𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎 ☆ 𝙰𝚝 𝙰 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎

I left early this morning because of a thought that's been in my head for the past few days now.

I hope Akito won't wake up to be worried. He usually goes into a panic while I go anywhere without informing him. I left a note.

Speaking of Akito... Lately, things have been kind of.. unusual.

"Toya?" An smiles as she opens the door to see me, and I nod.

"What's a pretty princess like you doing here alone?" She asks, leaning on the doorframe.

"Leave him alone! Come in!" Azusawa lightly pushes her away, leading me to sit down on their couch.

I can already hear Azusawa pouring a cup of coffee for me as well. This is too much...

Was it rude for me to come at eight in the morning? It seems like An just woke up.

The two of us have been meeting up a lot lately, anyway. We go out together about every week...

"That's so mean!" She laughs, sitting next to me and resting her legs on mine.

"Really, what's up? It's really early. I'm not complaining, though. More pictures for your fan page." She scoffs, taking a picture of me. Wait, what- never mind.

"Well, I.. I was having trouble with something." I mumble, awkwardly fidgeting around in my seat.

"Or, two things-"

"Has your father contacted your mother again? I swear, I've flown to America to yell at that deadbeat once, and I'll do it again!" An shouts, pouting. That's not.. what I came here for. The last time we spoke was for Tobia's wedding. Almost five years ago!

Plus, Azusawa did more yelling than she did.

That makes me worried again about what my mother deals with back at home. I should visit her again...

"No, um.. it's something else. With Akito."

Kohane gets interested and peaks her head up above the counter to look at us.

"Don't worry, if it's about your 'private' life, I'm all ears." She grabs her phone and records, and I frown.

"Sorry."

-*-*-

"You want to propose to Akito?!" They both say in surprise, and An kicks her feet around.

"You've come to the right person! Is your birthday the special occasion?" An says, jumping up from her seat.

"N-No, I-"

Not tomorrow, I don't even have the ring..!

"There's no way he can top that kind of gift on your birthday, so let's just jump him!" An clenches her fist, and I shake my head rapidly. We're not hurting Akito...

Stop interrupting me!!

"I'm so happy for you..! Honestly, the day you told us you two moved in together, I had already planned a few ideas." She begins to rant, looking through a cabinet while Azusawa quietly apologizes. What's wrong?

An comes back a few moments later with a huge book and basically shakes the ground as she drops it on the table. Oh my gosh...

"An, that's enough." Azusawa says, placing her hands on An's shoulders, having her sit down on a chair. That shut her up...

"Aoyagi-kun, you had something else to say, right?" Azusawa asks.

"Yes.. Our relationship lately.. feels weird. I-I don't know if it's just me, but..." I stop myself, staring at the ground. We just recently moved in together.

That could be the issue, but it feels as if he keeps me.. at a distance. I thought Akito would've been happier about that.

I've usually been the one to ask if he wanted to sleep together, since some days I find him with more than one blanket. It must be cold for him.

But he just replies with, 'Not today, another time.'

What's the difference? We've been doing it even when I was living with my mother!

By 'it', I mean sleeping on the same bed.

Today was the first day that I was the one who got out of the house first. It's kind of embarrassing...

Although, Akito does want me to get more rest. I'm usually stressing a lot about my mother's new pet. What has gotten into her..?

Why did she even get a dog? Akito would've liked another cat... Wait.

Is that why I rarely ever see him?! Could it be he's too scared to go to my mother's house?

He says he's going out with people coincidentally every day. I plan to visit my mother. But he could be lying! No, wait, that's rude to assume he would lie to me.

"What do you mean not close? Like, is there a distance between you two?" An questions. I nod in response.

"That's not good... Well, do the two of you communicate properly? As in where he is, and what he's doing? Obviously, I don't mean asking every twenty minutes." Azusawa sighs, side-eyeing An. Gosh...

I mean, he hasn't been out every day. Sometimes, on his days off, he stays home.

"I.. hope so? He lets me know what he does in the mornings. Either he has closing shifts, going to the gym, or out with friends..." I mumble, placing my cup down on the table in front of me.

"So you're Akito-deprived?" An teases, earning a tug at the ear from Azusawa.

"Oww! I'm sorry... Anyway, how does he respond to questions? Or act when he sees you?" An asks.

"Yeah, is he dismissive, and does he usually avoid you?" Azusawa adds to the questions. This is really overwhelming me...

"I don't- I don't know..."

