Chapter 23: High Hopes

"I love you too," Rico says to his parents, hanging up.

Jake wraps his arm around me and asks, "So, what did they say?"

"They just told me that they've missed the sound of my voice and found it odd that I only responded to them through text messages over these few days." He adds, "And they'll be home tomorrow."

Jake snorts, "Luciana is one smart person."

"She is," I remark, "My parents probably thought I was just being distant." I add, "I do tend to be to myself a lot." Rico was, after all, an introvert.

"Oh, really? Explain."

"Really," I respond, trailing off, "I prefer to be by myself sometimes, because being around others – especially big crowds – too much makes me anxious. But, people misunderstand all of the time and think that I don't want to be around them...." Jake caresses my face and bottom lip, taking me off guard. I paused for a second and continued explaining, "So, if I ever tell you I want to be alone, please don't take it to heart. Sometimes, I just need time to ponder things – sometimes, just life in general to get myself back in my regular pace—" Jake inserts his finger in my mouth. I eye him in confusion. "What are you doing?" I ask, with his finger still in my mouth.

"Just missed the feeling of your mouth."

I instantly get pissed. "You weren't even listening to me, were you?"

"I was," he protests, thrusting his finger in and out of my mouth, "I was listening, while admiring your lips."

"How can you listen to me when my speech is muffled by the intrusion of your finger?"

He removes his finger, "Sorry, cutie. I couldn't resist."

I laugh, "Whatever." While I chuckled, a thought came to me: Since when did I start using vocabulary up Jake's alley so... naturally? Luciana telling me that I'm sounding more and more like Jake came to mind and I couldn't stop the heat building up around my neck and face. All of the instances of me using words unfamiliar to me before I got involved with Jake hit me like a penny falling from a skyscraper. I punch Jake's arm, without thinking.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"Nothing," I reply.

"Then why do it, asshole?" he grumbles, punching my arm back.

A mischievous thought came to mind. I smacked his arm. "Because I can."

Jake slapped my arm hard. "Well, two can play at that game."

"Ouch!" I cringed. "You fucking asshole! I was playing with you, but now you're going to pay!" I pounced on top of him, holding his arms down tightly.

~*~

I smirked up at Rico, since I could easily overpower him and win dominance right now. Being the nice boyfriend I am, I'll let him have this moment. But, only for a short time.

"What are you going to do now, bastard?" Rico challenged in my face, with his breath tickling my nose. "Can't hit me when you're down like this, can you?"

I tried reversing our positions, but Rico wasn't letting up. I looked up at him surprise. "Since when did my baby get so strong?"

"Don't patronize me," he growls, tightening his grip around my wrists.

An idea came to mind. Rico wants to see who's more dominant in this relationship? I'll show him. I positioned my legs and thrust my hips upward, making him bounce on top of me. He looks taken aback for a moment, but doesn't release my wrists from his hold. "You know, baby," I suggest, "This would be a hot position."

Rico snorts, "Yeah, it'd be hot if I were bottoming."

I stopped the movement of my hips as a realization hit me, with the specifics in his statement. "What do you mean by 'if'?" It's no question that Rico is definitely the female in this relationship and I'm the male. What the hell?

"Meaning if I bottom," Rico answers, confused by my question.

"There is no 'if' on who is clearly the man in this relationship," I scoff, cringing at the thought of me being the girl.

Rico becomes pissed. "The man in the relationship? We're both men!"

"We are, but who's the most masculine in this relationship? Me. So, therefore, you take on the role of the girl and I take on the role of the boy." I explained, thinking he'd understand, but he remained infuriated. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"After your apology of always calling me a girl, you seriously harbor these beliefs?"

"I'm not calling you a girl, Rico," I sighed, "All I'm saying is you take on the role—"

"But, you are, Jake!" he argues, becoming more vexed than before, "On top of that, you're shoving heterosexist notions into this!"

"What the hell is 'heterosexist'?" I grow irritated.

"I refuse to sit here and allow you to emasculate me!" he hollers, releasing my wrists, not answering my question. "I'm a man just like you are!"

"I'm not denying that, Rico!" I retort, "I'm just saying that every relationship has a masculine and feminine role and it's clear who's—" Rico smothers my mouth with his hand.

"Shut the hell up and stop justifying it!" He quickly gets off of me and moves lower until he's between my legs and lifts them high. "Is this what'll bother you, Jake? Being the bottom?"

I snarl, "You're misunderstanding everything I said and jumping to wild conclusions! Stop twisting my words around to make me look bad!"

"What you've been saying is pretty clear," he snarls back, "You see me as a lesser, compared to you, when it comes to being a man!"

