Between Desire and Denial: Chapter 22

The next couple days, Dimitri tiptoed around me. He was tentative and overly helpful to the point of me feeling like I couldn’t even be mad at him for what he’d done.

One morning, when I woke, he was gone.

Not just in the other room but had left the whole house gone. No sign of his expensive loafers or car anywhere.

When I checked my phone, I saw a text from him.

Dimitri: Went to the office for the day. Text me when you’re up and let me know how you’re feeling. Stop by if you want.

Me: I’m fine. I’ll stay here and work.

Dimitri: You could work on your thesis or that article here. When is the article due?

Me: No. I also need to make some calls to my doctor.

Dimitri: Give it a few more days for me, huh? See how you feel?

I wanted to tell him he had no right to ask that of me, but I knew we still had to live together, and he’d meant well. After researching the side effects of every pill on the market, I knew I was probably going to wait to go back on it anyway.

Me: I’ll do what I choose to. Are we walking together today or not?

Dimitri: Sure. I’ll be home on time.

It was for the best, anyway, considering I needed to work too. I pulled the Diamond Syndicate book out again, this time along with a box of keepsakes I’d initially packed when I came to live with Dimitri.

The box only had a few things my mother had given me: A gold necklace that held a calligraphy pen she always wore around her neck, a few pictures, and her journals. She’d told me to keep them with me always and to wear the necklace if I wanted.

I never did.

I told myself it was because calligraphy was her hobby, not mine. I told myself it wouldn’t look good on me. I had a lot of excuses. Really, it just felt like it was still hers all these years. Now, I rolled it between my fingers, letting myself miss the way she held the pen, wrote with it, sat up at night at her desk with it.

It hurt to feel the memories but felt cathartic too. I placed the pen back in the box but chewed on my cheek. Trying to be closer to her even though she was gone suddenly didn’t seem as scary. Suddenly, it seemed right.

I pulled up calligraphy pens on my phone and scanned through them, ordering a few things. I’d try the hobby and maybe just see if I liked it too.

Then, I stared at a framed picture of my mother and me while I dialed Esme’s number.

“Please tell me you’re not calling about—”

“I am. And you didn’t tell me almost everyone knew about this but me,” I ground out.

I’d mapped out how Jameson’s family was involved and also Lucille’s husband Earl.

“It’s not everyone. My dad, Jameson and his dad, definitely Lucille and Earl. Your dad … well, okay, it’s a lot of people you know in the neighborhood. But your mom was influential and—”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I sighed as my fingers danced over the gold etchings of the pen.

“Oh, Olive, I’m sure she wanted to tell you in her own way. She might have. Or maybe she didn’t want you all mixed up in this mess until you were old enough. Look at Knox … he’s making all the wrong decisions.” I heard the pain in Esme’s voice then. I knew she’d been close to him, that they’d once considered each other best friends.

“What wrong decisions, Esme?”

“Not my story to tell, Olive.” Esme’s tone sounded guarded and stilted then, like she didn’t want to talk anymore. “I gotta go, okay? Just be careful with that book.” And she hung up on me.

I realized nothing would be disclosed to me if I didn’t become closer with people around here. So, I got dressed in some black yoga leggings and a sports bra tank to go on our walk, hoping to continue building those relationships.

Dimitri arrived not much later, right as I was finishing stretches. “That outfit should be illegal.”

“I wear this every time we walk.”

“And every time I wonder if Jameson is going to take his eyes off your chest,” he growled. I wasn’t going to remind him that these walks were essential to establishing us in the community, that this was how we made friends, and that Jameson had always been a sort of flirty friend of mine.

“You’re just imagining things.” I brushed off his comment and tipped my head toward our room. “Go, hurry up and change so we can get this over with. I want to stop by the spa today, too, and see if I can take on some part time hours.” He eyed me up one last time before he walked down the hall.

“What for? You need more money?”

I ignored that. He and I both knew I didn’t need the money for living expenses. I needed the town gossip to include me, that would help to establish better friendships with people, crazy as it sounded. “It’ll help me with the article and thesis.”

He came back out from the room wearing black gym shorts and a thin light-blue T-shirt. His pecs were outlined and his arms on full display. In his hand was one of my fake plumerias. He smoothed some of my curls before he placed it gently behind my ear.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

He nodded at me as if all was right in his world before holding up his pointer finger. “Let me get your water bottle. No ice, right?”

I narrowed my eyes at him going into the kitchen to fill the bottle. “Why are you helping me get ready?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” He held out my black water bottle. “I’m your boyfriend, right?” As we walked out onto the porch, he put his hand on the small of my back.