"No wonder you haven't proposed straight away then." An says, sitting back. I will walk out of that door.

"Surely Shinonome-kun wouldn't be cheating.. right? He could be innocent..!" Azusawa panics after noticing my own. She sighs, calming herself down.

We discussed a few things about my proposal for a few minutes until it's time for me to visit my mother again. I'm trying to help out as much as I can with Poccha.

I can't believe it's already two.

As for Poccha, I did choose the name... I did not want his name to be smear. Who does that to their pet?

"I think tonight you should talk to him before the two of you go to bed tonight. That way, you two can schedule a free day tomorrow and spend time together on your birthday!" Azusawa follows as I get up to leave.

"Come back to us the day after, we'll have your gift ready by then, and we can help with your proposal. See you tomorrow, Aoyagi-kun!" Azusawa and An wave goodbye as I leave their apartment. They really helped me today, even if it was just for a few hours.

"We should tell everyone to let them be tomorrow. I think birthdays are still as important the day after," An whispers to Azusawa, shrugging.

I shouldn't even be this way the day before my own birthday. What's gotten into me..?

-*-*-

"Toya!" My mother says, hanging by her feet. What the hell-?!

I rush to help her down, accidentally dropping her.

"Ouch... Thank you! I was chasing around Poccha all day to give him a bath, but I ended up getting stuck in my own trap." She giggles, dusting off her clothes. What about smudge and spot..?

"Those two were no help." She glares at the two of them, who obviously don't care.

It amazes me how they're still so close after all these years. The thought of them growing old together makes me laugh, especially with my mother.

Smudge was practically clawing at me and had to get pulled off the day I moved out. He notices me and nuzzles his head against my leg

Having a young, energetic puppy may be a bit too much for all of them. Ah-! He runs up to me, scaring Smudge away.

"There you are!" My mother says as Poccha jumps around me, barking at my leg. Does he want to be picked up?

"So cute~!" My mother squeals, grabbing her phone. She's been taking a lot of photos of Poccha. I should ask her to send them to me...

I end up lifting him into my arms, smiling while gently patting his head. I'm going to get a lot of his hair on my clothes.

I'll just refill his water bowl in case.

"Bath time." I hand him over to her, and he whines.

"Do you want to help? You can borrow some of my old clothes." She asks, and I nod, going into my old room to change into them.

-*-*-

That was so chaotic. My mother is soaked and is currently taking a shower. He took forever to get dry, and he kept shaking the water off!

On top of that, he would always jump on me when he still had soap on him. And he's still running around right now!!

I showered before my mother, so I'm just waiting for her to finish to leave so that I can say goodbye. It's really late.

I stay silent, looking down at him in guilt. She doesn't like it when I worry about her, but it's already enough for her to deal with my father, trying to contact her every so often.

He usually stops when she tells him I'm with her. It's like I ward him off or something.

Well, it's reasonable. I did embarrass him a bit that day...

But I've graduated, and I'm no longer under his control, and that event doesn't matter to me anymore.

That said, I still don't know what to do with myself. I'm trying to figure that out.

Everything was decided for me since I was born, so I guess now I'm just.. lost? I don't know what I want to be.

"That feels better~" My mother hums, rubbing the towel on her head.

"I.. could try--" I begin to say, but she stops me.

"Nope. I won't let you take care of him at your place. You two just moved in recently, so you're still getting stuff set up. I'm okay with this one, I promise, Toya. I can endure a lot more." She smiles reassuringly, and I nod.

I wish I could be able to help her, though. Oh, I forgot to mention that over the years, my speech has really improved.

I managed to get the help I needed a year after. My therapist was really proud of how far I've come.

Back then, I could barely say anything to her because my father wanted everything I said reported back to him.

So, having him out of the picture was really relieving. I started off by talking in small groups, but the humiliating part is in the beginning, I couldn't do it without Akito by my side.

He was with me for every step.. I feel bad for doubting him now.

But that part isn't bad, I'm doing fine with my new sessions.

Oh, it's past the time I planned on heading back. I've already avoided my phone the whole day, after all... I'm too scared to check it.

I'm just anxious about texting Akito. I'm even more scared if he didn't even text me at all!

"Bye, Toya! Be safe!" My mother says as I leave. The street lights have already turned on. I should hurry.

"Toya?"

I turn around to see who's calling me and see Momoi. Why is she out so late? That's not safe.

