forty-nine

Minho wakes up to his phone alarm. It's only a few hours later.

He quickly silences it. Looks to his side.

Jisung's still in bed. Still in his arms.

Minho sighs. Quietly. Then he watches Jisung.

He's breathing... Suddenly, Minho feels anxious.

He gently strokes JIsung's cheek.

Jisung's eyelids flutter open.

Minho smiles. In relief. "Sorry," he murmurs. "Go back to sleep."

He needed to make sure. That Jisung isn't in a state like yesterday again.

Jisung blinks. His eyelids seem heavy. Tired.

"What if I'm hungry?" He mumbles.

Minho laughs. "We can have breakfast. Do you want to?"

Jisung keeps blinking. "Yeah. Please."

Minho sits up. Pecks his cheek. "Then let's eat."

- - -

- - - - - -

Minho is dying to know. To ask Jisung more. He needs Jisung to tell him what's exactly going on. But he can't say anything...

He only watches Jisung again. Lets him eat.

Because... he wants him to stay like this. Happy and well. Away from any danger. Even the memories. Minho doesn't want him to have them back. If it means pain for Jisung.

"I made you sad again, didn't I?" Jisung says. Suddenly.

Minho's eyes tear up. He puts on a smile.

"It's okay now. You're here. As long as you're safe, it's okay. Please eat, Jisung. Don't think about anything now."

"I'm sorry," Jisung says. Sniffs. Wipes his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Minho... you give me so much love, b-but I make you sad."

Minho gets up from his chair. Steps around to crouch beside Jisung.

"No, you don't. You give me happiness. I just... I don't want to lose you. So that scared me... But you're here again, and I'm okay."

Jisung nods. Blinks away his tears.

- - -

- - - - - -

Hyunjin calls Minho. He says his grandmother is too tired today. They can't bring her. He and his mother will drop by instead.

Minho asks Jisung. If he wants to see his Mama Haeun. At the Hwangs' residence. But he looks sad. Upset. He shakes his head. "No... sorry."

Minho knows... Jisung could be afraid of going outside ever since that incident... "It's okay," he says. "You need to feel better first."

Hyunjin and Mrs. Hwang bring them cookies. That puts a little smile on Jisung's face. Minho's so glad to see it. He feels thankful to the Hwangs.

Mrs. Hwang also seems so gentle with Jisung. She hugs him. Strokes his hair. Treats him like a fragile little child.

"Did he tell you anything?" Hyunjin asks quietly.

Minho shakes his head.

Hyunjin squeezes his shoulder. Appears concerned.

"I don't think he knows anything," Minho says. Swallows. He smiles at Jisung helping Mrs. Hwang with her coat. "Well, not yet."

Hyunjin nods. Sighs. "Let us know, okay? And whenever he feels better, bring him over. Grandma misses him and she's going to notice any day that he hasn't come to visit her."

"Okay. Thank you, Hyunjin. I will."

Jisung comes to hug his arm. He waves at Mrs. Hwang and Hyunjin as they leave. "They're really nice," he murmurs. "I like them."

"I think they like you too..."

- - -

- - - - - -

It's late in the evening. Minho's feeling a little less worried. He's able to focus on some work. But he has to ask Jisung. To stay close.

Jisung does. He's sitting beside him on the floor. Between the sofa and the table. Minho's brought a few sketches here again. To complete them.

Minho looks up and sees Jisung staring straight ahead. His eyes are sad.

"Sungie?" Minho says. Touches his arm.

Jisung's startled. "O-Oh, yes?"

"Are you... feeling okay?"

He receives a little smile. "I'm sorry. Yes."

Minho's immediately very worried again. "Um," he says. Looks at his paper. Grabs one. "Do you want to write out the words for me?"

Jisung's eyes brighten. It makes Minho's heart skip.

"Okay. What do you want me to write?"

Minho quickly finds everything. He draws straight lines for him. So he can write the text on top neatly. For his chapters.

"Your handwriting's very neat," Minho says after Jisung finishes writing.

Minho's so pleased. Because Jisung's delighted. He's grinning shyly.

An hour later... they are both done. The pages on the table are finished. Minho doesn't want to get more of his work. He can't focus that much. So what he managed today is great progress.

Minho sighs. Jisung leans his head against his shoulder. Hugs his arm. His fingers feel it gently. "You're a little... bigger..." He murmurs.

"Huh? W-What do you mean bigger?"

Jisung giggles. "Your arm. It feels bigger. Your thighs are big too," he remarks. Then slides his hand on his thigh.

Minho feels a warm blush. Jisung's talking about his body? He noticed such small changes?

Minho's just had more regular workouts recently. Because Jisung could spend time at the Hwangs.

"Oh... Uhm, it's because... I got to workout more..."

"Ooh," Jisung says. His slender fingers wrap around Minho's upper arm. He giggles again. "I like it. You're strong."

"T-Thanks..." Minho says. Clears his throat.

Jisung kisses his cheek. Leans his head back on his shoulder.

Minho breathes out softly. Places a kiss on his head.

"Want to get ready for bed now?" He asks.

Jisung hums. But he doesn't move.

Minho shifts carefully. Peers at his face. Jisung's eyes are closed.

Minho kisses his head again. "Let's go to bed, okay?"

Jisung hugs his waist though. "Minho... I understand now."

"Huh? Sorry, understand what?"

"What you told me... before..."

Minho moves now. Pulls Jisung gently. Makes him face him. He holds his cheeks. Looks into his eyes. "About what?"

Jisung takes his hands off. Leans forward. Hugs him again.

"Jisung?" Minho says. Rubs his back. "T-Tell me what's wrong..."

"I'm scared..." He says. His voice is a whimper. He sniffs.

"Of w-what, Jisung?"

"Of... me. Myself. You told me... that I don't know myself. My memories. And if I remember... what if I change, or I don't feel the same way anymore? I don't want that. I don't want to change... I want to stay the same with you a-and I want you to be happy... I want to love you..."

Jisung starts crying. "But what if I remember a-and... and I can't love you? W-What if I'm not the same and y-you don't love me?"

Minho's in pain. He's afraid. He wipes Jisung's tears. "Why are you... saying this? W-What happened? Do you remember things?"

Jisung shakes his head.

"I don't. B-But there are things in my head. There are... people. Places. I don't know them. I don't understand them."

"I see them in my sleep. But I think I knew them. They knew me. I w-was someone... before... before something happened to me."

To be continued...

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