“You’re overdoing it behind closed doors,” I told him.

“Nope,” he replied and his p popped loudly. “This is how it’s going to be, Olive. I’m your boyfriend. I take care of you. You accept it. Now, I’ll call Madi today at the spa and have her add hours for you. She’s the manager.”

“Who? Wait … just like that?” I threw my hands up.

“Yes.” As we started our walk, we fell into sync, and he grabbed my hand. It was normal that we held hands on our walk, yet every single time, I got butterflies. “Just like that, Olive. I hired her a few months ago, but she lives twenty minutes away because we can’t get the condos approved for renters. Yet.”

“So, she’ll just give me a job?”

“If I say so, she will.”

“Seems a bit like favoritism.”

“And don’t you all do the same? I bet if you called Esme’s dad asking for a job at the pizza parlor, he’d give you one.”

“Yes, but …”

“But what?”

I didn’t know what. It felt weird that he’d infiltrated my hometown, that he had that much pull right away. It made me wonder even more if the Diamond Syndicate was intentionally blocking him.

Right as we got to the end of our sidewalk, we saw Lucille and waved to her. “Hey, you two. Your plants are going to need some watering soon.”

We both frowned over at the bushes and flowers that had definitely seen better days. “I’ll hire someone,” Dimitri mumbled to me before he yelled back to her, “Olive keeps me busy inside, Lucille. But we’ll definitely get to it. I’ll be out of town soon, so if she needs a bit of help, feel free to remind her.”

Her eyes scanned the block and then lit up. “Or Jameson can help.”

Jameson sat on his porch swing next door, like he always did, reading to Franny. He heard his name and looked up. “Happy to help with whatever.” He winked at me.

Lucille started to cross the street while Dimitri grumbled something that sounded a lot like, “I’m sure he would be happy to help.” His hand tightened around mine before he let it go. Then, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have guessed Dimitri was jealous and trying to stake his claim.

“What are you two up to other than your normal daily walk?” Lucille asked as she got closer, wiping dirt from her garden apron.

It was good to hear she’d become accustomed to us walking. We’d made this our normal route because we’d strategically wanted to pass most of the board members’ houses. Now I wondered if everyone on that board was a part of the Diamond Syndicate. It included Lucille and Earl, Jameson, Jameson’s parents who lived a block down, my parents, and Esme’s dad.

I sighed as I looked over at Dimitri’s condo building in the distance. From everything that had been added, I couldn’t fault any of it. There was security, a beautiful new building, and a fresh retail space that was lush with flowers, new roofs, and updated interiors.

He’d produced value. But if he brought in companies that were linked to enemies of the Diamond Syndicate, it didn’t matter.

“Just talking over me picking up a few hours at the spa,” I informed her.

“Oh! That would be wonderful. I’d love to have you do my hair. And how’s your article coming?”

“Almost done,” I said even though I wasn’t. I contemplated my conversation with Esme instead, wondering how embedded she was in this secret society.

Jameson asked, with what seemed like too much interest, “What article?”

Lucille waved him off. “Don’t worry, Jameson. You’ll see when it comes out. You know how I like my magazine to have surprise articles.”

“We shouldn’t have too many surprises, though, Lucille,” he said, his voice holding a bit of warning before he continued, “By the way, you guys coming to the grill out on Friday?”

I’d seen it on the weekly community calendar and remembered we’d been invited. Dimitri was going out of town though the very next day. “Oh, probably not. Dimitri—” I started just as Dimitri said, “Yep.”

“Won’t you be working the next day?” I whispered to him.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t go out with my future wife the night before.”

My heart thumped against my rib cage at his loving stare. I smiled sweetly, trying to cull my reaction as I turned to Jameson. “We’ll be there.” I nodded. “It’s an enchanted forest theme, right?”

“Melly!” He waved at the woman who was coming out of her house. “You putting on some extravagant show at that grill out? Enchanted theme?”

Melly held on to her gardening tool like she was just out to weed the flower bed but pranced over in the tightest white jean shorts and cowboy boots. “Oh, you know it, Jameson. You planning a good costume?”

He shook his head, but her eyes were now laser focused on Dimitri. “Dimitri, please tell me you’re coming. I know you’ve never been, and I’d love to show you how we do it here in Paradise Grove.”

She blatantly ignored me.

Lucille was on to her, just like I was, though. “Melly, I’m sure Olive will show him when she attends with her future husband.”

