessons at the same time? They all teased you, and you collapsed! Even if you think you can do that again, you can't!" Yasunori objects, honestly concerned.

I stare at him, and like a psychic or something, his eyes widen.

"Don't tell me.. you're quitting father's lessons altogether?"

I nod at that, causing them all to get surprised.

"Wait, but Father said if you honestly wanted to do that, you absolutely must enroll into a music school.. then what..?" He looks back at the computer, speechless. That's not a music school, but a private one.

One where I can finally try to get away from it all.

I figured that it wouldn't.. anger him as much if just anyone weren't allowed in.

"Do you even know what that means? There's always surprises with you, I can't tell what you're going to do next! This is outrageous!" Tobia raises his voice, and instead of my father silencing him, he looks enraged.

I've never seen those two so angry. I really messed up this time, haven't I?

"You're going to throw this all away to go back to a school full of degenerates? Are you out of your mind?!" He drops the lessons for me on the floor, causing me to flinch.

I'm sorry.

That is what I'm trying to get myself to say, but my mouth.. won't open. I'm basically a statue right now. He's right.

Am I out of my mind..?

Maybe I should just take it back. In fact, seeing their reactions, I don't want to go anymore. Maybe I--

"Harumichi!" My mother yells, holding me close to her and staring at her father.

"What are you saying?! How can you yell at your son like this? This is the path he wants to take! He's not your puppet!!" She shrieks, and for the first time, she raised her voice at him.

Tobia seems taken aback, but looks at me, and leaves to his room without a word.

Yasunori decides to back off, also exiting.

"Excuse me?! How can you accuse me of something like that when all I want is the best for him! He's going to live a pathetic life now!" He shouts back.

"It's just a damn school, you asshole!" She cries but manages to keep her ground.

My mother is strong. That's why I look up to her so much.

Although I have become numb to the painful situations I've been through, this is.. different.

It just leaves my parents and I. They're getting into a fight because of me.. why.. did I even say any of this?

If only I didn't have these expectations or these burdens to carry.

If that were the case, I shouldn't have been born to begin with.

-*-*-

My eyes shoot open, and I sit up, blinking. Did I just have a dream of the past? Crap...

I look at the time, seeing it's only eight. I glance over at the piano, frowning.

I get up to walk over to it, I guess I should practi--

.. For some reason, stop in my tracks.

Huh? That's strange.

Did I stand up too quickly? I feel dizzy. Something's.. wrong with me...

I can't see.

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟺𝟼, '𝙱𝚢 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙽𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙰𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎': 𝚎𝚗𝚍.

-*-*-

Creator's note: HEYAAAA