"Rico—" I pause, considering his accusation, "You're rewording it to make me look bad!"

"To make you look bad?!" he lifts my legs higher as he inches closer to my face. "You have some nerve!"

"You did this back in the equipment room! You misunderstood what I said and twisted it around to make me look like the bad guy!" Rico glared me with intensity and I returned that expression his way eagerly. "You can't get mad when you act like a typical distraught girl in the relationship and running off like a bitch."

"Not only heterosexist, but misogynistic as well," Rico said with an undertone of mockery.

Rico is blowing this way out of proportion. I decided to try to be the bigger person and deescalate the situation before it worsened. "Rico, can I explain?"

"I don't want to hear your explanation, quite frankly."

"Rico—"

"Shut up!"

"You're really not going to hear me out?"

"No, I won't!" Rico scoots away from me. "Because whatever you're going to say will in no way justify what the hell you just told me!"

"Rico," I place my hand on his shoulder, but he recoils, which hurt my feelings. "Rico, please."

Rico's nose remained scrunched in his angry expression. "Save it for someone else!"

"Baby—"

"How could you believe in that?" Rico snaps, "How could still uphold the narrative that disrespects people like us?!" His voice sounded as if it'll crack any moment. "People like us are taught that heterosexuality is normal and we're abnormal, that our lives are subcategories because of our orientation."

"But, Rico—"

"I'm not finished yet," he cuts me off, "People defend their phobias with traditional heterosexual gender roles, with bringing up their concerns of who'll be the male and female role, who'll be the mommy and daddy, who'll wear the pants in the relationship, and so on. It's beliefs like this that get us discriminated against. Because, we're seen as abnormal!"

I grew speechless. Rico made an excellent point. Before I could say anything, he speaks again.

"Why are you so bothered by the idea of you bottoming?" Before I answered, he continued, making it evident he asked a rhetorical question, "Do you feel your masculinity is threatened? Do you feel less of a man if you play a submissive role?"

"Yes," I answer honestly, "The submissive role is for the—"

"Say female or girl or woman and I will punch you," he threatens, solemnly. "Have you ever thought to consider that not all relationships carry out traditional gender roles?" I shrugged, not knowing how to argue with Rico on this. "You should look up 'heteronormativity' on your phone, before speaking to me again."

Rico got up from the couch and left me alone for a moment and came back, tossing my cellphone at me.

"Google 'heterosexism' and 'heteronormativity'," he says, before leaving me alone this time for real.

While I was by my lonesome, I researched the two concepts and was surprised at what I came across. Everything that Rico argued made more sense now. I made him feel lesser than me—something I just apologized for during breakfast. What's worse is I treated him as a lesser. How could I cry my heart out to Rico over the imminent rejection of my parents, while supporting the very things that are used against same-sex relationships. Suddenly, every instance of me spouting heteronormative rhetoric came back to me and I felt terrible about it. I cannot imagine how Rico felt each time I told him he wouldn't provide for me like a female would, yet reminded him of how I view him as one. I treat him inadequately as if he's beneath me, without even realizing it. A rush of guilt hit me. How ignorant am I? I'm supposed to be intelligent. I'm Jake Terrence. I'm supposed to pick up on these kinds of things. Everything I worked hard for came crashing down mentally. I'm supposed to be around perfect. After all, my parents—as much as I hate to admit it—trained me to be near perfect, to know basic fundamentals as such. Pondering and evaluating how I could have flaws on this subject, I grew frustrated. All of it is overwhelming. My vision became blurry as I stormed out of Rico's house.

~*~

After peeing, I go check on Jake in the living room, to see he's gone. I call out, "Jake." I look around for him and become filled with bewilderment. Where is he? Looking around the entire house, Jake was nowhere to be found. Did this bastard abandon me because our fight? I clenched my fists in anger. How dare he?

I grab my car keys and head outside, only to see him pacing in front of my house.

"Jake."

He continues pacing around, mumbling to himself, while eyeing the ground.

"Jake," I call again, approaching him.

"How could I not know?" he mutters, not acknowledging me.

I grab his hand to stop his movement, "Jake."

When he became aware of my presence, he looked up at me; I realized his hands were shaking badly. "I know why I didn't know," he says, with sadness in his eyes. "Because I don't see this—I don't see us as normal." Immediately, tears streamed down his face.

I grab his hand and pull him back inside and sit him down on the couch. "What did you mean, Jake?"