Melly’s free hand went to her hip. “Of course. I know that, Lucille.” She glared at the older woman before changing the subject. “By the way, where’s Earl? Haven’t seen him around lately,” Melly threw out, and that’s when I saw Lucille shrink a bit, like she didn’t want to discuss Earl at all. He had a temper, and growing up, we heard the fights, but we never knew much else about him. He was a good man according to Lucille, and he’d been a fine officer before he retired.

“Melly, don’t pry,” Jameson scolded her.

Lucille nodded a slight thank you to him before she touched my shoulder. “Let me know your hours when you start working, Olive Bee. And send me your article soon. We’re printing the magazine late next month,” she grumbled and then stalked off.

“She’s losing it, I swear. How she even gets that magazine done is beyond me,” Melly whispered to us. Even if I wanted to gossip, Lucille wasn’t one I would talk about.

“Lucille’s always had her wits about her,” I retorted, but Melly had already shifted her focus to Dimitri.

“Dimitri, I’m so, so, so excited for those offices to open and newcomers to start moving in. We need something more around here obviously.”

“I think they’ll do well,” Dimitri informed her. “So well, in fact, I’m doing research on another community we’re looking at investing in.”

“Getting bored of this town already?” Jameson quipped.

“Never going to get bored with this one, Jameson. This one has my girl’s heart.” He kissed the side of my head.

“Yeah. She’s got everyone’s heart even if she doesn’t know it,” Jameson said, his eyes on me. “Olive, you have some free time to get lunch this week or next? I’d like to hear more about the article you’re writing.”

“Oh, sure. We’ll plan something soon, okay?”

Dimitri didn’t say anything, but I felt his hand steer me forward, like he was done talking with Jameson for the day. “We’ll see you guys later.”

Jameson said goodbye, and I looked up at Dimitri as we walked, “What other community?”

“I’ll show you.” He got a gleam in his eye. “We can look at it later tonight and you can tell me what you think?”

A little piece of my heart lurched. “Why?” I whispered.

“You grew up here. You probably know more about them than I do.”

“So you want my honest opinion on another huge investment you’re going to make? You think I’m qualified to give that to you?” I looked down at the sidewalk and tried not to read too much into it.

“Why wouldn’t I want your opinion? You might be the most qualified since I’ll be wanting you around while I’m working on it.”

It was a small moment, so small no one else would have noticed. Yet, the small moments made the biggest impact in a person’s life sometimes. “I just … I used to work on research with Rufford, and he would say what I thought didn’t matter and—”

“I don’t give a fuck what that guy had to say, Olive. Your opinion matters to me.”

“Okay,” I whispered because that meant more to me than I realized. It occurred to me right then that Rufford really had never respected me, nor did my stepmom or father. But Kee had, and I’d followed her around the world. I might just follow through with Dimitri’s plan, too, if he made me feel important enough.

Then Dimitri announced, “You know, I have to leave again Saturday. You should just come with me?”

“Oh.” His announcement felt like a knife to my gut for some reason. It twisted in like I cared whether or not he would be here. “No. I need to stay and make sure we get the mattress delivery and finish up this article. The board meeting is coming up.”

“So?” He didn’t seem to care at all about the HOA and the ordinances now.

I reminded him, “So, we need to get people to vote for your condos and offices, Dimitri. I’ll stay here and work on that.”

“Maybe. Or maybe not,” he grumbled, and for just a second, I wondered what it would be like if he wasn’t there for the investment. What if he was there for me?

That day, I chose not to be mad at him about the birth control or about hooking up. I chose to consider what it would be like if I really dated him. And what I considered made my heart thump wildly, happily, and fearfully.

Yet, it stuttered to a stop as we neared my childhood home. No one was ever home when I usually passed, but now, I froze on the sidewalk when the front door opened and my brother came outside with a basketball. He’d always played, but I hadn’t seen him do so at all since I’d been back.

“That your brother?” Dimitri asked.

I nodded and bit my lip. All this time, I’d been hoping to catch him outside, but now that it was happening, I wasn’t sure what to do.

“Yeah, but he’s ignoring me and mad at me, Dimitri,” I whispered because that’s all I could say without letting loose the emotions I was feeling. I hadn’t exactly told Dimitri what the problem with Knox was, just that there was one. I couldn’t explain to him the drugs. It felt too complicated, too painful.

And maybe he saw how stuck I was there on that sidewalk, because he didn’t miss a step. He gripped my hand and pulled me a little forward before looking me in the eyes to ask, “Want to do this? Is it time to introduce me to your family?”

He was standing with me, not leaving. He had my hand in his like he was there to give me the support I needed. It made me want to move forward, to take a chance, and not run away. I took one breath before I said, “It’s now or never.”