ch.12

i just sit on the floor until i hear footsteps in the hallway and i get kinda scared so i pull my pants back on and lie on my bed like nothing happened. but jake is not coming to my door. instead he walks to the front door and drives away with his tesla. now i really don't know what to do. i get up and go to the bathroom to take a shower. i go into the kitchen where the mcdonald's bag is, but now my appetite is completely gone so i just leave it. i start to watch some videos but they get boring after i while. i'm thinking about editing some of my videos or stream even a little bit but i don't have the mental capacity for it right now. i try to jerk off but i can't finish without imagining jake's hands around me, so that's kinda ruining the mood.

i can already see what is going to happen... jake will come home after a few hours probably drunk and i will argue with him because he was driving after drinking. and maybe we will make out. i'm looking forward for the last part.

i get bored waiting in the kitchen for jake so i just go to my room and stare at the ceiling until a fall asleep. after a few minutes i wake up from my really light sleeping to the front door opening and closing.

"honey i'm home" he yells with a funny country accent. jake had a great time again while i was crying and self harming in my room. i'm geting used to it tho.

i get up and walk into the kitchen where jake is. he has two taco bell bags in his hands.

"i literally ordered mcdonald's before you went out" i roll my eyes. "are you sober?"

"yeah, why wouldn't i be sober? also the food that you ordered was cold. and i wanted to eat taco bell" typical jake, wasting food. "eat with me."

"i'm not hung-"

"i said eat with me. there was no question" he said with a serious face, i gulped and took a seat. we were siting in silence, enjoying our food, and the eating noises were killing me. everything felt so awkward. after we ate our food jake broke the silence "i'm going to my room to sleep a little, i still feel hangover. but i want to talk with you tonight."

my stomach was in a whorl. do i even want to talk with him? maybe, but only if he will say the things that i want to hear. if he would say that this whole thing was a mistake, and he was as straight as a ruler i would probably end my life. okay, maybe i wouldn't but i would definietly be very sad.

i go to my room and start streaming to get my mind off of jake. streaming usually cheers me up and also if i still will be doing it when jake wakes up, then i can't talk with him. so everything will be fine for a little while.

i've been streaming for maybe an hour when i hear a knock on my door.

"come in" i yell.

"hey, johnnie, can we talk now?" he asks, luckily he says it quiet so my microphone does not pick up the sound of him.

"i'm streaming" i scratch my neck "erm... you wa-wanna join?" i ask stuttering and for some reason a become nervous.

"sure" he says and goes to the kitchen to bring a chair in from the dining table. he puts it next to mine and sits down. we just talk with my chat and react to some tiktok edits of us. for a minute i forget that me and jake will have to talk about certain things eventually. he starts talking to my viewers but at the same time he places his hand on my thigh and starts rubbing it. i go deaf for a second. i can't focus on anything but his thumb drawing circles on my skin. i feel his fingers on my inner thigh and i have to hold myself back so i don't moan on stream.

"okay johnnie?" he looks at me and pulls his hand away, i almost tell him to put it back.

"yeah i guess" i say. i have no idea what to topic was.

"okay, then say goodbye to chat" he smiles.

"oh, yeah, right! bye everyone!" i say and jake ends the stream.

"ready to talk?" he asks.

i'm surely not ready for whatever is coming right now, but i nod. let's talk.

-

happy valentine's day everyone!!

<3

14/2/2024