"I don't see our relationship as normal, Rico," he admitted, crying, "So I tried applying things I perceived as normalities into our relationship, but I didn't know how harmful it was." Jake sniffed, "A-And I'm not what my parents programmed me to be." I grabbed his hand consolingly. "I know I'm supposed to detest how much they control me, but I can't help but feel guilty for letting them down," he sniffles, "I'm supposed to be their perfect son. I'm supposed to be intelligent and alert of such basic concepts, but I'm incompetent." He looked at me. "I'm incompetent academically, emotionally, mentally, and romantically and I'm so sorry." His shaking didn't lessen nor did his profuse sobbing. "Besides being into a guy, I thought my other qualities could serve as a counterbalance to me not being straight; something to redeem myself in my parents' expectations, but there's nothing. There's nothing that can cover my ass in this situation. I have nothing else to offer as a neutralizer. Nothing. I feel so bad for everything. I'm so sorry."

I embraced him and rubbed his back until he calmed down for several moments.

~*~

After Rico comforted me, I became astonished at how undone I've become in front of me. I just had a meltdown in front of him.

"Jake, I'm sorry for how hard I was being on you. The things I had you look up are far from basic concepts—they're complex and takes a lot of learning and research to fully understand it. You can't beat yourself up for socialization, as well as other factors, keeping you in the dark. I just learned what these terms were earlier this year." Rico continued after a short pause, "You don't want to disappoint your parents – I get it. You still haven't come to full terms of your orientation yet – I get it. It's a long, and sometimes painful process of unlearning." He kisses me. "But, I still have a lot of unlearning to do myself." He added, "And don't beat yourself up for not meeting impossible standards. You are human and you'll have my support always."

I placed my hand on Rico's face and kissed him deeply.

After a heavy make out session, Rico kept his promise and helped me explore degree programs for when I will enroll in university. We spent most of the day doing that, as well as researching more complex concepts. In between, we ate lunch and later, dinner.

That night, Rico and I snuggled closely until both of us feel asleep from exhaustion. In the morning, I woke up to knocking on Rico's door.

"Rico?" I hear his mom say.

I lie back down and shut my eyes.

"Rico."

I suddenly spring up, shaking Rico and panicking.

~*~

I wake up from Jake's maniacal shaking of my entire being. "Jake, what the hell?" I murmur, rubbing my eyes.

"Rico?"

"Mom?" I immediately arise, "And dad?" I jumped up like a little kid. Without thinking, I opened my door and hugged them both.

"Um, Rico? Who is this?" my mom asks.

"And what's he doing in your room on your bed?" his dad questions, protectively.

"He's my boyfriend, Jake Terrence," I answer. "Go shake his hand so it's a proper introduction."

They both looked uncomfortable at first, but nevertheless, went over and introduced themselves to Jake, who was half naked in my bed and still shocked at meeting them in his state.

"I thought you two were coming home tomorrow."

"We missed it here too much," his dad remarked, "And we missed you."

"I missed you two also," I hugged them once more.

"You two aren't sexually active, are you?" his mom asks.

My face heats up. "Mom! No!"

"Relájate, Rico, relajarte," she laughs, "I'm only asking because I want you to stay protected."

"You're embarrassing him," my dad pulls her out of my room quickly. I mentally thank him.

"Can you give me a ride home, Rico?"

After dressing up and asking my parents' permission to use their car, Jake and I headed out.

~*~

When we were in front of my house, I stayed put inside the car still. "Are you sure you're ready to go home right now?" Rico asked.

"I'm sure," I reply, "I need to prepare for what I'm going to say." I kissed him and exited the vehicle. When I researched on my phone yesterday, I saw a text from my mom, that told me they'll be home sometime today.

"I love you, Jake."

"I love you too, Rico."

I entered the house and waited for my parents' return. I ended up falling asleep until I heard the front door open.

"Hey, Jake," they greeted upon entrance.

"Hey, mom and dad." I get up from the couch and hug both of them. "How was the trip?"

"It was great," my mom replied, excitedly, "Next time we go, we should bring you along."

After listening to my parents telling me how fantastic their trip was, I decided it was time to tell them how I felt. About everything. I sat down on the couch and they joined me, listening to my concerns with the impossible standards I felt they placed on me. To my surprise, they were very understanding about it. So, I thought it could also be the perfect time to tell them about Rico.

I started, "Mom and dad, I—"

"What, Jake?" his mom asks.

"I go out with someone now."

My dad excitedly asks, "What's her name?"

There was a long pause of silence and hesitance on my part.

"Come on, Jake. Don't be shy," his mom teases. "Tell us who the lucky lady is."

"His name is Rico," I answer finally, not looking either in the eye, "And I love him."

I was too afraid to see their reactions; however, I was met with silence. A long silence that made me more nervous. In that moment, an instantaneous slap with impact met my face, astonishing me. I thought I would be met with understanding, but I guess I had my hopes too high.

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There'll be an epilogue coming soon~