"Great! You're just the person I wanted to see! Your birthday's tomorrow. Aren't you excited?" She runs up to me with a few bags.

"A bit," I smile as she wraps her arms around mine.

"How about I take you out for a drink? My treat!" She asks. Clearly, not in my right mind, I accept. I'm not one to do this regularly, but...

"I'll only have one or two."

-*-*-

I ended up coming back at almost midnight. I got too nervous to come back while he was most likely here, so I just stayed with Momoi until Hinomori-san was able to come pick her up.

This sucks. I was supposed to distract myself, but all I thought about was him. Cheating..?

I unlock the door, open it, and take my shoes off once I step inside. I wonder if he'll even be here for tomorrow. If not, I'll just stay home the rest of the day...

Again.

"I'm home."

"Oh... Welcome back." Akito peeks his head up from the couch, getting up and walking towards me.

I freeze and stare at him as he gets closer, not knowing how to react anymore. I've just been talking about him the whole day, both good and badly!

I don't even deserve to look at him right now!

"Wait," I smile tensely, quickly avoiding him and walking past him. I can feel him still staring at me, though.

"I'm tired right now.. I'll see you tomorrow."

It slipped out. Azusawa told me to talk to him, but I didn't..! Why does it feel so weird to talk to him now..?

All of a sudden, I feel his hands wrap around my torso from behind and his head on my shoulder.

What-?

"Is something wrong? You didn't answer me today. I was here by myself all day." He murmured, speaking in a sleepy tone. He was here the whole day?!

"Oh.. I'm sorry. I thought you'd be out again..." I sigh, raising my hand to ruffle his hair.

He shakes his head, nuzzling his face into my neck. Akito, you make it so hard to be mad at you...

"Why are you going to bed so early?"

He sounds sad. I know it's late, but his voice seems quieter than usual.

I don't have a good reason for that.

"Aren't you tired? I might as well be in the room while you sleep in the living room."

"I don't want to sleep here." Akito answers back immediately.

".. Huh?"

He lifts his head, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I want to sleep with you tonight. Are you okay with that?" He asks, turning me around to face him.

My face feels hot. How can he just say this out of nowhere..? I didn't think he would change his mind so soon.

I look to the side, nodding and pulling away from him.

"Okay." I whisper, going into the room to get ready for bed.

I don't know if it's because he was keeping himself up waiting for me, but in general, lately, he seems so tired.

If anyone needs rest, it's him. Both of us haven't been ourselves lately.

Wait, I'm distracting myself by the fact he's going to be sharing the same bed as me tonight..!

-*-*-

After a few minutes, we're both awkwardly lying down next to each other. This isn't even the first time, but...

I glance at him, seeing him already staring at me. I blush, looking back away. Crap, that scared me.

He obviously saw me, so he turned to his side and put his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.

"Are you nervous?" He asks. My heart is racing. Of course, he'd notice that, given the fact we're extremely close... I nod, also looking back at him.

Akito takes my hand, placing it on his chest.

"I'm nervous, too." He says softly as he grins. I hope I explode right now.

"Look at that." He points to the clock, right at midnight.

"Happy birthday. I was the first to say it, right?"

".. Yes." I reply, unable to look away from his eyes. How is he not embarrassed saying these things?

Ena did say he wasn't himself when he's tired like this.

"Good." Akito moves his face closer to me, planting a kiss on my lips.

I could die right now. It's been a while since my heart felt like this...

"Today, I'm not letting you go. Don't try running away, either." He runs his hand down my side over to my leg, continuously kissing my face, then moving down to my jaw.

"I cleared all my plans tomorrow and got someone to cover my shift."

"Really..?" I ask, gasping when I feel his mouth on my neck. That tickles.

".. Yeah. I'm sorry I haven't been spending as much time with you. I can't.. tell you why, though." He pulls himself away. It's that feeling again.

"Let's go to sleep. Would you like to stay home tomorrow for your birthday? Just the two of us." He asks, and I nod.

So far, we've gotten no progress, but... I feel he still loves me. But I'm scared...

It feels like I'm floating.. literally. I can't tell if he's the one holding me right now.

'𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎 ☆ 𝙰𝚝 𝙰 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎': 𝚎𝚗𝚍.

-*-*-

Creator's note: HEY. GUYS. I couldn't NOT update on toyas birthday BUUTTTT it was lazy, and I PROMISE THE NEXT ONE WON'T BE AS RUSHED

LITERALLY TEN MORE MINHTES OH MY GOD